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Kissing Booth 7: Workout Friends with Social Benefits

By: Pseudocracy on Jan 3rd, 2013  |  syntax: None  |  size: 55.42 KB  |  hits: 650  |  expires: Never
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  1. >You are Anon
  2. >And unconsciousness be damned, you are now awake
  3. >The light from your window torments your eyeballs and you slam your lids shut
  4. >Shit, feels like you just fell asleep, wait...something's wrong here...
  5. >You pull your sheets off of your head and gaze around your bedroom
  6. >Empty...why is that off-putting to you?
  7. >It takes your sleep-addled brain a few minutes but you finally figure it out
  8. >Rainbow Dash
  9. >Usually she was the one who wakes you up
  10. >Normally, your now workout buddy busts into your house and drags your sorry ass out of bed for more exercise than Ahhhnold during his glory days
  11. >Tha Pump, it's lahk caahming, with a woahman
  12. [spoiler]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkUNKKgZ-1w if you're lost at the last sentence, I laugh everytiem[/spoiler]
  13. >Yes, and like the good governor from California you had been "caahming" for one week and three days non-stop
  14. >Just four more to go, thank Allah
  15. >But today...today Rainbow Dash wasn't here...
  16. >Had you woken up early?
  17. >You glance over at the clock on your nightstand
  18. >11:30?  Holy shit!
  19. >It was WAY past your usual workout time with Dash
  20. >Why wasn't she here?
  21. >Did she forget?
  22. >Did she also sleep in?
  23. >Did something happen to her?
  24. >Wait, why are you giving two shits about what might have happened to Rainbow Cunt?  She was the whole reason you dreaded the morning instead of embracing it as another chance to drink...
  25. >You sigh
  26. >...Alcohol...the glorious substance that had been denied you this past week and three days
  27. >Not that you were counting or anything
  28. >You rub the sleep from your eyes and sit up in your bed
  29. >Dammit, you'd like to take this opportunity to continue sleeping but it seems your stupid body had other ideas
  30. >With a heavy sigh, you throw the covers to one side and make your way to the bathroom
  31. >Piss time, which was easy considering the fact that you only slept in your super sexy boxers
  32. >Seriously, that's what was written on the elastic band, "super sexy"
  33. >Boxers don't lie, man, everyone knows that
  34. >As you let your body regulate its toxin levels by disposing of waste material, you look in the mirror
  35. >Damn...you looked pretty good
  36. >Since Rainbow Dash had decided to tentatively accept your apology in the form of killing you through exercise, you had put on quite a bit of muscle mass
  37. >And lost some excess fat in the process
  38. >You flex for the mirror
  39. >Aw, shit, look at that buff son of a bitch
  40. >How strange...you now had a body that would make almost any woman jump your bones immediately...in a world where no human women existed at all
  41. >The irony isn't lost on you and you chuckle, which causes your piss stream to take on a mind of its own and spew all over the sides of your toilet and the floor
  42. >Shit...well, piss is sterile, so no harm done
  43. >You finish up and ditch the boxers to begin your shower
  44. >Ahhhhh, warm water to soothe your aching body
  45. >As you let the glorious invention of indoor plumbing bask you in its comforting embrace you muse on the events of the past 10 days
  46. >Rainbow Dash...
  47. >The p0ny who had at one time caused you so much grief with her constant insults
  48. >Whom you had humiliated and made you catch hell from the townsfolk of Ponyville for doing so
  49. >Who had accepted your lying apology and agreed to work things out through becoming "workout buddies"
  50. >This fucking p0ny, this tormentor...was actually kind of cool...
  51. >You wince as your thoughts prevent you from letting some shampoo get into your eyes
  52. >"No more tears" your ass...
  53. >Anyway, through the events of being workout buddies, you had discovered a different side to old lightning bolt butt
  54. >She was actually kind of...nice to you
  55. >Well, nice in her way
  56. >You and her had traded barbs
  57. >She calling you weak
  58. >You calling her stupid
  59. >But...in a way that resembled friendship
  60. >Like old Army buddies or some such, you two had poked and prodded each other
  61. >Shared a few laughs
  62. >You had told her some funny stories from back home, she had really seemed to like them...
  63. >She had really seemed to like just listening to you talk
  64. >Dash had even asked questions, prodded you to go further, just...wanted you to keep talking to her
  65. >You can't recall any of these p0nies who had cared about you or your past like she had
  66. >You finish your shower and step out into your bathroom, grabbing your towel and wiping the water from your eyes before moving it to dry the rest of your body
  67. >It was as if Dash really cared...like she really wanted to understand you and know you
  68. >You elicit another sigh as you reach for your toothbrush and toothpaste
  69. >"Colgate brand toothpaste", that part was eerily familiar, except it had a smiling blue unicorn on the tube
  70. >Was that supposed to be a joke?  Because it was a pretty lame one at that
  71. >Why would any p0ny be named after a tooth care company from your world, that would just be stupid
  72. >You ignore it and begin brushing your teeth
  73. >You hated to admit it, but, like a deep cover operative, you were beginning to wonder how much you were playing the enemy and how much the enemy was playing you
  74. >Rainbow was...hell, she was a cool chick
  75. >The kind of girl who could take a joke in stride
  76. >The kind of girl who would throw one back at you with a smirk on her face
  77. >The kind of girl who just kept pushing you and pushing you, and then when you felt you could do no more, would somehow push you to do a little bit more
  78. >That kind of girl...shit, if she was human...you'd have a hell of a time keeping yourself under control
  79. >To be brutally honest, there were times when you wondered...when you contemplated...
  80. >You spit into the sink and wash your mouth out with some water
  81. >Dammit, Anon, remember what this is all for
  82. >Remember all the crap she had put you through
  83. >Remember that YOU were the one in control here, the one who was going to get you on her good side, get the town to stop hating you and get your booze back after all this "working out together" stuff was finished
  84. >You look in the mirror to see a tired, if not in perfect shape, Anon
  85. >Keep playing Rainbow on 3, ready?
  86. >one
  87. >two
  88. >three
  89. >break!
  90. >You grab your towel again and begin to dry your hair, moving it roughly across your scalp as you exit the bathroom
  91. >You aren't garbed, but fuck it
  92. >That was one of the perks of living alone
  93. >A man has to have his castle, and this little house in crazy magic horse land was yours
  94. >No one to tell you to clean up that piss around your toilet
  95. >No one to tell you you should wash your dishes
  96. >No one to say
  97. >"Huh.  So THAT'S what it looks like"
  98. >The familiar voice causes you to immediately wrench the towel from your head and instinctively move it to your privates
  99. >As your vision comes in to focus, you see her, fucking Rainbow Dash, her eyes still fixed on your crotch though it was now covered with your towel
  100. "What the fuck, Rainbow?!"
  101. >She moves her eyes to yours, an annoyed look on her face
  102. >"What?  You've seen me naked, well, every time you've seen me, what's the big deal?"
  103. >You can't decide whether to be embarrassed or angry at her suddenly barging in to your house like this
  104. >Oh wait, she constantly barges in so being angry doesn't make a lot of sense
  105. >Embarrassment it is
  106. "Y-Yeah, but I don't see your goddamn genitals all the time!"
