Fallen Brides; Wilmarina; first draft (update 6)

Case 1: Wilmarina

"One Who Seeks the Fallen Sword"

By The Dullahan's Groom

Translated from the Japanese by OtherSideofSky (othersideofskytranslations.blogspot.com)

 

—It was a beautiful flower garden, its surface entirely covered in white.

 

A world blanketed in pure white Dutch clover.  I was sitting in the center of a beautiful flower garden untainted by any impurity.  My gaze was turned to the bunch of clover I had plucked, and I was moving my small fingers with all my might.  But they simply refused to move as I wished.  They made loops of the unyielding stems and passed them through those, but they would not do so smoothly.

 

—Humph...

 

As my cheeks swelled with irritation, I quietly turned my eyes to the side.  A boy of about my own age was sitting there.  His flaming red hair was cropped short, and his fingers were moving with a smoothness mine could not match.  As I watched, he passed one loop through another and held them up triumphantly.

 

"Done!"

 

"Ooh..."

 

—It was a beautifully woven crown of flowers.

 

He must have calculated even the angles at which the flowers protruded.  With the flower petals facing outward, it was every bit as good as those his parents made.  No, I doubt even many adults could make such a pretty garland; it was that beautiful.

 

—Compared to that, I...

 

Even making allowances for the garland in my hands being incomplete, it could never compare with his.  The marks of my forceful bending were visible all over it, and the flowers stuck out at odd angles.  There were more than a few places in which the flowers had gone limp, as if the moisture had leaked from their stems.  That a portion of it was well done only made the whole appear all the more misshapen by comparison.

 

—...Why was there such a difference...?

 

His parents had taught us both at the same time, during pauses in their work, but he had improved steadily, while I had not improved at all.  People said that he was good with his hands, but that didn't change my lack of progress.  I had begun to suspect that I was clumsy.

 

—...But... to be unable to make even a single garland properly...

 

"Here."

 

"...Huh?"

 

He softly placed the garland in his own hands on my head, which I had lowered in shame.  When I raised my head in surprise at that, my eyes met those in his sincere, smiling face.  What in the world was that somehow triumphant smile for?  While I pondered that, his lips began to move.

 

"Yup.  I was right; you look like a princess when you wear something like this, Mary.  It's really cute."

 

"Ah..."

 

His words, and my pet name, had the effect of a surprise attack.  Reflexively, my chest throbbed and a heat kindled in my face.  He, however, went back to plucking the Dutch clover around him without noticing my reaction at all.  I felt relieved by that, and also a tiny bit jealous.  I was thankful that he wasn't staring at my face, which had become bright red, but... couldn't he have paid a little more attention to me?  I mean... this was certainly a pretty flower garden, but... he'd gone to the trouble of inviting me, and...—

 

—...Still... I was glad he'd called me cute...

 

Just the thought of that was enough to blow away my faint jealousy, and cause my cheeks to slacken.  Of course, having been taken along by my father, as I had been and having had contact with the outside world, I had had the word "cute" directed at me any number of times.  Most of those, however, had been empty compliments, or flattery meant for my father.  There was hardly anyone who had genuinely thought me cute from the heart and put that feeling into words, as he had.

 

—But... even if someone other than him had said it...

 

There was practically nothing that could have made me happier than hearing that from him.  His parents were the same in praising me without flattery, but they did not make my chest throb and my face redden so much as he did.  Of course, gladness was gladness, but the feeling inside me now was a little different.

 

—...Could he be a genius at making my heart flutter...?

 

Right now, even just being next to him was enough to make my heart go pitter-patter.  It wasn't enough to show on my face, but it had occasionally happened that I had failed, and been unable to maintain my composure in front of him.  Each and every time, however, he would follow up my failure, and turn his usual smiling face to me.

 

—Even just now... yes...

 

He had brought me to his secret place—this flower garden—and on the way I had come close to falling down more times than I could count.  My attempt to dress stylishly, in heels, of all things—although of course they were only small ones for children—in response to his invitation was probably the cause.  Still, although when I really came to think about it, he should never have brought me to such a romantic spot, he had supported me in my heels time and time again, and taken my hand so that my clothes would not become dirty.

 

—...Then, too... my heart had been pounding a lot...

 

I felt an exaltation just like I did after putting my all into a game of tag.  And yet, it certainly wasn't an unpleasant feeling.  That was... because I trusted that, as long as I was with him, everything would be alright, or else...—

 

"Mary?"

 

"...Huh?"

 

His voice abruptly called out to me, and when I raised my head in response, his worried-looking face entered my view.  Why in the world would he make such an expression?  After thinking for a few moments, I realized that my hands had been motionless for some time.

 

"Are you alright?  Your hands aren't moving, but..."

 

"Oh... Y, yeah.  I'm fine.  I was just thinking about something."

 

—...I'd gone and done it again...

 

I replied in order to make him feel at ease, but as I did so I felt my heart slump just a little.  It wasn't only once or twice that I had become lost in thought at his side like this.  Perhaps just his nearness was enough to make me unconsciously let down my guard, but I didn't know how many times I had repeated this same sort of thing.

 

"...Sorry.  You said you wanted to practice making garlands, Mary, so I thought this would be a good place, but..."

 

"N, no!  I, I'm really enjoying myself!"

 

He must have thought that I was lost in thought because I was bored of the flower garden.  His shoulders quietly slumped as he apologized.  But it was a complete misunderstanding.  I wasn't particularly bored, and neither did I dislike the flower garden.  On the contrary, just knowing that he'd remembered my trivial confidences filled me with joy.

 

—Besides... as long as I was with him, I was sure that I'd enjoy myself... no matter where I was...

 

"Really?  Well, that's alright then, but..."

 

"I, I'm fine!  I was just worrying because... I'm no good at making garlands, and..."

 

—That shouldn't be a lie.

 

I had started out worrying about my failure to improve and my clumsiness in comparison to him.  It was true that the topic had turned from there, and gone on to him himself, but that had been the original cause.  Even I was unsure whether or not I was lying, but in order to keep him from feeling down, I would make my own clumsiness out to be the villain.

 

"Hmm... You're putting too much force into your shoulder, Mary."

 

"...I, I know that, but..."

 

Because I was clumsy, I put force into it whether I tried to or not.  Clumsy me failed over and over by putting force into it, and then ended up putting force into it again anyway.  I knew that I was trapped in that vicious cycle.  Actually, the first stems I had braided were well done as they were.  But the more I put together, the more my feelings of pressure and unease grew, and now it was growing difficult for me even to make a loop properly.

 

—In the moment that my shoulders slumped, his hands quietly stretched out to me...—

 

"Let me touch for a minute."

 

"Ah..."

 

At those hands covering my palms from above, my cheeks reddened.  My heart also beat faster, and my whole body seemed to be growing hotter.  And yet he, concentrating on my fingers, refused to notice.  I suppose he was using my fingers to demonstrate, and trying to let me build up experience.  And yet, I was hardly looking at my own fingertips.

 

—...Ah... His eyelashes are longer than I thought...

 

As he stared at my hands, his face and mine were quickly growing closer than they had been until now.  Then we were so close that, if I could have summoned a little courage, I could have kissed him.  When the distance between us was so little that a sigh from either of us could have crossed it, my breast beat so fast it seemed it might burst.  I was turned towards his serious-gazed expression, and focusing so as not to miss even its faintest movements.

 

"There.  That does it."

 

"Huh?  ...Huh...?  Oh..."

 

—Called back to reality by his words, I found a small garland of flowers completed in my hands.  It must have been because he had begun helping me partway through making it.  The garland, about the size of a finger ring, was the most prettily shaped I had ever made.  In the moment I spent admiring his skill in being able to make this pretty a garland moving not his own, but another's fingers, he quietly withdrew from before me.

 

—Ah... He's going...

 

His quietly retreating figure was so lonely that my hand made to reach out to him of its own accord.  But the tiny garland in my hands stopped it.  It was only natural that that garland, our first collaboration and so well made as to be unique—at least in my personal experience—should be my treasure.  I wanted to avoid losing or injuring it if I possibly could.

 

—Besides... he would never leave me.

 

"Oof."

 

Just as I had anticipated, he sat down softly beside me.  He went on swiftly weaving the Dutch clovers he had picked just as he had been before.  I admired the fluid movements of his fingers, which I could not bring myself to believe were made of the same stuff as my own, a "certain thought" suddenly popped into my mind.

 

"Hey... won't you make a ring for me?"

 

"Hm...?  Sure, but... why?"

 

"It's a secret.  If you make it for me, I might tell you."

 

"Huh...?  What's that supposed to mean?"

 

—Although he sounded dissatisfied, his fingers moved skillfully.

 

He was so kind.  I was sure he would make a ring for me as I had requested.  As proof of that, the movements of his fingers, which until then had been trying to make something large, changed.  As I watched the small, firm knitting movements produce a finger ring in the blink of an eye, I felt a smile come to my face.

 

"Here.  It's finished."

 

"Eh heh heh... thanks."

 

As he turned to me and proffered the finished ring, his face quietly reddened.  Even he, insensitive as he was, must have understood what it meant to give a girl a ring.  At his embarrassed appearance, my chest began to throb again.

 

—...Was his heart fluttering too?

 

It would make me happy if it were so.  No, a feeling of wanting it to be so reflexively gushed forth from within my breast.  I didn't quite understand what that meant.  And yet, I felt certain it wasn't such a bad thing.

 

—While I encouraged myself in this way, I held my "treasure" out to him in offering.

 

"Then, take this in return, okay?"

 

"Huh...?"

 

With a dumbfounded expression, he directed his gaze at the "treasure" in my hand—the ring we had just made together.  Judging by his totally uncomprehending expression, it seemed that he did not yet understand what an exchange of rings meant.  Then... I was in luck.  I would get my way before any strange preconceptions got a hold of him.

 

"When someone gives you a ring, you have to give them one back."

 

"Is that... so?"

 

"Yes, it is."

 

—...Yeah.  That shouldn't be a lie.

 

I had only deliberately concealed the information that "this only applies to wedding and engagement rings."  Besides, I felt confident that, dull-witted as he was, he would probably never realize.  I didn't even understand why I was doing such a thing myself, but I felt certain that it was not mistaken.  I couldn't explain why, but I was convinced of that.

 

"Well, in that case..."

 

—So saying, he took the ring from my hand, and gently placed it on his finger.

 

Wearing it on the middle finger of his left hand, he quietly turned his palm to the sun.  The ring that the two of us had made together took in the warm spring sunlight, and seemed to sparkle.  Feeling somehow triumphant, I put his ring gently on my finger in imitation.

 

—Of course, it was the index finger of my right hand.

 

For some reason... Yes.  For some reason, that ring fit perfectly on my index finger, as if it had always belonged there.  Sensing a touch of destiny in that, I felt my cheeks break into a smile.  As I, smiling in spite of myself, stuck out my hand, palm facing the sun, just as he was, my lips quietly parted.

 

"...Thank you so much, El."

 

"I don't know why you're thanking me, but... you're welcome."

 

He—Elt... no, El—flashed an embarrassed smile at my words.  And the moment I felt strangely glad at his expression, which looked as if he was happy too, and I felt my chest grow warm—

 

—Fade to black.

 

"...Ah... umm... hey,"

 

—In the middle of a beautifully paved road, illuminated by the noonday sun, I opened my mouth falteringly.

 

But try as I might the words would not come out beyond that point.  No, I no longer even knew what I had been going to say.  In my heart was the perhaps unreasonable but compulsive feeling that if I did not say something here, I would regret it, and nothing else.

 

"...Mary."

 

—As I stood paralyzed like that, El turned a troubled expression towards me.

 

I certainly hadn't wanted to make El troubled like that.  It was true that I had spoken selfishly to him more than once, but that was because I knew El would accept it to the bitter end.  I hadn't wanted to make him look like that... as if he didn't know what to do.

 

—And yet... I didn't know what I should do either, and...

 

Even though it must have been the same for El... No.  Rather, even though it must have been far harder on him than it was on me, I only made him troubled, and could do nothing.  The moment that tears seemed about to come to my eyes at my own wretchedness, his hand gently brushed my head.

 

"It's alright."

 

"Ngh...!"

 

—Even I could tell that he was putting on a brave face.

 

After all, his family, which had always served mine, had been suddenly dismissed.  It seemed an unbelievably poor way to treat servants who, far from committing any conspicuous errors, had steadily accumulated merit.  Not to mention... normally, it was customary to mediate a servant's next place of employment after dismissing them.  But my father, who had dismissed his parents, had merely given them notice that they were dismissed, without mediating their next place of work.

 

—That poor treatment, which might even be called abnormal, had given rise to nasty rumors, and...

 

Rumors that his parents had been embezzling our family funds and the like were the least of them.  It was even whispered within the estate that El's father had committed adultery with mother.  Of course, I gave no credence to such gossip.  Still, the problem was that such rumors in and of themselves linked his to ill repute, so...—

 

"Father told me.  He said we'll definitely pull through somehow.  So, I'm sure everything will be fine."

 

"But still...!"

 

It was true that El's father was a fine person.  I too respected him; he not only performed his work perfectly, but even taught me to play in his unoccupied time.  Still, could he, who had continued as a servant for decades, go on living now that the path of a servant had been closed to him by infamy?  That would probably be... very difficult.

 

"...I'm sorry."

 

"You've got nothing to apologize for, Mary.  And besides, I'm sure the master has his reasons too."

 

—El smiled at me reassuringly.

 

He had been driven out of his home without even being told the reason why, and must also have been uneasy about his livelihood in a new world, but he was still concerned for me.  I felt grateful to him, but on the other hand, I felt a strong pain in my chest.  A feeling of powerlessness was slowly but steadily coiling itself around my heart, so that I wanted to bawl.  I'm sure it must have been because faint tears were coming to El's eyes.

 

—Even he... can't be unaware of the rumors.

 

El respected his parents even more than I did.  There was no way that their being spoken badly of could fail to hurt him.  And that wasn't counting the fact that that El himself had come in for ridicule as a result of his parents' ill repute.  He was the same age as me, and it must have been impossible for his heart to go uninjured by the gossip of rumor-mongering servants.

 

—If I had power, I would make sure he never had to make a face like this, but...

 

El had always protected me.  No matter when, El had been standing in front of me and leading me onward.  It was the first time he had shown me such a pained expression.  He looked worn-out, somehow.  I wanted to show him my appreciation, but I had nothing to give.  The influence to make father reverse his decision; the power to make the servants' rumors stop; the magic to heal his heart... I possessed none of these.

 

"Besides... a happy face suits you better than looking like you're about to cry, Mary."

 

"Oo..."

 

—Those words finally broke down my self-control.

 

So far I had desperately avoided crying, but now my eyes grew moist, and tears fell from them in large drops.  I wiped more than once at the corners of my eyes in an attempt to restrain them, but the tears flowing down my cheeks absolutely refused to stop.  El saw the tears which would not stop although I scolded myself that he was the one who should be crying, and quietly withdrew a handkerchief from his pocket.

 

"Honestly... You're such a crybaby, Mary."

 

"But..."

 

—And like that, he used the handkerchief to gently wipe my tears away.

 

The gentle way he used his hands filled me with an incomparable feeling of relief.  But at the same time... I also realized that it would leave me.  The loneliness of knowing that the warmth I wanted always to be touched by would vanish caused me to resume my weeping.

 

"And anyway, it's not as though we'll never be able to see each other again."

 

"You're... probably right,... but..."

 

—But it would be difficult.

 

My family—the Norscrim family—was among the most distinguished in all of Lescatié.  I didn't think I was anyone special, but those around me certainly disagreed.  There must be those who opposed members of distinguished noble families spending their lives like commoners, who weren't even servants.  Not to mention that, recently—ever since I'd come home from that flower garden—my free time had almost gone.  It was not until today that I had been able to find time in my schedule, which had become even more overcrowded than usual, to meet with him.  Under those circumstances, I had no confidence that I would be able to make an opportunity to see El again.

 

"It's alright.  I'm sure we'll manage somehow.  We'll be able to see each other again."

 

—And yet, El's words were melting my chest.

 

Like magic words, they dissolved the unease within me, and brought forth a baseless self-confidence.  If he said so... I was sure we'd be able to meet again.  No.  I would make sure of it, at any cost.  The moment I decided that in my heart, I heard a voice calling El in my hears.

 

"...Sorry.  I have to go now."

 

"...Alright."

 

I wanted to cling to El's retreating figure.  I wanted to cry and scream "don't go!"  But even if I cried and screamed, father's decision wouldn't change.  On the contrary, my doing so would likely make more trouble for El and his parents.  So... all that I... powerless child that I was... could do was to believe in his words when he told me that we could meet again.

 

"Oh... your handkerchief... I need to clean it for you..."

 

"It's fine; it's just tears."

 

"But..."

 

—Even so, it had certainly gotten dirty.

 

I felt happy that he was willing to take the handkerchief soaked with my tears, but on the other hand a little embarrassed.  And... to tell the truth, I wanted the pretext of "returning the thing I was looking after for him."  So that I would never forget him...  No, so that I would always be thinking of him.

 

—But there was no way he would let me keep it for him when we didn't know when we would be able to see each other again.

