Drury Lane: Chapter 6 -Weird Science-

>Day 645 in Equestria

>The sun was shining down on Ponyville, and by extension, you as well.

>You strolled down the street, your head bobbing from side to side like a happy bobblehead.

>Your special day was coming up.

>Your birthday.

>And you just so happened to be romantically entangled with the living embodiment of partying and fun.

>Life is good.

>You make your way into a small bar in town for a tall mug of cider.

>The bartender pony send a glass your way, and you take in the applely-goodness, sipping lightly to savor it all.

>Perfect.

>Fucking.

>Day.

>Then a voice pipes up from beside you.

>A very, very familiar voice.

>"Are you here to ruin my day, Anon? Have you not done enough to me already?.."

>It's Trixie.

>And she's already wasted at noon.

>Damn.

>You roll your eyes, but don't retaliate. You're in too good of a mood to let Trixie ruin it.

>Instead, you choose to be civil.

>Well, more jack-assy than civil.

>Still, you didn't plan on harming Trixie in some sort of over the top, zany way.

>A first for you.

"What, no light show or smoke-screen? Or does that all fade away when you're mind-bogglingly drunk?"

>"Oh shut up... I don't need your smart-ass comments, you prick."

"Well would you look at that. She CAN speak in the first person."

>She darts her eyes at you with a scowl on her face.

>"Fucking reckless imbecile..."

>She had surprisingly well spoken diction when blasted out of her skull.

"What's eating your ass?"

>"It's a FLANK, thank you very much. And if you're really that curious I'd say that *hic* YOU'RE the one eating it."

>Ew.

>That image.

"Still sore about your hat I see. Nice."

>"You just up and took it, you dick! I didn't do anything to *hic* you!"

>Tears well up in her eyes.

>Oh god.

>She's a sad drunk.

>"I.. I didn't doooooo aaaannythiiiiiiiiiii*hic*iiiiiing to you-hoo-hoooooooo."

>Sweet jesus this sucks so much ass.

>You liked causing Trixie havoc and chaos, but you never made her fucking CRY.

"Uh, hey... hey you know what? What if I gave you your hat back?"

>She sniffles as she rubs her teary eyes.

>"Whu.. what?"

>You produce the hat to her with your 4th wall breaking techniques you acquired via Pinkie after that one chapter Pale wrote that he will try his hardest never to mention ever again oh god why did I write that and in a shower too oh god I'm a fucking monster.

"If you promise to not blubber like a little fucking girl, I'll give you your hat back. Can you manage that?"

>Trixie drunkenly nods, her eyes wide and her lips trembling.

>You hand her the hat.

>And she bursts out in goddamn tears again.

>"OHTHANKYOUTHANKYOUOOOOO*hic*OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGAAAAAAAAAAAWDIMISSEDITSOMUCH."

>Loud.

>LOUD AS SHIT AAAAAAAAAGH

"I SAID DON'T CRY YOU CUNT GAAAWHGH."

>She quickly shuts the FUCK up and sniffles a bit.

>And then she smiles.

>She smiles wide at you.

>"The Great and Powerful TRI-... I, thank you for the return of my hat, Anon."

>Her expression shifts to one of stern determination.

>"But do not think that I am now... friends... with you. I will still try to seek revenge for *hic* all the times you humiliated me."

"Like when I sucked your horn?"

>She blushes a bright pink around her cheeks when you mention that.

>"Ah.. yes. Yes, yes that. That was-.. I did not enjoy... yes that."

>You cock an eyebrow in mild confusion, but let it slide.

>Taking out a few bits from your pocket, you decide to be nice for a change.

"Hey barkeep. One more round for me and my... friend... here."

>The bartender pony fills two more glasses of cider and slides them down the bar to you two, you catching yours in your hand and Trixie stopping it with magic.

>The two of you raise the glasses to each other with a loud clink.

>"To Anon, my most hated foe in all of Equestria."

"And to Trixie, the biggest cunt in all the land."

>You down your drinks right on the spot.

>And push Trixie out of her fucking chair.

>Staying consistent as always.

-------

>Strolling once more down Ponyville's streets, you notice something that grabs a hold of your attention.

>Twilight's library had  lights flashing from within it with an eery green glow.

>Green lights?

>Twilight Sparkle?

>SHE WAS A MAD SCIENTIST.

>Hahaha, no. That would be fucking stupid.

>You enter the library, to find Twilight re-

>HOLY SHIT SHE IS A MAD SCIENTIST WIRES AND LAB EQUIPMENT WHAT?!

>Twilight was doing... SOMETHING to Pinkie Pie.

>She was hooked up to a ton of colored wires, she had a strange helmet onto her head, and Twilight was taking readings from a machine.

>My GOD.

>It all made sense

>You struck a pose and pointed a defiant finger at Twilight.

"YOU'RE TURNING PINKIE PIE INTO ROBO-COP!"

>Twilight jumps in surprise at your magnificent entrance.

>Pinkie smiles and waves to you.

>PP: "Hey Anon! Did you come to be a lab pony too?"

>Dear GOD.

>SHE'S BEEN BRAINWASHED.

>You flip through the air and land in front of Twilight, wrenching her from the ground and holding her in front of you.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO PINKIE YOU PURPLE PASTEL WHORE?!"

>Twi: "Wha-"

>You lift her above your head and roar a battle cry that rocks the library.

>Twi: "Anonymous what are you doing?! Put me down!"

"LONG LIVE THE KING!"

>You toss Twilight over to a pile of books and rush over to Pinkie Pie.

"What horrible things has she done to you, my sweet? Are the cybernetics taking hold yet?"

>PP: "Cyber-whatchamacallits? Are you loco?!"

>Now that you look at her, you notice nothing Robo Cop-esque about Pinkie.