  107. >You turn and saunter as quick as you can, hands still firmly holding your towel over your junk, back towards your bedroom to get some clothes
  108. >"Maybe you're just not looking hard enough..."
  109. >She's mumbling so you don't really hear her
  110. "What was that?"
  111. >"N-Nothing!  Just, get some clothes on if you're going to be a bitch about something nop0ny cares about!"
  112. >Okay, now you remember why you're doing this
  113. >Rainbow is a Cunt with a capital C, gotta play her for just four more days, Anon...
  114. >You get dressed in some boxers, these ones don't say "super sexy" unfortunately, some athletic shorts and a plain, white workout t-shirt
  115. >You make your reappearance triumphantly to Rainbow, who still bears the same expression of disinterested apathy
  116. >Is she not entertained?
  117. >"Hmmph.  You're going to wear THAT to Pinkie's party?"
  118. >You raise a brow at her
  119. "Uhhh, I thought we were going to be working out today, not going to a party"
  120. >You seize the opportunity to goad her, the invading bitch
  121. "Or is poor, wittle Wainbow Dash too tired to workout today?"
  122. >The anger on her face is more than enough of a reward for your barbs
  123. >"No, Anon...today, we're going to a party, one that Pinkie is holding for YOU"
  124. >What?
  125. >"Or do you not check your mail?"
  126. >Before you can answer, Dash has flown quickly out your door, opened your mailbox, retrieved its contents, and is back in front of you in a flash
  127. >Bitch be fast
  128. >"Tsk.  As I thought, the invitation to Pinkie's party is right here"
  129. >She throws the card at you
  130. >You catch it and read
  131. >"Come one, come all!  Sugarcube Corner is hosting Anonymous' getting sober party!  Don't bring a dish, just yourselves!  Help us celebrate Ponyville's newest resident kicking the booze!"
  132. >You scan down the card
  133. >"P.S. This, obviously, is NOT a B.Y.O.B. event, the festivities will begin at..."
  134. "1 Post Meridian..."
  135. >You look at the clock on your wall
  136. >A gift from Pinkie Pie, oddly enough
  137. "Oh, shit, that's in an hour!"
  138. >Dash just "hmphs"
  139. >"Oh, will you relax, Anon?  Come with me"
  140. >Rainbow quickly flies to your side, grabs you by an arm and whisks you to your bedroom
  141. >Before you can say anything, she's tearing through your closet
  142. >"No...no...this'll do...no...okay, there we go..."
  143. >Dash grabs a pair of slacks, a dress shirt, some black socks, and a nice faux leather belt and shoves them in your face
  144. >"Take that stuff off and put these on"
  145. >You just look at her, mouth agape, agitated expression on your face
  146. >"Did I stutter?  Move it, monkey-boy!  We don't have a lot of time here!'
  147. >You growl and snatch the garments from her outstretched hoof before moving to the bathroom to undress and put on the clothes she's given you
  148. >Once you're dressed...goddamn...you look pretty sharp
  149. >Black slacks, black belt, tucked in gray shirt with pinstripes
  150. >Since when did you have this stuff in your closet, anyway?
  151. >As you exit your bathroom, Rainbow plops some black dress shoes on the floor next to you
  152. >"I don't really know how you put these on...so, there you go"
  153. >You grab a chair nearby and sit down to slip the shoes on your feet before tying the laces
  154. >Rainbow watches your every move through the whole ordeal
  155. >You stand and mosey into your bedroom to see yourself in the full length mirror
  156. >Not bad...not bad at all...
  157. >"Hmmm.  That mane...let me fix this"
  158. >Dash flies into your bathroom and reemerges with your bottle of mouse
  159. >The bottle from Rarity that you never use
  160. >Before you can protest, she's squirted some into her hoof and is rubbing it through your hair
  161. "Hey!  What the fuck?!"
  162. >Dash gives you an annoyed grunt
  163. >"Just hold still, would ya?"
  164. >You cringe and try to swat her away, but she's finished before you can hit her
  165. >"There!"
  166. >Dash states triumphantly as she floats a few feet away from you and points toward your mirror
  167. >"Well?  What do you think?"
  168. >You look back in the mirror again
  169. >Same as before, except your hair is nicely styled
  170. >She's given you a slight bed-head look without it being too douchey
  171. >All in all, you look really good
  172. >Like, REALLY good...good enough for some meat head bouncer to let in to a club to dance with all the pretty girls he had let in before hand
  173. "Wow...Rainbow...how did you?"
  174. >She just rolls her eyes
  175. >"Please, Anon.  I may be tough, but I'm still a mare"
  176. >She flies up close to you, close enough so you see both of you in the mirror
  177. >"It kind of comes with the territory, you know?"
  178. >You look at both of you in the mirrored image
  179. >A well dressed and, for once, well styled man and a smiling, pretty, blue p0ny hovering by his side
  180. >Almost seems like a nice couple, don't it?
  181. >You shake off that last thought and just state
  182. "I guess so...so, shall we be off?
  183. >Rainbow doesn't answer at first, she's just staring into the mirror as if lost in thought
  184. >"Hm?  Oh, yeah, sure!  Come on, slowpoke!"
  185. >Just like that, she's flown out of your bedroom and is hovering outside your front door
  186. >You join her and begin your walk into town
  187. >A comfortable silence hangs over you both
  188. >Fuck comfort, you decide to break it
  189. "So, how long did Pinkie have this party planned for me?"
  190. >Rainbow gives you a quizzical look
  191. >"Dude, she sent out invitations, like, almost a week ago.  Do you seriously not check your mail?"
  192. "Well, I would, except SOMEONE manages to me make me so tired at the end of the day that all I can do is come home and fall asleep instantly"
  193. >Dash just grunts and looks forward
  194. >"Well, you should still check your mail...but, I guess I could have reminded you and all that"
  195. >She chuckles and turns back to you
  196. >"What would you do without me, Anon?"
  197. >Her question feels innocent enough...but, still, it seems loaded somehow...
  198. >You just shrug
  199. "I guess I'd be awake enough to check my mail"
  200. >You state with a laugh
  201. >She falls silent and goes back to looking ahead
  202. >Was that not the right answer?  Shit, why do care about what's "the right answer" with her?
  203. >These two weeks were seriously fucking with your head
  204. >You both continue on into town with the now less-than-comfortable silence that now hangs in the air
  205. >Good job fucking that up, by the way
  206. >As you approach the architectural audacity that is Sugarcube Corner, Dash signals to you
  207. >"Hold out your arm"
  208. >You turn to look at her, brow raised
  209. >"You call your forelegs arms, right?"
  210. "Yeah...but, why?"
  211. >She groans
  212. >"Just do it!"
  213. >You comply and she hooks a foreleg under your elbow whilst pushing your forearm back towards your body
  214. >You realize that you were walking to the party...with Rainbow Dash on your arm
  215. >You laugh
  216. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dash, don't tell me I'm your date to this little shindig"
  217. >She fixes you with an angry glare
  218. >"Hey!  You're the guest of honor at this 'little shindig', and the way I see it, I'm the one responsible for your recent sobriety!  And that means I'm the one responsible for this whole bucking party being thrown in the first place!  Which means I'm the one who deserves to be on your...arm, when you come in!"
