Drury Lane: Chapter 14 -Doppelganger Syndrome-

>Day 972 in Equestria.

>Your legs propel you as fast as you can move, sprinting with all your might through the Everfree forest.

>You couldn't slow down.

>You couldn't stop.

>To do so was to give up.

>Pinkie Pie ran beside you, her speed matching yours as the two of you ran for your lives.

>They were gaining on you.

>You leap over fallen branches and creeping roots, weaving through snarled trees and thorny bushes alongside your bright pink compatriot.

>They were getting closer.

>You grasp Pinkie Pie and fling yourselves further into the brush, and scramble behind a large rock.

>You and Pinkie hold your breath as the sound of frantic hooves scramble away into the distance.

>Once silence surrounds the two of you, you both let out a sigh of relief.

>You smile down at Pinkie.

>She smiles up at you.

>And then Sweetie Belle pops out of the bush next to you.

>SB: "Pubes, please!"

"Clever girl..."

>You grab a handful of berries from the bush and mush them into Sweetie Belle's face, staining her fur a dark purple.

>Pinkie darts to the left, but Scootaloo jumps out from behind a tree, cutting her off.

>SL: "Please, Pinkie Pie, we NEED Mr. Anonymous's pubes! How else are we going to get our cutie marks?!"

>Applebloom pop's up behind you, shears in her mouth, a hopeful look on her cute wittle facey wacey.

>You boop her nose and fling her at Scootaloo with all your might.

"PINKIE, CHEESE IT!"

>And with that, the chase was on once more.

>PP: "Hahahaha, isn't this just hi-LA-rious? They want your pubes! Teeheehaha!"

"I think I'd be more jovial about all this if my curly q's weren't such a cherished part of my being, Pinkie. They are like my brothers in arms."

>You pull out a cupcake and spin in the air, sending it sailing into Applebloom's face with a satisfying "splat," causing her to stumble about as she runs after you.

>PP: "Oh Anon, what's the harm in giving them one, itsy-bitsy-teensey-weensie pube?"

"Because then Fluttershy would HAVE one of my itsy-bitsy-teensey-weensie pubes, THAT'S WHY."

>PP: "Oh, right. It's not like Fluttershy to be so forward when it comes to romance. I think it's adorable!"

>You remember one time where Fluttershy had followed you around town all day, simply sniffing your ankles.

>Deep, longing sniffs.

>Adorable.

>Sure.

>Suddenly a blur of orange and purple lands onto your back, sending you rolling into the ground like a fat guy down an oily escalator in a warm July.

>Yeah I wrote that.

>What'cha gonna do?

>SL: "Release the pubes unto me!"

"NEVER."

>Scootaloo pins you down, and raises the shears up to strike at your goods.

>You instead give a kitty face, stunning her, and punch her into the branches of a small spruce tree.

>Oh shit, I really hope that didn't hurt her.

>Last thing you want to do is actually INJURE these poor, defensele-

>SWEETIE BELLE OUT OF FUCKIN' NOWHERE

>SB: "THE PUBES ARE MINE!"

"BACK OFF, GREMLIN!"

>You grab Sweetie Belle's whole face in your man hands, and toss her high into the air.

>SL: "Don't worry, Sweetie Belle! I'll save you!"

>Scootaloo begins to madeningly flap her little wings, her body hovering off the ground.

>Suddenly, she's soaring into the air to save her friend.

>Her face lights up in jubilation and sheer happiness as she realizes that she has finally taken flight.

>Time to STOMP UPON HER HOPES AND DREAMS.

>You fly up next to Scootaloo and wave.

"Hey. Scoots."

>SL: "Wha?!"

"Frying pan hand."

>SL: "What's a frying pan ha-"

>You smack her out of the air, sending her sailing into the tree you launched Applebloom into.

>Sweetie Belle begin her descent earthward, and you catch her in your arms, saving her.

>Then you smash a blueberry pie into her face, staining her fur further.

>You land on the ground, and drop her into some mud like a sack of dead puppies.

>Pinkie Pie bounces up to you.

"Where were you during all of that?!"

>Pinkie whips out some popcorn, already munching on a few kernals.

>"whatchin' you."

>She gives a wide grin and squees at you.

":3"

>"Oh Anon, never change."

"Deal. C'mon, I have a bone to pick with our little stalker, Fluttershy."

>You turn to the smoking, dazed remains of the CMC, all three of them stumbling around like like little idiots.

"You'll get my lucious pubes when you all get your cutie marks: NEVER."

>You and Pinkie then bounce off, swagger pulsing from you both.

 

-------

 

>You make your way to Fluttershy's cottage, butterflies and critters roaming around the grounds.

