Drury Lane: Chapter 11 -Tom Foolery-

>Day 912 in Equestria

>You lay all snuggled up and warm in your bed atop Sugarcube Corner's loft.

>Pinkie rested in your arms, sleeping alongside you in a relaxed hug.

>Twas a good night you had with her, one filled with pillow fights and light wrestling matches.

>The sweet scent of (you guessed it) cotton candy filled the room, as it always did.

>Damn you liked that smell.

>You wake up groggily, Pinkie getting up with a long yawn.

>"Morning sleepyhead! How are you feeling?"

"A little stiff, actually. Still sore from that wrestling match last night."

>You nod toward an "Anon shaped" imprint in the wall.

>"Oops. Sorry, I got kind of carried away with that I guess."

>You squeeze her into another hug and nuzzle her cheek, while she giggles in delight.

"I've handled worse, Pinkie my dear! Must I regale you with the tale of how I once jumped off the very moon?"

>"Heehee, well, you've already told me about 6 times, but it never seems to get old!"

>You leap from the bed and strike a heroic pose and begin your tale of bravery and heroism.

"There I was, stranded on the moon with the lovely and sultry Princess Luna for over a year, banished by the evil and wicked tyrant, Princess "I'm a HUGE bitch" Celestia for simply being a homo-sapien!"

>"Teehee, gay monkey."

"Nothing wrong with being a gay monkey. Anyway, the time finally came for me to make a brash, BOLD decision. I looked into Luna's eyes-"

>A sense of nostalgia washes over you, and you frown at the thought you've just recreated.

>But you push it aside.

"-and say, "It's time to retake our place as citizens of Equestria! Luna, prepare for launch! And then, using her princess powers of powerful princessedness, I jumped!"

>You then leap out of the loft's open window.

>Pinkie sits in the bed and just rolls her eyes, smiling calmly.

>She's gotten used to this kind of shit you do.

>Bursting through the door, you strike another pose and confront Pinkie.

"And there I was, face to face with the EVIL witch of a tyrant! And do you know what I said?"

>"Oh please, tell me! What EVER did you say?"

"I said, 'OW THAT SMARTS!' and proceeded to almost get myself killed days later!"

>"But you didn't! You made your way back in one piece! Teeheeha!.. Well, almost in one piece."

>She nods to your left arm.

"Oh yeah, that. Almost forgot about losing that thing. But hey! Now I have a metal arm!"

>You knock on your arm, emitting a loud "TING" noise.

>"Did you really have to color it like the rest of your skin?"

"Yes."

>"With crayon?"

"Yes."

>Pinkie giggles and bounces up to you and leaps into your arms, nuzzling into your neck.

>"Well I'm happy to have you back home where you belong: Here with me."

"Me too Pinkie, me too."

>"Ooh! I should get downstairs and start up on those cupcakes! Rainbow Dash should be over soon to deliver that order of sprinkles we asked her to get.

"Okay. Lemme go take a shower, and I'll be down in a jiff."

>Pinkie nods and bounces downstairs, and you go to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

>Soap falls from your head as you shake out the shampoo you've used to wash up.

>You just LOVED taking showers.

>What's not to love? Hot water, clean soap, a chance to juggle your ballsack around without anyone getting offended, it's PERFECT.

>Before you can begin scrubbing away at your jiggly bits, you hear the door to the bathroom open.

>Pinkie? Meh, maybe she forgot to grab something from the bathroom, you dunno.

>The sound of tiny hooves clop through the room and into your ear holes.

>Huh, those sound way to small to belong to Pinkie.

>Maybe you're hearing things? I mean, when was the last time something BAD happened while you showered?

>...

>Chapters 1.74, 5, and 7.

>Before you can freak the fuck out, three pairs of hooves rip back the shower curtain.

"OH SWEET CHRIST DON'T CASTRATE ME YOU DEMO-"

>The Cutie Mark Crusaders.

>What the FUCK are the Cutie Mark Crusaders doing in your bathroom while you shower and make yourse-They're looking at your dick.

>Oh FUCK this is creepy as all hell.

>Applebloom smiles in delight.

>AB: "See girls? Ah told ya we'd find 'em eventually!"

>Sweetie Belle pipes up as well.

>SB: "Yay! No we can get our cutie marks!"

>Scootaloo just stares at yo nuts, yo.

>SL: "There's more than I thought! Why is it all... curly?"