  219. >She narrows her gaze at you
  220. >"Don't you think so, Anon?"
  221. >You surmise that she wasn't actually asking for your opinion at that last question
  222. "Heh heh.  Sure, Rainbow, whatever you say"
  223. >She suddenly smiles at you, god that smile...and turns back to the direction you two are walking in
  224. >She mumbles
  225. >"Whatever I say, huh..."
  226. >Sigh, you are absolutely, positively DONE at trying to read her cryptic ways today
  227. >Best put it out of your mind
  228. >You approach the entrance, arm in leg, and are immediately greeted by the pinkest, most excited creature in the known universe
  229. >"OHMYGOSHANON!IWASWORRIEDYOUWEREN'TGOINGTOMAKEITTOYOUROWNPARTYANDTHATMADEMESADSOITHOUGHTABOUTSENDINGOUTSCOUTSBUTTHENIREALIZEDTHATTHEYWEREN'TGOINGTOBEATTHEPARTYEITHERANDTHATMADEMEMORESAD..."
  230. >Holy shitdicks, Batman, you could barely keep up with this
  231. "Pinkie!  Pinkie!  Come on now, you know I wouldn't miss one of your parties for the world!"
  232. >You give a subtle wink to Dash who just rolls her eyes and chuckles
  233. >Pinkie gasps, the euphoria coursing through her body could make Edgar Allan Poe write a Teletubbies episode
  234. >And not one of those weird, unintentionally homosexual ones either
  235. >She immediately jumps you, wrapping her forelegs around your midsection, and burying her face in your stomach
  236. >"Awww, I never doubted you for a minute, Nonny!  Come on!  There's tons and tons of p0nies who want to congratulate you!  And after that, we can eat cupcakes!  And pin the tail on the p0ny!  And play guessing games, and monop0ny, and dominoes..."
  237. >She grabs your arm and begins to pull you in towards the party, still ranting about all the FUN FUN FUN you'll be having
  238. >You look back at Dash
  239. >You mouth
  240. "Help me!"
  241. >She just giggles and shakes her head
  242. >"Have fun, you two!"
  243. >Fucking backstabbing Dash
  244. >As much as you hate to admit it, the party is actually pretty enjoyable
  245. >The punch is tasty, the games are pretty fun, even the music is nice
  246. >What's more, it seems almost every resident of Ponyville wants to shake your hand and tell you how proud of you they are
  247. >Yes...yes...everything is going according to plan
  248. >The same p0nies who had looked like they were going to chase you out of their town a little over a week ago were now ready to suck your dick, metaphorically speaking
  249. >You still caught a few wary glances from some, but for the most part, it seems like most of them were just about ready to forgive and forget not just your drunken misadventures (passing out in flower beds doesn't exactly garner a lot of favor) but also your pissing off one of their beloved national heroes and an element of harmony no less
  250. >As one mint-colored unicorn shakes your hand violently, letting you know just how highly she thinks of you, and how she'd just LOVE to get you to herself for a bit before her beige-colored earth p0ny friend comes to whisk her away, awkwardly apologizing for her friend's "eagerness", you see Twilight out of the corner of your eye
  251. >She's sipping some punch in the corner and conversing with Cheerilee, watching you intently, a sly smile affixed to her face
  252. >She nods, knowingly, at you, as if to say "way to go, slugger, keep it up"
  253. >You return the smile and nod back at her
  254. >You turn your gaze to look at the party
  255. >Twilight wasn't the only friend of Dash and Pinkie's here
  256. >The whole elements of harmony crew was in attendance
  257. >Fluttershy was even trying her hoof at pin the tail on the p0ny
  258. >She didn't do too well, but it seemed like it didn't matter to the others in attendance
  259. >They all clapped for her and cheered her on, despite her bashful expression when she failed
  260. >Strange...for once in your life, you didn't feel so alone all of a sudden
  261. >You had been here a little while, the p0nies had gotten used to having you, evening hiring you, but even then you had felt isolated, alone
  262. >You had felt that way almost your entire life
  263. >But here, now, in this party?  You almost didn't feel that way...almost as if you had finally breached some cultural divide...as if you finally had real friends, a real community...
  264. >A real...family...
  265. >You find yourself internally thanking Pinkie Pie for doing this for you
  266. >Thanking Twilight for pushing you to make amends
  267. >Thanking, aw hell, she deserved SOME credit, thanking Rainbow Dash for making sure you were in attendance today, and for making sure you were sober long enough for this party to have a reason to exist
  268. >Before you can decide to make these thank-yous external, you hear a familiar voice in your ear
  269. >"Psst!  Anon!"
  270. >Rainbow Dash of course
  271. >She whispers in your ear over the din of the festivities
  272. >"Back porch!  Come on, I've got something you'll like!"
  273. >Her earlier pent up aggression at you seems to have faded and she has a playful expression on her face as she flies off toward the back door
  274. >Hell, you can thank her out there
  275. >You drain your plastic cup full of punch and set it aside, moving carefully through the throng of multicolored equines until you reach the back door
  276. >After opening the heavy door, you step out onto the back porch and shut the door behind you
  277. >You turn to your right to find two seats with a small table between them, both chairs facing out towards the small yard behind the shop
  278. >Rainbow Dash occupies the chair furthest from you
  279. >She turns eagerly to face you as you approach, her playful smile still taking residence on her face
  280. >"Hey, you!  Enjoying the party?"
  281. >You chuckle as you gingerly place your rear in the too-small-for-you seat next to her
  282. "Well, I'm usually not one for parties...or socializing in general..."
  283. >You sigh as you ease back into the seat and turn to face her
  284. "But, I gotta admit, this has been pretty fun.  Pinkie sure knows how to throw a good party, doesn't she?"
  285. >Dash beams at you
  286. >"Heh, yeah.  She sure does"
  287. >She quickly takes a look around, as if watching out for prying eyes
  288. "Something wrong?"
  289. >"Oh no, no...just didn't want anyp0ny to see..."
  290. >She quickly reaches down below her seat and grabs a few objects before pulling them out for you to view
  291. >"THIS!"
  292. >Is that...oh, god...
  293. >A bottle of Jose Cuerhooves and two glasses
  294. >Tu corazón...
  295. >She giggles
  296. >"Well, whaddya say?  Let a girl buy you a drink?"
  297. >She waves them in your face
  298. >You suppress your desire to lunge for the bottle
  299. "R-Rainbow, ummm, you know I can't have that, right?"
  300. >She smirks
  301. >"As I recall, I'M the p0ny who said no alcohol, but..."
  302. >She talks while setting the glasses down on the small table between you two and uncapping the bottle
  303. >"I figured since you've been on such good behavior and all that, I should probably reward you with a little bit of the Cuerhooves"
  304. >She pours some of the tempting liquid into a glass and lifts it up, offering it to you
  305. >"And if you're worried about the party goers, don't be, none of them come out here when the festivities are in full swing"
  306. >You can almost feel yourself sweating as she dangles the tantalizing substance in front of your face
  307. >"It'll be just you and me, Anon...having a nice little drink, what's the harm in that?"
  308. >Well...it's not like you have to drink the whole bottle...
