Don't Panic: Chapter I

>The ring of your alarm clock buzzes in the morning air as your eyes wearily creak open.

>The bright sun shines through your window, causing you to shut your eyes once more as you grumble beneath your sheets.

>Stupid fucking sun shining brighter than you ever thought it could shine.

>Stupid alarm clock waking you up this early on the weekend.

>Bringing a fist to the top of your clock, you slam the snooze button and decide to try and get more sleep.

>...

>No, you're awake.

>Fuck.

>Begrudgingly, you get out of bed and pick up your clock.

>Low batteries. Great.

>Another yawn and a rub of the eyes, and you're shuffling towards the bathroom.

>What would today bring you?

>Another parking ticket perhaps?

>Maybe a chance for your boss to give you that shithouse smirk he's perfected?

>Or maybe your ex girlfriend will post a delightful update to the social media site that you've come to despise?

>Aw yes, truly you were living the dream.

>Despite all the bullshit of your daily rigamarole, life was okay. Not perfect, hell not even great.

>But okay? Okay seemed to sum it up.

 

>The cold tile floor of your bathroom gave your feet a jump and you reach through the curtains of your shower to start it up.

>Three turns of the knob and you feel the sensation of warm-

>...

>Warm nothing.

>Just a stream of piping hot nothing.

"What the... god dammit.."

>You turn the dials a few more times, but it's official. You have no water.

>Maybe the sink works...

>...

>No, no it's not working either.

>You could have sworn you paid your landlord this month...

>Funny... you could have sworn you turned the bathroom light on as well.

>Flicking the lights a few times, you can already feel your anger rising as you realize that you are out of water AND power.

>Groaning in frustration, you slip on your worn out robe and head to your door.

>You had a few words for your dickhead of a landlord.

>Words that consisted of "Fuck," and "you."

>Probably a few "cunts" thrown in to spice it up.

>With a furious vengeance, you grip the handle of your door, thrust it open, and-

>This is not your apartment complex's hallway.

>This is not a hallway at all.

>Where there should be a dirty burgundy rug, there is cobblestone and grass.

>Where there should be the walls of the hallway, there is... open air.

>And buildings.

>And...

>...horses...

>Tiny... big eyed... horses...

>You blink a couple of times. This was... wrong.

>You were dreaming.

>Yes. That's it. A dream. A very, very strange dream.

 

>Maybe if you close the door, wait a bit, and then open it again, then maybe you'll see your hallway again.

>Genius.

>You close the door, staring at it for a good minute or two.

>This was nuts... why the hell was there such a colorful place outside of your door?

>Slow down. There was NOT a town of multicolored horses outside of your apartment.

>You were dreaming.

>Gripping the door handle once more, you open your apartment door to see your apartment's hall-

>SON OF A BITCH.

>There's more itty bitty horses now, all gathering outside of your house and staring at you with their eyes.

>Their big... over sized eyes...

>You blink at the ponies.

>The ponies blink at you.

>A hand feels the wall of your apartment, finding your car keys.

>You violently jingle the keys at the horses in front of you.

"Hyaa! Shoo, horses! Shoo!"

>Jingling keys was a sure fire way of scaring off equines.

>Or was it bears?...

>You weren't sure.

"Go on get!"

>"The buck is your problem?"

>The keys in you hand promptly find their way to the ground as you squeal like a little bitch and slam the door once more.

>TALKING PONIES.

>Son of a BITCH what was all this?

>Your body is shaking at this point as you back into your apartment once more, sitting on your bed as you stare at the door.

>Where the fuck is this? What is going on? Were you dead?

>Was this some sort of afterlife?

>Was god a horse?

 

>You smack yourself in the face, trying to break out of this fever dream.

>Okay. Okay cool it. Just... calm down.

>Maybe... maybe you can-

>Something knocks on your door.

>...

"I don't want what you're selling."

>What the fuck? Why did you say- fuck it. Now is not the time to question what you say. Now was the time to question what you saw.

>More knocking.

