Farting Contest

>Today Twilight is taking you to meet Princess Celestia.

>You’re very excited about it.

>While reading up on the Sun Princess you learned about her darker reputation.

>She is known in some circles as the silent death.

>The eye waterer.

>The paint peeler.

>She is the sbd champion of Equestria.

>She must be dethroned.

>Lucky for you, you have a trump card.

>The ability to summon happy meals at will.

>You have had nothing but McDonalds for a solid week.

>Your skin is greasy, you get tired walking up and down stairs, and you’re pretty sure you had a stroke this morning.

>But it’ll all be worth it.

 

>You share your fries with Twilight on the train ride to Canterlot.

>”Now I want you on your best behavior Anonymous” said the purple killjoy.

I promise that I’ll do nothing that I’d be embarrassed about later.

>Your answer seems to satisfy her.

>It’s a long walk to the castle.

>You feel bloated; your gut is churning the whole way.

>You fear that while you may win the battle, there will be casualties.

>Good thing you’re not wearing your favorite undies for this.

>Twilight takes you into the castle and leads you into a private audience chamber.

>You notice that there is little to no airflow here.

>Perfect.

>The princess arrives in all of her splendor.

>”You must be the human Anonymous; Twilight has told me so much about you in her friendship reports.”

It is a pleasure to finally meet you your majesty.

>You bow and release a silent challenge.

>Her nostrils flare ever so slightly. The challenge has been received.

>”Oh Anonymous, there is no need to be so formal. You may call me by name.”

>A new odor is introduced. Like a warm breeze across a water treatment plant.

>Oh, she’s good.

>”Come, let us enjoy some tea and you can tell me about your experiences here.”

I’d like nothing better.

>You slide one out as you finish your statement.

>The smell of day old roadkill in summer.

>Twilight is trying not to gag.

>”Is something wrong Twilight?”

>Rotten hay and eggs.

>”No Princess, I’m perfectly fine” she manages to say.

Are you sure Twilight, you don’t look well.

>Kimchee and old rubber.

>Her eyes are watering and she is suppressing her gag reflex.

>You make eye contact with the princess.

>A smile appears on both of your faces.

>A silent understanding is reached.

>The purple one will fall.

>The combined smells of a paper mill and a hog rendering plant having sex with a morbidly obese woman during the red tide on a hot summers day in Tacoma fills the air.

>She can’t hold back the flood.

>Twilight Sparkle barfs like a freshman during pledge week in front of her teacher.

>”I’m so *hurk sorry! I need to *hurk go.”

>”Very well my student, go out and get some fresh air.”

>Day old fish and chanel #5.

I’ll catch up with you later.

>Slaughter house and potpourri.

>She leaves you alone with the princess.

>“So, shall we go and give Luna a dutch oven?  

Nothing would make me happier.