- Da Gweat God Badpoopie
- Part 2
- >Bruno is quiet the next day.
- >You actually are able to relax for a bit, get some work done.
- >You even are able to play with him a bit, and scratch his belly.
- >Maybe feel a bit guilty about last night.
- >By evening, though, the terror of yesterday is wearing off, and Bruno is back to his usual bratty self.
- >You feed him Pone-Chow.
- >He wrinkles his nose.
- >”Wan’ sketties.”
- >You’ve heard about this. Why the hell would a pony like spaghetti?
- >”Eat your Pone-Chow. It’s good for you.”
- >”No wan’ Pone-Chow. Yucky.”
- >”Too bad. Eat it.”
- >”Old daddy gif sketties sometimes.” Bruno pouts.
- >Is he talking about his first owner? Or your brother? Does he think he lives HERE, now?
- >In any case, your brother warned you about giving him spaghetti. He loves it but it causes nasty diarrhea.
- >”Well, your daddy didn’t say you could have spaghetti. Eat.”
- >”No wan’! Wan’ sketties!” He whines.
- >”You can have a Pone-treat if you eat your dinner.”
- >”No wike Pone-tweat.” Bruno does a raspberry. “Pone-tweat yucky.”
- >”Bruno…”
- >He starts spinning and bucking in a tantrum.
- >”Wan’ sketties! Wan’ sketties! Wan’ sketties! Wan’ sketties!”
- >He kicks his bowl, sending a shower of Pone-chow across the room. He doesn’t stop.
- >You just stare at him.
- >He didn’t learn his lesson.
- >Phase two, activate.
- >”Wan’ sketties! Wan’ sketties! Wan’ sketties! Wan’ sketties!”
- >”Okay, Bruno! I’m gonna give you sketties, okay?”
- >Bruno stops his tantrum, his eyes lighting up. “Weawy? Yay, sketties! Sketties! Sketties!”
- >You go into the kitchen, measure out a huge portion of spaghetti, begin boiling water.
- >In the meantime, you take a big sugar cookie, coat it with redi-whip and top it with mini marshmallows and a maraschino cherry.
- >You bring the plate with the cookie out into the dining room, where Bruno is still marching in circles, chanting “Sketties!”
- >Place the plate with the cookie on the floor.
- >Immediately grab Bruno by the scruff of his neck as he charges for it, screaming “Nummies!”
- >Hold him up off the floor, panting, little legs whirring.
- >”Bruno, that’s not for you.”
- >His leggies stop. “Not fow Bwuno?” His lip quivers.
- >”No. You get sketties. This isn’t sketties. You mustn’t eat it, okay? Can I trust you?”
- >Bruno nods vigorously. “Can twust Bwuno. No eat nummies.”
- >”Okay, then.”
- >Snicker silently.
- >You finish preparing spaghetti, pour the huge portion into Bruno’s bowl.
- >You quarter a sleeping pill, crush it finely, sprinkle it on the spaghetti, and bring it out.
- >As expected, the cookie is gone. Bruno is still chewing, whipped cream all over his mouth.
- >”Bruno!” You gasp.
- >He freezes, looks at you.
- >”What did you do?”
- >He looks confused. “Bwuno eat nummies.”
- >”And what did I tell you not to do?”
- >Bruno squints and thinks.
- >And thinks and thinks and thinks.
- >He stares at the plate, at the flecks of whipped cream and crumbs on the floor.
- >You can almost see the smoke coming out of his ears.
- >”Bwuno… eat nummies. Bwuno… not s’pose eat nummies!”
- >He looks up at you, so proud he remembered.
- >”But you DID eat the nummies, Bruno.”
- >He looks at the plate.
- >”You were a bad fluffy, Bruno.”
- >His eyes widen. ”Nuuu. Bwuno sowwy. Not bad fwuffy.”
- >”Do you know whose nummies those were, Bruno?” You say solemnly.
- >He gives you a blank look.
- >”That was an offering for the Great God Badpoopie.”
- >Bruno shrieks.
- >He may be dumb as a doorknob, but he remembers that.
- >”Nuuu! Bwuno sowwy! No mean to eat! No wan’ poopie pwace buwnin’!”
- >He scrambles in panicked circles, stepping on the edge of the plate, sending it clattering around the floor, running into a chair leg.
- >”Don’t worry.” You say.
- >Bruno stops. “Why no wowwy?”
- >”Because Badpoopie never sends the same curse twice. Maybe this time he didn’t see you. Maybe you’re lucky.”
- >The fluffy blinks. “I not wucky. I Bwuno.”
- >Facepalm.
- >Feed him the enormous bowl of spaghetti.
- >Fat little greedy bastard eats every bite.
- >He pauses throughout, turning in place, looking worried, trying to look at his asshole.
- >But the Great God Badpoopie has other plans.
- >After dinner, you play.
- >The sleeping pill is taking effect.
- >Bruno’s eyes are fluttering.
- >Let him sleep on the floor.
- >Clear out saferoom, put down tarp, put everything back.
- >Go to the desk, get two pairs of small binder clips.
- >Remove one handle, link with the other, reattach, so you’ve made a pair of double-ended clips.
- >Bruno is fast asleep, snoring lightly and blowing snot bubbles from his nose.