  309. >Ah, fuck it
  310. >You take the glass and down its contents
  311. >Oh...oh, your god...oh, your nonexistent, mass murder advocating god...
  312. >The familiar burn scorches your suddenly dry throat with a comforting warmth
  313. >It's been far too long...
  314. >"Whoa, whoa, Anon, take it easy!"
  315. >Dash laughs raucously and refills your glass
  316. >"You may be going off the wagon for just a bit, but that doesn't mean you have to go ALL the way off!"
  317. >She fills her own glass and takes a swig, letting out a contented "ahhh" before settling comfortably into her chair
  318. >You follow her example and just take a sip
  319. >Mmmmm, that's good
  320. "Heh, sorry, just got a little carried away"
  321. >She shrugs
  322. >"It's no biggie"
  323. >For about 10 minutes or so, you two sit peacefully together, watching the clouds go by, chatting casually, and of course, sipping on the delicious tequila Rainbow Dash had smuggled into the party
  324. >She's one sneaky chick, must've left while you were enjoying yourself to go fetch it
  325. >But you don't care about that right now
  326. >All you care about is that this feels so right
  327. >Kicking back at Sugarcube Corner on a beautiful Autumn day, drink in your hand, good conversation in your ear
  328. >You find the whole experience soothing and you relax your tired muscles
  329. >You feel like you could listen to Dash go on and on about meteorology for an age
  330. >In all honesty, you probably could...she's so damn great, isn't she?
  331. >As Dash finishes naming all the different cloud patterns currently in the sky, she sighs contentedly once again
  332. >She turns to face you, dopey smile affixed to her face
  333. >Heh, she was probably a little buzzed, p0nies' alcohol tolerance was way lower than yours considering the difference in body mass
  334. >"So, Anon, I hope you haven't hated the past week or so TOO much"
  335. >Truth be told, you had...at first
  336. >Then once you had knocked the rust off, built up some muscle mass and cardiac endurance...it hadn't been so bad
  337. >Not to mention, Rainbow hadn't been so bad either
  338. "Well, you know, I wasn't exactly psyched about your little proposition right off the bat"
  339. >Her expression remains unchanged, waiting for you to continue
  340. "But, hell, I got to admit, it hasn't been ALL bad"
  341. >"Oh?  What did you like about it?"
  342. >She turns her whole body in her chair to face you, studying your face intently
  343. "Well, uhh, oh!  For one, I had been long overdue for a good workout so that was nice"
  344. >Dash just "hmmms", nodding at your remark
  345. >"And what about your workout buddy?  I hope she hasn't been that much of a bother"
  346. >What is she getting at?
  347. >Her expression yields nothing for you to go on
  348. >An idea strikes you
  349. >Perhaps you could use this to your advantage
  350. >Tell her she's been a fucking saint and she's sure to let you be on her good side, thus reinforcing the town's faith in you altogether
  351. >Wait, come on, man, were you really going to stoop that low?
  352. >Up until now, you hadn't lied to her face that heavily before
  353. >Well, okay, your heart-felt apology back at your place over a week ago now might have been a perfect example of lying, but...
  354. >You look into her eyes
  355. >Those soft, rose colored eyes...
  356. >You see it now
  357. >She wanted your approval, she wanted you tell her she had been a good p0ny, a good friend
  358. >You couldn't lie so brazenly to those eyes, could you?
  359. >But...would it really be lying?  After all, you had enjoyed her company to some degree...
  360. >Sigh, one day off the wagon and you're feeling all soft and shit, what's happening to you, man?
  361. >In times like these, sometimes the best route, oddly enough, is honesty
  362. "Well, 'workout buddy'..."
  363. >You begin, tentatively
  364. "Working out with you..."
  365. >She tenses a little
  366. "It's been kind of fun, actually"
  367. >She perks up, some of her tension dissolving
  368. >"Really?"
  369. "Well, yeah...I mean, we both seem to get along alright, you know?  I'll tell my stupid jokes, you laugh at my stupid jokes, you seem to like my stories, we throw insults back and forth at each other without actually meaning it, and in the end we both just...I don't know...have fun together, I guess"
  370. >You take a swig from your glass
  371. "Does that make any sense at all, or am I just spouting nonsense over here?"
  372. >She turns from you to look out at the yard, a warm smile on her lips
  373. >"More than you know..."
  374. >Dash sets her drink down on the table and breathes heavily
  375. "You alright?"
  376. >She looks down at the floor
  377. "Dash?"
  378. >Quick as a whip, she launches from her seat and lands on all fours...on top of you
  379. >The action surprises you and you lean back in your seat
  380. >Her face is positioned right above yours, eying you with a smug grin
  381. >She begins to speak in a low, almost seductive tone
  382. >"Oh, I'm more than alright, Anon, but you've probably figured that out by now"
  383. >She lowers her hindquarters onto your crotch, her belly follows and she now lays prone across your form
  384. "Dash?  What are-"
  385. >"Come on, Anon, we're both adults here.  I think we can cut the crap"
  386. "Uhhh, no I'm okay with crap, I don't think we need to cut any-"
  387. >"Shhhh"
  388. >She whispers, pressing a hoof to your lips, silencing you
  389. >It isn't so much the hoof that's keeping you quiet
  390. >No, no it's those lovely half-lidded eyes
  391. >That beautiful smile
  392. >That multicolored mane that she playfully shakes out of her face
  393. >That toned, tight body that rubs itself sensually on your crotch
  394. >Holy fuck, Anon, snap out of it!  This was not part of the plan!
  395. >Do something!  Say something!
  396. >"Anon, when I started working out with you...do you know why I did it?"
  397. >Not really looking for an answer, she continues
  398. >"I wanted to find out more about you...to find out what made you tick...what kind of p0ny, or person, you were.  And what I found, I liked..."
  399. >She leans in close to your face, you're still paralyzed by her advances
  400. >"...a LOT"
  401. >Her voice is only a whisper now, but you can feel her breath on your lips
  402. >Almost instinctively, your lips begin to open, begging for another pair to embrace them
  403. >"Anon, when you kissed me...my body told me it was good...REALLY good...I've never been kissed like that in my life"
  404. >Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!  You're leaning towards her now!  Get out of there!  Abort!  Abort!
  405. >"I see now I should've listened to my body that day...but I had to make sure those perfect lips and tongue..."
  406. >She moves closer still, her lips playfully graze against yours
  407. >She whispers even quieter now
  408. >"Were attached to somep0ny that I could like being with...and you ARE, Anon, sweet Celestia, you are...and what's more..."
  409. >She wraps her forelegs around your neck
  410. >"I know you like being with me, too..."
  411. "R-Rain-"
  412. >Without waiting for you to finish, Dash slams her mouth against your stunned, gaping maw, eliciting a moan as her tongue fervently chases yours
  413. >The two muscles find each other and, oh god, they're dancing together again
  414. >Try as you might, you can't help yourself, she's kissing you and you, you weak bastard, are kissing her right back
  415. >Oh, you might have tried to fight on some other day, but this...this was too much
  416. >The party, the alcohol, the way Dash moved sensually against your body, all those weird feelings that you hadn't been able to chase from your mind since you two started hanging out...
