Title:           Anon in Deadquestria, Episode 2
Author:          No_Punny_Bizness
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/BDz9029f
First Edit:      Thursday 21st of June 2012 03:41:00 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 21st of June 2012 03:41:00 AM CDT

>Day 107 in Deadquestria
>Death seemed to finally leave you alone this past week
>Yesterday, you bet Rainbow Dash that some poor fucker out in Manehattan was going to be the one getting the short end of the stick
>You checked the obituaries to see if you were right
>Some poor bastard named Mahonie found himself on the wrong end of a griffon's talons
>According to the obit, he was a... police officer, or something
>And he was from...
>Manehattan!
"FUCK YES!"
>"Be quiet, we are trying to sleep!"
>You pump your fist in triumph
>Rainbow Dash owes you twenty bits!
>You start whistling tunelessly, a magically-flung pillow narrowly missing your head as you duck
>It collides with another ugly vase, knocking said vase to the floor and breaking it into pieces with a crash
>"Ugh! We cannot sleep with this racket! Why do you have so many vases in your house?!"
>You shrug and continue whistling
>Today was already going to be a good fucking day
 
>You step outside, ready to see what shenanigans Death had in store for you today
>You figured that if Death was going to leave Ponyville alone for a week, it was probably itching to come back
>And the fact that you just profited off its work may have pissed it off, anyway
>You headed into town, aiming for Sugarcube Corner
>Pinkie Pie's working the counter today
>"Hey Anon! What can I get you?"
"I'm thinking... something with blueberries. Got any recommendations?"
>The noise Pinkie makes is an unearthly one
>The amount of air she pulls into her lungs manages to pull you a full inch closer to the counter
>...From your position at the front door
>You're not sure how she didn't inhale anything else in the room
>"Well, I just finished a completely NEW recipe I like to call the Bountiful Bombastic Blueberry Bundt Blast, and I've been looking for somepony willing to try it out! What do you say?"
"How much is it?"
>"Two bits!"
"I'll take it. Hey, by the way, you know where Rainbow Dash is?"
>Pinkie rummages around in the kitchen while calling out to you
>"Sorry Anon, not a clue!"
"Eh. No big deal, I'll find her later."
 
>Pinkie sets an impossibly blue slice of bundt cake in front of you and stares at you
>She gives you a grin that makes you uncomfortable, like she knows something you don't
>"So Anon... you got lucky last night, didn't you?"
>You munch happily on your slice of cake
"Sure di- wait, what?"
>"Don't try to deny it, Anon. Every time you get lucky, you want something with blueberries."
>She's got you there, and you know it
>"Spill! I want to know every detail!"
"...I won a bet I made with Rainbow Dash. Bet her the next poor schlub to die would be from Manehattan, and I was right."
>Pinkie looks confused
>"That's not what I was talking about at all..."
>She gasps again and her eyes narrow as she inspects your face
>"You're hiding something from me, Anon!"
"Pinkie, my dear, I don't know what you mean."
>Pinkie leans forward, stretching her neck toward you
>"Were you and L-"
>You clamp a hand over Pinkie's face and push her back
"Nope."
>You finish your cake
"Pretty good cake, Pinkie. You should make it a menu item."
>She perks up slightly at that, but you can tell she's not ready to let the issue go
>You hand her three bits, because you're not the kind to forego tipping
>You get to the door of Sugarcube Corner when Pinkie sweetly calls out your name
>She shouts
>"YOU AND LUNA ARE BUCKING LIKE RABBITS AREN'T YOU?"
 
>You stumble on your way out of the door, right into a griffon carrying a pair of oversized eggs
>One of the eggs flies out of its holster, and she shrieks in horror
>The world switches to slow motion
>You leap up and follow the egg as it flies through the air
>The griffon is screaming something at you, but you're not paying attention
>The egg is on a collision course with the ground
>You dive headfirst, barely catching it
>You get up, dust yourself off, and hand the egg back to the griffon
"Sorry about that, ma'am."
>"You dweeb! Watch where you're fucking going next time! You almost got one of my babies killed!"
>The griffon gives you the finger before continuing onward
>...Right into a speeding Rainbow Dash
>"MY BABIES!"
>Both eggs go flying
"This shit again?"
>Dash shouts in surprise, realizing what she's done, and shoots into the air, catching one of the eggs
>You manage to catch the other one
>You both hand an egg back to the griffon, who is becoming noticeably paranoid about the safety of her children
>"Gotta get out of this fucking deathtrap town!"
 
>As the griffon breaks out into a run, she stumbles over a rock
>Her face collides with the ground, and both eggs go flying
>Again
>You're too far away to catch one, this time
>Dash takes off like a bullet again, effortlessly catching one of the eggs
>You look on in horror, seeing where the other egg is headed
"You gotta be shitting me."
>The other one sails toward Snowflake, who effortlessly catches it
>>"YEEEEEAH! TOUCHDOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!"
>Snowflake then spikes the egg
>The griffon faints
>You facepalm and head home
>This shit has become too much to deal with
>Upon arriving home, you are face-to-face with Princess Luna
>"Welcome home, Anonymous!"
>She has an odd look on her face
>You avoided the question all last week, but now you're too tired to push aside the curiosity
"Why are you staying here, anyway?"
>She rubs the back of her neck with a hoof
>"Well... if we must be honest..."
>She closes her eyes and takes a breath
>"We kind of liked giving you that blowjob and were hoping you would consider taking it a step further!"
>She opens an eye and looks at you
>You sigh
"Yeah, sure, why the fuck not."
>"Wondrous news! We shall get the whips and chains, right away!"
"Wait, whips? Chains? What?!"
>She's already gone
>You don't sleep that night