Eternal works in progress [unposted]

Okay basically all of this crap is unposted but technically... mostly finished - something just still feels 'off' about them. Feel free to read them and then bug me on Skype to post them (no_punny_biznessman)

 

=Fetish-guessing Anon [Anon/Luna with me attempting to come up with funny and failing miserably]=

>Day 293 in Equestria

>Security around Canterlot Palace was reinforced once again

>You evaded detection easily enough, slipping in through some sort of servants' tunnel that had fallen into disuse

>You met a giant tarantula on your way in, too

>She said her name was Stan

>Such a nice spider, she didn't even try to eat you!

>You come out the forgotten tunnel into the palace basement via a false door, closing it behind you

>It wouldn't do to have that getting rediscovered!

>Plus, you weren't raised in a barn

 

>Meanwhile, at Sweet Apple Acres...

>Applejack was hard at work in the orchard, applebucking the south field

>She froze mid-buck, lost her balance, and fell forward onto her face

>She wasn't sure just where it had come from, but she had suddenly felt quite insulted

>Picking herself up and dusting herself off, she resumed her bucking, trying to ignore the nagging feeling at the back of her mind

 

>Canterlot Palace was always a surprisingly quiet place in the evening

>Not that it mattered much, to you

>You had something you needed to do

>You check your watch, a custom-ordered piece built for you by one of the best timekeepers in Equestria

>Timing was going to be important for this one

>You made your way to the royal bedrooms

>Duck behind a potted plant here, hang from a rafter there, wait ten seconds for the guard on patrol to reach the end of the hall and turn away from the doors...

>You silently slipped into Princess Luna's bedroom

>The sound of running water and humming coming from her bathroom told you your timing was perfect

>You entered the bathroom without making any noise

 

>Luna was just finishing her shower

>You quietly grab a towel and stand still

>The water turns off

>She walks out, her wet mane covering her eyes, still humming as she searches for a towel

"Your towel, madam."

>You hold it out to her

>She grabs it with her magic

>"Oh. Thank you, Anonymous."

"Of course, madam."

>She continues to the sink, drying herself off as she walks, and then her humming slowly comes to a stop

>She turns to look at you, ever so slowly

>She screams

>"ANONYMOUS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BATHROOM?"

"I'm your bathroom assistant!"

>"GET OUT!"

"Are you sure? There's still a lot I can do to help!"

>You find yourself levitated out of the bathroom, getting dangerously close to the window

 

"Wait!"

>You halt in midair as your body twists, allowing you to get a look at Luna's face

"...So bathroom helpers aren't your fetish, then?

>She scowls at you

>"That's not even a real fetish, Anonymous!"

>You shrug

"Maybe, but you're not denying you have one anymore."

>She opens her mouth to object when you interrupt her

"And you're still cute when you're mad."

>She closes her mouth and chucks you out the window with her magic

>You're pretty sure you saw her starting to blush, though!

>You land in the pond in the palace gardens with a loud splash, water going everywhere

>Seconds later, a towel comes flying out of the window you just exited, landing gently on your face

>You dry yourself off as the palace guards surround you

"Oh, hi guys. That time again already, huh?"

>"Yes, mister Anonymous. Please, come with us."

>The guards escort you out of the palace, shutting the gates behind you

>You turn and wave at them

"See you guys tomorrow!"

>You're sure you'll guess her fetish right next time

 

 

=I don't know. Creepy Anon? Mistake-prone Anon? Who cares. [Anon/Luna. Surprise, surprise. Someone gets in the wrong bed and someone else freaks out.]=

 

>A yawn escapes your lips as you plod your way through the palace, back to your room

>You've been living in Canterlot for a few months now

>When you appeared in a puff of pink smoke wearing nothing but a bathtowel in the middle of the throne room, Celestia and Luna had been understandably surprised, demanding you identify yourself

>You were ...understandably surprised, too

>That might have been due to the fact that horned, winged, horses were speaking perfect English at you

>Eventually, once you stopped screaming (and had gotten something better to cover yourself,) you learned that you were in a place called Equestria, and that Celestia and Luna were the rulers of the realm

>They had insisted you stay here at the palace

>Or, well, Celestia had insisted, at least

>She said something about the palace being too big and empty, and that she had a "good feeling" about you

>You had no choice but to accept, and wound up getting your own room

>Conveniently located near Celestia and Luna's rooms, apparently

>You did manage to find a job out in Canterlot proper, working for a "Pony Joe" at a doughnut shop