>Pinkie prances to the front door and knocks on it a couple hundred times.

>PP: "Anon, you have to Pinkie Promise me that you won't go loco on Fluttershy."

"What? Oh come on, she's sending FILLIES to collect my ball hairs. She's a fucking menace!"

>PP: "Aaaaaanooooooon?"

"...fine."

>You make an effort to pout as best as you can, but Pinkie simply gives you her trademarked grin that wipes the frown straight off your face.

>The door creeks open, and Fluttershy peaks her head through and spies you.

>Her eyes grow to enormous proportions and she squeaks when she eyes you.

>All of which disappears when she sees that Pinkie Pie is right next to you.

>Good.

>Fear her, you creepy yellow hellspawn.

>PP: "Hey Fluttershy! It's so good to see you, heeheehee!"

>Goddammit.

>FS: "Oh, hello Pinkie Pie. Hi Anon... are you hear to rummage in my bush some mo-"

"Fuckin' NO."

>FS: "Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't... sorry..."

>PP: "Anon and I are hear to just talk to you for a teensey bit. It's about the Cutie Mark Crusaders."

>Fluttershy turns beet red.

>FS: "Um, oh, that. I'm sorry, I just... I have a little project in the back, and I needed his pubes for it to be complete..."

>Whaaaaaaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuuuuck?

>FS: "But now I don't need the Anon Shrine I'm making!"

>Anon Shrine what the shit is THAT?

>FS: "What with Anon... coming over this morning and... well..."

>Your expression is deadpan as you turn to Pinkie with a look of sheer "This nigga fo real?" on your face.

>Her expression screams "I think this nigga be fo real."

>PP: "Anon came over here this morning?"

>FS: "Oh yes! He came over and made all my dreams come true!"

>What.

>FS: "The things he did... oh my, I'm blushing just remembering them all."

>WHAT

>Pinkie spins around to you, fury and sadness in her eyes.

"Woah woah woah, hold the fucking phone. I was with Pinkie ALL day today. We had a massive order of eclairs we had to make. We were baking from sunrise to fucking NOON."

>Pinkie brightens up once she remembers this little fact.

>PP: "That's right! We almost ran out of cream filling!"

"I know right? God that would have ruined the order. Good thing we had extra."

>PP: "I'll say!"

>FS: "But... but you were HERE at exactly 10:13AM supplying me with YOUR cream filling!"

>Oh gawd eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

"Bull-SHEEYIT, Fluttershy. You're yanking our dicks right now."

>FS: "But I did that this morning!"

>You and Pinkie let out a disgusted groan.

>Fluttershy is fidgeting in desperation. She seems to genuinely believe that you rocked her world earlier today.

>You didn't, of course.

>You may be the most impulsive son-of-a-bitch in all the land, but you were a faithful, impulsive son-of-a-bitch.

>Pinkie was YOUR special somep0ny, and you loved her.

>In fact, there was only one other pony that could possibly rival your feelings for Pinkie.

>But that pony... she was universes away from you now.

>Feels EVERYWHERE bro.

>FS: "Wait! Wait right here!"

>Fluttershy darts inside with lightning speed and returns a second later with...

"Are... are those polaroids? Since when did Equestria get polaroid cameraaaAAAAAAGH WHAT IS THAT SHIT?!"

>Each picture that Fluttershy produces clearly shows Fluttershy mid-coitus.

>With you.

>Your jaw hits the floor in disbelief, along with Pinkie's.

>FS: "See?! That is YOU clearly groin deep inside me! See? SEE?!"

>Pinkie snatches the photos from Fluttershy, wildly examining each and every one of them, her face turning pale in fear.

>FS: "So Anon, are you hear to, um, leave Pinkie for me? I mean, if you want to that is."

"NO. No I am NOT here to le- WHERE DID YOU GET THESE? Those can't be real! They can't!"

>FS: "You plowed me for HOURS! How... how can you just deny the feelings we shared today?..."

"Because my penis was NOWHERE near your demon-plot! NO. WHERE."

>Tears well up in Fluttershy's eyes.

>FS: "You... you said you LOVED me... I... I..."

>PP: "It's not Anon."

>You and Fluttershy turn to Pinkie, a look of calm resolution on her face.

>FS: "Wha... what? Of course it is! Look, that's his hair, his eyes, he had his voice, his huge throbbing co-"

>PP: "Where's his bandanna?"

>FS: "...What?"

>PP: "Where's Anon's bandanna?"

>FS: "Who wears a bandanna during sex?!"

>You blush and look down at your feet, and Pinkie lets out a small giggle.

>PP: "This guy, that's who. He never takes the thing off. Whoever you bucked with, it wasn't Anon."

"Also, I have a metal left arm. This cunt does not."

