My Only Friend Derpy 2 - Freaky Internet People

>Fuck fuck fuck

<Calm down, idiot. This was gonna happen anyway.

>Yeah, logic, but I left it off kinda awkward with her at lunch

<It wasn't that big a deal.

>I asked her specifically not to date Rocky, and I don't even know her name yet

<Fuck you, just go and swag it out.

>You lurch into your science room

>Rocky and that girl JUST had Writing Workshop together

>Who knows what happened between them

>You enter

>There's Rocky, in the usual spot

>It appears that this girl is officially the odd-student in this class (The 13'th), so she has no one partner to get with

>You guess she's tripling up with you and Rocky

>Teachers must hate it when that happens

 

>You sit down at the table for two that is usually reserved for you and Rocky, but has been renovated with an extra chair for the girl

<say something, loser.

"Hey, man."

>You say to Rocky

"Hey."

>To the mystery girl

>"Hey, Anon" says Rocky

>The girl seems a little more at ease

>"Hey. Anon?"

"Yeah, Anon. You've met Rocky."

>"Yeah."

>Rocky seems more prepared for this situation than you; he picks up his conversational game

>"Hey, if you need any help with whatever we've been doing in this class lately, ask me. I'm one of those nerdy kids who, "STUDIES"."

>She giggles

>You'd be mad if you hadn't giggled too

<Think quick.

"Yeah, if you ever need any help on how to falol asleep in this class, just check out what I'm doing."

>Everyone laughs as you pretend to sleep

>You feel good

>Popular

 

>It doesn't last long

>The thee of you, being awkward penguins, soon run out of things to say

>Even Rocky can't find the balls to go on one of his shitty video game rants

>For the first time, you're forced to do that which you have never wanted to do

>Pay attention in class

<Think of something to say! If you can be funny, she'll like you!

>High school humor isn't like that. Someone else needs to say something first, then I can build off of that and over-analyze it until people laugh

<Dane Cook formula

>Bingo

 

>The mystery girl speaks up

>You quietly scold yourself for not knowing her name yet

<maybe you can steer this conversation into it

>"So, Rocky, what are you gonna do your project on?"

>Oh, it's this again

>People around you talking about a class that you're not in

>You have absolutely nothing to contribute

>"Uh, I dunno yet. Maybe video games."

>"Really?"

>"Yeah, I'm, uh, a big fan of Xbox. Figure I'll 'write what I know'."

>"Oh yeah, right!"

>They start laughing

>"Write what you know" must be that teacher's catchphrase

<Say that!

>No

"What, is that that teacher's catchphrase?"

>Your joke falls flat on the floor, like pizza that got delivered to an orgy-house

 

>"Heh, yeah" she says.

>You feel like you just burst into the wrong room

>Unwanted

>Certainly not popular

>Rocky isn't as polite

>"What?"

"Seems like every teacher in this school has a catchphra-"

>Your Science teacher chimes in

>"Hey, so, lets get to work on the assignment, ok?" he says in a passive tone, like a hotel concierge you just wanna punch and choke and punch

>He walks away once all fun is decimated

>A stroke of brilliance!

"I guess that's Mr. Leimann's catchphrase"

>Everyone snickers

>You're the star again

 

>This goes on like hills and valleys for the entire class

>It's exhausting

>Is this the shit senior football stars have to deal with? Every day?

>This sucks

>But, you end the class on a high hill, so that's good

>you all have a conversation going about video games and how they would get novelized

>"I don't know about you, but I'd pay MONEY to read a novelization of MW3."

"Well, I wasn;t talking about, like, modern games, more like, Super Mario Bros."

>She shows her comedy balls a bit when she says, "I'd like to read 'Tetris'."

>Everyone laughs

>And you're all still laughing when you walk out the door

>All going to your next class

>The conversation doesn't stop

>This is what all the pretty people on TV do

>This is what high school is supposed to be like

 

>Algebra is a repeat

>Nix the interruption from the teacher- Your math teacher has given up on life and just hands you your assignments at the beginning of class

>If you do it, you do it

>Your conversation gets cool

>Rocky poses an excellent idea

>?You guys wanna come over my place this saturday?"