 

My thoughts wavered in the gap between my feelings and my rational judgment.  Should I keep it or not?  As I was vacillating between the two, the events of the flower garden came to my mind.  Those events, in which I had exchanged something of my own, gave me an idea, and I put a hand into my right pocket.

 

"Then... here.  Exchange it for this."

 

"Huh...?"

 

—I withdrew a frilly handkerchief from my pocket.

 

That elegant, embroidered handkerchief was one father had bought for me.  It must have been quite valuable in and of itself, and yet I wanted his simple handkerchief more.  Even just a promise would be fine.  I wanted to feel that I was still tied to El.

 

"I'll lend you that, El... until I return your handkerchief.  So... an exchange."

 

—El looked dumbfounded by my words.

 

He stayed like that for a few seconds, and then he showed an indescribable expression.  Still with that glad, embarrassed expression on his face, El's shoulders slumped.  Judging by that movement, which I recognized... he must have thought my willfulness had shown itself.  And yet... I was incomparably more serious than usual.

 

"...I guess so.  Let's... make an exchange, then."

 

"...Right!"

 

Had my intention gotten across, or was it just because it wasn't a bad proposal for him, either?  El accepted my handkerchief, and handed me his own in exchange.  Holding that in both hands, as if to embrace it, I turned back to face him.  He was facing towards me again, too.  But... there were no longer any words to be exchanged between us, who no longer had anything to do.  Only silence ruled that place.

 

"Well... until next time... okay?"

 

"...Okay."

 

As we exchanged these brief words, El was already walking off to where his parents were.  While he allowed his steps to falter and looked as if he were about to turn back several times, he did not stop.  I continued to watch his back, wanting him to turn back... wanting him to stop.

 

—El, who had been waiting before the gate just like that, merged...

 

His parents, noticing me, quietly bowed their heads.  But I was the one who needed to do that.  I was the one who needed to make a heartfelt apology to that family, who had been driven out by my father's whim.  As if charmed by those feelings, I bowed my head very deeply.

 

—By the time I raised my head, El and his parents had already gone out the gate.

 

The family's backs slowly receded as they walked down the road paved so that carriages could pass easily along it.  Even if I had tried to pursue them, the iron grill of the gate would have prevented me.  I felt as though my heart would be crushed by that gate, which seemed to insist that we would live in different worlds from now on.  But the person who would have protected me from that feeling was no longer at my side.  El, who had guided and protected me was... no longer at my side.

 

—The moment I thought that, something warm spilled from my eyes.

 

"... Huh...?  How strange..."

 

I muttered at the tears brimming from my eyes in large drops.  But... it should be fine.  After all, he had told me we would be able to meet again.  I could rely on that promise.  The handkerchief in my hand was the proof of that.  El had never broken a promise, so... he would definitely keep this one.

 

—Still... in spite of that... for some reason...

 

"They won't stop.  Now that El's gone... the tears... the tears... won't stop..."

 

—Fade to black.

 

"... I can't sleep..."

 

—That murmur echoed futilely in the moonlit corridor.

 

After that, I had stood before the gate and cried myself out for a long time, until my tutor brought me back inside.  My tutor, who at first had been angry at me for slipping out on my own, had perhaps been beaten down by my persistent crying, and had given me the day to rest.  Thanks to that, I had cried my heart out in my room until I tired myself out and fell asleep...—

 

—...And I guess wouldn't make a funny story that I had ended up unable to sleep at night because of it...

 

Even as self-derision rose in my heart, it remained a fact that I wasn't getting sleepy at all.  And I hadn't even had dinner, so my stomach was empty.  Continuing to endure the hunger until morning seemed impossible, so perhaps I should go down to the kitchens and pilfer some bread.  So thinking, I walked along the nighttime corridors.

 

—Still... the corridors at night were eerier than I'd thought...

 

There was not a single light in the usually candlelit corridors.  The moon's pale light shone from the furnished windows, so it wasn't really dark, but I could not deny that there was a peculiar atmosphere, almost as if a ghost would jump out the moment I turned the corner.

 

—... Oo... Thinking about that sort of thing frightened me more than it should...

 

As if to defend myself from the sudden chill running along my spine, I thrust a hand into the pocket of my nightgown.  In it was the little handkerchief I was holding onto for him.  Just grasping it tightly was enough to clear away my unease and fear at once.

 

—Hee hee... Just like a charm...

 

No, that handkerchief was more than that to me.  At any rate, it calmed my heart far more than any charm of dubious efficacy.  To me, that small cloth which encouraged me might as well have been a part of El.

 

—That's right... isn't it?  ...I'm not crying much, so...

 

Or perhaps it was because I had cried until I grew tired and fell asleep.  I had a feeling that my heart had grown more positive even before sleep took me.  ...No, that wasn't it.  It hadn't grown more positive... it had just returned to the way it was when El was at my side.  It was probably just that I was projecting his form onto the handkerchief, and somehow supporting myself by relying on it.  I flashed a derisive smile at my own confused heart.

 

—But... I couldn't see it as a bad thing.

 

"Be an exemplary follower of the gods..."  That was father's favorite phrase.  One who believes in the supremacy of the Chief God, and slays monsters to show the Chief God's power—that was what my father meant by an exemplary follower of the gods.  My days of studying and swinging a sword so much that my free time was all but gone were for that.  Of course, I understood that father wasn't doing such things out of a desire to torment me, but... but... still... even though the Chief God was the reason I had had my play time snatched away, it wasn't the Chief God I could rely on, but—

 

—... Huh?

 

The instant I thought that, I could see the light of a fire illuminating the pale corridor.  When I turned my gaze in its direction, a very slightly open door entered my view.  A light was still burning in father's study; that meant father was probably still working.

 

—... Father was trying his best too, but...

 

I was awful, thinking only of my own problems.  I hated myself.  I put all my strength into my hand, not caring that the handkerchief would get crumpled.  Still, the blackness gushing forth from the depths of my heart simply refused to stop.  Hoping to shake it off, I approached the door.  The moment I stretched out my hand to extinguish that light, which seemed to illuminate my own awfulness, conversing voices reached my ears.

 

"You certainly seem to be in a good mood."

 

"Quite so.  After all, I was able to drive those rats out at last."

 

—... Rats?

 

Father's voice sounded as if he were in a better mood than I had ever heard him in.  When, intrigued by that, I quietly peered through the gap in the door, the figure of father seated on a couch met my eyes.  Reclining and emptying the glass in his hand, his massive figure was more slovenly than I had ever seen it.  The man who told me to "be an exemplary follower of the gods" wasn't there, was drowned in the momentary pleasure called wine—and what father called a traitor was there in his place.

 

"Rats... you say?  An awful way to speak of a family that served you for many years."

 

"What's that you say?  Surely it's only natural for the commoners to serve us.  On the contrary, they should want to thank me for the favor of using them until today."

 

"As you say."

 

—...!

 

A nervousness ran along my spine at father's cold words.  Judging from the contents of their conversation... the "rats" father spoke of must be El's parents.  But... I couldn't possibly acknowledge those words.  After all... El's parents were such kind, warm people.  If the two of them and El hadn't been there, I probably wouldn't be who I was now.

 

—But... there was no way I could ever assert that...

 

As I was, I could do no more than peep in.  To put it more plainly and comprehensibly, I was a "bad child."  Even at the best of times, if I barged in there and told father what I thought, I still couldn't believe that I'd be able to make him agree.

 

—... Why must I... still be a "child"...?

 

The sense of powerlessness I had felt at doing nothing but watch El go revived within me, and made me renew my tight grip on the handkerchief.  Still feeling a vague desire for "power," I averted my eyes from the figure of the father I had respected drowning in wine.  When I turned my gaze to the man father was still talking to like that... there was a face that even a child like me knew well.

 

—The Order of Holy Knights'...

 

The magnificent, bearded face belonged to a man who had given me sword lessons on several occasions.  There was no mistaking that he held one of the highest ranks, even within the Order of Holy Knights.  A man such as that was chatting cordially with father, not even rebuking him for his horrible words.  That fact caused my small mind to shake violently.

 

—How...?  Why...?  Knights were supposed to be more...

 

They were supposed to be noble and magnificent, weren't they?  At least... didn't the Order of Holy Knights, the clearest symbol of the Chief God's authority, have to be people that everyone ought to respect?  And yet... I could see no trace of that ideal in the man, who was as slovenly as father, his collar open and pouring wine into his mouth.  At the very least, it was a state I could not possibly believe was in accordance with the teachings of the Chief God, which repudiated excessive drinking.

 

"But it seems they repaid my favor with the most grievous harm.  And here I had intended to treat them well because they did good work, for commoners."

 

"A ring of flowers on your daughter's finger... was it?  Quite a smart thing to do, for a commoner."

 

"...!"

 

—At the broadly grinning man's words, I almost raised my voice in spite of myself.

 

It wasn't as if I had made any particular secret of it.  Most of the people on the estate knew that I played with El in my free time, and for the several days since my return from the flower garden, I had always been wearing the ring.  But the man wasn't a resident of the estate; he shouldn't have known about that.  Still... the man was speaking as if he already knew all about it...—

 

—What could it... mean...?

 

Judging from the circumstances, the reason he knew was that father had told him.  But why would father have needed to tell him that?  The answer was already lodged in the base of my throat, but it wouldn't come out, almost as if my heart was refusing to acknowledge it.  A frustration as if I were on the verge of completing a puzzle, but a single piece short, was causing my breathing to become ragged.

 

—No... I can't stay here...!

 

If I stayed any longer, I would end up admitting something I didn't want to admit.  If that happened... I didn't feel confident that I could remain who I had been until now.  At least, there was an instinct screaming that inside me.  And yet I showed no sign of moving, as if my feet had been sewn to the floor.  My gaze was flitting back and forth between the two of them again, and it seemed I had no intention of turning back.

 

"It's not a laughing matter.  I've heard that Wilmarina didn't even appear to be annoyed by it...  I feel terrified just thinking about what could have happened if I had been any later in taking steps."

 

"Ha ha ha.  Girls around that age want a little adventure.  They soon realize that it was a youthful indiscretion."

 

"I should hope so... After all, if she doesn't, there would have been no use driving out those rats."

 

—... Huh?

 

My thoughts came to a sudden halt at those words.  Feeling as if my whole body were frozen in time, I tried desperately to digest father's words.  As I tried to explain the meaning of "rats" and "driving them out" to myself simply, the two men before my eyes raised their voices in cordial laughter.  The moment I felt a somehow ugly and, moreover, physiological revulsion, I finally realized that it was because I had been close with El that that wonderful family was driven out.

 

—It was my... my... fault...?

 

If I hadn't pridefully continued to wear the ring, no, rather... if I hadn't exchanged rings with him that day... it might never have come to this.  Such an "if" revived in my mind.  I definitely didn't want to acknowledge that possibility.  I didn't want to admit it, but... it didn't seem likely that father, drunk as he was, would deliberately tell a lie.

 

—If I hadn't... gotten close with El... then surely...

 

Surely father wouldn't have driven his parents out.  There wouldn't have been any need for them to run around searching for work, either.  If nothing had gone wrong, their next generation would have been ensured employment as well.  That they had been chased out was all my... my fault...—

 

—No!  ...Noo!!

 

My heart wailed, not wanting to admit the truth in front of my eyes.  And yet, strength completely refused to enter my body.  Even though I wanted to run away, even though I wanted to stop up my ears and eyes and shut out everything, I continued to watch the situation inside the room in a daze, strength still refusing to enter my limbs.  Even the strength to continue standing left my legs, and I slumped to the floor of the cold corridor with a thud.

 

"Well, at least with this, the relationship between your daughter and that boy has cleanly fizzled out.  And next..."

 

"I suppose so.  I'll have to make certain that Wilmarina is surrounded on all sides by those befitting the Norscrim family."

 

—Befitting... the Norscrim...?

 

It was true that I was born into the Norscrim family, and that I was the daughter of a priest, but... I wondered how much that was really worth.  At least... I couldn't believe it was worth driving out a whole family.  Not to mention... not to mention, even father... even though he was a priest he was drowning in wine.  To drive out El and his parents... in order to protect such a family...!

 

"Oh my."

 

—ngh!

 

The moment I thought that, the man turned his gaze in my direction.  Perhaps, as one would expect, I had been noticed due to staring too much.  In any case, now that the man had slowly risen from the sofa, there was no way I could stay here long.  Scolding myself so, I roused myself and stood up.  Like that, I took my leave of that place, as if fleeing.

 

—Why... why... why...?

 

That words boiled up over and over in my breast as I dashed along the corridors, stifling the sound of my footsteps so as not to be discovered.  Even I didn't understand exactly what it was questioning.  The difference between nobles and commoners?  Or else, the right and wrong of father's actions?  Or possibly it was my inability to do anything.  The one certain thing was...—

 

—Why... am I the child of such an unsightly man...?

 

"Ngh...!"

 

I clenched my fists tightly at the abrupt emergence of that question.  I kept swinging my head from side to side as if to deny that, but the fact that those words had come to my mind absolutely refused to vanish.  A hideous... no, too hideous soliloquy I hadn't even been aware of myself.  Feeling that tighten around my heart, I took refuge in my own room.

 

"Haa... haa..."

 

Even while my chest rose and fell hugely as I caught my breath, the events of a moment before circled around and around in my breast.  Physiological revulsion and self-loathing filled my breast with each revolution.  I leapt into bed as if to run from a revulsion that threatened to make my empty stomach convulse and vomit up its contents.  Still in that state, I pulled the sheets over my head as if to hide, and held my nauseous body tight.

 

"No...  No..."

 

Not even I knew quite what those words were repudiating.  They might have been denying my self-reproach that I had been the one who drove El out, or else that I had seen father in that ugly state, or perhaps... that I was tied by blood to father, as before.  And yet... my childish heart, unable to process all of that, could do nothing but jumble everything together and deal with it as "events I don't want to acknowledge."

 

—Shivering like that, my hand had clasped the simple handkerchief before I knew it...

 

"I'm... I'm different... different, right... El?"

 

I whispered over and over, clutching it tightly to my breast.  But it, although a part of him to me, was merely an ordinary handkerchief, and could not possibly respond.  However much I murmured, the handkerchief was just a handkerchief, and was not tied to him.  But... I felt that my heart would be torn to pieces if I did not do so.

 

"I'm... different, right...?  I'm definitely... different, so... I'll never... like that..."

 

Before I knew it, my murmurs had changed into something like excuses, as if I were trying to persuade myself.  I didn't know what that transformation would bring me, but... if El were here, things would be different again.  Somehow... I was sure of that.

 

—Fade to black.

 

"From this day onward, I will be in your family's care."

 

—... That place... doesn't belong to you...

 

"Just as one would expect, you're very strong, Lady Wilmarina."

 

—... I wasn't strong at all.  If I'd really been strong... I should have been able... to see El...

 

"It was a dream come true to be able to fight at your side, Lady Wilmarina!"

 

—You're not... the one I want at my side...

 

"As long as you're here, Lady Wilmarina, our army's victory is practically assured."

 

—I just... get desperate and fight...

 

"You're our pride, Lady Wilmarina!"

 

—You're wrong...!  I... I didn't want to become anyone's pride...!  I wanted to become...!

 

—Fade to black.

 

"From today on, I will be in your family's care."

 

—... That place... doesn't belong to you...

 

"As one would expect, you're quite strong, Lady Wilmarina."

 

—... I wasn't strong at all.  I had had really been strong... I would have been able... to see El...

 

"Being able to fight at your side was a dream come true, Lady Wilmarina!"

 

—You're not... the one I want at my side...

 

"As long as your here, Lady Wilmarina, our army's victory is practically assured."

 

—I just... get desperate and fight...

 

"You're our pride, Lady Wilmarina!"

 

—No...!  I didn't want to become anyone's pride...!  I wanted to become...!

 

—Fade to black.

 

"Number eight, Silk Lowens.  Come forward."

"Yes sir!"

 

—Making a brief reply to the officiating priest, a girl of about my own age came up onto the platform where I was.

 

Today was the Order of Holy Knights' initiation ceremony.  The ceremony in which the children who had overcome the harsh training and been permitted to enlist to officially become members of the Order.  I had been given the prestigious role of conferring the Badge of the Order on them.  I think Lady Sasha would have been much more pleased with the task than I was, but I had continued to be chosen for important roles like this over the past several years.

 

—But... if I could see such happy faces, then... I supposed it wasn't so bad.

Stiff with nervous tension or not, joy showed clearly on those faces.  It was only natural; the grueling training they had endured had all been for today.  The faces of all the children I'd seen these past few years had worn the same expression.

 

—Well... there would probably be some with different expressions among who mounted the platform from now on, but...

 

That worried me a little, but right now I had o give precedence to the girl in front of me.  I would feel too sorry for her if the hero granted the task of conferring the badge on her on this day, which ought to be commemorated, were to look away.  Surely I should face them steadily, one by one, and confer the Badge of the Order.

 

—Silently whispering that to myself, I presented the badge to her.

 

She accepted the badge, which bore a sword and shield over the flag of this country, in both hands, as if it were precious.  Some of her awkwardness remained, even as she made me a flowing bow.  She was to be assigned to my unit, so I had been given her data in advance.  She was quite a fine girl, as far as I could see, but she was probably a little too worked up in the big moment.  It was embarrassing, but... I'd had a similar feeling my first time, so I felt a slight affinity for her.