- >Attach the clips to his tail, and then clip the other ends to the fluff on his butt.
- >Take Bruno to the safe room and tuck him into bed.
- >Go to bed.
- >Sleep in late the next morning.
- >Ignore the frantic whining from the safe room, make coffee.
- >You hear Bruno calling you, faintly, through the door.
- >”Hewp, pwease. Gotta make poopies… hewp…”
- >Open saferoom door.
- >Bruno is running in circles, puffing his cheeks out, eyes wide. He stops when he sees you. His little hooves crinkle against the tarp. He looks down at it.
- >”Why new fwoah?”
- >”I thought you’d like the new floor.”
- >Bruno processes this, or tries to, then starts circling and puffing again.
- >”What’s wrong, little buddy?”
- >”Bw.. Bwuno gotta go poopies…”
- >”Well, there’s your litterbox.”
- >”But Bwuno… no can wift taiw.” He turns to show you.
- >Indeed, the clips have stuck his tail in the “down” position.
- >Fluffy is too stupid to figure out the problem, even if he could see the clips, which he can’t past his fat fluffy sides.
- >“Well, Bruno, you have to lift your tail. Otherwise you’ll go poopie all over yourself. Then you won’t smell pretty.”
- >Bruno gulps.
- >”Only bad fluffies go poopie all over themselves, Bruno. You’re not a bad fluffy, are you?”
- >”Nuu!” Bruno is gasping now, trying to hold it in. The binder clips rattle and clack but hold firm. “Bwuno good fwuffy! Why no wift taiw?”
- >Big, theatrical gasp. “Uh-oh. Must be the new curse from the Great God Badpoopie. You shouldn’t have eaten his nummies, Bruno!”
- >“Nuu! No wan’ cuwse! Wan go poopies!”
- >He scampers to his litterbox, backs in, looking determined.
- >He strains, then tears start to roll down his cheeks.
- >”Pwease hewp fwuffy! Wift taiw, pwease…”
- >”Sorry, I can’t. Then I might catch the curse.”
- >”Tuh… tummy huwt…”
- >Bruno’s eyes grow wide.
- >Wet, spattery spaghetti fart.
- >You hear the bloop and glop of wet shit splashing out.
- >”Nuuu… no smeww pwetty!” Bruno cries. He leaps from the litterbox.
- >Leaves a trail of shit. It’s plastered all over his ass.
- >”Bruno! I thought you knew how to use a litterbox!” You say sharply.
- >He trembles ”Bwu… Bwuno sowwy, taiw…”
- >”No excuses, Bruno!”
- >”P…pwease, no sowwy stick…”
- >You smile. ”No sorry stick, Bruno. Hold on, I’ll get you something.”
- >Grab another sugar cookie from the jar.
- >Load it up with Redi-whip.
- >Coat liberally with powdered laxative.
- >Make another huge bowl of spaghetti for Bruno.
- >Heck, fix another bowl too, with Pone-chow.
- >Bruno is standing in the middle of the room, hyperventilating, talking softly to himself.
- >”Taiw go upsies, pwease. Pwease taiw go up so Bwuno can make good poopsies…”
- >Wrinkle your nose against the stink.
- >Give him food and cookie, assure him he’s a good pony for trying.
- >Tell him you have things to do.
- >”Nuuu! No weave…”
- >His cries are muffled by the closing door.
- >Grab laptop, go out.
- >Sit at coffee shop, write.
- >Browse some stores.
- >Call up an old pal, meet for lunch.
- >Walk through the park.
- >Do some shopping.
- >Come home as it’s getting dark.
- >Put away groceries.
- >Hear soft sobbing coming from saferoom.
- >Open the door.
- >Almost pass out from the smell.
- >Bruno is lying on his side, chest heaving.
- >His eyes are red and it looks like he’s been crying for hours.
- >Cookie is gone, bowl of spaghetti empty, of course. Even the Pone-chow is gone. Even in crisis the little shit couldn’t help but scarf every bite down.
- >There is shit everywhere. Literally everywhere.
- >The litterbox is almost completely full.
- >Poopy fluffy prints all over the floor.
- >Random piles of mushy shit.
- >He even got some above the tarp, maybe trying to wipe his ass on the walls.
- >”N…no… smeww… pwetty…” Bruno moans.
- >That’s a fucking understatement.
- >Bruno tries to stand.
- >It’s hard, as he has what looks like five pounds of shit trapped between his tail and the fluff on his ass weighing him down.
- >His body is coated, too, where he rolled or lay down in it.
- >”M…Made a wot a’ bad poopies… tummy huwted… pwease no sowwy box…”
- >He vomits, spraying bits of spaghetti noodles all over.
- >Pick him up in an old towel.
- >Toss him in tub.
- >Run water.
- >Hold him down as he first shrieks about “Cowd wawa!” and soon after about “Hawt wawa!”
- >Bathe him thoroughly.
- >Remove binder clips from tail, hide them before he can see them.
- >Wrap him in towels and put him in a box for safekeeping.
- >He doesn’t even complain. He’s just sobbing.
- >Thoroughly clean saferoom. Toss tarp and scrub walls.
- >You almost lose your cookies twice but you get the job done.
- >Your whole house is gonna smell for days.
- >Still worth it.
- TO BE CONTINUED…