>Today had been a tough day

>It had to have been a holiday of some sort, you thought - you weren't exactly sure you had pony holidays down, just yet

>In any case, there were way more customers than the two of you could handle

 

>You were mentally exhausted from dealing with the inevitable impossible-to-please customers all day

>While it wasn't quite closing time yet, the mass of customers had finally died down enough that Pony Joe gave you the rest of the day off

>Ever the awesome boss, he thanked you for your hard work

>He also gave you a pretty heavy sack of bits, too

>With that, you set out for "home," already dreaming up ways to spend your cash

>By the time you'd made it back to the palace, however, the only thing you wanted was a nap

>You yawn again

>Yeah, a nap sounds reeeeeeal nice right about now

>You fumble with the door to your room

>It seems harder to open for some reason

>You just chalk it up to your exhaustion and make your way inside the dark bedroom

 

>You peel off the shirt you were wearing and toss it into a corner

>The palace tailors always did a remarkable job making your clothes

>You'd have to thank them again, later

>Off come your pants, which you just leave on the floor

>You feel nice and breezy, perfect for naptime

>With a tremendous sigh, you flop onto the bed and crawl under the covers

>You stare into the darkness, trying to clear your mind of thoughts

>Bitchy upper-crust type customers fade away

>Plans for spending the hefty chunk of bits you earned are shelved

>You focus on your breathing, and shortly fall asleep

 

>You find yourself chasing something through Canterlot

>Whatever it is, you really want to catch it

>And, of course, the thing being so damn quick isn't making it any easier

>Your chase takes you rocketing past Pony Joe's, packed full of customers

>They're all noisy seagulls who just keep screeching and making a mess of the place

>Refocusing on the chase at hand, you notice that you're headed towards the palace

>The thing you're chasing is slowing down, ever so slightly

>You manage to catch a glimpse of it

>It's the most beautiful thing you've seen in months

>Meat! Glorious meat!

>Your mouth waters as you redouble your efforts to catch the fleeing meat, finally entering Canterlot Palace proper

>It seems to be leading you toward the throne room

 

>The flying meat is all but within your grasp

>You barge into the throne room after it and find the princesses talking with one another

>They don't seem to have noticed your presence, nor the presence of the meat

>The meat lazily floats over to Princess Luna, finally stopping for the first time since you started chasing it

>You calmly approach the two chatting sisters, and your hovering prey

>You grab the meat once you get close enough

>It seems to shudder in your grasp

>It must know its time is at an end

>You take a good whiff of it

>It smells perfectly cooked... and metallic?

 

>Luna and Celestia are finally looking at you, strange expressions on their faces

>They're saying something, but you can't understand it

>You're practically drooling as you look over the meat in your hands

>You open your mouth wide and bite down into the meat

>OH GOD WHY DOES IT TASTE LIKE HAIR

>A loud yelp rips you from your sleep

>You can taste hair in your mouth

>You cough and sputter, trying to get the hair out

>Something in front of you smacks you on the head

"Ow! Fuck!"

>You leap out of bed, rubbing the spot that took the blow

>The lights come on, revealing that the room you crashed in isn't actually yours

"Wait a minute, where-"

>The moon symbols everywhere tell you exactly whose room you broke into

"...Shit."

 

>"Anonymous?"

>Luna is sitting upright in the bed, holding the covers close to her chest

>Her entire face is red

>You aren't sure if she's embarrassed, angry, or both

>"Y-you have ten seconds to explain what exactly you think you were doing in our bed, with our mane!"

"That was your mane?!"

>Her face contorts into a scowl

>"Eight seconds, Anonymous!"

>Yeah, she's angry

"I'm sorry, I honestly thought this was my room! It was a long, exhausting day, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I just wanted to take a nap! I'm sorry!"

>You scramble for your pants

>Luna looks like she's contemplating forgiving you

>Then she notices you still haven't gotten your pants back on

>"Why have you removed your clothes, Anonymous? Do you think you could take advantage of us so easily? That- that you could just- while we were sleeping?!"

"I wasn't trying to do anything, I swear! I always strip before sleeping! Wait, that sounds wrong, I mean I don't wear my shirt or pants to bed- that's probably not any better, is it?"

>She continues to glare at you

"I wasn't doing anything to your mane on purpose, it was an accident! There was this dream, with this meat, and- and... Why is the mane thing important?"