  417. >All your reservations just took a long walk down a short pier
  418. >Your hands, as if on their own, fly from your side.  One grasps her back, the other weaves its fingers into her mane
  419. >"Mmmmmmm"
  420. >She moans appreciatively at your gesture as you pull her in, deeper and deeper into the kiss
  421. >This is wrong, this is really really really wrong
  422. >Your brain tells you this over and over again
  423. >Kissing Dash is what got you into this whole goddamn mess in the first place!
  424. >You were just supposed to be getting along with her, not tongue fucking her cake hole again!
  425. >Oh, the mind is willing, but the flesh is so very weak
  426. >Dash suddenly breaks the kiss, panting heavily
  427. >Her face has now taken on a wild, animalistic look
  428. >"Your place.  NOW"
  429. >Brain says no, boner says yes
  430. >Before your dick can inevitably win the argument, you hear a noise from near the door, which causes both of you to freeze
  431. >"Where is that old boy, Anon?!  I wanna shake that alien's hoof, er, hand!  Well, go on!  Where is he?"
  432. >"The back porch, I think" some p0ny answers the voice
  433. >Dash growls
  434. >"Oh, you've got to be bucking kidding me!"
  435. >As quickly as she had advanced on you, she now retreated back to her seat and stuffs the booze away, just as soon as the door to the house swings wide to reveal none other than the town's friendly bartender
  436. >"HEYYYY!  There he is!!  How ya doin', Anon!?  Nice to see ya out and about!"
  437. >The barkeep grabs your hand and shakes it quite violently, ignoring your flushed face and tented slacks
  438. >"Oh, and Rainbow Dash herself!  How the hay are ya, miss?!"
  439. >Dash manages a smile at the old p0ny
  440. >"I'm just fine, Horace, just fine"
  441. >That was the weird thing about this guy
  442. >In a world where it seems almost every sapient creature had some crazy ass name that either described them or their profession, this motherfucker was just...Horace
  443. >Not taps, or suds, or brewski
  444. >Just...Horace
  445. >If you could, you would name him oblivious, considering that any other idiot could have probably been able to tell that he had just interrupted a heated make out session
  446. >Not this guy, though
  447. "So, uh, Horace...how's it going, man?  Enjoying the party?"
  448. >"Oh, it's great, Anon, just great.  What I'm more excited about is the reason for this party, though!"
  449. >He reaches up with a hoof and ruffles your moused hair
  450. >You think you feel Rainbow Dash flinch a little at her work being screwed up
  451. >"Look at this young blood!  Crawls out of the bottle and starts actin' like an upstanding gent!  I'm proud of you, son, damn proud!"
  452. "Heh, thanks Horace"
  453. >"Now, uh, this whole 'sobriety' thing is temporary, right?  I mean, I'm still proud of ya, but I'd hate to lose my best customer to being a teetotaler is all"
  454. "Hey, don't worry, old timer.  I'm only sober for about 4 more days, I can't promise I'll still be your best customer after that, but I'll be back at the bar, don't you worry, right Dash?"
  455. >You turn around to see Rainbow Dash, still looking quite peeved at the intrusion
  456. >"Yeah, uh huh, sure, right back at the bar"
  457. >She states flatly
  458. >"Shit, stallion, that's great to hear; great to hear!  Whew, man you've had a busy week, huh?  Kicking the booze AND smoothing things over with this little firecracker?  You really outdone yourself, kiddo!  Why..."
  459. >He laughs loudly
  460. >"For a little while there I thought we were gonna have to run you out of town for what you did!"
  461. >Dash suddenly perks up
  462. >"Wait, what?"
  463. >Oh, fuck
  464. >Dash flies from her seat and parks her self right in front of the old bartender
  465. >"What did you say?"
  466. >Horace looks a little confused
  467. >"What?  You didn't hear?  Celestia's sake, miss Dash, you need to come down from the clouds every once in a while, see what's going on with us Earth P0nies"
  468. >Oh, fucking fuck, this isn't good
  469. >Up until now, Dash thought you were doing this whole thing for her, not for the town
  470. >Who knows what she might do if she gets the sense she'd been lied to
  471. >But fucking Horace just keeps going, the dipshit
  472. >"Why, this town was powerful angry at ol' Anon here.  You know...for embarrasin' you like he did...and uhm, maybe also for bein' a public nuisance with his excessive drinkin' and everything"
  473. >Rainbow's face was rapidly losing its color, her eyes widening
  474. >You have to save this somehow
  475. "Oh, come on, Horace, quit your joking!  It wasn't all that bad, right?"
  476. >He turns to face you and you wink, not subtly at all, several times at him
  477. >But, of course, the simple bartender doesn't catch your drift and continues to bury you
  478. >"The hay it wasn't that bad!  Shit, I thought we were gonna have another Zecora episode, or worse!  I don't know if you've ever seen p0nies when they get a hold of torches and pitchforks, but, hoo boy, it is NOT a pretty sight!"
  479. >Dash remains frozen in place, not moving, not blinking, not even breathing
  480. >"But luckily for all of us, that's in the past now!  Now that you've made amends with miss Dash here, I'm sure the rest of the town will follow suit"
  481. >He laughs again
  482. >"Gotta hoof it to ya, Anon, you sure know how to mend fences!  Pariah to favorite son in just over a week!  Good on ya, sonny!"
  483. >He laughs once more before taking a look at your mortified faces
  484. >His laughter fades to awkward chuckles
  485. >"Well, then...guess I'll head on back inside and let you two continue chatting...congrats again, Anon!"
  486. >And with that, the bastard is off
  487. >You turn your gaze to Dash, still frozen in shock
  488. "Soooo, uhh..."
  489. >You turn around and reach under her seat, grabbing the bottle and glasses
  490. "Looks like you could use a drink?  Heh..."
  491. >When you turn back around, Dash is staring daggers at you
  492. "Or not..."
  493. >Rainbow's voice finally comes, it's only a whisper
  494. >"You used me..."
  495. "Now, hold on Dash, let me explain..."
  496. >She lunges forward, grabbing the bottle from your hands and winding back to hit you with all her might
  497. >"YOU BUCKING USED ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!"
  498. >She swings and, luckily, in her rage misses your face entirely
  499. >It whisks through the air right above your ducked head
  500. >You stand quickly and back up several feet
  501. >"You weren't trying to make anything up to me!  All this talk about 'burying the hatchet' and 'mending fences'!  You were just trying to get the town off your back!"
  502. "Would you calm down a goddamn minute and let me explain?!"
  503. >"NO!  There's nothing to explain!  You LIED to me, Anon!  You lied to cover your ass, to stop the town from hating you!"
  504. >Dash is positively shaking with rage, tears are beginning to well up in her eyes
  505. >"I trusted you, Anon!  I thought...I thought you liked me!"
  506. >Her voice is beginning to catch in her throat, hiccups and sobs start to follow
  507. >"I thought you were different!  I...oh, Celestia...I bucking told you how I feel about you!  I kissed you!"
  508. >She glares again
  509. >"And you just sat there, lying to my face, and let me think you were interested in me!  How long were you planning to let this go, Anon?!  How bucking long, huh?!  Lying to me to get this stupid town to stop hating you is one thing, but had to try to fuck me too?!?"
