And Prom's Tomorrow I

>"Yo, asshole! Rise and shine, we got class in fifteen!"

>See, normally you had an alarm clock that woke you up for this sort of thing. Mornings. But as of late, Starswirl's been dredging you up out of your bed each damn day. For a slacker he sure liked being on time.

>You fling the covers off your body with fresh morning energy!... then immediately lose all that vigor when you feel the cold air around you molest your fresh, warm skin.

>No way, fuck this, sleeping beckons.

>You begin to lean back into your bed when your mind starts to nag at you.

>...est...Best? No, no that wasn't it...Nest? No, why would you be thinking about nests on the day of your magic theory test? That didn't make much sense, why the hell-

>Test! Fuck!

>Once more, you let those sheets fly as you hop on one foot, trying to get your pants on.

>Fuck.

>Okay, this tie can't be hard to tie can it? You've done it tons of times. Just take this end and-

>Fuck it, there's no time. NO time, you say. You tie the length of cloth around you neck hastily, not bothering to even notice that it falls out of the "knot" you made.

>Dress shirt? Yeah. Vest? Barely. Shit, your school crest was even beginning to peel off of it.

>You'll fix it later. Now is the time for the "almost late to class mad fucking dash" as you stumble out of your room and into the small foyer of your dorm's apartment.

 

>"Suuuuup," says Starswirl, reading the newest copy of Batmane on the couch.

"Uh, late? We're gonna be late man, hurry up."

>"Nah, I'm not too worried."

"You're kidding me. You're the one who woke me up, man."

>"Yeah but that's because I love to see you scramble and panic. Me? I'm not too worried about the test."

"Man fuck off, c'mon."

>"Fine, fine. Toss me my pack."

>You grab a small purple saddle bag and throw it to him, Starswirl capturing it in his grasp with a flash of magic.

"How the hell are you so calm about this ALL the time?"

>"Eh, it's a gift."

"Gift my ass."

>The two of you head out your dorm, walking to your class at a brisk pace as you pass the occasional student along the way.

>You always felt a little out of place, what with your height, but your dad always told you that you had a little Minotaur in you from your great grand-uncle.

>"You need to calm down and relax more, Anonymous. I like seeing you all fucked up and worried, but not ALL the time."

"I AM calm. I'm SO calm, you have no idea, man."

>"Dude you are worried as shit. Didn't you study?"

"Uh, no? I was up all night with you watching kung fu movies."

>"Oh yeah. Huh. Well I'm sure you'll be fine, man."

"Oh yeah, sure, fine. Absolutely fine, yeah. Are you not getting this? I'm screwed. I am SO screwed."

>"No you're not, Eris is nowhere near us right now."

"N-Pfffthaha, okay that one was good. But still."

>"School jizz jar does as she does, after all. But even I think she'd say no to you."

 

"Har har, I get it. Enough about snake tits, though, what about me? How the hell am I even going to pass this thing?"

>"Well simple, man, cheat."

"Cheat?"

>"Uh, duh? How else were you going to do this?"

"I dunno, guess "C" for each answer then doodle on the back of the test?"

>"Nah nah, you're not thinking big enough. Okay, who do you sit next to in class? Anyone smart?"

"Swirl, we're in the same class, you know who I sit next to."

>"So Luna then?"

"Yeah."

>"Well there you go, easy! She's an egghead, right? Gets A's on most of her tests. Just copy off of her."

"Uh, she's RIGHT next to me. Won't that be a little obvious?"

>"What other choices do you have?"

"Copying off of you?"

>"Oh fuck that man, I have a GPA to keep up. You get caught cheating off of me, we both get an F."

"But I get caught cheating off of Luna and the same thing happens."

>"Right, but -I- don't get an F. Just you and Luna."

"Gee. Thanks. You're such a trustworthy friend of friends."

>"I am, aren't I?"

"So much."

>The two of you finally reach the steps of the "Royal Equestrian Academy." Large white columns stand at the entrance of the school, along with a large marble statue of a unicorn standing triumphantly in the school's front yard.

>You and Starswirl run through the front doors of the academy, the fine oak floored hallways and pictures of the faculty on the wall greeting the both of you.

>Glancing at the clock, you can already tell that you and Swirl are both on time, if only by a few minutes.

