The adventures of Dr. Anon in the new country of /mlp/

http://pastebin.com/UastEjwq

 

 

>(TS)"Run, Anon!"

>Running as fast as my legs dare carry me

>Look back

>Dogs are after me

>Pull out MP443 and take pot shots at them

>Kill 2 dogs

>Pursuers return fire with automatic weapons

>Stumble as I try to dodge bullets and run

>Trip and fall over a tree root

>(TS)"Anon!"

>"Just go, Twilight! Save yourself! You have to escape before they find yo-"

>Bullet pierces lung

>Tears are streaming down Twilight's cheek as she runs off, blood still dripping down from the places where the pursuers had cut off her wings

>Prop myself up against a tree, Saiga-12K in hand

>"I'll be damned if I go down quietly."

>Pursuers closing in on me, firing blindly into the forest

>Fire off into their direction

>Hit 3 of them, but they're still alive

>Closing in

>"Eh, I lived a good life."

>Darkness envelops my eyes

>A pursuer sees me about 100 meters away

>We lock eyes for a few seconds before I fade away

>(Pursuer)"Control, the doctor is out."

>Alarm rigns

>Sit upright in bed

>Look back at pillow and see tear stains on it

>"I should really cut back on the vidya before bed."

>TIme check: 07:30

>I don't have to be at work until 09:00

>Decide to get ready for the day

>Shit, shower, shave, get dressed

>Turn TV onto the news as I pour myself a bowl of Applejacks

>(TV)"After much rioting in the capital city of Canterlot, or Old Moscow, last night caused by Vladimir Putin's latest crusade against Lunafags and other spaghetti-spilling autists, the Ministry of Defensive Security (MoDS) is on high alert, stationing extra security at all federal buildings and in all major public transportation corridors. This comes in light of Vladimir Putin's latest Anti-Autism Act, which forbids the congregation of any number of ponyfags larger than 10 without the purchase of a rally permit."

>Nothing new here, I thought as I chewed on my cereal

>(TV)"In other news, another man has come out, claiming that he came inside of Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash denies the allegation, despite retaining the title of "Sexiest Pegasus to ever live."

>Yep.

>(TV)"A new weather advisory has been put into effect, with residents of Canterlot, Ponyville, Appaloosa, Stalliongrad, and Cloudsdale warned to take caution as cumstorms are possible today and tonight due to a large low pressure system coming in from the Cloptic Ocean."

>Finish cereal, turn off TV, grab coat and umbrella, head down the elevator, and get to the metro station.

>"Damn, they weren't kidding about the extra security."

>The walls of the metro station were practically lined with MoDS agents

>As I walked to the platform, I see another Doom Paulian being hauled away as he screamed "You could have stopped this! All you had to do was listen!"

>I chuckle and shake my head at the message and move onwards

>Standing at the platform, I see a femanon being escorted by two armed guards

>"Putin sure knows how to treat a lady." I joked

>A law passed by Putin decreed that all femanons were to be guarded at all times by two or more guards; He didn't want a repeat of New Year's Eve from 2025

>Get on the train

>Put on headphones and enjoy the tranquility of my music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jktsGpEU6zk

>Time check: 08:45

>Oh good, I'll be on time for once

>Train stops at my station, disembark, and head towards the surface

>Notice that people have their umbrellas out and ready, so I also prepare mine

>Cumstorm is coming down hard, caking the streets in semen

>Walk as quickly as I can to my office building

>The glass panes on it had become white from all of the cum

>Enter the building, shaking the cum off of my umbrella in the entrance corridor

>(Secretary)"Welcome to the Office of Applied Transdimensional Genetics! May I see your ID?"

>Present ID

>(Secretary)"Thanks, Dr. Anon! Have a good day!"

>"You, as well."

>Head up to my research lab

>(Co-worker)"Ah, Dr. Anon! On time today, I see."

>"Yeah, yeah. How's the project coming?"

>(CW)"Well, it's going, we've got the cloning process down pat, but we just can't get the personality to be an exact replica. There's always a quirk with it, either it's too evil or too nice. It's never exactly like the real deal."

>"Speaking of the real deal, how are the Mane 6 liking their quarters?"

>(CW):"Ms. Sparkle is absolutely enthralled with all of the books in the library, Ms. Dash and Ms. Fluttershy appreciate the wind tunnel, Ms. Applejack likes the treadmill and the weightlifting equipment, but Ms. Pie and Ms. Rarity are unpleased."

>"Oh? Why's that."

>(CW)"Well, Ms. Rarity doesn't like the decor and Ms. Pie is a bit bored with the games we gave her."

>"I understand the bland room, but isn't the PC that we gave her enough?"

>(CW)"She said it's hard to use."

>"Oh, for fuck's sake. Give Rarity a cataloge from Ikea, Crate & Barrel, and whatever other shops you know of and let her pick out whatever she wants. Give Pinkie Pie some board games to play with her friends. We need to keep them content so we can test our clones against their personalities. Ponyfags won't pay for shitty ponies."

>Co-worker pushes intercom button

>(CW)"Please bring up some furniture catalogues, paint catalogues, and some board games."

>Proceed back to see why we can't get their personalities perfect

>Inspect cloning device

>Massive facepalm

>"Dammit, man, you set the randomizer to personality, not color scheme. Hasbro may be weak, but their lawyers are fucking sharks. Even Putin can't defend us against that."

>(CW)"Oh, you HAVE to be kidding me. I can't believe it was that simple. I just hate that we can't turn off the randomizer and offer a set array of colors."