 

—Well... if it's just a little, I suppose it's fine...

 

"Do your best."

 

"I, it's an honor!"

 

I whispered to her in the moment she passed by me.  I response, she saluted me in a voice that echoed throughout the meeting hall.  ...The adjutant at my side gave me a look as if he wanted to say something about that... but he wouldn't do anything to disrupt the important ceremony.  I'd probably be cautioned against giving special treatment later, but, after all, encouraging people was also part of a hero's job.

 

—Well... I did understand why I had to treat everyone equally, but...

 

Being a symbol of the country was part of a hero's job.  That was why a hero, not her highness the princess or his majesty the king, was appointed to confer the Badge of the Order at the Order of Holy Knights' initiation ceremony.  If I, a hero, were to show anyone favoritism, it would end up leading to discontent.  It wasn't as if I didn't understand the reason.

 

—But... I...

 

At just the thought of that, I felt a sharp pain pierce my breast, but I didn't understand why that should be.  In the first place, I wasn't even sure what it was I was questioning.  I feel certain that the important role of "hero" is too much for me, but I also feel honored by it.  So why was there a part of me crying out in protest?  Surely there was nothing strange in thinking that mysterious.

 

—Perhaps I'm a little tired...

 

I spent every day and every night fighting and putting in appearances in all sorts of places as a "hero."  And lately the duty of memorizing the data of fresh initiates and considering how to assign them had been added on top of that.  Now that my time to sleep had been considerably reduced, my mind was probably getting somewhat tired.  Even so... a "hero" couldn't simply take leave, and even if it were granted to me it would mean more difficult jobs for everyone else.  I had to stand firm.

 

—While I tried to motivate myself like that, I could see the officiating priest's lips open...

 

"...Number nine, Elt..."

 

"...What?"

 

—...El... t...?

 

A voice I recognized drew my gaze to the stairs.  And then I stood in blank amazement as a head of flaming red hair slowly entered my field of view.  From beneath that characteristic hair appeared the frank face of a youth possessing both kindness and a strong determination.  It certainly wasn't strikingly beautiful, but there was a strength of will in it that stuck in one's memory, and stirred something in mine.  It worried me a little that, perhaps because we had met in a place like this, there was a somehow complicated tinge to his expression, but... he seemed to be in good health.

 

—Aah... Aaahh...!

 

I hadn't misheard.  I couldn't have mistaken his face, either.  The man in front of me was unmistakably my childhood friend... El.  The moment I realized that, my tear glands slackened, and my tears seemed about to overflow.  It seemed as if the disposition that had gotten me called a weakling in my childhood was somehow still not cured, even after I had become a "hero."  While I smiled bitterly at my own nature, my legs seemed about to leap to him.

 

—Hu... h...?

 

And yet, my feet refused to move, as if they had been sewn to the spot.  The childhood friend I had dreamt of so often had kept his promise and was standing before me, but I couldn't muster a single word of joy.  My body refused to do what I told it to, just as if I had been bound hand and foot.

 

—Why...?  Why...!?

 

Our reunion after so long should have been incomparably joyful.  After all, the feelings it engendered in me were so great that my heart could not fully contain them, and even now they seemed about to spill over and fall as tears.  And yet, as I faced him, I still could not manage to respond.  I felt as if my heart would by torn to pieces by my own unresponsiveness, which must have looked as if I didn't remember him at all.

 

"Lady Wilmarina?"

 

"Ah... Excuse me."

 

I returned to myself, thanks to a word from the adjutant.  He came from a noble family no less distinguished than the Norscrim, and his words reminded me that I was at a holy ceremony.  The initiation ceremony wouldn't end, no matter how long I spent standing around in a daze.  I had to go through with it for the people who were even now standing at attention, waiting for their own turns to come...—

 

—No...!  That wasn't what I wanted to do...  It wasn't...!

 

"Lady Wilmarina... quickly."

 

"Huh...?  Oh... r, right..."

 

At the adjutant's urging, I took the Badge of the Order from his hands.  Then I just had to hold it firmly in both hands, and offer it to El, and with that it would be over.  With that... with just that... our "reunion" would be over.  Without even a word of celebration, without even a gesture of acknowledgement...—

 

—...I couldn't... I couldn't bear such a thing, but...!

 

Even so, my hands, trembling with nervous diffidence, were holding the Badge of the Order out to El.  He quietly accepted it from my hands, which shook as if the entire hall were pressing down on my back.  For an instant, I knew that El wanted to say something, but nothing came from his mouth.  El too must have been unsure what to say.  No... I could not discount the possibility that he might have been more bewildered than I was by the difference in social standing between a "hero" and a "soldier."

 

—That's why...!  That's why... I have to step up to meet him, but...!

 

I still couldn't move, just as if the fact of being a "hero" were binding me in place.  I suppose he must have been disgusted with me for being like that.  There was a sad look in El's eyes for a moment, and then he made to pass by me.  As he drew near, and then passed me, I recalled the sense of powerlessness and the desolation of the day we parted.

 

—Ah... he's going...!  He's... leaving me again...!

 

I wasn't like I'd been back then... I had "power" now.  I had come to possess not just the actual strength of a "hero" acknowledged by many, but also the influence attendant on being both a "hero" and "the daughter of a priest."  I no longer had to feel as I had then.  I could honestly detain him.  ...In spite of that... even though I should have been able to do it... I... I... was...

 

—...Losing him again?

 

"Ngh!!"

 

In the moment he passed by me, my mind, which had become sodden with the words rising in my breast, cleared just a little.  I realized that my seemingly bound arms would now move just a little.  There wasn't enough time to direct them towards him; he was already in the middle of passing by me... and it didn't seem my sluggish arm could possibly reach him in time.

 

—Then... then... the only thing I can do now is...

 

"...P, please... do your best... okay?"

 

"...Thank you... very much."

 

"Ngh!"

 

—His response to my words, which sounded as if they had been squeezed from me, was too distant, as if I were a stranger to him...

 

No... In the first place, I should be the one to speak.  Surely I had no right to reproach him.  But... even so, my heart trembled greatly at the distance I sensed in his words.  My sense of balance vanished, just as if that shock to my heart had been an earthquake, and I felt as if my feet were going to collapse under me.  In the moment that I experienced vertigo from a sensation that I was falling forever, I felt several worried looks shoot through me.

 

—No... I mustn't... fall here...

 

A "hero," a symbol of the nation, must never show weakness in front of such a large crowd.  Desperately telling myself that, I braced my legs with all my strength, and prevented their collapse.  But while I did so, he passed by me, and quietly descended from the platform.  I shut my eyes in silence, stealing a sidelong glance at his retreating figure.

 

—If... if... if I were unable to bear it, and collapsed here...

 

El would... my childhood friend would have saved me, surely?  No... I'm certain he would have saved me.  He had always stretched out a hand to me whenever I was in trouble.  Of course, I couldn't discount the possibility that he had changed in the years we'd been apart, but... I had a feeling El's eyes were still filled with the same kindness they had been on the day we parted.  If I'd collapsed in front of him... I had no doubt that he would have tossed the badge aside and come running to me.

 

—...What am I thinking...?

 

I couldn't help but let slip a smile of self-derision at that thought, which seemed almost to say that it would have been better if I had not braced my legs, and collapsed.  Still, I was in the middle of an important ceremony.  I, who had been appointed a major role in it, must not show such a grin here.  Bracing my heart with such ideas, I silently faced forward again and conferred the badge of the order on another child.

 

—And yet... I didn't have confidence that I could smile like a "hero," as I had before.

 

Unable to get him out of my mind, I mechanically went on conferring the badges, and...—

 

—Fade to black.

 

—There was a document to deliver to Mercè, another hero like me.

 

The moment I heard that from my adjutant, I took it without hesitation.  He had given me an odd look as I listed off reasons and half-forcefully stole the job from him, but I hardly regretted doing it.  Thanking the adjutant for his constant support was another of a "hero's" jobs, and even if I were able to see him on the way, it would be entirely due to "coincidence," so...—

 

—...No.  That was an excuse...

 

I hadn't been able to see him—El—since the enrollment ceremony.  Of course, we belonged to the same organization, so it would be difficult for me to meet him.  If I wished it, I would be able to see his face at once.  After all, I had actually made a thorough check of whose unit he had been assigned to, and he was living in now.

 

—And yet... the courage to meet him wasn't in me...

 

What would I do if... he addressed my like a stranger again?  No... if that were all, it would still be alright.  Because, if that were all, the problem would be at an end if I stepped up to meet him.  The worst would really be if I froze up in front of El again, and in the end could manage nothing but "hero"-like words.  If it came to that... it might turn out like out reunion at the enrollment ceremony.

 

—No... then we had the excuse of being still in the middle of the ceremony.

 

But if... if the same thing ended up happening again... if it happened without an excuse... it might be fixed that we "had been" childhood friends.  That would degrade the past that to me was nearly a treasure into a mere "past"; it was something I could not permit.

 

—But... if I always run away... I won't be a "hero," will I?

 

As if to give myself courage, I squeezed the handkerchief in my pocket.  Ever since that day, it had been my charm and even a drug to calm my spirit, and as long as I had it... I was sure that I'd be able to manage somehow.  Perhaps... I might even be able to return it.  The moment I turned a corner, encouraging myself thus, a woman's rousing voice and a man's troubled-sounding one reached me.

 

—...This voice is...?

 

That woman's voice, with its brisk, almost mannish tone, was very distinctive, and it was familiar even to me.  It was possible I was mistaken, but I felt sure the owner of that voice was Lady Mercè Daskalos, who, like me, belonged to the Order of Holy Knights.  I didn't recognize the voice of the man talking to her, but its tone was undoubtedly troubled.

 

—From what I could hear of the conversation, it seemed that Lady Mercè was inviting him for drinks, but...

 

I felt certain that the two of them must be quite close.  Lady Mercè had been repeating her invitation to the man for some time.  While his replies sounded troubled, the man did not seem to be quite so unhappy as he let on.  I could tell he did not personally dislike the suggestion by the fact that the reasons he gave her mostly amounted to hiding behind "work."

 

—But... really, this wasn't the place to be saying such things...

 

Of course, I didn't think of anything so arrogant as trying to control love affairs within the Order.  Still, this was the headquarters of the Order of Holy Knights, which ought to be the shield of the nations of the faith.  Moreover, Lady Mercè and her companion were speaking in a hallway touched by the eyes of many people, and it was still during work hours.  I had to tell them that conducting conversation there was simply too careless.

 

—I would be sorry to throw cold water on them, but...

 

Seeing that it would influence the morale of others, I had to give them a word of warning.  Silently murmuring that to myself, I turned another corner.  Through the window of the elegant, red-carpeted corridor, the figure of Lady Mercè, tall for a woman, entered my view.  If I turned the next corner at once, I would come out in front of the pair.

 

—The instant I turned the corner with that thought in my head, my feet stopped.

 

Lady Mercè's arms were entwined like constricting serpents around a man with flaming red hair.  Even as his eyes, which seemed to be shining with a strong purpose, showed a touch of bewilderment, his face was reddening at the breasts pressed against his back.  From the fact that he was holding a bundle of documents, I guessed that he had been entangled by Lady Mercè in the middle of a job.  He seemed serious, and the word "work" frequently passed his lips.

 

—Hu... h...?  Wh... y...?

 

I felt my head shake violently at seeing the man... no... my childhood friend El like that.  But... his expression was the same as I remembered it.  The redness of his complexion might be due to the breasts being pressed into his back, but he was making exactly the same expression as when he had listened to my whims.

 

—Even though... he refused to look at me like that...!

 

At the same time a stabbing pain wounded my breast, such ugly emotions gushed forth.  It was... it must have been what is called jealousy.  The expression that should have been mine alone was mine no longer... it was being directed at Lady Mercè instead.  I realized that I was gritting my teeth at that fact.  And yet... the two did not notice my dumbfounded gaze, and in the end things were decided in Lady Mercè's favor.

 

—Ah...

 

Should I have felt relieved that the pledge had been forced from him?  Lady Mercè flashed a complacent smile.  ...That grin, somewhere in which I could see the conviction "I can get him to agree," probably knew that he wore that expression when he was willing to humor the whims of others.

 

—But that... that was supposed to be my secret...!

 

A real secret just for me; I hadn't even told father or mother... no, not even El himself, or his parents.  Lady Mercè probably knew it too.  That alone was enough to make a queasy feeling well up in the region of my stomach, and I renewed my grip on the handkerchief.  Before me as I stood like that, Lady Mercè released El and departed in high spirits.  Even now, her practically-skipping figure looked very glad, and... and... very... very...—

 

—...How could I be... jealous...?

 

By all rights, I should have been standing in the same position as Lady Mercè.  And yet... when I beheld that scene, a jealousy so intense it couldn't be expressed in words passed through my breast.  My breast cried out as if it were about to be crushed by that jealousy, which seemed to make me realize that what I desired was out of my reach, and even to resign myself to it.

 

—No... Not this... No...!!

 

Sickened by my own envy of others, I reflexively made to flee.  But, as I suppose I should have expected, El noticed me.  Before I could turn on my heels, his gaze shot through me.

 

"Oh..."

 

—But... it wasn't what I had hoped for...

 

It wasn't the gaze of a childhood friend rejoicing at a reunion.  It was a gaze that merely emphasized the awkwardness of the moment.  That too was... surely natural.  He had, after all, been seen entwined in Lady Mercè's arms.  That must have been embarrassing for a man.

 

—That's it... It has to be... Otherwise, I...!

 

El might not be rejoicing at our reunion.   I didn't want to let that hypothesis surface in my mind.  I mean... it might have completely negated who I had been until now.  The me who had kept on wishing to be reunited with him... the me who had lived supported by memories of him... might break, and end up dying.

 

—It wasn't true... was it?  El wasn't... that... that sort of person, was he...?

 

In order to make sure of that, I needed to speak.  And... my words mustn't be those of a "hero," but those of his childhood friend "Wilmarina."  It would be difficult to draw out those words, which I had not spoken in so long, but... unlike when we had met at the ceremony, I now had El's handkerchief.  It might take some time, but... as long as I had that, then surely... our relationship would go back to...—

 

"Lady... Wilmarina."

 

—...Huh...?

 

But El spoke before me, as I tried so desperately to move my lips.  The content of his words was... something I didn't want to acknowledge.  I mean... I mean, he had never addressed me like that.  Not once.  It had always been "Mary"...  El should have called me by the pet name only he and Fran used.

 

—Why...?  Why... like that... like I was a stranger...?

 

"Are you looking for the commander?  In that case, she just went over..."

 

"Ngh!!"

 

—Why...?  Why won't he say anything to me...?

 

We'd finally... finally been able to see each other again, but... why was he speaking as if we were meeting for the first time... as if our past had never been?  My heart wailed, uncomprehending.  But that anguish didn't show on my face.  My mental defenses sprung into action to keep me as I had been until now, and my cheeks silently formed the shape of a smile.

 

"Yes; this document is for Lady Mercè.  There's no hurry, so would you pass it on to her later for me?"

 

—Those were the words of a "hero," not at all inferior to his in propriety.

 

A model "hero," who didn't give special treatment to anyone in particular.  A being who loved everyone equally, and therefore did not form specific relationships.  El's expression stiffened for a moment at my mask-like words, and yet he refused to say anything.  He took the proffered documents without challenging me for such conduct.

 

"...Under... stood."

 

"...Thank you very much.  Well then... I'll be on my way."

 

—I turned on my heels and walked off like that... and El wouldn't stop me.

 

No, surely I was the one who ought to stop.  I mean... I mean, I was a "hero," after all.  It would be much less awkward for me to go to him than for him, a common soldier, to call out to me.  But... still, if... if he called me "Lady Wilmarina" again...

 

—No... Anything but that...!

 

I felt as if my heart would go to pieces if he addressed me like a stranger even one more time.  If he did it again... I really might break.  The pain and anguish raging inside me were that terrible.  Before I knew it, I was dashing along the corridor, as if to escape from that pain.  Several people stared at my discomposure, but in my current state I could not bring myself to care.  After all... distracting myself even a little from the pain in my chest was much more important.

 

"Haa... haa..."

 

Having run all the way to my office like that, I leaned my back against the door and forced my chest to heave up and down.  Of course I, who had received the divine protection of the Chief God, shouldn't have been breathing so heavily.  My ragged breathing was no more than an attempt to distract myself even a little from the pain in my chest.

 

—But... the pain simply refused to vanish from my breast...

 

On the contrary, El's expression of a moment ago recurred to my mind as I was doing that, and a pain ran through my breast that made me want to claw it out.  Why in the world would he do such a horrible thing to me...?  Why, when he would get close to Lady Mercè like that, wouldn't he do the same for me?  Such jealousy boiled up in me.

 

—...Aah... That's must be it...

 

The reason El had said such things to me must have been that I wasn't "hero"-like.  Surely it was because he hadn't wanted to acknowledge a jealous woman like me as his "childhood friend."  I was certain he would do so proudly if... if I were a finer "hero."  So, in order that El might acknowledge me, too... I had to make more of an effort.  If I didn't get closer to being a "hero" everyone would make their ideal... I...—

 

—And then I woke up.