  510. >You can't take anymore
  511. "Shut up! Shut up!  YOU were the one who came on to me, you stupid cunt!  YOU were the one who made my life miserable in the first fucking place, and YOU were the one who, because the geniuses in this town think you're so fucking great for some reason, forced me to play along with your stupid "workout buddies" bullshit!"
  512. >She freezes, tears streaming down her face, wings flapping slowly, hoof holding the bottle
  513. >She sniffs
  514. >"You think you know anything about misery?  About being betrayed?  You don't know the half of it, Anon...but I'm going to give you a taste"
  515. >Oh shit, what was that supposed to mean?
  516. >You brace yourself for any kind of attack she might launch at you
  517. >But instead, she opens the door to the house and flies inside
  518. >Oh, what fresh hell is this?
  519. >You hear Dash's voice from inside
  520. >"Cut the music!  I SAID CUT THE BUCKING MUSIC, PINKIE!"
  521. >Oh, no, oh no no no no
  522. >You follow after her quickly
  523. >When you get inside, you see Rainbow, flying above the crowd of interrupted party guests, drying her eyes and still holding the bottle
  524. >"I know you're all here today to celebrate Anon's sobriety...but this, this SHIT-FLINGER...!"
  525. >She points at you, causing the guests to look at you now
  526. >"...hasn't changed at all!  Just now, I caught him outside with THIS!"
  527. >She holds up the bottle for dramatic effect
  528. >The p0nies all gasp and look at you, demanding an answer
  529. "That's a fucking lie, you gave me that bottle!"
  530. >"Pssh, please!  Who are you all gonna believe?  Me, or that drunk monkey?"
  531. >Now that's a battle you know you're not gonna win
  532. >Before you can think up a retort some stallion in the crowd pipes up
  533. >"I knew it, I just knew it!  I knew this was way too good to be true!"
  534. >He pushes through the crown of stunned p0nies and points a hoof in your face, you recognize him as being one of the p0nies who had eyed you warily during the party
  535. >"This alien monkey has been nothing but trouble since he got here!"
  536. >He wheels back around to the crowd
  537. >"He's been drunk as a fish every single day!  And all our lives have been worse for it!  Passing out in Daisy's flower garden, puking on the sidewalk, throwing rocks at windmills...!"
  538. >Shit, those were windmills?  You were so drunk you had thought they were giant monsters...
  539. >..."He even insulted my poor old grand mother just for looking at him!  And if that doesn't beat all, he humiliates our beloved Rainbow Dash, element of loyalty, and THEN dupes her into hanging out with him!"
  540. >He wheels back around to you
  541. >"Sobriety, my ass!  This one ain't changed and he ain't ever gonna change!"
  542. >Before you can put this uppity bitch in his place, he turns around and marches out of the shop
  543. >Several p0nies follow in a huff
  544. >"Now, wait a second, hang on everyp0ny"
  545. >Horace speaks up in your defense
  546. >"I was just out there on the porch, and I didn't see Anon with that bottle of booze at all!'
  547. >"Oh, can it, Horace!"
  548. >A mare from town, you can't remember her name, snaps at the old bartender
  549. >"You're just trying to defend your best customer!  You're partly responsible for all this you know!  Giving that monkey drinks all the damn time!  You probably gave him that bottle right there!"
  550. >"What?  No!  I didn't, I swear!"
  551. >Horace begins backing into a corner, several of the p0nies begin advancing on him angrily
  552. >The poor old stallion is shaking, it looks like he's about to cry
  553. >"C-c-come on, guys!  It's me, Horace!  Y-you know I wouldn't give a stallion booze were he on the wagon!"
  554. >Oh, fuck no
  555. >You are not about to stand by and watch as an old p0ny is ganged up on
  556. >Just before you can spring into action, a voice calls out above the din
  557. >"ENOUGH!"
  558. >A deafening boom and a blinding purple light blast throughout the tiny shop
  559. >When everyone inside recovers from the sudden loss of hearing and sight, you all turn to look at the culprit
  560. >Twilight stands on a table now, her horn still smoking
  561. >"Party's over!  Everyp0ny out, NOW!"
  562. >The guests comply, still grumbling to themselves about how much of a piece of shit they thought you were
  563. >Horace quickly makes his escape out the back door
  564. >You are suddenly bumped roughly as a stallion passes you
  565. >"You better watch your step, shit-flinger..."
  566. >A couple of other stallions pass by as well, the same menacing gaze is pointed in your direction
  567. >When the dust settles, it's just you, Rarity, Applejack, Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie in the fetal position in the corner...
  568. >"What a horrible, horrible party...p-parties are supposed to be fun..."
  569. >And...
  570. >Fucking
  571. >Rainbow
  572. >Dash
  573. >Still hovering in that same spot, staring you down
  574. >She drops the bottle and lets it smash on the hardwood floor
  575. >"Are you beginning to see, Anon?  Are you beginning to see what it's like to be betrayed?!  To be humiliated?!  Because that's what you did to me!!"
  576. >There are no words, just...
  577. >Rage
  578. >You scream in your frustration and lunge toward her
  579. >A purple force field pops up in your path and you slam into it
  580. >You smash it angrily with your fists
  581. "I'LL KILL YOU!!  I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU YOU LITTLE BITCH!!"
  582. >She sniffs, eyes beginning to fill with tears again
  583. >"I loved you, Anon!  I loved you so, so much!  And you betrayed me, used me!"
  584. >Her words don't register
  585. >Everything is a blur
  586. >You wildly flail against the force field, letting all your rage, all your frustration be unleashed on that purple, translucent wall
  587. "NYAAAAAAA!!! AAAAAAA!!"
  588. >All the lies, all the going along to get along, all the game playing...
  589. >Destroyed in a matter of seconds by one pissed off p0ny and a town that hated you anyway
  590. >You wind up for one last punch but something suddenly impacts your chest
  591. >Hard
  592. >You fly backwards several feet and strike your head on the wall behind you
  593. >That takes the fight out of you pretty quick and you slump down to the floor
  594. >Raising your head, you see two things
  595. >Thing A:  Twilight's horn, smoldering once again
  596. >Shit, did she do that?
  597. >Thing B:  Rainbow Dash, still hovering in one spot, her head lowered, tears hitting the floor below her
  598. >She's just repeating the same thing over and over again:
  599. >"I loved you, I loved you, I loved you..."
  600. "You stupid bitch...you think you're the only one?"
  601. >She raises her head suddenly to look at you
  602. >Say it
  603. >No, you're not going to say it, it's not true
  604. >Say it
  605. >No!  It's not fucking true!  She's an evil, heartless cunt!
  606. >Stop denying it, say it
  607. >No!
  608. >Say it!
  609. "I loved you too, you fucking idiot!"
  610. >Her face turns from sadness to shock
  611. >Goddamn it, why did you say it?
  612. >But...it was true...
  613. >You realize it now
  614. >It wasn't the party, it wasn't the alcohol, it wasn't the good mood that working out had put you in that had kept you in your chair, letting her kiss you
  615. >Kissing her back
  616. >Somewhere along the way you had stopped acting like you had forgiven her
  617. >Somewhere along the way you had fallen in stupid, STUPID love with this horrible person
  618. >She had got you, like no one else had
  619. >Made you laugh, listened to you, teased you, pushed you to be better...
