Title:           A Story In Which Anon Learns Nothing [Anon x Molestia]
Author:          No_Punny_Bizness
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/AaPqwYR7
First Edit:      Sunday 24th of June 2012 03:22:30 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 24th of June 2012 03:22:30 AM CDT

>Day 11 in Equestria
>You are Anonymous
>And you are so totally fucked
>It started innocently enough
>You gave her a compliment, that's all
>Okay, it was a loaded compliment
>OKAY FINE YOU MADE A PASS AT HER
>Don't you fucking judge me, self, she's basically just an alien that LOOKS like a horse!
>Wait, stop fucking arguing, this is important!
>That little pass you made stirred something deep inside her
>Her sex drive
>Her insatiable, hasn't-been-satisfied-in-millenia, sex drive
>Why did you have to hit on Celestia?
>And now she's got this giant purple THING she calls "Thor" and this manic look in her eye
>Fuck fuck fuck think of something to say!
"Uh, Celestia?"
>"Yes, Anon?"
>She licks her lips as she brings Thor closer
"Shouldn't we, you know, take it a little slower?"
>"No time for that, Anon. You humans have such... short lifespans..."
"Uh, um, w-well..."
 
>"Mmm? Something on your mind, darling?"
>Shit! Think of something else, asshole!
"Uh, it's a pity there isn't any way to give us more time together?"
>She drops Thor
>"What did you say?"
>Yeah, what the fuck are you even saying? Fuck it! Roll with it, bitch!
>You reach a hand up to her head
"If, uh... if there WERE some way, we could take things slowly and... enjoy it."
>Your hand touches her mane and she closes her eyes
>"O-oh..."
>You rub the spot where her left ear meets her head, and she goes limp
"We could enjoy... each other... for a long time."
>Her whole body shivers, and a soft moan escapes from her mouth
"I don't suppose there's a... magical solution, is there?"
>Her eyes shoot open
>She's instantly standing again, albeit a little wobbly
>"Yes... yes, you're right! I'll just make you immortal!"
>Way to go, hotshot!
"What? You ca- you can do that?!"
>"Oh, yes, it's not too hard."
>She giggles at "hard"
>"This won't hurt one bit!"
>She was lying
>It hurt like a motherfucker
 
>Year 2,583 in Equestria, Day 250
>You expected things to get pretty boring after the first few centuries with Celestia
>Somehow, she always managed to make things new and exciting
>Tonight, you were going to have dinner on the moon
>And then you were going to fuck each other senseless during atmospheric reentry
>You'd done it before a few times, but you were both feeling a bit nostalgic tonight
>This time, you wanted to see how good your aim was from so high up
>When you told her your plan, she just stared at you for a minute
>Then she started laughing
>"Just try not to level somepony's house, dear. You know how bad your aim is when you're distracted!"
>Today's gonna be a good day