 

"...Hu... h...?"

 

What met my eyes the moment I awakened was a gloomy, cavern-like space.  It was dimly illuminated, despite the absence of any conspicuous light source.  When I looked around at my surroundings, I saw that the place was dome-shaped, and that its purple walls had been made as if to inscribe a circle with me at its center.  I wasn't sure what they were made of, but I felt no sense of oppression in that space, which was the size of an ordinary living room.

 

—And... at its center, my limbs were bound by...

 

Purple tentacles which extended from the walls were restraining my arms as if to lift me up.  As a test, I cried putting all my strength into my arms, but the tentacles showed no sign of tearing.  I could barely feel the touch of the hazy tentacles; they eluded my strength, which could have shredded them easily had they been made of steel, and rendered it ineffective.  Next I tried using magic on the unexpectedly skilful tentacles, but I couldn't invoke any.  I didn't understand how it had been done, but it was probably best to assume that my magic too had been rendered innefectual.

 

—...I've confirmed my situation.  ...So, the next question is... how I ended up like this... but...

 

With my sluggish mind, just awakened from a dream, I quietly reeled in the thread of memory.  I knew I'd heard that a powerful monster had appeared in Lescatié... and received orders to suppress it.  The monster had already destroyed several units, and I judged that a group battle against it, in which I would be unable to move as I pleased, would be dangerous.  I'd left my subordinates behind and come to the forest on the outskirts of the city... and then...

 

—Oh... that's right... I...

 

A succubus with unusual white wings.  Into that succubus, who loitered, her body illuminated by the moonlight, just as if she were the ruler of the world, I'd poured all the strength and skill that I possessed.  And yet... the result had been a crushing failure.  Without any of my strength or skill even reaching the succubus... I lost miserably.

 

—I had been praised as "the strongest"...  Was this all I could do...?

 

Of course, it wasn't as if I thought I had enough real strength to merit such praise, but it was still true that, to the people who called me that, I was a symbol of hope.  So, if I... were to lose this easily... a mere apology wouldn't suffice.

 

—And... for him, too...

 

Just the thought of that was enough to send a sharp pain running through my chest.  I wasn't sure how much time had passed since I had lost consciousness, but if the report of my defeat had reached El, then surely he would be worrying for me.  For his sake, too, I had to escape from this place quickly.

 

"Oh my, you've woken up?"

 

"!!"

 

—My body stiffened reflexively in response to the voice which became abruptly audible from behind me.

 

That voice had a sweet charm to it that brought a shiver even to me, who was of the same sex as its owner.  I had heard that voice, which seemed almost to boast of its womanhood, more than a few times in the midst of the battle.  That frighteningly powerful succubus was most likely behind me.  So thinking, I tried to turn to look at her, but my restraints prevented me.  I strained with all my might to bend my neck and direct my gaze behind me.

 

—And as if to reward my gaze, the succubus slowly began to move...

 

There was something suggestive about her whiteness, which stood out in this gloomy space.  It was probably the considerable exposure of the glossy, porcelain-like skin that made me think so.  The black bondage, which looked almost as if someone had pared down the surface area of a bathing suit to the utter limit, appeared lewder than mere nudity.

 

—And beneath that was...

 

Hard-looking black leg guards shone over tights of the same purple as the tentacles.  In their centers were embedded red jewels almost like condensed blood.  They were sinister things at first glance, but the voluptuous thighs and long, slender legs concealed beneath them hardly gave the same impression.  She wore similar shoulder pads and gauntlets on her arms as well, but I sensed that they were all decorative things, intended to make the succubus' beauty stand out.

 

—Actually... succubi are very beautiful...

 

Two voluptuous breasts swayed on a tall, slender, well-proportioned figure that was at least the equal of Lady Mercè's.  Even so, there was not a smidgen of excess flesh to be found on that body; it was a figure all of which insisted "woman."  Even the tattoo-like designs etched onto her beautiful skin, while striking, became accents that emphasized the succubus' beauty.

 

Her features were well-proportioned, as was usual for monsters.  No... to be honest, they were so beautiful as to almost demolish my self-confidence as a woman.  Her cheek and the bridge of her nose, which I glimpsed out of the corner of my eye as I was hung aloft, were so soft and full that, though we were of the same sex, my hand made to reach out to them, and my eyes were drawn to her lips, as bright red as if they had been rouged, every time they spoke.  Even the line of her jaw was fine enough to make members of her own sex jealous.

 

—What caught my eye even more were the parts that make a succubus a succubus...

 

Her hair, which seemed devoid of color, appeared to shine dimly, almost as if it were made of moonlight.  That hair, each strand of which was unbelievably fine, leapt softly in tandem with the succubus movements, and gave her an air of mystery.  Her eyes, which expressed a strong purpose, were stained black, making their ruby-red pupils stand out.  Their strong-willed radiance was a bewitching one that might charm even members of her own sex.  Moreover, the silvery wings and tail that spread lightly from her back swayed slightly, as if to keep her balance.  Dyed a bewitching, glossy white, they called to people's instincts to keep clear, and at the same time conveyed an undeniable fascination.

 

"That was faster than I thought... I suppose I should have expected no less from the 'strongest' 'hero'?"

 

"Ngh!!"

 

—I ground my teeth at the succubus' teasing words.

 

I didn't have it in me to deny them.  After all, it was a fact that I was a "hero" and had been called the "strongest" in Lescatié.  Surely objecting to that would itself have been strange.  Still, it was nothing but frustrating to hear it from the succubus who had defeated me without even letting me get close.  I wouldn't exactly have been happy to hear it said in normal circumstances, but when this monster said it I could hear only sarcasm.

 

"Oh my... but I wasn't being particularly sarcastic, you know?  Actually, I meant to finish things by binding you properly, but you were stronger than I thought, and I ended up having to make you faint."

 

—In other words... aren't you just saying that you're that much stronger than I am...!?

 

I had of course fought intending to kill this succubus.  After all, my opponents were the bitter enemies of the Chief God, and those who would disturb the order of the world.  If those monsters were to succeed in entering Lescatié... El would be in danger too.  That was why, without conceit, I had fought as always with all my strength.

 

But it seemed that even so I hadn't been able to draw out my opponent's full power.  Actually... not one sword-stroke of my attack had reached her, so surely that was to be expected.  She had apparently spoken to follow up my thoughts, but I could only think she had done so in order to clearly display the difference in our power.

 

"But... I'm glad you seem to be worth the trouble; you're... very lovely. "

 

—So saying, the succubus embraced my body from behind.

 

An inexpressible chill ran through my body, regardless of the warm body pressed against it.  In any case, the other was a monster.  My body struggled in response to those words, in which it sensed danger to itself, but, still restrained by the tentacles, it could mount no suitable resistance, and ended by doing no more than squirm.

 

"G, get away from me!"

 

"No.   After all... I've finally managed to catch some first-rate prey; how could I let it get away?"

 

The succubus replied thus to the words I shouted to compensate for my body's inability to resist.  I couldn't see the expression of the monster who had drawn so close to me, but I was sure it must be triumphant.  In fact, I could see quite a tinge of complacency in that act of embracing me tightly from behind.  I wanted to insist that it was conceit, but as I now lacked any means of resisting her, I had no room to do so.

 

—Calm down, Wilmarina... there's no point losing your temper now...!

 

Telling myself that, I suppressed my loss of composure.  Actually, as there was no way for me to resist in my current situation, I ought to avoid expending strength unnecessarily.  After all, seeing that there was nothing I could do with a frontal attack, my only option was to look for a gap and break through.

 

—But... first-rate...?

 

Thanks perhaps to my repeated instructions to myself, my thoughts had regained just a little composure, when those words recurred to my mind.  I had been called "beautiful," "lovely" and the like before—of course, more than half the time they had been empty compliments—but it was the first time I had been called anything like "first-rate."  It wasn't a word that would normally be used of a human, and it ought not to be.  Besides, my face and figure couldn't but be overshadowed when compared to those of the succubus behind me.  Even in Lescatié, people who surpassed me in looks weren't that rare, so... I didn't understand why she would go so far as to call me "first-rate."

 

"Hee hee...   Does it seem strange to you...?  But it's the truth!   I mean, you're... lying to yourself, aren't you?"

 

"Gh...!!"

 

I was greatly shaken by the succubus' words, but even I didn't know why that was.  I had always meant to live true to myself.  It was true that I had occasionally been carried along by circumstances, but I didn't think I had ever lied to myself.

 

"I, I've never..."

 

"You haven't...?  Then... who's the person most precious to you...?"

 

"That's..."

 

—Of course... it was...

 

I shook my head to deny the image of a red-haired youth.  It was true that El was my childhood friend, and that he was precious to me, but a "hero" couldn't have such a partner.  A "hero" needed to attend to and protect everyone equally, so...—

 

"Hee hee... You can't say it... or maybe it won't come out...?  If you form special relationships... you can't say that you'll protect everyone, and then... you couldn't become an ideal 'hero,' right? "

 

—The succubus spoke as if she understood, and her words were right on the mark.

 

Something cold flowed down my back at those words, which seemed to have peeked into my mind.  But mind-reading techniques hadn't been developed even in Lescatié.  It had to be a mere coincidence... or else a bluff.

 

—If it wasn't... I...

 

A sharp pain ran through my breast, as if to mask my ugly self secreted within it.  In the moment I was preoccupied with that sensation, which felt as if my heart had been pierced with a needle, the succubus' hand softly slipped in through the opening in the breast of my tunic.  Even that clothing infused with unparalleled defensive and anti-magical capabilities, which was my personal armor as a "hero," was unable to obstruct the monster's hand.  I realized that the succubus' slender fingers were crawling inside my white one-piece, which had readily permitted the invasion.

 

"So... first I'll break that for you...   I'll chip away... your hero's mask... "

 

"Kuh... u... uh."

 

In an instant, I realized that the monster was burying her claws in my exposed cleavage.  There was surprisingly little pain as they scratched my skin.  On the contrary, a throbbing ache ran through me, and I ended up wanting her to touch me again in spite of myself.  But, going against the state of my body, my mind rejected that desire.  Surely that was only natural.  After all, she was an enemy I ought to hate, and a member of a race that had to be destroyed.

 

"Still... these clothes are surprisingly sexy.   There's this opening at the breast... and the skirt is so short, too... the children who fight at your side must have a hard time holding back their lust. "

 

"I... I don't exactly dress like this because I like it..."

 

The opening in the chest certainly was embarrassing, and it wasn't as if I wouldn't have liked a little more length in the skirt.  Still, the reason for the chest was that I got itchy when I got sweaty, so there was no ulterior motive there.  The length of the skirt was because, as a "hero," I moved around a lot on the front lines, and I couldn't do that if it were too long.  Trousers were uncomfortable because of the itching, and so this was the only possible result.

 

"Well then... I wonder how you felt when you first put this on...?"

 

"Well, I..."

 

I needed clothes that could be worn as a normal one piece while still bearing religious symbols hear and there.  Still, I had been unused to it at first, and felt embarrassed about the exposure around the bust and skirt.  It hadn't exactly been just once or twice that the opening in the bust had been rudely stared at.  Such things hadn't happened much recently... but every time it did... I couldn't say that I hadn't thought about if the gaze had been El's...—

 

"Hee hee...   So I was right; you did want to be looked at by a special someone, didn't you?   And... you wanted him to get all worked up... and attack you, right...?"

 

"Y, you're wrong...!  I, I...!"

 

I'd only wanted to startle him a bit.  I'd wanted no more than for him to take even a little notice of me.  But wanting him to attack me...?  Such a shameful thing had never once crossed my mind...—

 

—N, no... i, in the first place, I'd never thought of El like that...!

 

"Eee... gh...!"

 

The instant I made that denial, the succubus' hand softly spread open the bust of my tunic.  The gesture, seemingly intended to bare my underclothes, expelled my bust through the hole in the open-chested one-piece.  But the opening at my chest was a little too small for my breasts, and it ended up squeezing around the base of my nipples.  By cheeks burned with shame at that appearance, which seemed designed to emphasize the size of my bust.

 

"See...?  Don't you think this is a very sexy look...?  Maybe you can get him to attack you if you wear it like this."

 

"He, he's not like that...!!"

 

—El wasn't the sort of man to give in to his lust.

 

After all, if Lady Mercè was looking after him, his grades in practical skills must be among the best.  

His marks in classroom learning, too, were well above average.  In the past few years, he must have been just about the only man the instructors at the training academy here had given their seals of approval as having no problems in mind or body across the board.  Even without any additional information, I could tell that El had matured still just as he was in my memories.  That youth, whose kind eyes, sparkling with purpose, were still just as I had seen them so many times in dreams, would surely never attack a member of the opposite sex without her consent.

 

"Oh?  There is a special someone, then?"

 

"Ah..."

 

—The succubus' words made me at last realize my blunder.

 

Every last one of the questions I had reflexively denied had assumed the existence of a "special someone."  Having realized that, I searched my mind for some retort, but could find none at all.  Almost as if my instincts approved the monster's words, no rebuttal came to my mind.

 

—But... but... she was wrong...!

 

El was just a childhood friend.  At the very least, he couldn't be my special partner.  If that wasn't the case... if it wasn't... I... I would...—

 

"Oh my... Stubborn, aren't you...?  Well... it's more worthwhile making you fall that way... isn't that right? "

 

"Y... you're not done yet...!?"

 

The succubus sounded delighted.  In response to my rejoinder, spoken nine-tenths in bluff, the monster's fingers began to move.  My body complained of an itch where the fingers seemed to caress the surface of my exposed breasts.  It was nothing I couldn't endure, but it was accompanied by a sensation that seemed strangely to remain in the core of my breast.

 

"Of course not!   On the contrary... I'm just getting started. "

 

"Guh..."

 

—As she spoke, the succubus' fingers began to spread...

 

Each finger moved about as if it were a separate organism; they were crawling over my skin like snakes.  Their movement was limited to gently caressing the upper half of my bust, and it seemed that they had no intention of forcing their way inside my bra just yet, but surely they would do so sooner or later.  Just thing about that time was enough to send something cold flowing down my spine and make me want to scream.

 

—But...!

 

I was a "hero"; I was everyone's hope.  Even if no one was watching me shoulder everyone's expectations and wishes, I couldn't allow myself to react like an ordinary girl of my years.  Having so sworn to myself, I shut my lips tight; shut them so that no scream would leak out.

 

"Hee hee...   Giving me the silent treatment now?"

 

She must have perceived my condition.  The succubus still sounded delighted.  Foreboding boiled up in me at her voice, which gave the impression of a cat taking pleasure in its prey's desperate attempts to escape.  My instincts cried out that I must not remain like this and ordered my body to resist, but no matter how I twisted and turned, I couldn't break free of the tentacles' restraint.  In order to find a gap, I ought to keep quiet and pretend to...—

 

"Hyah!"

 

"Tee hee...   ...Did I startle you...?"

 

I clenched my teeth at the succubus, whose tone was like that of a child who had succeeded in some mischief.  My involuntary cry was surely the reason for her triumphant attitude.  But surely anyone would have ended up crying out if a thick, tepid liquid suddenly oozed onto them from the tentacles restraining their arms.

 

—No way... W, what is this...!?

 

A viscous liquid, thick like slime, penetrated my leather guards and encroached as far as my clothing.  The slimy, tepid sensation was simply disgusting; so much so that I felt driven to get in a bath and wash the liquid off at once.

 

"But don't worry...  it's certainly nothing bad. "

 

—You mean to say this isn't something bad...?

 

It seemed that this disgusting feeling wasn't bad as far as the succubus was concerned.  In my excess of frustration I wanted to say something, anything to dispute her, but nothing I said to this monster would do any good.  It was even possible that she would, on the contrary, be delighted at getting a reaction, so sinking into silence should be the right thing to do in this situation.

 

—Ugh...  It's already to my armpits...

 

But even while I made up my mind, the liquid continued to flow, and the slimy sensation to spread over my body.  The feeling provoked a physiological revulsion in me, and sweat rose on my skin.  The moment I felt that dampness travel down along my spine, just like the liquid, the monster's fingers quietly left my breasts.

 

—...Huh?  ...Hyaaah!

 

As I mentally tilted my head in puzzlement at the succubus' behavior, two tentacles stretched out from beside me and began to play with my breasts.  The same liquid was of course also clinging to those tentacles, which reached up softly from below as if to lift me up and rescue me.  In the blink of an eye, that liquid, which possessed frightening powers of penetration in spite of its viscosity, had soaked through my underclothes and spread its dominion even as far as my bra.  And yet, the sensation of it differed slightly from that traveling along my sides.

 

—It's... almost like... an itch...

 

Perhaps my chest was just more sensitive than my sides, or perhaps the succubus had done something while she touched me, but each time the slimy liquid came into contact with my bust, the same ache as when I had been ensnared was revived in the depths of my breast.  No, it wasn't merely revived; that ache, stronger and fiercer than before, through my mind into disorder.

 

—Why is... something like this...!?

 

That sensation, almost like an itch, complained to my reason that it wanted to be touched.  I couldn't comprehend its voice, which entreated me for a renewal of the earlier stimulation.  But... but the succubus was an enemy I must destroy.  I had to defeat her for his... for El's sake, too, so... to want to be touched by her was...!!

