Normal Norman - Normality is Heretical #3

>Day BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN in the Canterlot 103rd

>"Hey, Corporal Faggot, check what I got!" - exclaimed Norman as he arrogantly strutted towards Scott

>"Is that a-"

>"A fuckmothering plasma gun! Requisition finally came through and they replaced my old shitty lasgun for it." - said Norman, awaiting to rejoice in Scott's salty tears

>He got the opposite

>"Well, wish I could say it was a pleasure knowing you, but then I'd be lying."

>"The fuck are you talking about?" - asked Norman

>"What you're holding in your hands is a weapon capable of harnessing the power of a sun into a single point in order to obliterate the Emperor's enemies. It's also a weapon with a really, REALLY bad habit of blowing up."

>There was a brief silence between the two

>"Bet I can score higher than you in the range with it." - said Norman, not giving a single shit

>"You're on, pleb!"

---

>"Alr'ght boys, ya'll know the rules. First to hit ten targets wins!" - said Orange, pointing down the range with her bitchin' robot arm

>Getting promoted to sergeant really has its perks

>Then again, beating orks to death with the butt of your gun does wonders for your career

>Scott and Norman glared at each other, aiming their weapons down the range

>"GO!"

>Both began firing immediately

>On Scott's side, cardboard target after cardboard target was perforated with precise laser fire

>On Norman's side, the targets happily waggled from side to side, as Norman was incapable of hitting shit

---

ELSEWHERE

>Having felt a sudden burst of heat pass above her head, Commissar Rarity passed her hand by it

>Only to discover that her commissarial hat had been vaporized

>But even worse

>Her hair had been slightly burned

>"Oooooh, someone's getting blam'd for this!"

---

>"Ha! I win! Suck it down, you philistine!" - said Scott as he dry-humped the air

>"That's bullshit, this thing can't hit the side of a barn!" - yelled Norman

>Orange was quick to get on his face

>"Dontcha be shooting barns while ah'm here. Got it, pardner?"

---

>"Man, this is some bullshit." - said Norman, heading into a bunker

>All over the place, parts for machines were strewn all over

>"Hey, Adam, you here?" - he asked, looking around

>Suddenly, one of the piles of scrap moved

>A being, more machine than man, stepped out of it, it's third robotic arm removing any unwanted debris from him

>"Ah, sorry. Just taking a nap." - he said - "What can I help you with?"

>"I got this plasma gun, but it can't hit shit. Mind looking it over?" - asked Norman, handing it to the cyborg

>"Ooooh, nice. Not a problem." - answered Adam, placing it on a table and immediately taking it apart with his plethora of metal tentacles

>It was strangely arousing

>"Hmmm, doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it." - he said - "I'll keep it for now and see if there's anything I'm missing."

>"Thanks bro. You're the best."

---

>BOOM!

>"COME ON YA'LL, OFF THE BUNKS!"

>"What the fuck!" - thought Norman as he fell off his bunk, getting up and putting on his flak jacket

>With the alarms blaring loudly, Norman was unable to hear the gunfire until he was outside the underground barracks

>It looked as if a full fucking WAAAAAAGH! was descending on our base

>"Oh shit..." - Norman said, realizing he had no weapon

>Almost immediately, he ditched his squad and ran towards the techpriest's location

>He soon ran into an ork

>"WAAAAAAAGH!" - let out the beast. The classic battlecry of the orks

>It immediately turned to Norman, ready to cleave him with its axe

>A flury of laser fire distracted it, however

>"Norman, catch!" - yelled Adam from atop his bunker, throwing the plasma gun at the downed man

>Upon catching it, Norman pulled the trigger

>Clapping and fanfare could be heard all around as the ork was vaporized

>Norman soon realized it was all coming from the gun

>"What the-"

>"YAY! YOU SCORED A DIRECT HIT!" - blared out the weapon

>As Norman looked it over to see what the hell was going on, he saw a sticker on the side of it

>'Babby's First Plasma Gun'