>Deep breaths, man. Deep, calm breaths.

>The knocking gets faster.

>Sweet lord what was all this?

>You get off the bed, and cautiously approach your door again.

>With all the precaution you can, you turn the knob and-

>"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie and I've never met you before! What's your name? Ooh! Did you know your home is in our town square? Heehee you look funny! Is that a robe? Oh what are those! Fingerssssss? Are you part minotaur or something? Teehee! Oh my gosh, you're new in town! I almost forgot! Anyways, my name is Pinkie Pie and like I said, we've never met before and I'm pretty good at remembering everyp0ny in Ponyville! Well, you're not a pony but that's besides the point! Actually, I've never met somep0ny like you before, what kind of animal ARE you? Wait, why are you going back into your-"

>You slam the door in bright pink pony's face, pressing your back to the door as you breathe deep and fast.

>WHAT

>THE

>FUCK

>"Teehee, you don't have to be afraid of me, silly!"

>Your head whips to your right, and sees that the pink thing is standing on your counter, tittering at you.

>Dear christ...

 

>"Say, you have some pretty strange stuff in here. What's this?"

>She zips over to your microwave.

>"Ooh what's this?"

>Now she's over to your computer.

>Slowly you reach for the door knob.

>All you have to do is.

>"Hey!"

>You look back.

>She's right in your face.

>"So what's your name?"

>Your body is absolutely shaking at this point.

>You woke up this morning thinking that you were just going to have another predictable, boring, draining day.

>Now?

>Now you were in some sort of crazy cartoon world with a pink... pony, hounding you with a smile on her face.

>Panic.

>Panic would be the proper response to all this.

>But...

>You hold a hand to the pony.

"Can... can you give me a minute?"

>She nods vigorously, never ending her grin.

>You hop to your feet and walk to the bathroom, staring into your reflection for a good thirty seconds.

>Panic.

>...

>You grab a towel on the near wall, holding it close.

>Now... was not the time to panic.

>Walking out of the bathroom, you see that the pony is jumping up and down on your couch.

>"Hiya!"

"...Hello."

>"What's your name?"

"..."

>That smile still sits there.

"Anonymous."

 

>The pink ball of energy bounds from the couch over to you, gripping your hand, somehow, with her hooves as she shakes your hand with much enthusiasm.

>You're still a bit taken aback by all of this.

>"Well hi Anonymous! Oh boy that's a weird name. Heehee, that last bit sounds like you're a moose! AnonyMOOSE! Heehahaha!"

"How... are you talking?"

>She, at least you think it's a she, looks at you incredulously and cocks her head to the side.

>"Well, I open my mouth like this-"

>She opens the jaws of oblivion.

>"-And then the words come out! Silly filly, everyp0ny can talk!"

"But you're a horse. Horses can't talk..."

>"Well not with THAT attitude they can't, duh! Beside's I'm not a horse, I'm a pony."

"Pony."

>Your hands nervously grip your towel as, yet again, panic starts to settle into your being.

"Right. You're a pony. Ponies can talk."

>"Yup!"

"Talking ponies are normal here."

>"Mmhmm!"

"Right."

>The pink poofy pony furrows her brow when she notices your underlying fear and nerve wracked, shaking hands.

 

>"Hey, it's alright. Nothing to be afraid of, after all it's just me, Pinkie Pie!"

>Pinkie Pie. That was her name.

>This was all so very strange and disorienting.

>Taking a deep breathe in a feeble attempt to calm your nerves, you look down to Pinkie.

"Okay... right. Pinkie, if I were to ask you where the hell I am, would I regret it?"

>She smiles back at you and shakes her head.

>"Of course not! You're safe, silly!"

"Oh. Good."

>"You're just in your apartment that suddenly and mysteriously appeared in the middle of our town square, here in Ponyville! Teehee!"

"Ah... this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I've never heard of."

>Pinkie bounces up and down around you, smiling all the while.

>"Don't you worry your scruffy little head, everyp0ny's real friendly here in Ponyville!"