 

"Are you confused because your body is aching... and you've come to desire my touch, perhaps?"

 

"Ngh!!"

 

The succubus, who had gotten behind me without my noticing, flashed a confident smile.  Her words, which again seemed to see through to my true feelings, made me show my dismay on my face in spite of myself.  That reaction must have struck a chord in the monster's heart, because her expression had changed to a smile with a tinge of superiority about it.

 

"You see, that syrupy liquid you're touching...  is sexy stuff that makes girls' bodies ve–ery sensitive. "

 

—Is that... why...?

 

If the succubus was telling the truth, then this ache in my chest, which had become difficult for me to deny, was all due to this liquid.  It was typical of a monster to employ such obscene and base methods.  I was sure that she thought she could make me submit in this way.  But I was a hero who had received the power to protect people from the Chief God: there was no way that I, who possessed a more than ordinary resistance to magic, would yield to something of this degree.  My body could still endure the ache in my chest, and my mind wasn't about to give in, either.  I... I could still resist this succubus!  In front of me as I affirmed this to myself, the monster softly opened her lips.

 

"Well, that finishes the explanation, so... you want me to smear this over your whole body for you now, right...? "

 

"...What...?"

 

Dispirited by those words, I stared back into the succubus' face in spite of myself.  But the monster just stood there with a smile that practically sparkled, and would not reply.  Instead, the tentacles restraining my legs rose as if to twine themselves around me, and covered me up to the thighs.

 

"Eee...!"

 

That wasn't all.  Several more tentacles stretched out to my sides and belly, smearing them with liquid.  My clothes, which the liquid soaked and clung to, were muddied and ought to have felt unpleasant.  But, perhaps because of the explanation the succubus had just given me, the skin soaked in the tepid liquid was growing just a little hot.  My mouth sought oxygen in an attempt to suppress my rising body temperature, but right now even I wasn't sure what I might blurt out if I opened it.  If, by some chance, I were to beg the monster for forgiveness, I wouldn't be able to show my face to the many people who depended on me, so... even though it would be tough, I ought to keep my mouth shut.

 

—Still... even as I deliberated, the tentacles continued to creep over my whole body...

 

With the exception of my face, there was hardly a spot on my body that wasn't being touched.  As proof of that, my whole body was covered in the liquid, and my clothes were clinging to my skin.  The color of my skin could be seen through the cloth of my belly and in other places, creating a suggestive sight.  Having become strangely excited in spite of myself, I reflexively averted my eyes from my own form.

 

—But... the oozing ache didn't lessen...

 

The ache, which seemed to permeate my nerves, would not vanish simply because I averted my eyes.  The liquid was steadily encroaching on my body, making it sensitive.  I strove desperately to deny the part of myself that felt a queer pleasure at the sensation the liquid transmitted to my skin, which had been merely unpleasant a short time before, but my body felt as if every nerve in it were exposed, and I could not silence its complaints; on the contrary, they were growing gradually more forceful.

 

"I think, perhaps... you're nearly ready... "

 

"Hee...!"

 

The instant the succubus' fingers traveled smoothly along my right flank, an electric current ran through my spine.  Accompanied by a shivering chill, it pierced my brain and made to steal the strength from my body.  It was surely only my continuing to cling to the dignity of a "hero" that allowed my body, which seemed on the verge of collapsing in spite of itself, to stand firm.  In the face of a powerful numbness, I embraced a powerful bewilderment; it seemed that I would have crumbled easily had I not done so.

 

—What was... that... just now...?

 

Never in my life... had I even once tasted a sensation like that... dozens of times sweeter than ticklishness.  No such sensation had ever welled up when I touched my own side, but just now it had been brought about by the hand of a succubus, my enemy.  My thoughts were entirely filled with the fear and bewilderment of that experience.

 

"How do you like it...?  The world of pleasure enhanced by dozens of times? "

 

—Pleasure...?  This...?

 

Now that she mentioned it, it did feel good... or it could be put that way.  At the very least, it was a fact that the desire to be touched had been momentarily satisfied.  The skin that had known that sweet sensation — which, according to the succubus, was pleasure — complained even more forcefully that it wanted to be touched more.

 

"This is the world of monsters...  the place you'll be stepping into from now on... "

 

—This is... what monsters...

 

I couldn't keep myself from swallowing hard at the succubus' words.  A thrill of pleasure would run through my body no matter where on it I was touched.  What would happen... if... if she were to touch my breast or the like while I was in this state?  I felt a faint desire mingled with anticipation and curiosity slowly budding inside me.

 

"Hee hee...   Have I piqued your interest, perhaps?"

 

"Ngh...!!"

 

The instant I heard the monster's delighted words, I realized the danger of that desire.  I mean, it was an idea the monster affirmed.  An idea approved by a race that worked to harm the humanity and the Chief God must be absolutely impermissible.  After all, as a "hero" for the race known as "humans," which had received the favor of the Chief God, hating monsters had always been a quite natural, obvious thing.  It was unthinkable that I, a hero, would have my interest roused by a monster, and it was surely inexcusable.

 

—Besides... besides, how could I be... by mere sensitivity...!?

 

I couldn't believe that the stimulation which seemed to lay my nerves bare was a good thing just because it felt good.  I had no sexual experience, so I could only guess, but surely that stimulus was too strong for a human.  While it felt good, the excess of pleasure was stealing more than a little strength from my body.  But being a "hero," I had confidence in my physical strength, and so I would never submit even to this pleasure.

 

"Well then... why don't we give you a little more personal experience... "

 

"...Ngh!"

 

I tried to tell myself that as tentacles crawled over my body.  And yet, the sensation of them clearly differed what I had felt until then.  I had had hardly felt the tentacles touching me before.  The slimy sensation of the liquid had been strong, but the tentacles themselves had felt vague, almost as if they were made of mist.  But now I had a clear sensation of being touched and played with.

 

"No... ah...!"

 

It should, of course, have been impossible to describe that sensation as feeling good.  Who in the world would call being touched by tentacles dripping with slimy liquid a pleasant feeling?  And yet... contrary to all reason, I was clearly taking pleasure in it.  My liquid-covered arms, belly and legs... that pleasure was transmitted to me through all of them and refused to stop.

 

—Even though it was with... these hideous tentacles, I...!

 

There was no way I could admit that my, a "hero's," body was delighting in being toyed with by those things, which were only tools for raping and humiliating women and had no will of their own.  Honestly, it would have been a hard thing to admit even if my partner had been a human man.  There was only one person in the world I wanted to be touched by...—

 

"Aaahh."

 

The moment my thoughts reached that point, the slimy sensation penetrated to my chest.  That forcible intrusion through the gaps in my bra caused my breasts to spill over and fall, exposing even my nipples.  Of course, there was no way that that would be enough to satisfy tentacles that were the servants of a succubus.  They twined themselves around me as if trying to rub the newly exposed skin with their own scent.  Every time the tentacles rubbed my breasts, making them sticky with the liquid, they lingered and made indecent, wet sounds which aroused by embarassment.

 

—It's embarrassing... but...!  I don't want it, but...!

 

"Ooo... Nnh! "

 

When I felt the touch on my breast, I let slip a high-pitched cry in spite of myself.  That cry, which even I had never heard pass my lips before, was surely one of pleasure.  Even as I analyzed my response, a heat kindled in my cheeks.  Surely that too was natural.  I mean, the succubus in front of me couldn't possibly have missed hearing me, and...—

 

"Hee hee...   It sounds like you're starting to enjoy it... "

 

"Th, that's obviously just your imagination, isn't it...!?"

 

Even while I made that obstinate reply to the monster, whose cheeks were splitting into a delighted grin, my own cheeks were growing even redder.  I knew that it was what she wanted, but in spite of that I couldn't help being roused to embarrassment when I was ridiculed in this way.  Still, my mind was by no means filled with that alone: even now a pleasurable sensation, shocking as an electric current, was being transmitted to me through the tentacles fondling my cleavage and the outer circumference of my breasts.  That stimulus was so great that it seemed it would dissolve my brain to mush and shatter my oath to keep silent; I didn't know what might happen if I didn't put on a brave face.

 

—There has to be... some... some way...

 

Seeing that it was becoming difficult for me even to remain silent, I became aware that I was being pressed harder than I had expected.  Until now, I had vaguely believed that "I'm a hero, so I'll definitely be okay," but that conviction was greatly shaken and was crumbling.  Having come to that realization, I thought desperately, but my thoughts were interrupted by a wave of pleasure that blindsided me in the middle of those speculations.  My thoughts were tossed about like a little boat in a storm, and I could hit upon no plan of escape.  The restless feeling within me began to grow worse as I struggled, and my breathing was growing more ragged in step with the mounting pleasure.

 

"My goodness...   I see your mouth is already starting to open, and you're making quite an enchanting face... "

 

"Haa...   So... it... it's not just your ears... even your eyes have gone senile now...!?"

 

Just as the succubus said, my mouth was already half open in spite of myself.  My composure was so far gone that I could no longer even keep my mouth closed, and I felt that I would go crazy if I didn't keep encouraging myself with strong words.  No... the pleasure being poured into me was now making even that dangerous.  The pleasure being transmitted to me through my whole body made my mind tremble and a heat writhe in my belly.  And then I realized that that heat, which seemed as if it would melt my insides, was changing into a moistness.

 

"Your legs have been fidgeting for a little while now, too; how very lovely... "

 

"Oo..."

 

When I turned my attention downward in response to the succubus' words, I saw that my legs were indeed moving as if to rub against each other.  And yet, due to the interference of the tentacles, they could not meet skin no matter how they tried.  The syrupy feeling of pleasure from their skin rubbing against the tentacles of its own accord was creepy up my spine.  I knew that the signals traveling muddily down from my brain to meet them were thrusting into the interior of my belly and making that place melt again.

 

—She's wrong... this is just... an instinctive response to try to shake off the tentacles...!

 

Having become conscious that I was clearly getting pleasure by those acts, I murmured to myself unthinkingly.  But the words only reverberated vainly in my pleasure-filled mind.  I was astonished to find that not even I could believe them.  I mean, it was sure proof that I was beginning to wish for the pleasure.

 

—No... that couldn't be...  It wasn't...!

 

But this pleasure was just too strong.  It seemed to be trampling and smashing my dignity as a human; someone who had received no training would probably have yielded to it.  But I was a "hero" who had sworn to defend the world from succubi until her last breath, and I had trained my whole life for just that purpose.  My body would never... would never seek pleasure like this...!!

 

"So...?  It feels good, doesn't it?"

 

"Of... of course... not..!  It feels disgusting... so bad I feel sick to my stomach...!"

 

—Even so, my pride remained unbroken.

 

Why not admit that I was indeed getting pleasure right now?  My face probably was becoming slovenly, too, just as the succubus said.  Surely it was also true that I was coming to feel pleasure due to an instinctual response.  But I was still a "hero."  There was no way that, the people's hope, would yield so easily.  So, however worn-out I became... even if it seemed that my dignity as a human would be broken... I had to go on being a "hero."

 

"Hee hee...   I love the stubborn ones. "

 

"Is that... Ooo...  ...so?  I... hate... Eee...  y... you... though."

 

"Oh dear... that is a problem."

 

The succubus looked as if she were genuinely troubled by my bluff.  I sensed something unpleasant in the way she softly laid a hand on my cheek while seeming to consider.  I hallucinated a wild beast waiting before me with its jaws open, and my body tried reflexively to flee.  My bound body, however, was incapable of any resistance worthy of the name.  On the contrary, my body rubbed against the tentacles as it stirred in its attempt to flee, and ended up making my spine leap with a start.

 

"In that case... why don't I give you a present as a symbol of our new acquaintance? "

 

"A... pre... sent...?"

 

"Yes.   A ve–ery lovely... wonderful present... alright...? "

 

—So saying, the succubus softly touched the index finger of her right hand to my breast.

 

Even just the sensation of her nail eating into my soft flesh was enough to make my skin, stained so many times by the liquid, thrill with pleasure.  The moment I felt myself about to cry out in spite of myself, I had a hallucination that some hot substance was being poured into that spot.  My body writhed at that feeling, which was just as if muddy, boiling hot water were being poured into it.

 

"Does it hurt...?  Just try to endure it a little longer... "

 

"Oo... aah... nnh! "

 

The succubus spoke a little regretfully, but I did not feel the same.  I mean, despite the high degree of the heat pouring from her fingertip, it didn't hurt at all.  On the contrary, that heat traveling along my nerves and spreading throughout my body carried with it a sense of security and comfort like that I felt when I abandoned my body to the water of a warm bath.

 

—But... of course, that wasn't all...!

 

My body was growing steadily more sensitive, almost as if the liquid were being poured directly into my body through the monster's finger.  Because even now the tentacles were crawling over the surface of my body in that state, the feeling was intolerable.  The movements of the tentacles on my inner thighs were particularly fierce, and their vigorous rubbing felt almost as if they were raping my skin.  That feeling, which combined visceral revulsion with pleasure, was also growing steadily larger within me once more...—

 

"Hyuuuuu! "

 

In spite of myself, I let out practically a shriek in response to the succubus finger, which had suddenly begun to glide across the surface of my breast.  That movement was slow and deliberate, almost as if she were trying to bury something deep inside me.  But still, my soft flesh was certainly being made sensitive to that pressure by the heat being poured into it.  Just that slow, steady movement was enough to draw countless sweet cries from my mouth.

 

"Fuuahh... Aah... "

 

"Well then, next... how about here...? "

 

"Kyuuuuu... "

 

It was my right cheek to which the succubus next turned her finger.  There too she moved her finger with deliberate care while pouring heat into me as before.  My body leapt more than a few times in response to that syrupy, melting feeling on a portion of my skin nearer my brain.  Even as I felt "pleasure" swell up many fold within me and shake my dignity as a "hero," I continued to desperately endure.

 

"Hee hee...   Will this do, do you think? "

 

When, so saying, the succubus withdrew her finger, an unfamiliar pattern adorned the surface of my breast.  Just what that bluish-purple mark signified, I didn't know; all I was sure of was that the seal would never vanish.  After all, that design, through which a sharp, throbbing ache ran, had been carved by the hand of this monster and no one else.  There was no way a monster who multiplied her race by obscene methods would give a "present" that would simply wash off.

 

—Ah... I've been... defiled...

 

The indecent sigil was carved up to the edge of my areola.  It meant that I could never show my nakedness to anyone else again... not even to my future husband.  No, it might be more than just my breast.  After all, the succubus' finger had poured the same heat into my right cheek as well.  I couldn't be sure without a mirror, but just the idea of it was enough to make my heart cry out in anguish, and almost crumble.

 

—Like this... I can't face him anymore...!

 

My face had been marked with an obscene tattoo.  More than anything else, it would surely be seen by many as proof that I had yielded to the succubus.  As long as I exposed my face, I would always have people pointing and gossiping behind my back.  As... as a "hero," that wasn't exactly something I couldn't endure.  After all, a "hero" was someone who protected people no matter what sort of calumnies they received in return.  I, who had thrown away happiness as a woman, would not quail at such looks.  But... but... if... if he looked at me with the same eyes... if that happened... I would...—

 

"Kyuuuuunn! "

 

—Wh, what... is this...!?

 

Just imagining it was enough to make my lachrymal glands slacken, and I was on the verge of tears when the tentacles again twined themselves around me.  The pleasure of it was incomparable to what I had felt so far.  A sensation as if my already heightened pleasure had been multiplied by several times more raced through my whole body.  Especially intense in my head and hips, it was stealing the strength from my body.  I scolded my own crumbling body for its failure to obey my will, but it was in such a state that, were it not being supported by the tentacles, it would likely have soon collapsed.  As proof of that, my legs were trembling like those of a newborn fawn.

 

"Aah...   Kuu... hee...! "

 

But even that trembling ended up increasing my pleasure.  I mean, my skin and the tentacles around my legs rubbed against each other with every movement.  That stimulation, weighing on top of the sensation as if the whole of my legs had become an erogenous zone, was more than sufficient to cause a sweet cry to escape my mouth.

 

"Oh my... making your legs shiver like that...  I'm so glad you seem to like it. "

 

"Oo... kyuu...   D... don't... look...  Ngh! "

 

I tried to scowl at the delighted-sounding succubus, but I failed utterly.  I felt my feelings of pleasure running in a single direction: a vague sense of fulfillment, as if currents of water that had been racing about my body every which way were now all going the same way.  Surely that feeling, as if I had found a goal somewhere within myself, ought by all rights to be praised.  But it was no youthful impulse which now found its course within me; it was pleasure.

 

"Fuah... aah!   Aaaaahhh! "

 

—Aah...  Com... ing...  Something's... coming from inside me...!

 

It's point of departure was deep inside my belly.  The pleasure, swirling round and round, suddenly reared its head from that place, which felt as if it were melting.  Seeming almost to burn my insides, it was spreading along my nerves in a single rush.  And yet, it was unaccompanied by pain or anguish, and was not even unpleasant.  On the contrary, that heat brought with it pleasure, and made me hallucinate that my insides were being melted.  Then the melting flesh coiled around my nerves, making my body more sensitive than before and driving it to new heights of pleasure.