>Oh.

>Woops.

>Twilight pokes her head out from the book pile, and glares at you.

"My bad. What's up?"

>She sighs and trots up to you and Pinkie.

>Twi: "Well I WAS trying to run some experiments on Pinkie, that is until you barged in and threw me across the room."

"What kind of experiments?"

>Twi: "As you may have already noticed, Pinkie Pie is endowed with special powers. Powers that let her break the laws of physics themselves."

>You and Pinkie giggle like idiots when Twilight says, "Endowed."

>She's not amused.

>Twi: "In fact, I've noticed that both you and Pinkie share this ability. Remember last week?"

"What about last week?"

>Twi: "You absentmindedly walked into the river. On its surface. It wasn't until I told you what you were doing that you actually fell into the water."

"What that's not normal?"

>Twi: "Of course it isn't norma-"

"Pinkie, that's normal right?"

>PP: "Yup!"

"See it's totally normal."

>Twi: "How is that nor-"

"You're not very good at science, are you?"

>PP: "I think this helmet is a straining bowl."

"Yeah it is. Twilight, her helmet is a straining bowl."

>Twi: "I know tha-"

"Those are for cooking, not science. Cooking isn't science."

>PP: "What about when you and I bake?"

"See now THAT'S science."

>Twi: "STOP. JUST STOP OH MY GOD."

>You and Pinkie shut your yaps and look at Twilight in confusion.

>Twilight just rubs her face with a hoof in frustration.

>Twi: "Look, now that you're here would you like to help me out?"

"What did you have in mind?"

>Twi: "I think I can determine what gives you and Pinkie your abilities to break the 4th wall. I've developed a spell to try and link the two of you, but I need you to test it."

>You look to Pinkie for her thoughts on all this.

>She just beams at you and nods vigorously.

"Okay, let's boogy."

>After a few minutes of preparations, You and Pinkie stand in a circle drawn in chalk.

>Twilight's horn begins to glow.

>Twi: "Alright, just stand still. This should only take a few seconds."

>Light bursts through the room and you feel like lightning smack you in the cock.

>And then it's over.

>Smoke fills the room and you, Twilight and Pinkie cough and gag.

>Twi: "*cough* Is everyone alright?"

"Yeah I'm okay *gag* Pinkie? You okay?"

>PP: "Yooooouuuuu bet'cha!"

"Oh good. I was worried that something may have hap-"

>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH WHAT IS THAT

>WHAT

>As the smoke cleared, you saw something standing in place of Pinkie.

>Instead of a poofy pink pony, there now stood a woman.

>A woman with poofy pink hair and bright blue eyes.

>PP: "What? What's the matter? Is there something on my face?"

>She rubs her face with her hands.

>HANDS HANDS OH SHIT

>Pinkie notices that her hooves are now hand, and wiggles her fingers.

>PP: "oooooOOOOOOOOOooooh! Neato! Teeheehahaha, I have hands! Lookit!"

>She shoves her hands onto your face and rubs them around.

"Pi-....Pinkie?"

>PP: "Yup?"

"You... you're a..."

>Twi: "She's human!"

"AAAAAAAGH!"

>TWI: "AAAAAAAAAAGH!"

>PP: "WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

>Pinkie jumps up into the air and lands on you, wrapping you in a hug.

>It is at this precise moment that you realize that Pinkie Pie is naked.

>Buck.

>Ass.

>Neckid.

>Dear Celestia Preserve your soul.

"TWILIGHT! EXPLAIN. EXPLAIN WHAT YOU DID. WHAT IS THIS?"

>Twi: "I, I don't know! I thought my spell would link the similarities between the two of you and then-... Well and then THIS happened. She's a human!"

"How long does this last? Will she turn back to her normal self?"

>PP: "Yeah, I mean this is fun and all, but where's my fur? I'm sorta chilly at the moment."

>She flicks her nipples.

>PP: "Yeah, definitely chilly. I mean LOOK at these things? How do human girls carry these things around?"

>She gabs a hold of her bre-

>NONONONONO

>You zip upstairs and rip the sheets off of Twilight's bed, return to the two of them and wrap Pinkie in them as a makeshift tunic.

>Now you're in Twilight's face.

"Fix it."

>Twi: "But I don't know how to fi-"

"FIXITFIXITFIXITFIXIT."

>Twi: "Anon I don't know how to change her back! I need at least a couple of days to find the right counter spe-"

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH. YOU ARE NOW MY WAND."

>Twi: "Wha-"

>Clapping Twilight's face with your hands to stun her, you wield her in your hands and grasp her horn.

>And begin rubbing.

>VIGOROUSLY.

>Twi: "ANON WHAT ARE YOU DO-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO MAGIC."

>Bright purple rays blast from Twilight's horn as she... moans?

>Oh sweet jesus she's getting OFF to this ewewewewewewew.

>You push it aside. You have to save Pinkie from being a perpetual boob joke.

>You hate perpetual boob jokes.

>A blast hits Pinkie, and she's turned into a crystal vase.

>Nope.

>A manticore.

>Nope.

>A Generation 1 Pinkie Pie

>FUCK NO.

>Pinkie Pie.

>YES.

>FUCK YOU OVER SHOT IT SHE'S A BEAR.

>You shoot your special somp0ny until, finally, she's back to her normal pony-self.

>All she can do is roll on the floor laughing her little pink plot off.

>PP: "HeeheeheeheeHA! That was so FUN! I was a bear for a second! Can you believe that? A bear! Hahahaha!"

>You stand there, Twilight still in your arms as you let out an exasperated sigh of relief.

>Twilight does the same.

>Ew.

>You hold her by the tail and bring her face to yours.

>She's beet red.

"Have I told you how BAD you are at science?"

 

~End of Chapter 6~