Oh God Why Would You Read This 4

>As you looked upon the blazing inferno that was once the restaurant a thought comes to mind.

>I really need to stop asking rhetorical questions

>But you might be getting ahead of yourself, lets rewind a bit.

 

>You rise early on this fine Friday as the sun streams through your bedroom window.

>The worries and concerns of the previous night seemingly dispelled by a good rest

>Rising for the day you quickly prepare for shift at work, shower, shave, dressed. Out the door, you're good to go.

>The day passes fairly quickly though you feel you might be just a tad distracted by thoughts of whats to come

>and by a tad distracted you mean you drove a forklift into a pile of lumber and knocked over an entire shelf of product.

>the resulting ass chewing by your boss ate up far more time at the end of your day than you hoped

>and now you have far less time to ready yourself than you planned for.

 

>Okay, so just get home, clean up, suit, then head over to Bonbons to pick her up.

>Nice, quick, and easy. You think to yourself as let yourself into your home.

>With a sense of urgency you shed your work duds and hop in the shower.

 

>A sharp knock on your door just as you emerge from the show is met with a deep sigh by you.

>Of all the times! you say to yourself.

>Clad only in town you quickly open your door hoping to be done with whatever pony has the worst timing.

>Correction, ponies. And to clarify further, its the girls

 

"Wha...Girls what are you doing here? I have to get ready for...things?" you finish weakly, not wanting to

let all of them know about your date.

 

>Thinking this an invitation to enter the lot of them come inside.

>Twilight is the first to speak, "Oh don't worry Anon. We know about your special date! We came over to

>help make sure everything goes well."

"Date?" You respond flatly, looking over at Rarity. "This wouldn't happen to be the same date that I told a certain someone not to tell EVERYONE about!"

>Oh come now darling, You said not to tell everypony and this isn't everypony, just a few!" Rarity says with a force smile that does little to back up her own confidence in the statement.

>You give her the best disproving frown that you can.

>With that though the rest of the girls spring into action in their attempts to "help"

 

>Twilight Magics in several books in neat stacks. "I didn't know which ones would be best so I brought what I could."

>Scanning some of the titles you see they're mostly topics of social etiquette and dating advice.

Twilight I really don't have time to read anything right now, because I really need to get rea.."

you stop as read one title

>"Pleasurable Pony Positi.." but you're cut off as that one disappears in a purple flash.

>"W..Wrong book." says Twilight with a beet red face.

 

>Meanwhile Pinkies taken to dancing about the room as she attempts to come up with a reason for a party.

>"Ooh Ooh! ANNIVERSARY PARTY! No wait. They having had their first date yet. I KNOW! A Pre-Aniversery Anniversary

>Party!" she yells out as she spreads her fore legs wide

>confetti and rainbows appearing from some unknown location. Secret party compartments you tell yourself.

"Girls look I know you want to help but I have to get re.." you stop as you realize the girls aren't listening

>Pinkies prattling on and on about parties, Twilight is espousing the virtues of one of her books, Rarity

>is listing off dinner forks and their proper use.

>Applejack merely looks stumped before offering up "Have ya thought about tryin apples?"

>Poker face

 

"Girls! I need you guys to..girls!? GIRLS!" You try to draw their attention, their constant talking

drowning you out.

>You've finally hit your breaking point as you fight off Dash as she attempts to apply what you think

>is hair gel to your head.

>"Ya gotta look cool Anon!"

"ENOUGH!" You sudden outburst enough to silence the ponies. "Girls, I know what you're trying to do

and I appreciate the effort but I really really have to get ready."

"And fighting the lot of you off is going to make me late."

>With a few groans and apologies the girls allow you to shepard them out the front door."

>Finally, now you can finally get.. "ummm...Anonymous?"

>Its Fluttershy, you didn't notice that she was still here. Given her nature, not surprising.

 

>With a deep sigh as you rub your hand across your temples, "Fluttershy I really need to get ready."

>"Oh I know Anon.. it's just that.. well.. even if your worried about how tonight will turn out don't be."

>"Because as long as you have fun, Bonbon will have fun. And then there's no reason to worry."

>These damn ponies always know hot to hit you were it counts.

"Fluttershy are you giving me advice on being confident?" you ask with a small grin.

>She notes the humor of the situation and breaks a small smile of her own, "Trying to be more assertive." she says.

You bend down to hug her "Thanks Flutters. Now get going. I gotta get ready"

>Fluttershy nods sweetly before leaving you to finish getting ready in...10 FUCKING MINUTES. GOD DAMN MARES!

 

>Throwing on suit you quickly race down to Bonbons with few moments to spare.

>Thankfully you're not more than a couple minutes late as you reach Bonbons house.

>Taking a deep breath, you do your best to dispel your concerns

>Alright Anon. You can do this, remember what yellowquiet said. Have fun and it'll work out.

>Exhaling you raise a fist and knock on the door.

>"Coming!" you hear call out from somewhere inside.

>Bonbon opens the door and steps outside, you immediately make note of her dress.

>The top comes together below her neck with a band of pink and continues downward as lovely blue is broken

>up every several inches by more bands of pink. Both colors matching her mane.