  620. >Even got you to quit the booze and not want to kill yourself, no one had been able to do that
  621. >But now...
  622. >Now that was all gone up in smoke
  623. >Before the two of you can saying anything, Twilight rushes up to you
  624. >She grabs your head and yanks it forward, examining the back of your dome
  625. "Ow!"
  626. >"Quiet!  Okay...looks like you'll be fine..."
  627. >Fine?  Oh, you're fucking FAR from fine right now
  628. >"Come on, Anon.  We've got to get you out of here.  My place should do for now"
  629. >You open your mouth
  630. >"Don't even THINK about protesting, if you care about your own safety at all, then we are leaving RIGHT NOW!"
  631. >You turn to look at Dash
  632. >Still hovering, still shocked, and still crying
  633. >Bitch
  634. >You turn back to Twilight
  635. "Okay..."
  636. >She fires up her horn
  637. >The glow envelopes you both suddenly
  638. >You feel a pulling, tearing sensation
  639. >Oh Shit, she's going to teleport you out of here
  640. >"Anon..."
  641. >Rainbow manages you get out one last word before you're whisked out of the shop
  642. ---------------------------------------------------
  643. >You are Rainbow Dash
  644. >And...you bucked up
  645. >Really, REALLY bad
  646. >Anon loved you?
  647. >Was that even possible?
  648. >But he was a bucking user!  He betrayed you!
  649. >S-So you got him back, right?
  650. >You should feel good now, right?
  651. >Right?!
  652. >But you don't, you feel awful
  653. >If there was even a chance that Anonymous had loved you...
  654. >You sniffle and wipe the tears from your eyes
  655. >You look down to spot the wreckage that had once been the bottle of Jose Cuerhooves and its contents on the floor below you
  656. "Oh, dammit..."
  657. >You wipe your eyes again
  658. "I'm...I'm sorry Pinkie, I'll clean that up"
  659. >You turn to face your friends
  660. >But, they aren't looking too friendly right now
  661. >Rarity, Applejack...even Fluttershy...they're all staring daggers at you
  662. "L-look, guys..."
  663. >Applejack interrupts you
  664. >"Ya know what?!  Save it, just bucking save it, Dash!  Ah have had just about enough of you and your attitude towards Anonymous!  These past few days he's done nothin' but try and be friendly to ya, and you just spat in his damn face!"
  665. >No!  No it wasn't like that!
  666. "Oh yeah!?  Did you know about all of this?  Did you know that he was just using me to get Ponyville not to be mad at him anymore?  That he didn't care about mending fences at all?  That he didn't care about ME at all?!"
  667. >Applejack stays silent
  668. "Well, did you?!?"
  669. >Rarity butts in
  670. >"Only because you didn't give him a choice, Rainbow Dash!  The whole town was going to treat him like a pariah or worse!  All because you had to goad Anonymous since you met him, then get all in a huff over one little kiss!"
  671. >Pinkie's turn
  672. >"Yeah!  And you lied about that bottle of Jose Cuerhooves!  I saw you sneak that in...and what's more..."
  673. >She looks around the empty room, tears welling up in her eyes
  674. >"You ruined Nonny's party!  I don't know if that's a crime, but it should be!"
  675. >You can't believe this...these are your friends!  They're supposed to have your bucking back!
  676. "Girls, if you all wanted Anonymous and me to get over our differences, if you all wanted the town to stop hating him..."
  677. >You feel your anger boiling
  678. "Then why didn't you bucking tell me that THAT was the reason Anonymous wanted to be friends with me?!  Why didn't HE tell me that was the reason instead of lying to my face all this time?!"
  679. >The girls can't meet your gaze all of a sudden
  680. >You groan
  681. "You guys do this kind of shit to me all the time!  Remember 'Mare do Well'?  You guys could have just TOLD me I was being an ass, but NOOOO, you all had to go and lie to me and humiliate me and make me feel like dirt, just like bucking Anon did!!"
  682. >You are shouting now
  683. "It's like you all think I'm some kind of child who can't handle having the truth told to her!"
  684. >A moment of silence passes between you
  685. >A low, quiet voice suddenly speaks up
  686. >"Because you CAN'T, Rainbow Dash..."
  687. >You turn to see...Fluttershy?
  688. >And she's fixed you with quite an angry stare
  689. "What did you say to me?"
  690. >"I said, you CAN'T handle having the hard, honest truth being told to you!"
  691. >You can't believe your eyes, ol' Flutter-scared is glaring at you
  692. >Her legs aren't shaking
  693. >She's not stuttering
  694. >She's even raising her voice
  695. "Fluttershy, if you've got something to say to me, you better say it, 'cause I'm all ears"
  696. >You growl as you plop to the ground and march right up to her face
  697. >Your assault doesn't deter her, she's still standing her ground
  698. >"This is exactly what happened with Sky..."
  699. "Don't you bucking..."
  700. >"WITH SKY LANCE!  SKY LANCE!  SKY LANCE!"
  701. >Fluttershy's shouting makes you pull back a little
  702. >"Don't tell me to shut up about that anymore, Dash!  Don't bucking tell me to shut up at all!"
  703. "Geez, Fluttershy...take it easy"
  704. >"No!"
  705. >She takes a few deep breaths before continuing
  706. >"Back when you were with that...monster...I tried telling you he was no good, over and over again!  I wasn't the only one either, if you remember!  But you wouldn't believe anyp0ny else!  You couldn't!  You were faced time and time again by the truth and you wouldn't believe it!"
  707. >She's on the assault now
  708. >Fluttershy slowly walks towards you, forcing you to back up, shakily
  709. >"Oh, and you wanna talk about users?!  Like Sky Lance used you!?  Like your dad did?!  If you wanna see a user, Dash, all you have to do is look in the mirror!"
  710. >You stop walking backwards, this bitch had just pushed your last button
  711. "Don't you DARE compare me to them..."
  712. >"I SAW you out there on the porch, Dash, I heard everything you and Anon said!  And what did you do the minute Anon didn't turn out to be your oh so special somep0ny?  What did you as soon as he stopped being absolutely everything you need to fix your miserable, stallion hating, life?!  You bucking turned on him and threw him to the wolves!!  That's what your dad did to you, that's what Sky Lance did to you, and THAT'S what being a MOTHERBUCKING USER IS!!!"
  713. >Her screaming finally relents and she lowers her head, panting heavily
  714. >Silence hangs over the room
  715. >You can feel the tears beginning to fall from your eyes
  716. >No...oh, Celestia no...
  717. >She couldn't be right, you weren't like them
  718. >Oh, no no no no no, you weren't
  719. >You weren't, you weren't, you weren't!!
  720. >Fluttershy finally raises her head, tears were also starting to stream out of her eyes
  721. >Her voice comes to her
  722. >It's the same voice you remember from all your years spent together
  723. >The same quiet, calm voice
  724. >But now...now it's marked with sobs
  725. >"And until you figure that out...until you figure out how to face the truth and how to fix yourself..."
  726. >She sobs
  727. >"...Then I can't be your friend anymore!"
