Title:           Farting Contest
Author:          RPBN
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/SMzqF3zH
First Edit:      Saturday 19th of January 2013 10:31:03 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 19th of January 2013 10:31:03 AM CDT

>Today Twilight is taking you to meet Princess Celestia.
>You’re very excited about it.
>While reading up on the Sun Princess you learned about her darker reputation.
>She is known in some circles as the silent death.
>The eye waterer.
>The paint peeler.
>She is the sbd champion of Equestria.
>She must be dethroned.
>Lucky for you, you have a trump card.
>The ability to summon happy meals at will.
>You have had nothing but McDonalds for a solid week.
>Your skin is greasy, you get tired walking up and down stairs, and you’re pretty sure you had a stroke this morning.
>But it’ll all be worth it.
 
>You share your fries with Twilight on the train ride to Canterlot.
>”Now I want you on your best behavior Anonymous” said the purple killjoy.
I promise that I’ll do nothing that I’d be embarrassed about later.
>Your answer seems to satisfy her.
>It’s a long walk to the castle.
>You feel bloated; your gut is churning the whole way.
>You fear that while you may win the battle, there will be casualties.
>Good thing you’re not wearing your favorite undies for this.
>Twilight takes you into the castle and leads you into a private audience chamber.
>You notice that there is little to no airflow here.
>Perfect.
>The princess arrives in all of her splendor.
>”You must be the human Anonymous; Twilight has told me so much about you in her friendship reports.”
It is a pleasure to finally meet you your majesty.
>You bow and release a silent challenge.
>Her nostrils flare ever so slightly. The challenge has been received.
>”Oh Anonymous, there is no need to be so formal. You may call me by name.”
>A new odor is introduced. Like a warm breeze across a water treatment plant.
>Oh, she’s good.
>”Come, let us enjoy some tea and you can tell me about your experiences here.”
I’d like nothing better.
>You slide one out as you finish your statement.
>The smell of day old roadkill in summer.
>Twilight is trying not to gag.
>”Is something wrong Twilight?”
>Rotten hay and eggs.
>”No Princess, I’m perfectly fine” she manages to say.
Are you sure Twilight, you don’t look well.
>Kimchee and old rubber.
>Her eyes are watering and she is suppressing her gag reflex.
>You make eye contact with the princess.
>A smile appears on both of your faces.
>A silent understanding is reached.
>The purple one will fall.
>The combined smells of a paper mill and a hog rendering plant having sex with a morbidly obese woman during the red tide on a hot summers day in Tacoma fills the air.
>She can’t hold back the flood.
>Twilight Sparkle barfs like a freshman during pledge week in front of her teacher.
>”I’m so *hurk sorry! I need to *hurk go.”
>”Very well my student, go out and get some fresh air.”
>Day old fish and chanel #5.
I’ll catch up with you later.
>Slaughter house and potpourri.
>She leaves you alone with the princess.
>“So, shall we go and give Luna a dutch oven?  
Nothing would make me happier.