"MY COCK IS NOT CURLY."

>It's as if they have JUST now noticed you.

>AB: "Oh, hey there Anon! Can you do us ah favor?"

"CAN YOU STOP GAZING AT MY SHAFT?"

>SB: "You know, Applebloom, my big sister said that one time, Anon and Pinkie were wrestling in the shower at Carousel Boutique, and they were-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT YOU SHITTY LITTLE GREMLINS."

>AB: "No can do, Anon. We're on ah top secret mission from Fluttershy! We need your... uhm... Scoot, what did she call 'em?"

>SL: "Pubes."

>AB: "Yeah! Pubes! So hand 'em over!"

>What the ACTUAL FUCK.

"You... you want my pubes?..."

>All three of them beam with delight.

>SL: "Fluttershy said that if we bring her your "pubes" then we'd get our cutie marks for sure!"

>Sweetie Belle holds out her hooves.

>SB: "Pubes, please!"

>Aw HELL naw

"No can do, midgets. You're getting nowhere close to my short hairs. Go tell Fluttershy to stop being such a weird cunt."

>SL: "Looks like Fluttershy was right. He DID refuse, AND called her a cunt!"

>AB: "Plan 'B'?"

>SB: "Plan 'B'."

>They all whip out OH SHIT SHEARS?!

>The CMC all wield big fucking shears, gazing at you with innocent eyes.

>You look at them.

>They look at you.

>And then you begin punching through the wall to the other side.

>AB: "STOP HIM, GIRLS!"

>You don't even bother jumping into clothes at this point.

>You sprint to the open window, your only means of escape.

>And close it delicately.

>Then jump through the glass and into the streets below.

>Ponies recoil in horror at the site of your god-like jimmies, but you have no time to show them off.

>You're being hunted.

>The CMC leap from the shattered remains of the window, all three of them in ninja suits.

>They found your stash of comedic costumes.

>Dammit.

>The chase is on, as you sprint with all your fury away from the three demons who chase you, shears in their mouths.

>This day is pretty average for you so far.

>You run, ponies fainting as they haphazardly gaze upon your manhood.

>Looks like they can't handle looking at your PERFECTION.

>The CMC is closing in.

>Damn they're quick.

>You sharply turn a corner and spot Twilight's library tree thing.

"SANCTUARY!"

>You run straight at the door.

>And jump through the window at the top of the tree.

>You glance around, looking for Twilight.

>You needed a weapon.

>And she had magic in her horn.

>All you had to do was rub vigorously and sententiously.

>Mostly vigorously.

>Spike enters the room you crashed into.

>"Anonymous? What are you doing here? And why are you naked?"

>You hear clambering as the front door is being broken into.

"Spike."

>"Yeah?"

"Are you my bro?"

>"What?"

"ARE YOU MY BRO?"

>"Y-yes!"

>You unsheathe two mighty katanas from nowhere in particular, your body now decked in that one suit Raiden where's in MGS4.

>Spike looks like Solid Snake, much to his surprise.

>You toss him a sword.

"Then BE a bro, and help me fend off some bitches."

>The CMC burst into the library, their shears craving fresh man pubes.

>You and Spike stand atop the balcony, your blades flashing in the candlelight.

>You raise one hand, and give them the universal sign for "Bring it on, motherfuckers."

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFrDSFzlKwE&feature=related

 

>You and your bro leap from the balcony, swinging your swords down upon the CMC, as they dodge and deflect your blows with their mighty shears.

>You dash around the room, bookshelves and tomes getting sliced and shredded into bits as the fight rages onwards.

>You spot Spike as he sweeps Scootaloo off her hooves, but she hovers in the air slightly.

SL: "I-... I CAN FLY!" Hey girls, look! I can fl-"

>You bring a boot down on her head and slam her into the floor below, and use your sword to quickly clip her wings.

"NOPE."

>You high five Spike.

>Sweetie Belle and Applebloom charge, and you and Spike somersault away, looking like champs.

>The two pube-thirsty fillies fling their shears at you, pinning your suit to the wall.

>They charge.

"Spike, DO IT."

>Spike flies across the room, and slams the remaining CMC's faces into the floor, and rolls away.

>He re-adjusts his eye-patch, and lights a cigarette.

>After he frees your from the wall, you give him an epic brofist.

"I have to get back to Pinkie now. Can you handle these three for me?"