 

>After the quickest stop to your locker you've ever done, the two of you are in class, finding your seats as you wait for the day's lesson to begin.

>Magical Theory 103.

>It was a miracle that you even passed Magical Theory 101, let alone M.T 102, all things considered. First year here, you studied your ass off, gave everything the extra mile. Second year here? Little more relaxed, not so intense.

>This year?

>You think you've honestly lost control of your life.

>Such were the ways at a boarding school, you suppose.

>Glancing to your left, you see Luna sitting at her desk, a dull, worn looking turtleneck with sleeves that were far too long for her hooves draped over her shoulders. Her face is mostly obscured by that mane of hers, along with that book she's burying her face into.

>Flicking your eyes over to Swirl, you can see that he gives you a wink and a nod.

>Well. Here goes nothing you suppose.

"...Psst...Luna."

>"..."

"...psst."

>"..."

"...psst Luna psst."

>"What?" she asks plainly, still buried in her book.

"I need a favor."

>"You can't cheat off of me."

"Oh come on."

>"Anon. No."

>You lean slightly over in your seat, trying to get closer to her.

"Luna, seriously, I need your help with this okay? I'd owe you. We're friends, right?"

 

>"..."

"I would owe you BIG time, Luna. Really."

>"Why didn't you study?" she asks, her face still obscured by her mane and book.

"I... was busy."

>"Busy."

"Busy! I was really really busy. The busiest. Luna come on I can't fail this test. I'm not even asking for -all- the answers, I'm just asking to cheat off of you juuuust enough for me to get at least a "C"."

>"You were watching Kung Fu movies."

"The fact that you know how I spend my weekends frightens me just a little bit."

>Luna lets out a sigh, finally looking up from her book and to you, her thick framed glasses setting off a slight glare from their lenses.

>"If you get caught, I deny everything."

"Luna you are my favorite dork in the entire world. Honestly."

>She gives a small squint from behind those thick frames, but sighs, relenting as you lean back into your seat with a grin on your face.

>Okay, easy part was done. Time for the hard bits.

>Namely? Getting away with cheating... in Professor G-

>Before you can work out a plan in your head on how to look at Luna's page the most deftly, the door of the classroom thrusts open with a Bang! as...He...walks into the room.

>Grogar, Professor of Magical Theory and Advanced Spell Casting, strode into the room on heavy hooves, his curled horns barely making it through the doorway.

>His glowing red eyes scan the room from his view at the head of the class, taking a slow, deliberate bite from a bright red apple that was placed there earlier.

>"Children."

 

>Every single teenager in that room locked eyes with him, no one looking away from the professor's visage.

>"I take it... that you all know... what day it is?"

>The room is deathly quiet, not a single student opening their mo-

>"Wednesday."

>A sea of heads turn a collective left to the sound of Starswirl, legs kicked up onto his desk with his forehooves resting behind his head.

>Grogar eyes the scruffy chinned unicorn, his upper lip curling slightly in disdain and annoyance.

>"Yes, Starswirl... it is... Wednesday."

>"Sweet," says Star, chewing a pencil.

>Fucking Starswirl. Only he could take THAT much aloofness and just flaunt it in front of a teacher that way. It was to be admired, you think. Then you think about it more and realize no, that's fucking stupid.

>"More importantly... it is... test day."

>That curled lip smooths out into a low, faint grin. From his desk at the head of the class, a large stack of papers floating away from it and parting, like flat, white birds as they flew out and landed on each and every one of your desks.

>As your eyes draw to the page before you, you can hear a faint, sinking sound. In a second, you realize it's your stomach.

>See, the test you were just given? It already has your name on it.

>On top of that, there's only one page to it. That was new, Grogar usually gave you tests as thick as novellas...

 

>And then your eyes catch it. The thing your brain caught as soon as you got the test, but your eyes were too slow to register.

>There was only one question on the test.

>Oh...shit...

>You flip the page over and stare at a blank space of printer paper. Flipping it again, you see the single question. Flipping it another time, thinking that the rest of the test would appear if you just turned that damn page over and over.

>Still nothing.

>Sweet fuck...

>Flipping the page one last time, you finally register what that single question asks.

>"What is Magic."

>...

>...fucking seriously? What is magic? Was this a joke or something?

>He's been teaching you about magic all damn year, and this? This is one of your tests?

>This is a piece of cake! What is magic, pffffft. Child's play.

