Terrible Pony Fanfiction

>"Oh! Anon! I love you, my darling!"

>"And I you, my dear Celestia!"

>"Anon! Kiss me, my love!"

>"Yes, Celestia, it shall be done at once!"

>And then they started making out

>It was all romantic and refined at first

>But then it devolved into a scandalously sloppy makeout session!

>And then who should trot by but Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!

>She was so shocked by the amazing sloppy kissing going on that she gasped loudly.

>"Ah! Cadenza! Would you care to join us? There is plenty of Anon to go around, I do not mind sharing in the slightest!"

>"Why yes, that looks like great fun! I shall join you, indeed!"

>And thus the Princess of Love joined in with the sloppy royal makeout session

>The noise from this amazing session grew loud enough to wake even the great and beautiful Princess Luna, Princess of the Night

>She went to inspect the source of the noise and was utterly amazed at the sight that lay before her!

>They had moved on from mere kissing to outright fornication!

>As the wise Princess Luna turned to leave the depravity before her, her own sister beckoned her to join!

>Princess Luna bravely resisted; but eventually she, too, fell under the human's sexual spell.

>Equestria eventually crumbled without its three Princesses, who became consumed with lust for the human's hot monkey dick.

 

"Oh, yes. This is perfect. We shall post this, at once!"

>Princess Luna pressed the "submit" button

>Surely this was the greatest story ever written, it had everything anyp0ny could want

>Especially that handsome fiend, Anon

>She sighed heavily, praying that Anon would visit her chambers tonight, so that she could show him just what she thought of him...

 

>Elsewhere, Anonymous found himself shuddering, not knowing why.

 

 

[The Next Day]

 

>It's a new bright and cheery day in Equestria

>You are Anonymous, and last night, something weird happened

>Without warning, a wave of cold washed over your body, eliciting a shudder

>It wasn't a cold night, either; it was a fairly warm summer night

>Eventually, you had pushed it aside and gone to sleep

>That was last night, however

>The weird stuff happening today is a different story altogether

>Ponies all over town are giving you weird looks and whispering to each other as you pass

>Every so often, you'd catch the names "Celestia", "Luna", and "Cadence" in those whispered conversations

>You also thought you saw the odd mare or two staring at your crotch

>Every time you turned your head to check, they'd quickly look away

>You couldn't be sure you weren't just seeing things

>Eventually, you reached your destination - Carousel Boutique

>You'd managed to get a job helping Rarity do... whatever

>Some days you'd act as a repairman; others, a gofer; even a maid, a few times

>You didn't mind

>She wasn't too demanding, and she paid well

>Element of Generosity, indeed

>At least, if there was anyone you could count on to be normal around you, it was Rarity

>Well, as normal as a pony fashionista gets, at least

>You knock on the door

>"Coming, darling~"

>The door opens

>And Rarity is staring at you, perfectly silent

 

"What, no 'Anonymous, it's so wonderful to see you,' followed by a list of my tasks for today?"

>"Buh?"

>You give her a concerned look

>"O-oh, pardon me, I sort of lost myself for a minute, there."

>Rarity gives you the nervous smile she uses when she's trying to pretend everything is fine

>"W-well, let's get started! Heh-heh, heh... yes..."

>She clears her throat

>"Today, I'll need you to mount the Prin- er, my new coc- ER, I mean, my new... clock. In the dining room! And then, I was hoping you could use your magic fingers on me- I mean, my sewing... machine. For starters. We'll see who else I need done when you've finished. Your tasks."

"Are you serious?"

>She pushes you toward the dining room

>"Well? That cock isn't going to hang itself up! I MEAN, CLOCK! CLOCK!"

"Rarity, what the fuck is going on here?"

>You scowl at the white marshmallow pony

>She tries desperately to avoid your eyes and maintain her composure

>She's not doing nearly well enough

>Her eyes wander to your crotch

>You snap your fingers a few times, catching her attention once again

"You're going to explain. Now."

>Rarity gulps and sighs

>"Well, there's this... ponynet site I occasionally visit, and..."

 

>Part of you wishes you could just forget everything you learned in the last five minutes

>You probably could have gone without knowing there was a site for user-created erotic stories on the pony internet

>And without knowing that Rarity was a regular visitor to said website

>And without knowing that, since your arrival, there had been a sudden influx of stories starring you

>So many stories, in fact, that they had to add a new fucking category for them all

>...And, best of all, that Princess Luna was a regular contributor to the site

>You gave yourself no points for guessing what her favorite subject was

>At least now you know why you've been hearing the Princesses' names in hushed conversation all day

>And why mares have been glancing at your crotch - speaking of which...

>You tap Rarity on the head

"Eyes up here, Rarity."

>Her ears flatten as she blushes and looks up

>"Sorry, darling."

>You rest your head in your hands

"There's just one thing I still don't get."

>"Excuse me?"

"Why have I been getting weird looks around town? The story's not THAT good. You'd think they actually believe it happened!"

>Rarity cleared her throat and pointed to the screen

>Every one of her stories starring you is tagged with "true event"

>God dammit, Luna