>"Do you even custom order?"

>(CW)"Yeah, but most of those faggots will want it to be as exact as possible. And we can't turn off the randomizer."

>"Wanna bet?"

>Go and get sledgehammer from hidden wall compartment

>Smash the switch off of the machine

>(CW)"Okay, first off, how long has that secret compartment been there? And secondly, why the fuck would you store a sledgehammer in there?"

>"I keep it there in case of hammer emergencies."

>(CW)"Clever girl, anon. Now let's see if it works."

>Drop DNA from test tube marked "TWSP" into the machine

>Flip the switch

>The machine whirs to life and begins to glow purple

>Five minutes later, a purple pony stumbles out of the machine

>"H-hello?"

>"We did it, CW! Let's try it out with the rest of them."

>Repeat process with other DNA samples marked "RBDS", "PKPI", "RITY", "APJK", and "FLSY"

>All cloning procedures were successful

>"All right, let's put them up against their counterparts."

>Implant RFID chips into the clones and let them interact with their counterparts

>5 hours later, it is determined that they were in fact true-to-life clones

>(CW)"Do you realize what this means, Dr. Anon?"

>"Yes, now everyone can cum inside of Rainbow Dash."

>(CW)"Yes, but we'll also make millions! Billions, even!"

>"Whoa, hold your ponies. We still have to do the long term testing to make sure that these are as perfect as can be. I don't want a class action lawsuit on our heads because some fuck got killed by our pones. And besides, we're being funded by the government, Putin's got first dibs."

>(CW)"Why do you always have to be such a party-pooper, Dr. Anon?"

>"Because fuck you, that's why."

>(CW)"Eh, works for me."

>Time check: 19:00

>Time to go home

>Say goodbye to my co-worker, leave the Mane 6 to the night staff, and exit the building

>The cumstorm is still coming down, so I grab my umbrella again

>Air raid sirens come on, which can only mean one thing

>"/b/ AND /v/ ARE ATTACKING!" Screamed one citizen

>I take cover in a nearby metro station, but I still want to get a good look at the action

>I can see /v/'s B2 bombers coming in, getting ready to drop their daily load of faggotry

>Just as it was about 1 kilometer out, the Air Force came through with their spaghetti missiles

>The bomber went down in a glorious blaze of semen, spaghetti, and fliers saying "ur a faget"

>The bomber hit the building next to my office, toppling that building and breaking some of the windows on mine

>Head home

>Get to apartment on 117th floor

>Disrobe

>Head into bedroom

>A humanized version of Twilight Sparkle that I made in secret is waiting for me

>(TS:H)"Ready, Anon."

>"Oh, yes."

>I put on some underpants, some shorts, and a shirt

>She does the same

>She pulls out a copy of Halo 7

>(TS:H)"Loser has to give the winner oral." She said in a sultry voice

>"You're on." I responded, trying to ignore the raging boner in my pants

>Initiate game

>(Announcer)"Slayer"

>OHBOYHEREWEGO.jpeg

>(Announcer)"First strike!"

>She gave me an angry, yet somehow adorable glare

>I gave a small chuckle

>Game goes on for 15 minutes, with her trying to use guerilla warfare on me

>Tied and we each need one kill to go

>Spot one another on the map

>Go in for the kill, shotgun in hand

>Get stuck, but continue firing anyways

>Grenade explodes and I kill her at the same time

>(Announcer)"Game over. Tie game!"

>(TS:H)"Well, looks like we both get to have some fun tonight." She said as she stripped me down

>I responded by pushing her onto the bed and giving her a passionate kiss on the lips

>Just as I was about to get her ready for more, I heard my door bell go off

>"Fuck's sake. Stay here a moment, Twily."

>I made myself decent and went to the door

>I looked through the peephole as I asked who it was

>It was a mailperson, here to deliver a package addressed to me

>Open door, sign for package, and go back inside

>(TS:H)"What's in the box, Anon?"

>"I don't know, let's find out."

>Put ear close to box

>Tick, tock, tick, tock

>Fuck

>"Twily, move!" I motion her towards the door to my room as I reach for a sledgehammer that I have behind the kitchen counter

>Smash one of my glass windows

>Toss box out of window

>Box explodes just as I toss it out the window, knocking me back a few meters

>I get back on my feet and see a dragon dildo laying near the window

>I pick it up and inspect it, noticing that something was carved into the base

>"Remove ke/b/ab"

>Chuck it out the new door and board it up

>Twilight comes out and asks what happened

>"Oh, nothing. Just the usual assassination attempt. I don't even like /b/."

>(TS:H)"Can't Putin do anything about that?"

>"I don't think I can do better than turrets hidden in the door frames and a flat full of guns. And no, we are not going to move until I finish my project."

>At this, Twilight looked a bit disappointed, but she knew what this project meant to me

>(TS:H)"All right, we won't move. I'm just worried about your safety, that's all."

>She put her arms around my waist and put her head over my right shoulder

>"I know, but I'm no slouch."

>I turned and kissed her

>Time check: 23:00

>A sudden wave of exhaustion came over me

>"Tell you what, we'll go for a day out on the town tomorrow, how's that sound?"

>At that her eyes lit up as she nodded, shouting "YES!" several times

>"All right, but let's get some rest first, I'm beat."

>She was way ahead of me, as she collapsed into bed

>All I could do was smile

>"Sleep well, princess."

>Tuck her in

>Get in

>Sleep