>Uncapping your pen, you begin to write down the literal definition of magic Grogar had taught you at the start of the year.

>Magic: The use of means (as charms or spells) believed to have supernatural power over natural forces. Easy.

>You grin as you look to your handiwork, capping your pen and standing up with the paper in your hands. As you walk to Grogar's desk, though, you begin to feel... worried.

>Everyone else was still seated, writing out long, lengthy explanations out on their papers.

>Shit, even Starswirl was still writing.

>Your eyes flit over to the professor, seated calmly at his desk with a predatory grin on his face.

>...

 

>On second thought... this was -too- easy. There had to have been a catch.

>Changing your mind, you spin on your heels and walk back to your desk and sit, marking a line through your previous answer and starting anew.

>Think... what is magic?

>WHAT... is... magic?

>...Oh shit. Was this one of those personal philosophical questions your dad warned you about? One that had no real right or wrong answer?

>It certainly felt like that, but... fuck, no. Grogar NEVER gave a freebie paper like this. He ALWAYS gave out multiple choice exams with essays at the end. This? This was... different.

>What is magic?

>Out of the corner of your eye, you can see that Starswirl is trotting up to Grogar's desk with his test. He tosses the single white sheet to the professor and trots right the fuck out of the classroom.

>Well of course he does, he's like that. The lazy ass prodigy child. You were jealous, honestly.

>Then the worst possible shit starts to happen. One after another, each and every student in the classroom rises, passing their tests in and leaving the room.

>No. No way, no.

>In a sudden flash of panic, you look over to Luna, who's already getting up to turn hers in as well.

"Wha-"

>"No...talking...Mister Anonymous..."

>You flinch slightly in your seat, looking back to Grogar as he gives you a slight sneer, but smiles and gives Luna  a parting nod as she too leaves the room.

>Well...

>...shit.

 

>So there you sat, staring at your paper while thinking of SOME way to convey this answer...

>What

>Is

>Magic

>Your rubbed your temples in frustration, looking back up at Grogar with a tired, upset glare.

>All he did was smile back at you with those teeth.

>Eugh.

>"Um, Professor?"

>Both you and Grogar look up and to the door to the classroom to see Luna peeking her head back into the classroom.

>"Yes child?" asks the demonic goat member of the academy's faculty.

>"I think I saw somepony writing graffiti on some of the lockers. I just thought you should kn-"

>Grogar stomps to his hooves, rushing out of the classroom muttering the word "ruffians" over and over, levitating a rather stiff looking ruler along with him. "I shall be back... soon," he said, leaving.

>Luna flits her eyes over to you, then back to the blackboard. You follow her gave, looking to the board as a piece of floating chalk wrote something on it quickly.

>You squint a bit, reading the single word.

>...

>No. No way, that didn't even make any sense. Why would that be the answer?

>But then again... Luna was the smartest girl in class. She had to have some credit for that at least.

>Looking from the board, to Luna, then to your paper, you take a deep breath as you write down the answer that would either make or break your grade.

>As soon as your pen touches the test, Luna erases the answer from the board and turns as Grogar comes back into the room, dragging along a colt in a ratty looking hoody.

 

>"A ruffian...vandal...AND a colt that does not regard the dress code with... respect. You must be punished," grumbles the old ram, as he floats the colt to a corner of the room and jams a bucket onto his head.

>Ah yes. The shame bucket. That was always a strange one.

>Luna gives you a quick, curt nod as she leaves the room, her face still shrouded by that mane and those big honking glasses of hers.

>With trepidation, you get up from your desk and slap your test onto Grogar's table, the professor giving a quizzical look.

>"Done so soon, Anonymous?...I would have thought you to... take much longer..."

"Yeah well I got.. uh.. sudden inspiration."

>He examines you with that glowing red gaze of his, then sighs, taking your paper and adding it to the stack of the others as you leave the class.

>Well... that is either going to be your best Magical Theory paper or your own funeral come the time he grades that thing...

>Did Starswirl or Luna wait up for you?

>Looking around you soon find that no, no they didn't.

>Well. Time to head on back to your dorm or som-

>"Hey there, Annie."

"Annie? W- Oh, pfft, hey Cells."

>Turning around you're met with a white alicorn, her school uniform trussed up and torn in a few places with flare badges on the collar. Her mane was frizzed, wild, and she had on a familiar smirk as she trotted up to you.