>"You don't- you were not... trying to proposition us?"

"What?"

 

>Luna puts a hoof to her face

>It seems like her anger has given way to embarrassment

>"Oh, stars... of course you don't know."

>You've managed to get your pants back on

"Yeah, that's kind of what I've been saying."

>You glance around, trying to find your shirt

>Why did you have to be so messy?

>For that matter, why did Luna have to be so messy?

>Her room was absolutely littered with books and scrolls

>Luna sighs

>"Traditionally, a stallion who is interested in copulating with a mare will bite and tug at her mane."

>You give her a confused glance, eliciting another sigh

>"It is an invitation to fornicate!"

"What, so it's like saying 'wanna fuck?' "

>She nods

"Wait, uh, does that mean you thought I-"

>Luna buries her face in her hooves

>"Yes."

"Oh. Ohhhhh. OH! Wow. This is... awkward."

>"Very."

 

>A minute or two of awkward silence passes

>You're trying to look for your shirt without being obvious about it, but you're not having much luck

>Luna seems to be deep in thought - not pleasant, given the look on her face

>You start to notice a familiar smell in the air

>Cooked meat and metal

>Didn't she say something about her mane, earlier?

"Hey Luna?"

>She turns to you, a sort of tired look on her face

>"...What, Anonymous?"

"What's up with that smell? That... meat and metal?"

>Aw, shit

>You done goofed

>Her eyes are watering and her lips are quivering

>"Not you, too, Anonymous... you can't leave, not you, too..."

"H-hey, I'm not going anywhere-"

>"This always happens! Why?"

>She sobs into her hooves

>You walk over to her side

"Luna? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I didn't realize it was- come on, you don't have to be sad..."

>You tentatively put a hand on her shoulder

>She throws her forelimbs around you and just cries into your bare chest

"Oh boy."

 

>A few minutes later, she's regained enough of her composure to let go of you

"...Feeling any better?"

>She nods

"Wanna talk about it?"

>She looks at you for a moment, trying to decide, before she speaks

>"We are... cursed. Our domain is the moon, the night, and its sky - and our mane reflects that in many ways."

>She tugs on a tuft of her starry, flowing mane with a hoof

>"When nighttime draws near, our mane changes to... this. It has done this for centuries, and- and it has always gotten in the way. Father once explained it to us... the smell of the void between the stars and their worlds, he said. We smell like- like burning flesh and ore, every night, without fail!"

"So, when you said 'this always happens'-"

>She fights back more tears

>"Nopony wants to be around us when we smell like this. No stallion has ever even shown any interest in us... aside from you, and- and even that was an accident. They are always disgusted by us, by the scent of our mane, and they always... leave. Our sister has never had any such problems, sh-she was the lucky one! She has ALWAYS been the lucky one!"

"...What do you mean?"

>She stares at the floor

>"Her mane takes after our mother's. Raspberries and rum. SHE always smells pleasant. Nopony ever minds fruit and alcohol. She never- never ONCE struggled with... courting."

 

>She sniffs a few times as the two of you sit in silence

"I'm sorry."

>"It is not your fault we were born this way..."

>You surprise her by giving her a hug

>At first, she simply freezes up

>Once the initial surprise wears off, she seems to relax into it, and even returns it

>Eventually, you break the embrace

"You looked like you needed a hug. Hope that was okay."

>The big smile on her face told you volumes

>"It was perfectly fine. A little unexpected, but... welcome."

>She blushes slightly, before continuing

>"...Thank you, Anonymous. For listening to us."

>You nod

>"We must go raise the moon... would you accompany us?"

"Of course."

>Walking with her to the door, you catch her frowning at her mane

"Relax, you smell fine. ...Actually, you're kind of making me hungry."

>She giggles

>"What, really?"

"Just one of the perks of being an omnivore, I guess."

>Luna giggles again, and opens the door

>A few guards in the hall give you an odd stare as they pass

>What's their problem?

>Oh, right

>You just walked out of Princess Luna's room, shirtless, with her alongside you

>That's going to whip the Canterlot rumor mill up into a frenzy

>...Fuck it, you can deal with it later

 

^^ Holy crap do you see how long that one was? This has been sitting here in a pseudo-finished state for like a month or two! What's wrong with me? Probably the ending being crap. That sounds about right! ^^

That's all for now, hope you didn't hurt yourself by reading this stuff.