>Spike grunts and speaks in a manly, gravely voice.

>"Sure thing."

>You begin to leave.

>"Anon."

>You turn to Spike.

>"Do you think love can bloom on the battlefield?"

>Oh spike.

>You silly cunt.

>By the time you return to Sugarcube Corner, you've noticed that not even thirty minutes have passed since your chase with the CMC began.

>Nice.

>Maybe you'd be able to help Pinkie with those cupcakes she was making.

>You make your way into the bakery's kitchen and find Pinkie putting the final touches on the delicious little pastries.

>"Hi Anon! That shower took a while for you, huh?"

"I got a bit preoccupied."

>"Why are you dressed like Raiden?"

"Feels good."

>Pinkie shrugs.

"Hey, are those the sprinkles Dash brought for us?"

>"Yup! Here, have one! I think they came out super-duper tasty!"

>You take a cupcake, raise it into the air with Pinkie, and the two of you down them in one bite.

"Wow, these things ARE good! Did you put anything special in them?"

>"Nope! I think it's the sprinkles Rainbow Dash gave us. It makes them tingle, heehee!"

>Pinkie hops of the stool she was sitting on and walks over to you.

>On her hind legs.

>Huh.

>That's... completely normal.

>"I was thinking, do you want to maybe go to the park and have a picnic?"

"DO I?! Lemme go change into more suitable clothes.

>You get down on all fours, like you always do, and race upstairs, changing into your usual get-up, and race back down to Pinkie, who is holding a picnic basket in her hooves.

"Alighty then, let's head out."

>You stroll down the street, Pinkie skipping happily beside you as you bounce along with her.

>Ponies are giving you weird looks.

>Whaaaaaaat da fuuuuuuuuck?

"Hey, Pinkie?"

>She looks down at you.

>"Yup?"

"Why is everyone staring at us?"

>The two of you look at the various faces of confusion that stare at you.

"Is my dick hanging out again?"

>"Nope."

"Then it's something ELSE..."

>You ponder the options, and scratch your ear with your foot.

>Like you always do.

>"Did I wear the Bat-Pony costume again?"

"Nope. Am I disheveled and unkempt?"

>"Yes."

"So my usual look?"

>"Yup."

"What COULD it be?"

>Somewhere, a little girl watches Blues Clues and shouts, "A clue, a clue!"

"What's that? A clue?"

>You gaze at Pinkie, still standing on two hooves.

>Like she normally dooooOOOOOOH I GET IT NOW.

"PINKIE."

>"ANON."

"YOU'RE WALKIN' LIKE A PERSON."

>"YOU'RE WALKIN' LIKE A PONY."

>Somewhere, Christopher Walkin cringes.

"WELL STOP IT."

>"I CAN'T. YOU STOP IT."

"I CAN'T."

>"AAAAAAAAAGH!"

"AAAAAAAAAGH!"

>The two of you panic like chickens in a KFC killing floor.

>You're scooting around like a fucking maniac and Pinkie is running in goddamn circles.

>Utter.

>Fucking.

>CHAOS.

>You hear laughter from above you.

>Familiar laughter.

>Laughter from a light blue DYKE.

"RAINBOW YOU, PUSSY PECKER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

>Rainbow Dash is atop a cloud and laughing her technicolored plot off.

>RD: "Bwahahahaha! I can't believe it! Zecora was right! It DID work! Pffffffffffthahahaha!"

>PP: "Dashy, what did you do to us?"

>Dash wipes a tear from her eye and stifle more laughter.

>RD: "I MAY have spiked your sprinkles with a little bit of poison joke. You know *snicker* for added flavor *snicker* HAHAHA!"

"YOU GAY RIGHTS MASCOT, I WILL END YOU."

>RD: "Oh lighten up, Anon. You can get back to normal by taking a bath with this."

>She tosses you a small vial of liquid.

"Oh. Well that was resolved rather easily."

>"I think the author is running out of jokes for this chapter."

"Yeah it kind of feels that way doesn't it?"

>"Yup."

>You and Pinkie stare unblinking at the readers.

>...

>...

"WANNA GO FUCK IN THE TUB?"

>"HELL YEAH, NIGGA!"

 

~End of Chpater 11~

 

*This chapter was written using improvisation and suggestions from the readers. Chapter 12 will not end in such a shitty resolution. Thanks all.

 

:3