>Celestia.

 

"You know, you missed your sister. She just left I think."

>"Oh yeah, I caught her going back to the library. Dork practically lives there now."

"Friggin' seems like it, huh? Wanna tag along? I was thinking about hitting the food court."

>"Depends. Cheese fries today?"

"Yup."

>"Then fuck yeah, let's get it on."

"Fatass."

>You smirk and give her a shove as the two of you walk off and to the academy's on campus food court.

>"So what's the deal? You were out of class pretty early today."

"Test."

>"Can you be any vaguer?"

"I had a test in there that I was ready to cheat on, but then all of a sudden Grogar hands out these fuckers with only one question on it. With our names on them already."

>"Oooh... the doozy."

"The what?" you ask, grabbing a plate of diced potatoes. Celestia grabs the entire platter of cheese fries, poking her tongue out at the students behind her as the two of you go and find a table.

>"The doozy. Groggs gives that to his students each third year. I took it last year, and I heard from some friends that graduated that they took it too."

"Well what the fuck is it even about? It was just one question, what-"

>"-Is magic, yeah. He asks that each year."

"You're shitting me."

>"Nope. not at all." Celestia begins to digging into the platter, muzzle getting covered in cheese.

 

"How you're not the size of a cow is beyond me."

>"Fuck I love my metabolism. But anyways, yeah. The Doozy. He asks each student "What is Magic" each year to fuck with your heads, make you doubt yourself."

"...seriously?"

>"Ho yeah. See," she says, scarfing down another wad of cheese and fries, "He passes all of you, but he never gives out an 'A'. Ever. Dude's a fucking stickler, I'm telling you."

"He's evil."

>"Pfftha, no. Dick? Yeah. Evil? Nah. Now, that shame bucket of his? That's pure evil, oh yeah."

"But -why-?" You ask, biting into your potatoes. "Why go through that kind of fucking stress if we're not even going to fail?"

>"I dunno. Kicks? What did you put down?"

>Giving a disgruntled sigh, you run your hands through your hair.

"Friendship."

>"..."

"..."

>"...Luna helped you."

"How the f-"

>"Man, it's not HARD to see that, okay? I told her that would be the answer to the test, anyway. So I just figured she let you know."

>Celestia gives a cheesy, literally, smile and wipes her lips with her hoof. "My little sis is cheating in school. I am -so- proud of that, you have no idea."

"Hey."

>"I mean, sure she's Nerd Supreme, Queen of Sci Fi Novels, but now she's getting a little cooler."

"Cells."

>"Who the fuck knows, maybe she'll grow up and become like... a drummer. I see Luna being a drummer. Do you see Luna being a drummer?"

"Friendship is magic? Are you fucking kidding me?"

>"Huh? No."

"So what, that'll get me a 'C'?"

>"Fuck no, you're getting an 'A'."

 

>As Celestia continues shoveling the mass of yellow goop into her maw, you can't help but laugh a little.

"...An 'A'? That answer gets me an 'A'?"

>"Yupff," Celestia says, wiping at her mouth again, giving a burp. "Nice shiny 'A' for Annie."

"...Why?"

>"Dunno. I wrote it down last year as a joke, and the next thing I know Goggs hands me my paper with a big passing grade on it... he kinda looked sad, but he just looked at me, nodded, then told me to fix my fucking sweater."

"Did he at least explain it?"

>"Nope."

"Did you ask him why you passed?"

>"Hell no, I got an 'A'. You don't question a passing grade, Anon."

"...huh."

>You just sort of stare at your food, grinning a bit. You didn't get why you would pass it, you don't even understand the answer, to tell you the truth. But hey, that's Celestia. Don't question it, you guess.

>"Hey," she says, licking cheese from the tip of her hoof, "Me and some friends are going to see 'Galloping for Soup' this weekend. Want to tag along? Could be cool beans."

"Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, fuck, sounds cool."

>"Cool."

>This was just another day at high school for you. Have a class, get a mental breakdown from some lesson your demented fucking teachers give, then hang out with friends.

>The two of you get up, leaving your plates behind as you both head out to your "Shop" class.

>Was it magical pony shop?

>Nope. You were just making bridges out of straws and rubber bands, really.

>But hey, just another day.

 

End of Chapter One