 

"Hee... aaaaahhh! "

 

The sensation, rising without limit, made me feel as if my body were floating lightly.  But the reality was the opposite.  The strength had at last gone out of my legs, which had kept up a desperate resistance until now, and they had crumbled from the knees down.  The shivering of my violently shaken legs was an expression not of resistance, but of pleasure.  I felt disgusted with myself, but the tentacles continued to drive pleasure into me without stopping, as if to toy with my crumbled, unresisting legs.

 

"Kuuuuunn!  "

 

It wasn't just my legs, of course.  It was my breasts and belly, too.  The tentacles moved as if to bind my breasts in particular from outer circumference to cleavage, making me let slip a high-pitched cry.  The pleasure spreading to my whole body from the sensitive skin into which the design had been carved united with the earlier heat, and felt as if it were making me float up on and on forever.

 

—In that state, my consciousness floated far, far away, and...

 

"Hu... h...?

 

"Oh...?  Have you realized, then?"

 

When my consciousness, which seemed to be going off high into the sky, at last returned to my body, that body had become just as heavy as lead.  It troubled me that, try as I might, I could move not one finger.  My body, which had difficulty even to stand unaided, was supported by the tentacles throughout.  The tentacles weren't moving now; perhaps even they had no taste for playing with unresisting prey.  And yet my skin, become exceedingly sensitive, obtained pleasure even from even the faintest movement of my body, and made me let out long, sweet sighs.

 

"You came magnificently. "

 

"Came...?"

 

I tilted my head in bewilderment at the word, which I had never heard before.  Several candidates were listed in my brain, but none seemed to fit.  Perhaps it was because my thoughts were just as sluggish as my body... or else...—

 

"Acme.  Orgasm.  Climax.  I don't know which you prefer, but... for a woman, it's certainly a form of happiness."

 

"Happiness..."

 

—Certainly... it was...

 

Up to the moment my consciousness had abruptly receded, my body had been growing soggy and mushy.  There had been no anguish or grief in that sensation, which felt as if anything and everything were being mixed together.  That feeling, as if I would become a creature that only felt pleasure, was surely sufficient to represent "the absence of unhappiness," and I could even understand how some people might call it "happiness."  And yet...—

 

"Wouldn't you like more happiness like that...?"

 

"...I... refuse."

 

"Oh dear... whatever for?"

 

"Because I... don't want... to acknowledge a thing like that... as happiness."

 

—That's right.  Such a thing wasn't happiness, or anything of the kind.

 

"Happiness" was a warmer thing.  For instance... yes.  I thought that something warm and filled with a sense of security, like when El had been at my side, was suitable to represent "happiness."  In comparison, that... which lacked warmth, which lacked a sense of security... which was only mere pleasure, was far from happiness.  At the very least it seemed so to me.

 

"Oh dear... it wouldn't be unusual for an ordinary child to fall from this, but... perhaps it's to be expected of a 'hero'..."

 

The succubus murmured, touching a hand to her cheek as if troubled.  Even her words, with their hint of mockery, didn't bother me now.  They were, after all, proof that I had been able to alter the monster's scheme, even if only slightly.  My mind had grown muddled... but it could still resist, and my dignity as a "hero" was yet unbroken.  Cheering myself with that for support, I silently raised my face, which had seemed about to hang in shame.

 

"No matter... what you try to do to a 'hero'... with things like this... it's... use... less..."

 

"Is that so...?  In that case... you won't mind even if I end up doing something a little bit more intense, will you...? "

 

I sensed something intensely unpleasant in the succubus' words.  Just what more would be done to me?  Such anxiety spread through my mind at a stroke.  Again my instincts called out to me to flee, but strength still refused to enter my limbs, and I remained limply exhausted.  Even my eyes, which alone obeyed my will, were cast downward as soon as I relaxed my attention, and seemed on the verge of slackening with pleasure.  As I watched the succubus leisurely approach me again in that condition, I gulped in spite of myself.

 

—But... I don't want to give in...!

 

Even in my worn-out mind, the will to oppose the succubus still remained.  My face had already been etched with an indecent seal by her hand, and that would surely make it difficult for me to live among people.  If I abandoned myself completely to the succubus, I would probably have a much easier time of it.  At the very least... surely nothing more horrible than this would be done to me.  But it wasn't as if I was a "hero" for the fun of it.  I became a "hero" to protect people, and to be a symbol that gave them hope, so... that wasn't a choice I could possibly make.

 

"For the time being... how would it be if I stir up the inside of your vagina with this little one here...? "

 

—As she spoke, the succubus gently stroked an especially thick tentacle that sprouted from the floor.

 

Those words caused a convulsion to occur in my throat, and I felt myself on the verge of raising a short scream in spite of myself.  I mean... the tentacle looked to have the thickness of a grown man's arm.  If I were pierced with such a thing, I would surely die from it.  And... and besides, I was...—

 

—E... even though it's my first time...!

 

My body, which had never been permitted to anyone until now, was going to be raped by a tentacle without even a will of its own.  Just the thought of that disgrace was enough to make a bitterness spread through my breast.  It would probably be no exaggeration to call the large hole that gaped open in my wounded breast "despair."  My lachrymal glands seemed about to slacken in spite of myself, my legs were ruled by a feeling as if they were about to crumble, and a hallucination that I was falling into darkness without end welled up in me.

 

"Now... are you prepared, I wonder...? "

 

"Ooo..."

 

There wasn't even time for my mind, shaking with fear, to come to terms with reality as that tentacle came nestling up between my thighs.  It bent as if it meant to dive into the underside of my groin like that.  It looked just as if I were being made to sit on the tentacle, and my legs reflexively tried to close in response.  But my legs, from which the lingering reverberations of climax had even now not entirely faded, were still coiled in tentacles and could hardly move.

 

—Beneath me, the tentacle moved swiftly and smoothly...

 

"Oo... aah... "

 

Unlike the other tentacles, that one now had something sensual about it, and it pulsed steadily.  My mind stiffened in fear at that pulsation, which almost to say that it was about to violate me.  But opposite to my mind, my body delighted and caused a sweet numbness to boil up from between my legs.  That sensation, incomparably more vivid than that from the caressing of my breasts, thrust into the interior of my belly and caused the heat which had burned down to be revived.

 

—No...!  I can't... take any more of this...!!

 

Now, after all I had gone through, I was going to be violated by a hideous tentacle.  That fear alone was enough to push me to my limit, but my mind and body were showing separate responses, just as if they had been torn apart.  My mind or my body; which ought I to obey?  No, to begin with, I had lost sight even of what I ought to do; a doubt had been born in my mind, and it shouted fainthearted complaints.  The dignity of being a "hero" was trying desperately to suppress it, but even that dignity had begun to creak and strain.

 

"Hee hee...   You've already become muddled and sopping, I see...   Well then... just like this I'll rub slime that will help you become more honest with your feelings all over your insides... "

 

"!!"

 

At the same time she spoke, I realized that the tip of the tentacle had softly pushed my underclothes aside.  Ahead of it was, of course, a part that no one other than myself had ever touched before.  That hideous tentacle was touching the entrance to the part that, as a woman, I had to treasure more than anything.  My mind was crumbling to pieces at the actual feeling of it.  My dignity as a "hero," which until now I had always held to and which had never been broken, had at last split clean in two, and a large crack had developed in the shell around my heart.

 

"No!  No!  Save me...!  Save me, El...!!"

 

The pure complaint of my heart, without shame or honor.  It came gushing out through the gap in my cracked heart.  I had always suppressed it before, but now it could no longer be halted by reason.  And my body was no exception to it, either.  My limbs struggled with a desperate violence, displaying resistance as if trying to dispel all of their pent-up anger.  In that struggle there was no longer any thought of conserving my strength, only something like a petulant child who shows that they don't want to acknowledge the reality before their eyes.

 

—But still... I had no chance of breaking free of the tentacles by doing that, and...!

 

If I had been at my best, the story might still have been different.  Now, however, I had been violated by aphrodisiac venom and could not move my body as I wished.  The tentacles weren't kind enough to release me, still in the grip of that disordered condition.  Even I understood that.  And yet... even so, I was already... at my limit.

 

"El...!  El...!  Save me...!  Save me...!"

 

"Hee hee...   So, it's finally come out... "

 

—At the same time she spoke, the succubus's hand softly brushed my cheek.

 

The hand that stroked my tear-stained cheek was warm; it was just like being caressed by mother.  My heart, on the verge of going to pieces from unease and fear, calmed just a little at that caress, which caused me to feel a maternal warmth.  But the one who gave it was a succubus — a member of a race it had been decided by the Chief God that I should eternally oppose.  At the very least, she wasn't someone for whom to feel such an emotion... not someone to see as a mother, or anything of the kind.

 

"Not the lines of a 'hero,' but... the words of a single girl... "

 

Still like that, the monster faced me and smiled.  The succubus' beauty was outstanding to begin with, even for a monster, and her smiling like that was enough to make me hallucinate that a flower had bloomed.  I shook my head to deny that delusion and the works the succubus had spoken.

 

"You're wrong...!  I, I...!"

 

"Oh my... You really don't have to deny it like that, you know?  You want whatever boy you like to come save you, after all."

 

"That's..."

 

That was probably so.  But... but I was a "hero."  It was my role to protect and lead him.  No... rather... a "hero" mustn't make any special connection.  I had to become an ideal "hero" for his sake, too...—

 

—...Hu... h...?

 

My thinking was horribly mismatched.  I finally came to realize that.  And yet, surely, my thoughts would not so simply return to normal after many years of being twisted.  I no longer knew just what was mistaken, or which was correct...  No... to begin with, I didn't even know which were my true feelings.

 

—In that state, the succubus quietly hugged me close, and...

 

Contrary to her practically transparent pale skin, her body was very warm.  So much so that I came to want to abandon myself to her entirely, just as if I were being embraced at my mother's bosom.  Of course, there were thoughts complaining that that was dangerous inside me as well.  But my mind, having at last realized the self-contradiction it had held for many years, was in pieces... and unable to resist.

 

"Poor thing... repressing yourself like this...  You've had quite a hard time, haven't you...?"

 

—And then... those kind words smoothly came into my heart.

 

Surely those words were like poison, flowing in through the fissures in my cracked heart.  Even I understood that.  And yet... the succubus' words were unbelievably kind.  After all, those words warmed me as if to fill the cracks in my tattered heart one by one.  For me, who had lost sight of my support, her words were too kind... and too sweet.

 

"It will be fine... I'll teach you properly from the beginning...  You see, your contradiction... stems from using someone precious to you as a reason to be a 'hero.'"

 

"Someone... precious..."

 

—At her words, El floated to the surface of my mind.

 

El.  My precious childhood friend.  The person who had always protected and guided me.  And yet... now it was different.  No, it had to be different.  I mean, I was a "hero," and... no, that was wrong... "I" hadn't wanted to become a hero... just... someone he... could be proud of...  I just didn't want him to hate me...

 

"That's right.  A long time ago, you... ended up seeing a side of the people you respected that you could never respect.  One of them was your blood relative... and another was one of your teachers.  So... so, you were scared, right?  You were afraid that you might end up becoming like that too... and you didn't want him to see, right?"

 

"Th... that's..."

 

—That was the past I had always kept shut up under a lid until now.

 

I didn't even want to remember it... that day of parting.  I had seen the figures of the two people I respected drowning in wine.  I had always felt ashamed... of myself, who, with the mind of a child, had felt that I didn't want to become like that.  The man who had made time in his busy schedule to give me training and the father who had raised me.  I had never been able to acknowledge... the me who had thought the figures of the two of them unsightly.

 

"So... you tried to become the 'fine adult' that you made your ideal.  So that when you were able to reunite with him some day... you would be able to hold your head high.  But... because of your being chosen as a 'hero,' it changed to an 'ideal hero,' and... 'Wilmarina,' who held Elt precious, ended up being driven deep inside."

 

"..."

 

—I didn't have it in me to deny her words.

 

Even I knew it to be true.  The fact that I had bound myself hand and foot, and had been driving my "self" inward... and the fact that that "self" had by no means vanished, even now.  Even so... I couldn't admit it.  I mean... the "me" I had always tried not to look at until now... "Wilmarina" might just be an unthinkably unpleasant woman.  Rather than that... the "hero" that everyone hoped for and expected was much more righteous... or so I told myself.

 

—In regards to El... she was too obvious, and...

 

"So, you can can't do anything but conduct yourself as a 'hero' in front of him.  You didn't want him to hate you, and he might not like 'Wilmarina'... so you adhered to your 'hero' self to excess."

 

It was surely as the succubus said.  Because I had always gone on being a hero... because I had continued to avert my eyes from "Wilmarina"... I had ended up coming to possess no self-confidence.  For that reason, I had been unable to reveal "Wilmarina" to El when I was at last able to reunite with him... and I had ended up hurting him.

 

"But, you know, is a 'hero' really such a wonderful thing?"

 

"Huh...?"

 

—Those words of hers caught me off guard.

 

The chosen ones who had received the divine protection of the Chief God.  The few people who had been entrusted by the Chief God and other deities with the task of guiding and defending.  That was the image of a "hero" in my mind.  That was why I had devoted myself to trying not to hate anyone or to form any special connection, in order to lead and protect people equally.  Of course, that was because there was much that resonated with the image of a "hero" inside me.  And yet, the succubus squarely repudiated such a "hero," and softly stroked my hair, clinging with sweat.

 

"Try to think back ve–ery hard...  Your trying to be a 'hero' ended up hurting both you and the person precious to you, didn't it...?  Because you wanted to protect more people, you ended up ignoring the number one reason you've kept at it."

 

"That's..."

 

—Those were, of course, words that I couldn't possibly deny.

 

His expression of hardship from my youth was resurrected in my mind.  A look in which was mixed the resignation of having seemingly wanted to say something and being unable to begin.  That was... surely something that, by all rights, El could never have expressed.  At the very least... if I hadn't become a "hero," of all things, he would never have been wounded like that.

 

"There's no such creature as a 'hero'; you're just an ordinary human, you know?  Coming to like someone and coming to dislike them... are both natural functions of the heart, and no one at all can deny them."

 

—How easy things would be if I obediently nodded my head in assent at those words.

 

It wasn't as if there was no voice whispering to me to do so in response to her kind words.  And yet, I couldn't make that choice.  Of course, it wasn't because I was a "hero," or anything of the kind.  Something simpler... something it was quite ordinary for a "human" to seek: virtue was whispering the word "duty" to me.

 

"But... I actually am a 'hero.'  I have a duty to wield the power I've been granted for somebody else's sake..."

 

"Oh dear... might those 'somebodies' be... the people who forced you to be a 'hero'?"

 

"!"

 

—Her words, which might even be called scathing, pierced my breast.

 

I was at a loss for words in spite of myself, and the succubus stood quietly before me with a pained expression.  That look, just as if her heart were afflicted by some affair of her own, must surely have been tied to my circumstances.  I wasn't sure exactly how much she knew of my affairs, but... at the very least, she certainly knew about "that."

 

"I was surprised when I peeked into your dreams.  I mean... in your dreams, almost everyone except Elt was forcing you to be a 'hero.'  Your family and colleagues and superiors and subordinates... they all treat you as a 'hero.'  But if even one of them had told you 'it's alright not to be a hero'... things might have been different... Surely you've always thought so too?"

 

"Stop...!"

 

—That was the ugly part of "Wilmarina" I had kept hidden for so long.

 

The ugly thought that wanted the duty to fall not on myself but on others.  It still existed inside me.  Surely, just as she said... in the end I wasn't a "hero," but a mere human being.  While I had felt glad that they had called upon me to be a "hero," I also had feelings of unease and constraint.  It wasn't only once or twice that "Wilmarina" had doubted the people who, without understanding the heavy responsibilities of a "hero," did nothing but press them upon others.

 

"Is it necessary to hurt the person most precious to you for the sake of such people...?  Is it necessary to soil your precious memories?  Is there really any value in continuing to stifle your feelings?"

 

"There... there..."

 

—...The word "is" would not emerge from within me.

 

After all, I... really... really was tired.  Tired of myself, who could only be seen as a "hero," and couldn't conduct herself as anything else.  Tired of the life of always being forced to exercise strong self-control around everyone, with no place to relax.  Now that I was conscious of "Wilmarina," who I had been suppressing, if I were asked whether I wanted to go back to that life... the answer would unquestionably be "no"... and yet... my heart was too heavy to fully affirm it...—

 

"Have you reached a point where you can neither affirm nor deny it, perhaps...?  Well... I suppose so.  It isn't easy to suddenly decide to change everything about the way you've lived until now."

 

—So saying, her hands softly went around my back.

 

At those hands, which caressed me as if comforting a child, my eyelids drooped of their own accord.  Those kind, motherly hands would no longer treat me only as a "hero."  I felt my fractured heart being healed and soothed by them.  And then, the moment that I felt my tears spill over and fall along with a sigh that had not been permitted to escape until now, she once again directed those kind words at me.

 

"So... I'll change you.  So that you'll be able to become honest with your feelings... I'll repaint you as a 'monster'... "

 

—The instant my eyelids snapped open in surprise at that, I became aware that a black substance was coating my limbs.

