Pones in Finland (PiE) (5/30/13)

This is for comedic purposes, don’t take this story seriously at all. Yes, normally everyone would be speaking finnish, but most people in Finland know english as well.

 

’Ow...’ was the first thought to run through Twilight’s head as consciousness gradually came back to her.

>What in the world happened? All she remembers doing is reading up on that long-distance telepor...tation... spell...

>The unicorn gasped and tried to open her eyes, only to barely bite back some choice words at the splitting pain in her skull. She pulls up what little concentration she can muster after the little pain-ridden episode.

’How embarrassing... I overloaded the spell and passed out! How could I have made such an amateur mistake!’ Twilight seethes to herself silently.

>The mechanics behind the spell were simple enough, make a wormhole the size of a pinprick and force yourself through it to your destination. Not the most comfortable, but it is exceedingly efficient.

>She goes to shift in her position, but stopped halfway in surprise. Is that fabric she felt against her side?

>With extreme care to not let much light in, Twilight cracked open her eyes and takes a look at her surroundings.

>It’s..! Nothing out of the ordinary?

>With a blink, the lavender unicorn realized that she was in somep0ny’s home on their couch. Did some good samaritan find her passed out and decide to bring her in?

>Another look around, however, revealed something not quite right...

>Everything in the room is scaled up by a good 90%, as if this house was built for alicorns or another large race.

>The couch she was lying on could easily seat six or seven ponies and still have room for more.

>Something’s not right here...

>THUMP!

>Any further thought was cut off when the sound of heavy hoof-falls echoed out from nearby.

>As fast as she could, Twilight put her head back down and pretended like she was sleeping. What she saw from her barely cracked eyes was shocking.

>A huge, ape-like creature clad in unusual clothes walked into the room. The enormous strides of its long legs carried it to a recliner in the room with only a few steps. In it’s minotaur-like hands was a brightly colored red can.

>She looked at its head, taking in the unusual features of her supposed host.

>It’s face was relatively flat, lacking a muzzle with a triangular protrusion that must have served as a nose. Its head was mostly hairless, save for a blonde mane. An equally blonde patch of hair is on its chin. From her spot, Twilight couldn’t make out the color of its eyes.  

>It seated itself in the large chair and took a drink from whatever was within the can before looking over to Twilight, a hint of melancholy on its face.

>The unicorn tensed up, ready to jump up and run in case the ape decided to do something violent. What it actually does, however, left the librarian reeling.

>”Poor thing,” it says with a masculine voice. In the in back of Twilight’s shocked mind, she idly notes that it must be male.

>At least she wouldn’t be fumbling when it came to guessing a gender.

>“Who in their right mind would paint a pony? Let alone superglue a horn thing to its forehead?” he continued with a shake of his head. “Some people...”

>Wait what?

>Without even meaning to, the purple pony raised her head and said:

“Hey! I’m not painted! And my horn is natural!”

>An instant later, Twilight realized what she just did.

“Buck...”

>The ape stopped halfway into a drink from the can, his eyes as wide as could be. He turned his eyes to Twilight, disbelief clear within them. Slowly, he took the can away from his mouth and looked from between it and the pony.

>He stood up and walked to an open window before he glanced out of it. With an overdramatic windup, he tossed the can as hard as he could out the window before watching it sail away. He then takes a deep breath that makes his chest swell.

>“Fuck you, Coke! If I wanted LSD, I would go that creepy drug dealer down the street with the pube-stache!” he screamed out the the window so loud that the room rattled, making Twilight freeze up.  

>”Niko! Shut up!” someone the distance screamed back. Was this a regular thing?

>The ape takes a few deep breaths then calms down before rubbing his temples.

>”Well,” he began as he turned to look at the still petrified Twilight with an unsure expression, “I think I’ll check the expiration date on those next time...” he says, obviously referring to his drink. Did he think he was hallucinating? This’ll be fun...

>Twilight mustered up what little courage she could and cleared her throat hesitantly, instantly gaining the ape’s attention.

>Holy Celestia this was nerve-racking...

“Um, sir?” she asked, “I don’t think there was anything wrong with what you were drinking, I am actually here talking to you.”

>He looked incredibly skeptical in the face of the information. “Right... well...” he looks around, biting his lip with indecision. “Alright, fine. Only time will tell if this is some bat-shit hallucination or not. Really, I’m not sure whether to hope that I’m in a coma at the hospital or to hope that this is real,” he finished rather bleakly.  

>That certainly was a far less violent confrontation than Twilight was expecting.

“Um... where do we go from here?” she asked nervously, not exactly sure on how to keep the conversation going.

>He raised an eyebrow in cautious amusement. “In most places, it’s polite to introduce yourself before you keep talking to someone.”

>Twilight felt her face go red in embarrassment. How rude of her! Oh Celestia, for all Twilight knows, she accidentally beamed herself to a different world and she just made a horrible first impression on a new race! Could this be going any worse? What if-!

>The ape, Niko is his name? Meanwhile is watching Twilight slowly melt down with a smile and a few suppressed snickers. It’s not everyday that entertainment like this comes around, after all.

>He thinks about it for a moment, then stands and walks over to the couch where Twilight was still slowly freaking out, before flopping down next to her and startling her out of a potential panic attack.

>This could get him attacked or something, but hey, what’s life without risks?

>He stuck a hand out right out in front of Twilight’s face, making her go cross eyed some to look at it.

>”Names Niko, as you might have heard,” the now named Niko says with a short laugh, indicating the window, “and you are?”

>The pony blinked at the suddenness of the move, but then realizes just what the tall creature wants.

>Cautiously placing a hoof in the proffered hand, Twilight lets Niko’s fingers wrap around her hoof and shake it.

“I’m Twilight, Twilight Sparkle,” the unicorn offered, inwardly happy that no offense was taken for supposed rudeness.

>With a face of befuddlement, the human took his hand away before he grinned and snorted, obviously trying to hold back laughter.

>What’s wrong with him?

“What’s so funny?” Twilight asked with a frown. Is he laughing at her name?

>He calmed some, though he was still grinning and waved off the question with a hand. “Nothing, nothing... homosex vampires is all.”

“What-vampires?” she asks, wondering if she had heard her new acquaintance right.

>...This place is bucking weird. Wait!

“Niko, was it?” the unicorn asks, “where exactly am I?” she asks, inwardly dreading the answer.

>He stopped and looked at her like she was stupid. The glaring ‘duh’ in his eyes made Twilight shrink a little.

>”You’re in my house, that isn’t obvious?” Niko told her, his face unmoving.

>Twilight’s shoulders slump as she processed the incredibly simplistic answer. The answer that didn’t actually answer anything...

“No!” the librarian said, with a shake of her head, “I meant what country? Where am I in relation to Equestria?”      

>Now it was Niko’s turn to shake his head. “Equestria? What kind of fruity name is that? As for what country you’re in...”

>He stood and spread his arms out in an overdramatic pose, his face locked in an expression of mock amazement.

>”You’re in Finland!” Niko says in reverence, like he just saw Elysium,  before he drops the tone and amazed face for ones of boredom, “get used to it, because you don’t simply leave this place.”

“...I’m where?”