Title:           Pinkie's Greatest Hits
Author:          RPBN
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/qSTDfWWL
First Edit:      Wednesday 1st of August 2012 06:17:09 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 1st of August 2012 06:17:09 AM CDT

Day 14 in Equestria.
>Today's mark is Pinkie Pie.
>For this prank you'll need two things:
>Your big pimpin' hand
>and your brass balls.
 
>4:30am
>You hate getting up early as fuck.
>But today, it'll be worth it.
>You jog into Ponyville.
>The town clock says quarter to five, perfect.
>You walk into Sugarcube Corner because ponies can't into security.
>Making your way upstairs you head straight to Pinkies room.
>You want to be in there before she wakes.
>Oh good, she's still asleep. Time to wake this bitch up.
Pinkie
>She stirs.
Oh Pinkie.
>She groggily lifts her head and looks around.
>PP: Hmmmmm *slap*
>The impact of your mighty pimp hand turns her head in the opposite direction.
>PP: Ow, what was that. *Slap*
>A backhand to even things out.
>Pinkie holds her face in shock. There are tears forming in her eyes.
>PP: Wow, it's like I'm back home on the rock farm.
>She hops off the bed and trots to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
>You go down to the kitchen to wait.
>Mr. Cake is already busy with today's confections. You stay out of his way.
>You're here for Pinkie, not him.
>Speak of the devil, Pinkie walks into the kitchen and into the back of your hand *slap*
>Mr.Cake turns at the sound.
>MC: Pinkie are you alright?
>PP: Sure thing Mr. Cake, my Pinkie sense is just being a little aggressive today.
>MC: If you say so Pinkie. Let's get to work shall we?
>PP: Oakie doakie lokie Mr. Cake.
>Pinkie blurs about the kitchen, it's very difficult to keep track of her.
>You wait by the tallest shelf, and soon your moment arrives.
>She reaches up on her hind legs to get that mixing bowl on the top shelf.
>*slap* You slap her ass so hard she falls over. The mixing bowl making a clatter as it hits the floor.
>MC: Hey Pinkie, why don't you take the day off until you get yourself sorted out.
>Head down looking dejected she answers,
>PP: Sure thing Mr. Cake.
>You follow as she leaves Sugarcube Corner.
 
>You are Pinkie.
>Wow, your Pinkie sense must be warning you about something big.
>It's never slapped you in the face or on the butt before.
>Maybe you should go talk to somep0nie about this.
>*GASP* I know, I'll go see Twilight, she'll know what to do.
 
>You are Anon.
>You just saw Pinkie gasp for no reason.
>She then started bouncing toward Twilight's housebrary.
>You run along beside her.
>Wait until she gets to the apex of one of her bounces, and shove her as hard as you can.
>She slams into the side of one of the houses in Ponyville.
>She slowly picks herself up off the ground.
>PP: Maybe I'll walk instead.
>She limps off toward her destination.
>You allow her to proceed unmolested, for now.
 
>She knocks on the door.
>TS: Come in.
>TS: Oh, hey Pinkie.
>She then notices Pinkie's dejected state.
>TS: Pinkie, what's wrong?
>PP:Well,*gasp*Igotwokenupthismorningwithacoupleofslapstothefaceanditreally
>remindedmeofhowmydadusedtowakemeup
>inthemorningonlyinsteadofhishooveshe'dusehispenisandmomgotreallyangrywithme
>becauseofthatandsoshesentmetolive
>inPonyvillewiththeCakesandshekeepsmydad'sballsinajarubovethefireplace
>nowandI'mnotallowedtovisitorwriteortalk
>aboutmydadtoanyp0nywhenI-
>Tired of her babbling, you lift her up off the ground by the tail and spank her *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* you then drop her unceremoniously to the ground.
>PP: WAAAAAAAAAA! MY PINKIE SENSE IS GOING CRAZY AND I'M SCARED!
>Twilight moves over to Pinkie and gives her a hug.
>TS:Shh, it's okay Pinkie. We'll figure out what's wrong and fix it.
>PP: *Sniff* Promise?
>TS: Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my *you flick her horn* SONAVABITCH!
 
My work here is done.
 
>You walk out the door and head home.
 
Today was a good day.