 

Even more viscous than the earlier liquid, it slowly eroded my clothing and came into contact with my skin.  And the instant it did so, a feeling of pleasure ran through the part that had been touched as if it were about to burst open.  At that sensation, fierce and bearing some resemblance to static electricity, my body leapt with a jolt.  But, held by the tentacles, it had no escape, and the black stuff was slowly expanding its dominion.

 

"Aaaaaaahhh!  "

 

—To it... even my wrist guards and clothing were no exception...

 

Different from both the liquid and the tentacles, it was dying the portions it touched completely black with deliberate slowness.  My arms, still held over my head, were already almost entirely swallowed by it, and their color had changed to pitch black.  Inside it, I felt something soak into my skin along with a squelching sensation.  Along with a sensation as if it were wrapping up my very cells one by one, my body was gradually heating up and melting.

 

"Hya... ah!   Hyuuuuuuu!  "

 

Having turned to mush, my cells were being reborn into something new and different.  It was just as if my self were being rewritten into something else, and I tried to scream more than once from the fear of it.  What emerged from my mouth, however, were only moans of pleasure, which bore not the least resemblance to shrieks.  Without even raising a cry of bewilderment, my mind, too, was transmuting into some else again.

 

—Wha... what... is this...!?

 

The sensation of transmuting into something other than myself.  It was surely something at which I ought to feel terror.  But though my mind, melted to mush by pleasure, was transmuting, I felt no fear whatever.  On the contrary, I felt only a sense of liberation as of breaking a cocoon that had imprisoned me even as it protected me.  I even hallucinated that not just my mind but my body too was floating lightly up and might go on flying forever.

 

"Hee hee...   There's nothing to be afraid of... "

 

"Hyaaahh...  "

 

Just the sensation of the succubus caressing my cheek as she spoke was enough to make my spine leap with a jolt.  My body, drained of strength by the waves of pleasure that surged over it, pitched limply forward.  The black stuff was slowly but steadily creeping up even to my bottom, which had come of its own accord to be in a position as if I were sticking it out.  The moment transformative waves slowly seeping in through my skin reached the interior of my belly, the pleasure became still stronger.  The moment I raised another lovely cry at the pleasure, which was close even to the climax I had felt just before, she who embraced my quietly smiled.

 

"After all, you'll only be returning to 'the real Wilmarina'... isn't that right?"

 

—The real... me...?

 

My heart, being transmuted by pleasure, shivered in delight as if it had been seeking those words.  No... I was sure I had been seeking them for a long time.  For a long time, I had been hoping that someone would relieve me of the heavy burden called "hero."  Unfortunately El had not been the one to do it, but my feelings for him hadn't changed at all.  On the contrary, my heart, in the process of returning to "the real me," that it liked El, that it loved him, and those feelings were being made to flare up larger than ever.

 

—Aah... El...

 

The face that floated to the surface of my mind was a shy, smiling one I had never seen.  He, who had not changed at all since we were children, would surely smile so.  And... and then, just like that he would happily answer "I like you too."  Our feelings having been communicated, just like that, we would, still embracing each other, move to the bed...—

 

"Haa...   Aaaaahh! "

 

The moment my consciousness surrendered itself to those wild ideas, I realized that my entire body had been dyed pitch black.  It was just about only on my face that the color of my skin was allowed to show through, and everything else had been invaded by the black stuff... — no, by the succubus' magical power.  At this rate, I would surely end up turning into a monster before much longer.

 

—And yet... in my current state, I eagerly looked forward to it...

 

To me, with almost all of my body melted to mush and my mind changing into a thing befitting a monster, that was no longer a thing to be resisted.  On the contrary, I thought only of wanting to become "the real me" and return to where he was as soon as I could.

 

—Soon... El... I want to meet you soon... I want you to accept my feelings...

 

And then I would be sure to heal him just as much as I had hurt him before.  I didn't even care if I had to use my body to do it.  ...No, on the contrary, I ought to use my body to comfort El.  I wasn't so arrogant as to think that I could fill in the wounds in his heart with pleasure, but he was after all a boy, so must have some interest in sexual matters.  If I were to service him in plenty with the licentious body of a monster, he might even become my captive.

 

—No... I have to make him my captive.

 

Life had left him large scars.  I couldn't leave the task of covering them to a fickle human woman.  I... only I, who had become a monster body and soul... only I, who could captivate him and devote myself to loving him all life long... could do that.

 

"Fuaa... ah... "

 

—The instant my thoughts reached that point, my field of vision too was dyed pitch black, and...

 

Unable to hear anything, unable to see anything, not even smelling anything... a space one might even call nothingness.  Surely there would be nothing strange if it drove me half mad.  And yet, I didn't panic.  Even now that I had almost lost my five senses, I knew the pleasure whirling inside me... and the warmth of her body, embracing me tightly and becoming a guidepost for me.  I was sure that I would be alright if I left everything to her.  It was the moment that this baseless confidence filled my breast that I was visited by a sensation as if something were pushing its way out of my back.

 

"Aah...   Coming...  Something's going to come... "

 

The strange sensation of something growing from inside me.  At that, a cry of protest escaped my black-dyed mouth.  I knew from the trembling of my skin that she was saying something to me in response.  I didn't understand the contents of her words, but judging from the hands caressing me as if to comfort a child, she was certainly trying to put me at ease.  The moment I felt a feeling of gratitude to the succubus for that, the succubus magic began to vanish like a mist clearing from my field of vision.

 

"Hee hee...   Congratulations...  No... perhaps 'good morning' would be more appropriate... "

 

—Before my eyes she smiled softly, and...

 

That expression, delighting at the birth of the new "me," was filled with warmth.  That motherly expression made me feel ashamed of myself for having resisted this lady.  I mean, she was being so tender and loving to me.  Surely it was inevitable that I, who, without understanding even that, had been baring my animosity at her just because she was a monster, would seem stunted in comparison.

 

—I wanted to convey my gratitude, but...

 

At that, I finally realized that I didn't even know her name.  Not knowing what in the world I ought to call her, my mouth opened and closed repeatedly.  After hesitating like that for several seconds, I made the word charged with the most respect I could muster climb into my mouth.

 

"Mo... ther..."

 

"My goodness... I'm delighted to hear you call me that. "

 

So saying, she softly stroked my head.  Surely I would not have been able to frankly accept that caress, like one might direct at a child of five, when I had been a "hero."  As I was now, however, I could more than sufficiently comprehend the kindness put into that gesture and sense the bigness of the lady's love.  I narrowed my eyes and accepted the kind caress, for which it would be impossible to feel any dislike.

 

"But... all the same, 'mother' is a bit... you know?  Please call me Deruella. "

 

"Lady... Deruella..."

 

I had a feeling that I'd heard that name somewhere before.  Surely it belonged to a person against whom a special worldwide alert had been issued.  But even if it were so, what did it matter?  Even if Lady Deruella was a being against whom the whole world was on guard, it made no difference to my gratitude.  After all, it had been she, and no one else, who broken my "hero's" shell and set the "real me" free.

 

"More importantly... look; you've become very pretty... "

 

—Lady Deruella snapped her fingers and full-length mirror slithered up from the ground between us.

 

The woman in the mirror had curved, jet black horns on her head, and reddish-purple wings sticking out from her back.  Below them a tail was swaying in obedience to her will.  The coat-like garment she wore concealed almost nothing but her private parts and exposed nearly all her skin.  There was only a mesh of threads coming and going from her chest to my belly, and everything from her bellybutton to her narrow waist was exposed to view.  Leather belts were wrapped around her belly as if to cover it, but the buckle that held them, like the symbol of the Order hollowed out, failed utterly to fulfill the role of obstructing the gaze.  On the contrary, by subtly concealing her skin, they made her appearance all the more suggestive.

 

—And the woman thus attired was herself even more licentious...

 

Her large teats, engraved with a bluish-purple seal, were full and supple, and swayed slightly with every movement of her body.  The excellent complexion of her skin appeared almost to be shining even under the dim light.  There was something bewitching about that glow, and coupled with her fascinatingly beautiful aspect it seemed almost to be inviting the hands of men.  And, lower down, it could be told at a glance that her waist was unbelievably fine, while her thighs were voluptuous.  I swallowed hard in spite of myself at the lascivious figure, which seemed to be showing off its animal femininity.

 

—Her face, too, was unbelievably obscene in its appearance...

 

A great many beads of sweat stood out on her flushed skin.  Even that sweat, which further increased the bewitching atmosphere of her glossy skin, seemed to be shining with a lascivious, inhuman radiance.  That sweat left several long tracks down a cheek on which a light purple design was drawn, and past a sluttishly half-opened mouth.  The tongue and sharp, protruding canines it revealed seemed to be expressing the insatiable desire of the woman reflected in the mirror.  Furthermore, her bright red eyes, choked with tears, sparkled flirtatiously, as if endeavoring to arouse passion in whatever they looked at.

 

—This is... me...?

 

The figure of a succubus splendid enough to show herself anywhere without shame.  It took me just a little time to figure out that it was now mine.  And yet, it certainly wasn't with any bitterness that I recognized that fact.  After all, the alluring monster reflected in the mirror was so charming... and beautiful, that my "hero" self could never have compared with her.

 

—If I'm... If I'm like this, even he will...

 

The lascivious and beautiful figure of a monster.  Men who would not be glad to be approached by such a woman were surely few in number.  Surely... surely El too would be delighted by such a form.  Surely he would fall captive to me.  Feeling that reaction, I directed a smile at Lady Deruella, who stood quietly beside the mirror.

 

"Thank you very much... "

 

"I tried changing your clothes too as an extra, but... do you like them?"

 

"Yes...   They're very sexy and... lovely... "

 

—Lady Deruella flashed a satisfied smile at my cheerful response.

 

At the sight of my savior's delighted expression, I grew glad again myself.  Mt face split into a smile, but it was far from the one I had worn when I was a "hero" to put people at ease and give them courage.  It was surely an expression befitting a succubus, mixed with powerful desire and even intoxication.  At the very least there was no longer even a fragment of my "hero's" mask to be found in it.

 

—Aah...  I'm so happy...

 

When I had been a "hero," the expression I was making would have been unthinkable.  That alone was enough to fill my breast with delight.  In proportion to how far removed I was from the "hero" that had been nothing but a heavy burden to the "real me," I felt a sense of liberation as if I were bound by nothing.

 

"Hee hee...   With that look, I'm sure you'll soon fit right in in the world of monsters...   Actually... how does 'our world' sound to you?"

 

"I think it sounds very... very wonderful... "

 

My new monster's body was quite well adapted to a sensitivity that I certainly could never have accepted when I had been a "hero."  The feelings of pleasure that ran through me like electric shocks at the mere rubbing of my clothes against my skin had, in fact, become irreplaceable sensations that made feel alive.  El's face rose in my heart at each with each shock, and its presence went on uninterrupted.  I was able to think of the person I loved at all times.  That sensation was surely something I could never have understood when I had been a "hero."

 

—But... now my heart was closer to that of a succubus, and...

 

My heart, liberated from the heavy burden of being a "hero," was giving birth to a hallucination that I might go flying off to anywhere at all.  For me, feeling as if not only my mind but my body too had grown light, to continue thinking only of El might even be said to be a matter of course.  I mean, everything else was nothing more than fetters that had been binding me for such a long time.  My family, beginning with father, and my comrades in the Order of Holy Knights, and the people who had cheered me on... there was not a trace of any of them to be found within me.  What there was was a burning feeling of love for him, and nothing else.

 

"I'm glad to hear you say so...   But you're still an infant who's only just taken her first step into this world...   So... I'll do a good job teaching you a monster girl's ABCs, alright...? "

 

"Yes. "

 

I replied to Lady Deruella's words with a speed close to instantaneous.  Of course, it wasn't as if I had no desire to show El this body at once, but Lady Deruella was a kind lady who had patiently attended to me when I had worn the mask of a "hero," and even foolishly tried to resist.  There was no way that she would ever do wrong by me.  I was sure she must have some plan.

 

"What a good answer...   Well then, first...  why don't we begin your studies with the ways to please a man? "

 

—As she spoke, Lady Deruella snapped her fingers...

 

As if in answer, two tentacles again slithered up from the surroundings.  A little thinner than my wrists, they wriggled, twisting and turning, and twined themselves around my arms like spoiled children demanding attention.  I found their winsome forms, which had been only objects of disgust just a short while before, to be sweet.  That feeling was surely not unrelated to the fact that these tentacles were making me feel good, and in doing so causing me to be reminded of El.

 

"Start by pleasuring those...   As for the method... of course, you already know that, don't you...? "

 

—I answered Lady Deruella's almost teasing words by quietly grasping a tentacle in each hand.

 

Those, their tips tapered to points, surely bore not the least resemblance to male genitalia.  An instant later, the tips of the tentacles swelled and rounded as if blood had concentrated in them.  Even I, with my meagre sexual knowledge, knew enough to tell that they were imitating penises... no, cocks.  And... the succubus instincts that had taken root within me taught me what I ought to do to make them feel good.

 

"Now...   For his sake... and for yours, complete your rebirth into that sexy new body of yours, alright...? "

 

I nodded my head once in assent to kind, lascivious Lady Deruella's words, then slowly began to stroke the tentacles.

 

 

 

—There's no such thing as an absolute defense.

 

A way to protect oneself not only from all forms of attack, but from poison and natural disaster.  Such a thing was surely impossible even for Lady Deruella, as mighty as she was... no, even for the Chief God, who was said to have created the world.  In that way, protecting everything was like destroying everything.  The Chief God, capable only of waging a war by proxy against Her Majesty the Dark Lord, couldn't protect everything.

 

—And if that's the case... defenses made by people couldn't possibly be anything like absolute...

 

The barriers were woven with various magics designed to detect the approach of monsters.  I slipped through them easily.  That secret path, which I had reported on and pointed out to my superiors many times when I had been a "hero," had been cleared in the belief that Lescatié, possessing as it did a greater number of heroes than any other country, would never be targeted.  Even though I had known that at the back of that attitude lay the expectation that we heroes would wish to supply the immense funds necessary to reinforce the barrier from our own purses, we had been unable to effect any improvement.

 

—But... I suppose I ought to be thankful for that now...

 

I thought such things to myself as I lowered my feet onto the roof of a familiar lodging house with a thump.  I would say that I could not have broken through if there had not been such a loophole, but it would surely have taken me much longer to make it this far.  If things had gone poorly they might have dragged on until morning, and I would probably have had to remove "obstacles" even before conveying my feelings to El.  When I thought of the labor and loss of time, I could not but feel grateful to Lescatié's top brass.

 

—Now... then... El's room is...

 

It was right in the middle of a five storey building, on the left end of the third floor.  He was currently residing in one of the private rooms allotted to high-class soldiers.  Of course, it wasn't as if I had found that out just now; I had checked up on it as soon as I'd learned that that El had joined the Order of Holy Knights.

 

—Perhaps... I'd wanted to sneak into his room at night like this...

 

I'd wanted to know anything I could about him.  That had been my only feeling at the time.  But now that I had cast away my sundry fetters and become the "real me," I wasn't so sure that there hadn't been a licentious expectation at the back of that emotion.  However much I had tried to temporize myself as a "hero," there could be no doubt that the "real me" I had been suppressing deep inside my breast was a mere woman, after all.

 

—Hee hee...   Well... I suppose that's got nothing to do with me now...

 

However I had been in the past, I had no doubts about what I was going to do now.  Coming to that conclusion, I kicked the roof softly and flung myself into the night sky.  My wings flapped open and checked my fall, and, floating lightly, I drew near his room.  My hand crept to a third floor window, it's curtains drawn, and it opened without any resistance whatever.

 

—A little careless... isn't he...?   Or else, maybe he was hoping that I would sneak into his room for some...  

 

As I thought such things to myself, my body slipped smoothly in through the window.  A smell of sweat wafted to my nose as my feet landed on the floor.  He must be tired from training day after day.  I felt almost as if my nose was being penetrated by that somewhat pungent odor.  Still, it wasn't at all unpleasant.  On the contrary, as it enveloped me I felt a sense of safety as if El were hugging me tight.

 

—Aah...    This is El's... El's scent...

 

The scent of my beloved's sweat, savored with a monster's sense of smell.  While filling my lungs with that, which might even be called luscious, I quietly surveyed my surroundings.  His room, furnished with only the bare minimum — a regulation bookcase, desk, dresser and so on — was tidier than I had expected.  I was glad to see that, as it showed the serious disposition of the occupant, but at the same time I felt disappointed that I would be unable to taste the feeling of a new wife tidying up, as I had wanted.

 

—Still... that's not the real issue at hand...

 

I could hear a sleeper's regular breathing from bed which lay along the wall by my left hand.  When I turned my eyes in that direction, I saw that his back was to me, his characteristic red hair swaying.  I could never mistake that hair, which seemed to assert itself even in the darkness.  The sleeper was unquestionably El, my childhood friend, my beloved.

 

"E–el...  "

 

"Uuh... nn..."

 

As if in response to my sweet request, he turned softly over in his sleep.  By that motion, El's peaceful, sleeping face was exposed to my eyes.  That gentle, sleeping face gave a somewhat innocent and even childish impression on me.  Seeing that on the face of a youth my own age reminded me vividly of when we had played together in childhood... and caused a sweet throbbing to lodge itself in my breast.

 

—If he's going to show me something like this... there's no way I can control myself...  