  728. >She turns tail and runs out of the shop, crying
  729. >You turn to face the other 3 girls
  730. >You want to say something to them, anything really
  731. >But nothing comes out of your shock-stricken face
  732. >"Come on, ya'll, Ah don't think ah can be friends with her neither..."
  733. >The other two huff in agreement
  734. >Please, voice, come back, come back...
  735. >It doesn't come back...and they walk out of the shop, and out of your life...
  736. "No...(sob)...girls..."
  737. >It's too late, they're gone
  738. "(hiccup)...don't leave me (hiccup) alone..."
  739. >Everything is crumbling, your head is spinning and your rump falls flat on the hardwood
  740. "Anon...(sob)...please, come back...Anon...An-"
  741. >You can't do it, you just can't hold it back anymore
  742. >You fall on your face and weep pitifully into the floor
  743. >Your long, loud cries ring throughout the empty shop
  744. >Cries of "Anon" are the only intelligible words that come out of you
  745. >As you cry and cry, it all comes back to you in a wave
  746. >Dad
  747. >Sky Lance
  748. >Rainbow Dash...
  749. >All users, all pathetic wastes of life
  750. >There you weep, entombed in your own misery before your cries begin to die down
  751. >Before you finally tire yourself out...and sleep takes a hold of you...
  752. >You dream about Anon
  753. >He's smiling that wonderful smile and you feel happy again
  754. >But a black void comes and swallows him whole and you can't reach him, no matter how hard you try
  755. ------------------------------------------
  756. >You are Anon
  757. >And teleporting sucks, as you now know
  758. >Oh, sure it could've gone way, way worse
  759. >You could've ended up inside a wall or just...inside out...
  760. >You shudder, maybe you shouldn't have watched so much Star Trek back home
  761. >But Equestrian teleporing?  Yeah, apparently that shit just makes you vomit
  762. >Like all over Twilight's floor
  763. >After she had finished retching, Twilight had muttered something about how this was such a wasted opportunity to explore teleporting creatures from another dimension or whatever
  764. >Science shit wasn't exactly your top priority right now, as Twilight was explaining to you
  765. "I don't really want to hear about "top priorities", Twilight"
  766. >You growl as you mop up your puke
  767. "I just want to go home and forget this whole day ever happened"
  768. >Twilight slams the cabinet shut that she had been searching and turns back around to face you
  769. >She's...looking pretty pissed
  770. >And it's probably only partly about the vomit
  771. >She grits her teeth
  772. >"Okay, Anonymous, let me put this in a language you'll understand.  You have got to get the FUCK out of Ponyville right FUCKING now!"
  773. >Cute little p0nies saying the f-word?  It was funnier than you'd like to admit, but Twilight looked like she was about to set you on fire so you suppressed your laughter
  774. >"This town is about to go fucking crazy on you, so no, you can't fucking go home and you can't fucking stay here!"
  775. "Alright alright, shit, I get the message, take it easy!"
  776. >She lets out the breath she had been holding and goes back to searching the cabinets
  777. "What are you looking for anyway?"
  778. >"Train schedule, I know I have it here somewhere..."
  779. "Train schedule...do I really have to go that far away?"
  780. >"Preferably, yeah"  Twilight states, still rummaging through her various file cabinets
  781. "What...what am I supposed to do?  Where am I supposed to go?"
  782. >She stops rummaging and sighs before giving you a comforting smile
  783. >"I'm not going to hang you out to dry, Anon.  Once I find the train schedule, I'll gather up some bits for you and draft a letter to the Princess, explaining your plight.  She'll house you and you can use the bits for any thing you may require outside the castle"
  784. >You were going to be staying in a castle?  Swanky
  785. "Can't we just head down to the train station and get a schedule there?"
  786. >She frowns
  787. >To be honest, I really don't want to leave you alone and I really don't want to head out of here before we absolutely have to"
  788. >She motions to the window, before returning to her search
  789. >"You'll be safe here, for the moment, I can protect the house with a force field if needed"
  790. >A thought occurs to you
  791. "You can't send Spike to go get the schedule?"
  792. >"Royal Errand, won't be back for three days"
  793. >Damn, little guy was always absent when you needed him
  794. >You sigh as you mop up more of your puke
  795. "Am I ever going to be able to come back here again?"
  796. >Twilight finishes searching the file cabinet and turns to face you again
  797. >"Look, Anon...I know things seem really bad right now, but give it some time, I'll get them to come around...well, I'll give it my best shot..."
  798. "And if you can't?"
  799. >She breaks eye contact and hurries over to search a new file cabinet
  800. >Thought so
  801. >You finish the glorious puke mopping adventure and Twilight finishes searching her file cabinets
  802. >"Dammit!  Not here either.  Put that away will you?  I'm going to take a look upstairs"
  803. >She hurries up the steps while you move the mop and bucket to...
  804. >Wait, where the hell is the mop closet?
  805. >You decide to try the closest door in your field of vision
  806. >You open it and...nyoh my god...
  807. >This
  808. >This is where Twilight's been hiding all your fucking booze
  809. >It's all stacked neatly in the back of the closet...just sitting there...waiting...
  810. >A very, very irresponsible thought occurs to you
  811. >On one hand, you could take up Twilight's offer and go live in the swanky castle until all this shit got sorted out
  812. >But Twilight probably wouldn't let you take the booze
  813. >And they probably didn't like drunks at the castle...
  814. >On the other hand, you could just snatch this shit while Twilight was upstairs and head to the train station yourself to find some other town to head to
  815. >Twilight probably wouldn't like it if you did that
  816. >But then again, this was YOUR booze, she didn't have any right to keep it from you!  Especially now!
  817. >And you might have to stay at the castle forever, or at least until they got tired of you and kicked you out of there as well
  818. >Then not only would you NOT be a castle, but you wouldn't have your copious stores of alcohol either!
  819. >Fuck it
  820. >You spot a large burlap sack in the corner of the closet
  821. >Without hesitation, you grab the bag and begin stuffing it with alcohol
  822. >Finally you see him
  823. >Flask buddy!
  824. >You reach to pick him up and then stop
  825. >What would flask buddy think of you, man?  Snatching all your booze back and then skipping town?  That's just low
  826. >Then again, you are a grown ass man, about to be kicked out a town filled with cute pastel horses that are half your size
  827. >You can't get much lower than that
  828. >Flask buddy will just have to get over it, you think to yourself as you stuff him in your pocket
  829. >You hoist the bag over your shoulder and make your way to the door
  830. >It was surprisingly easy to lift, guess all that time working out with...
  831. >Your blood runs cold
  832. >No, you aren't even going to do her the courtesy of thinking about her...ever
  833. >You open the door slowly and peer out
  834. >No one
  835. >Perfect
  836. >You feel one last pang of guilt and look back over your shoulder
  837. >Twilight had been really nice to you, more than you had deserved, and now here you were, leaving her without so much as a goodbye, not knowing if you'll ever see her again
  838. >You sigh and glance up the stairs
  839. >You can still hear the faint sound of her rifling through papers and drawers
  840. "Thanks for everything, Twilight...May we meet again on a happier day"
  841. >You take one more glance out into the street and then dart off into the cool, evening air
  842.  
  843. End of Chapter 7