>The whole thing tapers off just above her hooves and ends with a fluffy white trim.

>She looks beautiful.

>"Soooo? How do I look?" she asks with a small smile and no small amount of red in her face.

>"I wanted something nice but not too formal? Hopefully it goes all right with my coat. But what if its not fancy

>enough for the restaurant? What if they won't let us in?!"

She's working herself into a nervous fit again. You kneel down to eye level, "You, my dear, look beautiful. The

dress is fantastic and all the other mares are gonna be jealous."

>"You think so?" she asks, her ears flat against her head.

"Definitely." you answer. "Now come! Let us away to a night merriment and fine companionship!"

>She giggles at your overly dramatic statement, "You know you're a dumb monkey right?"

"Who looks damn sexy in a suit." you respond as you rise, puffing out your chest and gazing stoically into the distance.

>The blush on her face re-intensifies.

 

>Turing on the balls of your feet you set off with Bonbon at your side.

>The two of you make pleasant small talk before falling into comfortable silence as you take in the day around you.

>The setting sun has washed the sky in a series of darkening blues broken up by brilliant oranges and pinks.

>The cool air is refreshing as you inhale deeply.

>The restaurant comes into view. A sign in a fancy script hangs over the entrance "The Silver Platter"

>You and Bonbon pass through the entrance and are greeted by the stallion running the front desk.

>"Good evening sir and madam. Do you have a reservation for this evening?"

>Bonbon speaks up, "Yes sir, Bonbon party of 2."

>The stallion scans the ledger in front of him briefly before finding what he was looking for.

>"Ah yes, right this way please." as he leads you further into the restaurant.

>Taking a seat at the table he lead you to the stallion tells you, "Your server will be with your shortly."

>He nods at the two of you before departing.

>Bonbon and you both gaze around the restaurant, its really nice. Not Canterlot nice, but still nice.

"Been here before Bonnie?" you ask

>She shakes her head in reply, "No but I've always wanted to, its seems so roman..uh..nice!" The blush is back.

>"Anon do you mind if I visit the little fillies room for a second?"

"Oh man Bonbon, I'm not sure I can handle that kind of responsibility, Who am I to say who shall go and who shall stay." you respond cheekily.

>She only gives a half smile before getting up and heading to the restrooms.

>Odd, you think to yourself. Normally something like that would get a laugh out of her. Nerves probably.

>Well when she comes back you'll just have to..

>"ANON! CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

"OH GOD WHAT!" you cry as Twilight Voice booms in your ears.

>"OH SORRY! LET ME JUST...There. Is that better?" Twilight's voice asks.

"Where the hell are you?" you ask whipping your head around the room. Why does no one else seem to care about a yelling pony?

>"Down here!" You pull up the edge of the table cloth and peer beneath the table, no purple unicorn down there.

"No no no! ON the table." With that last comment you notice the salt shaker is glowing slightly.

"Wut"

>"I enchanted the salt shaker so only you can hear me. You said you didn't have time to read the books so I

>thought I'd walk you through tonight! I've read most of them already so.."

"No! Twilight no, I don't need any help." but your pleas fall on deaf..ears? Holes? You don't know, you're talking to a fucking salt shaker.

>Twilight doesn't seem to care, "Oh don't worry Anon, I won't leave you hanging!"

>You try to continue to plead with Twilight but you see Bonbon returning to the table, rather than explain why you're talking to the utensils you clam up.

 

>"Thanks for waiting Anon. Have we got our menus yet?"

>As if on cue the waitress shows up with your menus, you gaze lingers across the fancy script of your menu before you turn your attention to...your waitress is Rarity.

>Bonbon catches on a split second after you do. "Rarity? I didn't know you worked here!"

>"Oh you know darling, times being what they are we all must do what we must in order to get by. Now what can I get you two to drink?"

>Twilight Saltshaker chimes in "Dating for Ponies says that in a formal occasion wine is considered fitting."

You do your best to ignore her, "Rarity what are you doing?"

>"Nothing! Anonymous darling! Like I said, I'm just working!" she finishes with a wholly unconvincing grin.

>"Well I'll have a glass of the red. Anon?" Bonbon says

"I'll have the same." you say through gritted teeth as you try to stare Rarity down. If either of the mares notice, they say nothing.

>"Guess business isn't what it could be." Bonbon says as Rarity leaves, "Hope things pick up for her soon."

 

 

>Rarity returns a few minutes later with wine in tow and pours you each a glass, but then starts setting and lighting candles on the table.

>You frown at her, "For the mood darling." she says.

>"Flowers are generally best reserved for second or third dates as it can seem too forward on the first." says Saltlight Shakele

"So Bonbon, hows work been?" you ask attempting to turn your focus from meddling unicorns

>"The usual. Sell a few here and there, occasional big orders (mostly Pinkie), having to fight off the occasional parasprite/bunny/chaos god invasion."

"Right, perfectly normal... Anyways where'd you get that dress by the way? Rarity make it?"

>"No, something I've had for awhile, I usually only save it for special occasions." she says

"So am I a special occasion?" you say.

>You note a slight up turn of Bonbons mouth, "well I guess you could say.."