 

Even just having been able to get close enough to El that I could reach out and touch him was enough to push me to the limits of endurance, and yet he showed me such a lovely face as this.  My body was approaching El, blowing away my faint hesitation over whether I ought to wake him when he was sleeping so peacefully.  In that state I advanced one step, then two, and then sat down on the edge of the bed, stripped away the thin blanket, and pressed my lips against his as if they were drawn to them.

 

—Smooch...

 

The small sound of a kiss resounded in the quiet room, and at the same time the softness of El's lips pierced my breast.  The squishy, peculiar sensation was softer even than sweets made of gelatin, and more delicious.  But unlike gelatin, several fine cracks stood out on their surface.  I'd heard that after being made to work as hard as he could in training, he, being Lady Mercè's favorite, was being made to accompany his superior drinking as well, so... he must surely be exhausted.

 

—...If it were me... If it were me, I wouldn't do such things... I would put your physical wellbeing first, El... I'd do whatever would make you happiest...

 

I was roused to feelings of jealousy and rivalry by the image of Lady Mercè that appeared in my mind's eye, and I made my tongue crawl softly along his cracked lips.  I licked the cracks conscientiously one by one, making sure to keep my tongue covered in plenty of saliva.  Every time I licked El's soft lips a refreshing sweetness as of a juice made from fruit was transmitted to me through my tongue.

 

—Delicious...   El's lips... are so sweet and delicious...  

 

Their refreshing, elegant sweetness was more luscious than any delicacy I had ever eaten.  I could not resist their dangerous fragrance, which seemed as if it was going to melt me to the marrow of my bones if I continued to eat.  Lead by my instincts, I made my tongue crawl passionately.  And yet, as my saliva gleamed that sweetness was gradually going out of his lips, from which the cracks too had vanished.  As soon as my body's frustration at that caused my chest to throb and momentarily to tighten, my tongue accidentally parted his lips, and made contact with his oral cavity.

 

"Fuaah... "

 

That alone was enough to make the earlier sweetness wrap itself around my tongue.  But it was so concentrated that it could not be compared with that of just his lips.  My body responded to that sensation, which seemed about to melt not just my bones but my brains as well, by further exposing its greed.

 

"Fuhyuuu... ooo!  "

 

—Sweet...   So sweet...  

 

Almost as if to welcome me, the lining of his mouth, in contact with my tongue, made me a present of that first-rate nectar — of his saliva.  My tongue, lapping that up as if literally bathing in it, was dancing inside his mouth as if entranced.  Saliva also overflowed from my own mouth, which had lolled half-open of its own accord.  It traveled along my tongue and poured into El's mouth.

 

—Aah...   To think that a kissing felt this good...

 

Of course, when it came to kissing I had yearned and dreamed as much as anyone.  But I had never even imagined that it would be so pleasurable and sweet as to make shivers run along my spine.  Just kissing like that was enough to make not just my body but my brains numb and melt, and to set my heart pounding; it felt as if I was going to become one with him.  I became dazed and devoured his mouth eagerly.

 

—Oh no...   After I've tasted something like this... I won't be able to eat anything else anymore...   I'll end up wanting to do nothing but kiss as long as I live...

 

The cocktail of our mixed saliva was far richer and more lascivious than the cloudy liquid I had tasted before.  Moreover, even as I was kissing him and odor was rising from his body and causing my womb to ache with expectation.  The sensation of that ache boiling up from within my body along with pleasure and a sense of fulfillment drove me into the domain of a dependence that surpassed addiction.  If, in exchange for being able to eat nothing else, I could spend my whole life just kissing... surely that would be an unmitigated joy.  Such things were all I could think of.

 

—This... this is all thanks to you too, isn't it El...?   Because you're so lovely, little by little... I... ended up falling in love with you...

 

Deepening my dependence on El's saliva meant the same as deepening my dependence on him.  It was to the extent that, even as I was kissing him, my love for El grew gradually larger until it seemed on the verge of overflowing.  And then I was running my tongue all over the inside of El's mouth as if trying to return my love to its source in him.

 

—That love of mine would reach him, and...  

 

I realized that El's eyes, which had been peacefully closed the whole time, were slowly opening before me.  There was a look of suspicion in the eyes that were being turned to me, sweet saliva pouring from my mouth.  But as he had only just regained consciousness, he must still be half asleep.  He was still just staring blankly at me and displaying no reaction.

 

—Hee hee...   Still a sleepyhead, I see...

 

Even when we were children, waking up had been the only time I had been able to act like an older sister.  It wasn't only once or twice that I had, first thing after rising, dragged El, sleepily rubbing his eyes, from his bed.  In spite of myself, I couldn't help being glad that his low blood pressure hadn't changed a bit since then.

 

—Still... he won't stay that way for long...

 

However much of a sleepyhead he was, there was no way he would continue to battle with drowsiness forever.  To say nothing of the fact that I was currently right in the middle of stealing a kiss.  Surely his mind would soon spring to life at that, which as far as he was concerned was a surprise attack.  I realized that his face was colored with shock and bewilderment, and his arms were moving as if in an effort to push me aside.

 

—Ooh...  Don't be like that...

 

Before they could reach me, however, they were seized by my hands and pinned to the bed as if sewn to it.  His legs didn't give up and tried to struggle on in spite of that, but were stopped by my legs and upper body leaning on top of them.  El still tried to struggle against me, now lying on top of his sleeping form, but he had no chance of matching my strength now that I had changed into a monster.  No matter how much El tried to resist, my limbs didn't give an inch.

 

—After all, if you're going to be mean to me like that... then I'll end up being mean to you too, you know...?

 

Trying to run away from me, of all things, was a bit too horrible even for being mean.  I understood that he was surprised at having been kissed while he was sleeping, but I was a wee bit hurt.  In an effort to get even for that, my tongue was leisurely penetrating further into his interior.  El's teeth, half opened in surprise, were unable to intercept me, and my tongue was able to make contact leisurely with his.  As for what I ought to do next... of course, the instincts of a succubus, which had taken root in me, taught me that.

 

—First of all... I'll give him a good tickling...

 

I selected a caress from the mountain of licentious information, tracing his tongue with the tip of mine.  When I had assiduously licked the bumps of his tongue just once with the sharply tapered tip of mine, El's arms gave a startled shiver.  A shiver ran through my spine at the adorable reaction of his arms, which I could tell had been trained even just by gripping him like this.  I ended up entranced again by that sensitive response, which I certainly didn't know from my rehearsal with Lady Deruella.

 

"Juru...   Juru... ru. "

 

"Nnn...!"

 

But contrary to myself, El seemed not to be pleased.  He moved his tongue to the right and to the left as if trying to escape from mine.  As I pursued, I recalled the games of tag that we had often played in childhood.  His tongue was soon caught, just like back then, when he would sometimes deliberately allow himself to be caught by me, comparatively slow on my feet, and imparted to me a sensation that was both soft and warm.

 

—Ooh... you're not being honest with your feelings, so...

 

As I pursued him a second and then a third time, his movements were growing just a little more sluggish.  I was sure that my kiss was causing El to feel ve–ery good too.  As for myself, my body was so worked up that I was on the verge of cumming just from feeling the heat of his body and tasting his sweet saliva.  It might not seem so even to the average monster, but some fraction would know from the slight flush of his cheeks that El was coming to feel good.

 

—Aah...  Such a cute face...  

 

Even though he was being forcibly kissed like this, a tinge of desire was beginning to show on El's face.  Fish flushed cheeks went without saying, and his eyes too had slackened just a little with arousal.  The gradually shortening interval between the breaths making his chest rise and fall seemed to be telling me he too was beginning to grow excited.  El's resistance grew weaker, as if in inverse proportion to his arousal, and he abandoned himself to me.

 

—So you've gotten honest at last...

 

While licking El's tongue all over, slurping it into my mouth as if to suck it down, I was slowly releasing him.  Sticking out from El's mouth and grown very warm with arousal and saliva, it shivered as if with cold for a full ten-odd seconds.  My mouth, which longed to be filled, could not refuse it.  Even though I had made up my mind to draw away from El, I ended up wanting to kiss him again immediately.

 

—But... right... now...  he's my highest priority...   Isn't that right, Lady Deruella...?

 

Recalling the instruction of the lady who had taught me my ABCs as a succubus, I quietly smiled down at El.  He made a troubled expression at that, his chest heaving up and down.  And yet, even during that interval the fine thing between El's legs hardened and stood erect, lifting the sheets over it.  However much he was reputed to be a good, serious young man, he was still a boy, and he must love pleasure.  His pole, seething with heat and shivering with anticipation, was proof of that.

 

—I wouldn't be surprised... if that earned him reproach in this country... but... to me...  

 

In this country, bound tight by the values of the Order, an erect pole like that would probably lead to one being called a pervert.  But to me, who had become a monster, that was a joyous thing.  I mean... I was the same in loving pleasure and in anticipating what would come next, after all.  We, who held similar values, could surely become happy... as lovers... no, even as husband and wife.

 

"Hlady... Hwil... marina..."

 

El called out to me in a lisping voice, as if my tongue had paralyzed his with pleasure.  Still, it wasn't to hear him address me like that, as if I were a stranger, that I had come here; it was to form a connection more... lovely that I had expressly... come creeping into his room in the night.

 

"Don't call me that... "

 

"Ah..."

 

I couldn't put words to the expression he showed me as I stretched out a hand to his cheek.  It looked as if he were about to burst into tears, and yet was delighted in spite of that.  I couldn't help hugging him tight at that look, which was like that a lost child would make upon finding its mother.  While wrapping El in my voluptuous breasts as if to comfort him, I opened my mouth in an effort to speak words of repentance.

 

"I'm sorry...  Really...  Even though I should have been the one to step forward... I always made walls between us, and I hurt you, didn't I El...?  I'm truly... sorry."

 

—I recalled all the ways I had ill-treated him when I had been a "hero."

 

They had made my breast hurt powerfully.  And yet... they must have hurt him more.  After all, from his point of view, his childhood friend, having been set up in a high position as a hero, had been behaving as if everything before had been a fleeting dream.  I could only imagine that pain and sense of alienation.  I had gone on treating him like that for a long time.  My chest seemed about to burst and my tears about to flow at the mere thought of it.

 

"It wasn't your fault, Wilmarina... no... Mary.  I was so confused myself when I found out you were becoming a hero, so... I've been making walls, just like you did."

 

"Aah... "

 

—As he spoke those words... El wiped the tears that had been steadily rising in the corners of my eyes without my noticing, and...

 

It was just like back when I had been a crybaby... just like when I had been happy, he softly stroked my back.  In spite of myself, several streaks of tears spilled from the corners of my eyes at that, which seemed to warm my spine with each pass.  Surely I could not feel this warm and safe anywhere else... not even at Lady Deruella's bosom.  For me, his breast had a charm that made me want to abandon myself to it completely.

 

"...Will you call me 'Mary' again...?"

 

"If you want me to, Mary... but..."

 

—Aah...   I'm so glad...

 

At the sight of him smiling bashfully up at me from between my breasts, a heat kindled throughout my body.  That, which resembled the feeling of warmth throughout the body one gets after a bath, was surely not unrelated to the fact that he had again called me, who had completely become a monster, "Mary."  El was willing to accept me as "me," without even the usual prejudices of the Order, and my body, in which a passion had been suddenly ignited, was squirming bashfully at the bigness of his tool.  A hot passion again ignited in my lower parts, which rubbed themselves against his of their own accord as if to embrace them.

 

"S, so... how did you end up like that, Mary...?"

 

"Aha. "

 

El spoke as if to gloss over that symbol of seething maleness.  His aim in desperately moving only that portion of his body with a look of embarrassment was surely to keep me from touching his hot pole.  But to me such tactics were transparent.  Gently raising a knee between his legs so that neither one could move, I softly opened my lips.

 

"You see, I...  never really cared about humans, except for you...   I wonder why I said things like that when I was human?  Really, I was such a fool."

 

"Mary...!"

 

There was a tinge of rebuke in that word.  It was surely not because I had become a monster, but because as an individual human he could not overlook my words.  I admired El's willingness to deal with me on an individual level.  And yet... he was still just stubbornly bound by a human sense of values.  Surely right now I ought to find a way to repaint those in the colors of a monster... no, in my own colors, and... perfectly convey my mental state to him.

 

"It was silly, wasn't it?  Saying that I'd save the world, of all things... even though nothing mattered to me as long as I had you...   Don't you think it was silly?  I mean, thinking that because I was a hero I belonged to everyone... even though I'm yours alone... "

 

—A powerful confusion rose on El's face at that exclusive and sweet confession, and...

 

I didn't understand why in the world he there was a need for him to make such an expression.  But at least I was certain that not a hint of rejection showed on his face; while it's expression displayed bewilderment, that was certainly mixed with a tinge of joy.

 

—In that case... I suppose all I have to do is make it grow...

 

"But... the human me didn't understand that...  No.  Even if she understood, she could never have done anything about it.  So... I got myself a body that could... "

 

As I spoke those words, I quietly drew back, so as to peer into the face of him I embraced so tightly.  The gap between us that had just been born could be more than enough to make him take up the sword that leaned against his bedside.  Having made sure of that, I quietly moved my lips closer to his ear with a malicious grin.

 

"El, do you hate... such a woman... no...  such a monster...?  Are you going to kill me...?"

 

"...That's..."

 

He showed more than a little indecision in response to the words I whispered into his ear.  Surely that was to be expected.  If our positions had been reversed, I should have ended up so troubled that my heart would seem about to go to pieces.  I was sure I would have let my sword fall, worrying endlessly at that unanswerable problem.  After that, I would have been raped by him a lot, and... made into a monster.  By the time the scene in my imagination had reached that point, El opened his lips as if he had come to a decision.

 

"Even if you've become a monster, Mary, you're still you.  ...There's no way I could kill you, Mary."

 

—Ahaaa!  

 

It was the answer I had half expected.  Just as I could never have killed El, he couldn't possibly kill me.  I was convinced of that.  But even if I'd known... that answer, accepting me, caused my heart to pound and my womb to ache.  The ache that I had been holding at bay for so long finally broke free, and assumed total control of my thoughts.

 

"That was a mean question, wasn't it...?  I'm Sorry...  But... I'm so very glad...   So... I'll give you a reward to make up for it, alright El...?  "

 

"Mary...?"

 

He cried out in bewilderment as I pressed my breasts against him again, and my hand quietly slipped inside his pants.  Of course, it's objective was his erect pole, the very symbol of his desire.  When my hand, which made smoother progress than even I had imagined, made to seize his underclothes, El seemed to come back to himself at last and grasped his own pants tightly in an effort to resist.

 

"Wai...!  Ma, Mary...!  That's...!!"

 

"You've made your dick this big for me... it's because I kissed you, right...?   So... I'll take responsibility with my body...  "

 

"Oo..."

 

I realized that the words I whispered in El's ear were causing his face to redden.  But there was certainly nothing bad about that.  Because I could see through that shy expression to the desire underneath, and something resembling sexual excitement was definitely mixed in with it.  He too... was anticipating being ravished like this.  My hand, helping that desire along, dragged down El's pants, including his underclothes, in the blink of an eye.

 

"Fuuaaaaahhh...   "

 

In an instant, a rich, sweet smell filled his room.  That dense odor was like the sweetness of milk condensed, and stimulated my sense of smell with its almost choking density.  But to a monster that too was a sensation so luscious as to send shivers down my spine.  Shudders of pleasure raced throughout my body at the sensation of El's scent filling my lungs and enveloping my whole body.

 

—There's no way I can endure something like this...  

 

Having become a slave to that scent in an instant, I gently moved tail back and forth while I sniffed, cooing.  That tail, which moved so skillfully that it was no different from my fingers, circled around in front of me and unfastened the belts that held my underclothes in place.  I realized that, along with the black underpants that landed softly on top of him, my love juices were falling onto El drop by drop.

 

"I am too, you know...   Since we kissed... no... since even before that, I've been at my limit...   So... let's have... sweet, sweet... sex...  "

 

So saying, I gently moved my body so as to straddle him.  With my hips resting on his lower parts, I raised my upper body.  I felt El's gaze penetrate my slowly swaying breasts as they moved away from him.  An oozy, aching desire for him to rub them welled up in my chest, but... more than that I wanted El to see me offering my virginity.

 

—I'll let you touch them lots and lots later... so hold on just a little for now... okay?  

 

Just thinking such things was enough to make the love juices trickle from my cunt again.  The sight of it covering his half-exposed abdominals reminded me vividly of a dog marking its territory.  While embracing the consent and arousal caused by claiming El as my own in my innermost thoughts, I gently grasped the base of his pole with my right hand.

 

—Aah...   So big...

 

The thickness of that cock, hot to the base, was approximately equal to three of my fingers bundled together.  I couldn't tell as to the length because I wasn't looking, but, judging from the its size when I had been pressed against him, it must a little longer than the distance from my wrist to the tips of my fingers.  That hot dick, which shook timidly and on which veins stood out here and there, was about to spread the flesh of my vagina and enter inside me.  The mere idea of that was enough to make my hips shiver with anticipation and my love juices leak out.

 

"Hee hee...   Well then... I'm going to put it in, okay...? "

 

"Wa... wait, Mary!  You can't just...!"

 

"No–ope...  "