>PP: "Yeah that's the biggest issue I can see here as well. How did you not notice this?"

"Were you too mezmorized by my clone's phallus?"

>FS: "But... I... oh no. Oh no no no no no... I'm so sorry Pinkie, I am, truly! I didn't know, I thought he... he told me he loved... oh no..."

>Pinkie hugs the crying Fluttershy, a soft smile on her face.

>PP: "It's alright Fluttershy. I know you like Anon, and that's okie-dokie! I know that Anon wouldn't make any moves on you, so I'm okay with you liking him! But more importantly, this means you bucked with a... changeling!"

>What.

"What."

>PP: "A changeling! They're buggy-swiss-cheesey-pony thingamajigs that change how they look! They could be ANYONE! And they feed on LOVE! I once shot one with my party cannon! Teehee!"

>...

"What."

>FS: "A changeling? But we haven't seen one since the royal wedding! I thought Princess Cadence and Shining Armor defeated the changeling army last year."

"What."

>PP: "I guess one made it's way to Ponyville, and now it's pretending to be Anonymous!"

"WHAT."

>PP: "A lot happened while you were on Earth with Trixie. And on the moon."

"Oh. Neato. So who's ass am I about to kick?"

>Pinkie giggles madly.

>PP: "Teehee, YOURS! Hahahahaha!"

>That's your Pinkie Pie.

 

-------

 

>You and Pinkie march through Ponyville, conviction in your eyes.

>You were going to look for yourself.

>You were going to find yourself.

>And you were going to kill yourself.

>The other you, not real you.

>Fuck this is getting confusing fast.

>You see Applejack trying to repair a broken apple stand near the town square.

>When she sees you, she glares.

>AJ: "ANON! What in tarnation were you thinkin'? Why'd you just waltz up to ma apple stand and knock it over?!"

"That wasn't me. It was Dickbag Anon."

>AJ: "Dickbag What?"

>PP: "There's a changeling in town going around in Anon's form! He already plowed Fluttershy this morning!"

>AJ: "What."

"Long story. In short, there's a fake me walking around here, and I need to get rid of him. Where is he?"

>AJ: "After you... he... IT ruined mah stand, it made its way to the market."

"Pinkie. INTERCEPT MODE!"

>You and Pinkie blast away from Applejack, your speed putting in-shape Kenyans to shame.

>You skid into the market and hear a commotion from inside the local cider bar.

>Kicking down the door with fiery wrath, you confront the other you.

>He's currently trashing the place with wanton abandon.

"OI."

>Douchebag You turns around and his eyes widen.

"WHAT'S GOOD MUTHERFUCKER?"

>He smiles.

>Before you can do anything, he's in your face.

>He spits.

>In.

>Your fucking.

>MOUTH.

"..."

>And then he does it.

>He does what you would have done in this situation.

>He makes an ANGRY KITTY FACE

>">:3"

"..."

>">:3"

"Pinkie hand me a bottle."

>Pinkie gives you a glass cider bottle.

>You pop off the top of the bottle and down the entire thing.

"Now THAT is a delicious bottle of Sweet Apple Acres brand Apple Cider."

>BROKEN BOTTLE FACE SMASH

"NO ONE DOES THE KITTY FACE BUT ME YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH"

>"BITE ME, DICKHEAD!"

>He sounds JUST like you.

>He breaks his own bottle across your face.

>Well shit he hits as hard as you too.

>Finally.

>A CHALLENGE.

>He swings at you, but you dodge and weave, dropping to the floor and bringing a kick to his jaw, sending him flying through the roof.

>He spins in the air, and rockets back down at you, slamming you through the floor of the bar, dust and wood chips flying everywhere.

>Hacking up dust from the crash, you tackle your dickhead clone and shoot through the hole in the floor, and fling him through a window and into the market square.

>You promptly jump through a separate window and join him.

>You grasp your jacket's left sleeve, tearing it away to reveal your arm of cast iron.

>The doppelganger looks confused.

"Oh what's the matter? Didn't know I had THIS now did you? What're you gonna do now?"

>Your other self simply cracks a shithouse grin as his left arm glows with eerie green light, transforming it into an exact match of your own.

"CHEATING. YOU ARE CHEATING!"

>With blinding fury, the two of your fly at each other, both of you landing a punch to your faces, sending yourselves flying in opposite directions.

>Mother FUCKER. Now you know how Buck Texas felt when you kicked his ass in Appleloosa.

>If only you had a Trixie flail.

>Wait.

>WAIT.

>You shut your eyes in concentration.

>Oh c'mon, pick up pick up pick up!

>You're sending as many images of the fight to where Trixie is, coupled with some nice shots of Pinkie's plot.