>It's high school: you can ask girls to come over now

"I'm into it. Better than my house, I live on a farm."

>"You want us to come over?" she asks

>"Yeah. Saturday okay?"

>It's not like you have to consult your address book

"I'm in."

>She seems more encouraged

>"Yeah, I think I can get a ride."

 

***

SATURDAY ARRIVES

***

 

>Rocky's house is cool on the outside

>He lives south of your family's farm; in a real suburb

>You've only dreamed of living in places like these; god-forbid you grow up in a corrupt urban area

>You say goodbye to your mom and leave for your play-date, or whatever you want to call it

>Rocky greets you at the door

>"Hey man!"

"Hi. That girl already here?"

>"Diane? Yeah, she's in my room on the internet. Come on in. Want some crackers or something?"

"Nah, I'm not hungry."

>"Cool. Crank Yankers is on."

>They re-run that on Comedy central now

"Neat."

>You enter Rocky's room

>Suprise: it's all clean

>You're kinda glad

>You hate going over to the houses of people who have really messy rooms and yell for their moms to get them pizza rolls at the tops of their lungs

>Diane is sitting at a desk, using a computer.

>She turns to meet you

>"Oh, hey, Anon. Rocky, come over here."

>He obeys

>They share something on the screen

>"I can explain that."

>"Uh huh?" she asks, giggling beyond giggling

>She turns away from the computer so you can see it

>There's a cartoon playing on it

>It looks sorta like Foster's home for Imaginary Friends

<What is the big dea-

>Oh. I see. It's My Little Pony.

 

>Diane is obviously not a freaky internet person

>Not a 4chan regular like you, no

>She wouldn't know about the gang of freaky internet people who make funny stories and images pertaining to a show for little girls

>You, being a moderate freaky internet person, know about the whole "brony" thing, but you're definitely not metrosexual enough to be a part of it

>But apparently you attract that kind of element

>Rocky tries his hand at explaining the whole internet to her, but it only makes her laugh more

>You

>Are

>So

>Awkward

>You feel like you should assist Rocky in explaining, but you just play dumb

>At a moment, you just space out

>Snap back to reality

 

>"You seem quiet about all this," she says between her laughter

>You look over

>Rocky is blushing hard

<Do it

>Oh man, you're gonna have to do this

<DO IT FAGGOT

>

>

"Wow."

>"I know, right?"

"No, I mean, wow, like, I didn't think anyone else in this school liked that show too."

>You wanna grab the words as they leave your head and burn them alive

>Rocky suddenly gets less embarrassed; he's holding the majority now

>Diane is fucking dying

>"You know, you should at least watch one episode before you judge."

>She is delighted

>"Oh, indeed, I'm definitely watching an episode. I gotta see this."

 

>Rocky turns to you

>"Okay, you're a brony too. That's really cool man."

>You say some generic made-in-china word that resembles "yes"

>"Which episode you think we should watch?

>

>

>Shit.

>You have to improvise off of knowledge you've gathered off of the internet

"Uh,... yeah, uh... yeah."

>"Uh huh?"

"Yeah. uh, I don't remember the name of it, but it was the one with... uh... Applejack? and, uh... Rainbow?"

>You pray to god that there's one with the apple one and the rainbow one.

>"You mean Fall Weather Friends?'

>

"...yes?"

 

>"yeah, okay. Not my choice, but I think that would be a good choice."

>"Do you two girls even know I'm still here?"

>When she's around friends she gets cocky, eh?

>You don't know how you feel about that

>"Lets do this."

>Rocky turns around; the tables have clearly turned

>"Get ready to join the herd, SON."

"Yeah."

>"Uh huh."

>After a while of fumbling around, Rocky finally hooks up his computer to his TV and we can watch it on the big screen

>Diane has last words: "Hey, Rocky?"

>"Yeah?"

>"What's your last name?"

>"Tosh."

>"I'm just gonna call you RT from now on

"RT sounds pretty cool."

>"That's gay," he says, then turns back to his laptop to play the video file

 

***

ROUGHLY FIVE MINUTES AND TWENTY-FOUR SECONDS PASS

***

 

>Diane starts freaking out at the screen

 

-END-

 

Thanks to MLPFiM Wikia for approximate time