"Do they all bounce and talk as fast as you do?"

>Pinkie stops her bounding for a second and ponders for a bit, before smiling and returning to her primary objective of bouncing.

>"Nope! I'm pretty much the bounciest, fastest talking pony around here. It's a trait I'm rather proud of if I do say so myself!"

>Scuttling over to a your bedroom, you watch as Pinkie zips around your room in a most curious fashion, poking her snout into your bed, closet, cabinets and other places where she hasn't stuck her snout.

 

>"Say, this place looks pretty weird! Haheehee! It's all... REAL, you know?"

"Uh... sure."

>You had noticed that as well earlier. Your apartment still looked like it normally did, but Pinkie looked absolutely out of place. Like a cartoon character in the real world, almost.

>But when you were outside in... Ponyville, was it? When you were there, it was like you were the only real thing in a cartoon world.

>You had flashbacks of the film "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," but now was not the time to be having a trip down nostalgia road.

>Right now you were on the verge of screaming like a terrified housewife at the sight of a mouse, and you needed something, ANYTHING to calm your nerves.

>Get a grip, Anon.

>Just... ask her some more questions about this place.

>"So!" she begins, rolling playfully around on your bed, "Are you gonna walk around in that silly robe all day or are you gonna get changed and let me show you the town?"

>You glance down at your body. You were still in your boxers and wrapped up in the dull grey robe you threw on only minutes ago.

"Oh uhm, sure. Yeah I just- I was going to take a shower but all my water is gone... you said my apartment just... 'appeared' in the middle of your town?"

 

>"Yup," she says with a goofy grin, "Whole town woke up today and just saw your house sitting here in the square! Heehee, it kinda looks like something ripped it right out a building and just sat it here."

"Heh... looks like I'm not in Kansas anymore huh?"

>"What's a Kansas?"

"Nothing, just forget I said anything."

>"Okee Dokey Lokey!"

>Walking over to your closet, you drop the robe and slip on a shirt and a pair of jeans, and throw on coat.

>You still grasp your towel close to you. Never know when you'd need this thing. That, and it brought some comfort to you in your current situation.

>Turning back to Pinkie, you take another breath as you nod to her, watching as she bounds off your bed and leads you out of your apartment.

>Color.

>This place was just so filled with bright sights and pastels.

>It was unsettling, but at the same time... refreshing.

>Still though, you get plenty of strange stares from the large crowd of ponies that gathered around your apartment.

>Walking along with Pinkie, you give a few quiet hellos and how do you do's to various ponies that continue to eye you with suspicion.

"Uh, Pinkie? Where are we going?"

>Not stopping her bouncing, she spins around and gives a squeak.

>"We're going to my house! I want to show you around the town, give you a proper Pinkie Pie welcome to Ponyville, and no Pinkie Pie greeting is complete without some sweet treats!"

 

>As you walked through a brightly colored world filled with brightly colored, talking ponies, your mind slowly started to realize that you were, in fact, NOT dreaming and that you were indeed walking through a brightly colored world filled with brightly colored, talking ponies.

>Perhaps it was your lack of a hearty breakfast that would have made you more alert in the morning, or perhaps it was the fact that you were pale with nervous, uncertain panic, but you soon found your head getting rather light. Much lighter than it normally is, given it's state as of late.

>Stopping in your tracks and wrapping the towel around your head, you call out to Pinkie Pie.

"Excuse me, Pinkie Pie?"

>She turns around, a curious yet happy expression on her face.

>"Yes Mr. Moosey?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass on the tour of the town, as well as the sweet treats you have planned."

>Pinkie gives a gasp, and pouts, "What? But why?"

"Because, Pinkie," you begin, "I am going to faint now."

>And so, you do.

>You had no idea what was going on.

>You had no idea where you were.

>And you certainly had no idea if you were even clinically sane anymore.

>All you did know, however, was that wrapping the towel on your head was a good idea, as you the color drains from your face, your legs go weak, and you hit the ground, and pass out.

>This was going to be a very, very long day.

 

END