>Staying consistent.

>PICK UP, YOU BLUE CUNT.

>A foot slams into your chest

>HOFUCK

>You give up on your plan "B" and return to fist fighting yourself.

>PP: "Don't worry Anon, I'LL SAVE YOU!"

>Pinkie flies through the air, frying pan in her mouth, and slams it.

>RIGHT.

>IN.

>YOUR.

>FACE.

"FUCKING HELL, OW."

>PP: "Take that, evil Anon!"

"Pinkie it's ME."

>PP: "Me who?"

"ME, ME."

>PP: "Real 'me me' you?"

"REAL ME ME YOU ME, YES."

>PP: "But you're not wearing your bandanna."

"WHAT"

>You paw at your neckline, the familiar soft red cloth simply absent from it.

>You spin around to where your doppelganger stands.

>He's holding up the bandanna.

>And he tears it in half.

>...

"..."

>PP: "... oh shit..."

>Your rage furiously cloaks your entire being, a maelstrom of pure, unadulterated HATRED flows through your veins.

>This, "changeling,"... this... CUNT has destroyed your most cherished possession.

>The one reminder of Hush you had in this world.

>And he fucking tore it to pieces.

>You fly at your evil twin, teeth barred and your eyes burning with psychotic energy.

>But despite your new found hate, he's still evenly matched with you.

>There's so much chaos that dust and smoke rises form the ground that you stand upon, as you continue your battle royal.

>PP: "Anon! Anon, the smoke! It's too thick. Where are you?"

"Pinkie! Over here!"

"No, that's not me! I'm the real me!"

>The smoke clears, and Pinkie gazes at you, standing next to yourself.

>The two of you are covered in dirt and scuff marks, scratches and blood.

>You both look like hell.

>And Pinkie can't tell the difference.

"Pinkie, help me out here!"

"Oh shut the fuck up cunt, she believes ME, not you!"

"Up yours! Pinkie could recognize me from a mile away! Right Pinkie?"

>PP: "Uhhhhhhhhhh."

"Oh come on, REALLY?"

>Suddenly, a bright flash blasts through the air, blinding you.

>You hear a voice.

>?: "Enough!"

>That voice.

>Yes.

>YES.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxM4LXZdFBo

 

>Trixie stands in the burst of light, her pony form returned to her, decked out in her trademark wizard outfit.

"It took you long enough!"

"Shut the fuck up, I sent for her, not you!"

"Eat my ass, jizz-bucket."

"I will END you."

>Trixie: "Oh sweet Celestia there's TWO of them..."

"Shut up and HELP me."

"No, help ME."

>Trixie: "Pinkie, do you know which one is the real Anon?"

>Pinkie darts her eyes from left to right, confusion on her pink face.

>PP: "I... I can't tell them apart..."

>???: "I can."

>From behind Trixie comes another pony.

>A filly.

>A light brown filly, with bright green eyes.

"...Hush?"

>Hush smiles, and points at you.

>Trixie nods, and fires a beam of magical energy at your doppelganger, his body contorting into the form of a dark, insectoid pony with holes in his body.

>Firing off another blast, Trixie sends the fucking abomonation into the sky, its body flailing deep past the Everfree forest and into the snowy mountainside.

>Trixie: "I'm a little rusty, sorry. Haven't had a horn in some time, after all."

>Hush lets out a silent giggle and runs up to you, tackling you in a hug.

>She spots the tattered remains of your bandanna, and her ears perk up.

"Still going with the whole mime motif? Or do you only talk at the most dramatic of moments?"

>She smirks and trots over to the bandanna, and pulls out some chalk, drawing a circle around the remains.

"What is she doing?"

>Trixie: "I taught her a few incantations. I must say, I'm a very impressive teacher."

>Sparks erupt from the ground, and Hush returns your bandanna to you, fully in tact once more.

>The squeal of joy you emit form your noise hole would deafen dogs.

>PP: "Ooh ooh ooh! Are you staying for good this time, Trixie? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

>Trixie looks at Pinkie, but then stares long and hard at you.

>You could swear you saw a smile on her face when you locked eyes with her.

>Trixie: "As long as Hush is happy here, then I suppose it wouldn't hurt very much. Besides, I missed our little ventures, but not to a great extent."

PP: "Hooray! Now I can teach YOU how to bake!"

>Trixie: "What."

>Pinkie cackles in delight and drags Trixie off to the bakery, despite Trixie's protests.

>Hush gives another silent laugh, and smiles up at you.

"C'mon, squirt. Let's head home."

>You plop her onto your shoulders, and she buries her face into your hair, and walk after Pinkie Pie and Trixie.

>You had some catching up to do.

 

~End of Chapter 14~