>"WIIIINNEEEEE!!!" Rarity's melodic tone interrupts as she tops off your glasses and lights another candle.

>Bonbon blinks for a moment before taking a large drink, "well..."

>Moment ruined.

You decide instead to down your glass of wine. "Regardless, its beautiful." you say attempting to salvage things.

>You're rewarded with a small blush from Bonbon.

 

>A few moments later Rarity returns to take your orders. Bonbon orders some plant dish while you order. >surprisingly the restaurant has seafood. At this point meat is meat. Rarity lights another candle before leaving.

>Rather than force more awkward conversation you turn your gaze about the room. High ceilings, faux-marble >pillars, and long curtains framing narrow windows. Classy, you think to yourself

>"Anon?" Bonbons voice pulls you back in. "I wanted to thank you for coming tonight."

"Thanks for inviting me Bonnie, sure beats the heck outta my dump of a house and my "dumb" movies."

>"Well its nice to see that even someone like you can clean up nicely." she says with a not so subtle jab.

>Bonbon falls silent for a moment and stares down at her hooves, giving herself a slight nod she turns her gaze back up to you. "Anon there's something I've wanted to tell you.."

>"WOOOOOOO!!" Bonbon is cut off by a shrill cry as the restaurant erupts into noise. Pinkie emerges from a back room dressed as...are you serious....Pinkie is dressed as a mariachi.

>WHAT THE FUCK PINKIE! THERE IS NO MEXICO IN EQUESTRIA HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK

>Pinkie is joined by the source of the music: AJ, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy in similar mariachi garb playing their guitars and violins.

"Pinkie what are you doing?!" you shout over the music

>"I FIGURED IT OUT ANON!" Pinkie yells "WE'LL HAVE A PARTY CELEBRATING WHAT WILL BE A FUTURE ANNIVERSARY!"

"PINKIE DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW STUPID THAT IS?" you shout back.

>Pinkie either didn't hear you or doesn't care as the music picks up as she starts dancing about your table

>The other patrons and the wait staff are all staring at the commotion around your table.

>So much for a normal date you think as you sink your head into your arms.

>"When choosing dining music typically a light jazz or classical music is considered best" says the salt shaker.

>Bonbon is just staring at the entire thing, her jaw slightly agape.

You attempt to shout over the music "Bonbon I swear I didn't plan this!"

>Bonbon continues to say nothing.

 

>At that moment several things happened at once. Rarity emerged with your meals, the music reached its end, and Pinkie Pie stage dived into your table.

>Unfortunately Pinkies antics have launched the large collection of lit candles that were on your table into the air and subsequently into the curtains

>Flammable would be an understatement as the fabric engulfs into flames.

"Check please?" you say to no one as you tuck a stunned Bonbon under your arms and book it for the door.

>As you looked upon the blazing inferno that was once the restaurant a thought comes to mind.

>I really need to stop asking rhetorical questions.

>The rest of the restaurant patrons and staff stand in awe at the burning building. You notice a certain oddly dressed band sheepishly slink away.

>The Fire Department has already arrived and started fighting the blaze.

>You walk some distance away from the fire and take a seat on the ground.

>Gazing at the burning effigy that is your date, you turn to the silent pony sitting next to you.

>She doesn't look back at you, her focus instead on the ground.

"Bonbon..are you alright?"

>Nothing, but then a slight sniff.

>Oh god she's crying. Crap crap crap.

>"I..I.. just wanted t..tonight to go well." she sobs

>Operating on instinct you grab Bonbon and pull her to your chest, locking her in a hug.

>she sobs for a bit more before falling silent.

"Bonbon in no way, shape or form was anything that happened your fault."

>She sniffs a bit, "But.."

"No buts." you give her a little squeeze. "This night is nothing more than the victim of some well meaning friends with a poorly executed plan, that and fire. Lots of fire."

>She gives a small laugh at this before nuzzling further into your chest.

>You both stay like this for awhile, just enjoying each others embrace.

>Strange that you feel so peaceful considering the situation.

Eventually you move to rise, "Well Bonbon we'd better get going."

>Bonbon says nothing as she rises to join you as you two walk back towards your end of town.

>You shortly reach Bonbons house as you turn to her. She's said nothing this entire time and she's gazing at the ground again.

>"Anon?" she says as she turns her focus away from the ground. "I'm sorry tonight didn't go as planned."

>You attempt to tell her it's not her fault but she stops you.

>She holds up a hoof, "Please, let me finish. You've been thrown into a world completely alien to you, away from friends, family, and any others of your kind."

>"But despite that you've stayed positive and open. Any pony in Ponyville knows they can count on you. You've been a great help for not only this town but the Elements too. And you've been a friend to me. "

>She pauses for a moment before for continuing. "I know I can't compare to girl from your home but I really like you Anon and I have to let you know that."

>You pause for a few minutes letting Bonbons speech sink in. You crouch down to her level.

>"Anon?" she says timidly.

With a grin you lean in, "You're not very subtle Ms. Destroyer."

>She returns the grin. "Dumb monkey." she says before she's cut off by your lips.

 

>Today was...a good day.