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Goatse in Equestria 5: Oh Hell No

By: NameIsJolly on Apr 3rd, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 6.02 KB  |  hits: 272  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Wake up
  2. >You slept on the roof of Sweet Apple Acres, because you're convinced you are a bird
  3. <Nigga you no bird
  4. >STFU logic you belong in the derpy stories
  5. <But I wanna be in the Goatses too...
  6. "FUCK YOU YOU OVERPRIVLEDGED FUCK."
  7. >You exclaim, audibly, to your imaginary 4th-wall-joke logic, with no one around
  8. >Wait, what's that coming up to the door
  9. >It's one of those little mutant horses you love so much
  10. >"Tra la la la la! Gee, I wonder what Goatse's up to!"
  11. >It's Pipsqueak, that mutant horse you rejected last installment
  12. >You briefly consider tossing him away like before, but you remember you found yourself regretting that move last time
  13. >The fucking mutant starts ringing the fucking doorbell
  14. >the NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE
  15. >You roll off of the roof, in an attempt to break Pip's neck in a similar fashion to Mr. Cake
  16. >You thud to the ground
  17. >
  18. >Huh?
  19. >No satisfying crunch?
  20. >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9o19CaOSuD8
  21.  
  22. >You look up from your fetal-landing
  23. >The fucker is looking down on you
  24. >"Oh, hi Mr. Goatse! I just came back to ask you why you threw me into that tree back there that one time."
  25. "NEENER"
  26. >You get up
  27. >Horse is gonna die
  28. >You're not even gonna be creative about this shit
  29. >You morph your left arm into a sword like the terminator in Terminator 2 and shove it right into that little fucker's eye
  30. >Stab the fuck outta that nigga's brain
  31. >hellyeahmotherfucker.jpg
  32. >
  33. >
  34. >"Mr. Goatse, why is your hand all silvery?"
  35. >thefucknigga.mp3
  36. >You retract from his eye and kneel down to inspect the cunt
  37. >His eye is totally fine
  38. "WHAT IS YOUR SORCERY, MOTHERFUCKER?"
  39. >"I just wanna be friends with you, mr. goatse!"
  40. >whatthefuckman
  41.  
  42. >Fuck a munkels unkey if there's ever been a creature you couldn't brutally murder before
  43. >You sweep around him, open the door, and let him into your home
  44. >"Wow Mr., this is a real nice house! 'Course it used to be the Apples', but you killed Applejack, and kicked her family out!"
  45. >You respond by smacking him across the face like the little cock-whore he is
  46. >The fucker doesn't even feel it
  47. >"Did you know the Apples are homeless now? No pony will take them in... too much of a burden."
  48. >Again, you smack him; this time on his cute little flank
  49. >Fucking nothing man
  50. "WHY ARE YOU NOT DYING."
  51. >"Because, Mr. Goatse! I'm invincible now!
  52.  
  53. >Invincible
  54. >What the fuck
  55. >Nothing has ever happened like this
  56. >You close the front door behind you
  57. >Clearly this being has a lot to teach you
  58. >You fall to your stomach in front of your new master, doing a spread eagle, bowing
  59. "..........TEACH ME."
  60. >"Look up, Mr. Goatse!"
  61. >You look up
  62. >Holy
  63. >Fucking
  64. >Shit
  65. >This mutant baby horse has such a huge throbbing penis that it is absolutely unfathomable
  66. >Seriously. It's like that giant eel thing in that one game
  67. >It's so big compared to you that it makes you feel like that baby in that one picture where the guy is fucking the newborn baby
  68. >And
  69. >It's
  70. >AWWWW-RIIIGHT
  71.  
  72. >You look up further
  73. >Your master looks down upon you
  74. >His face is the face of Goatse now
  75. >"Suck it you whore"
  76.  
  77. * * *
  78.  
  79. >For the last year, you and Pip have lived in Sweet Apple Acres
  80. >You have been surviving on stale bread, rotten apple cores, and each other's semen
  81. >On-and-off-again lovers, he manages to fuck you in your loose, gaping asshole every night
  82. >It feels so good when he comes inside of you
  83. >With every orgasm you take in, you feel a little bit closer to immortality
  84. >Tonight is different
  85. >In the morning, you bring him his taco just like he asked
  86. >It is made of human meat from your inner thigh, and the shell is a piece of your scalp that you cut off
  87. >You kneel as he takes a bite, gingerly
  88. >Chew
  89. >Chew
  90. >"It is satisfactory."
  91. "Nigger," you say, solemnly
  92.  
  93. >Your master looks at you with tears in his eyes
  94. >You turn around and dry them with your rectum
  95. >"Goatse, my son, it is time for me to go."
  96. >You begin to cry, but stop; you've known for a whole that this day was near
  97. >You grab a hit of LSD out of your anus and take it
  98. >"Today you shall experience your final lesson."
  99. >In response, you make a noise that;s kinda like a sad Wookie
  100. >Pip removes himself from his chair
  101. >He walks outside , off towards the town
  102. >You follow him, like the disciples followed jesus to the cross
  103. >Except for that one who betrayed him, who was a cunt
  104.  
  105. * * *
  106.  
  107. >You reach the town; it's the first time you've shown your face in ages
  108. >Mutant horses who see you remember the tales and run
  109. >No mutant horses try to save Pip from you; they assume him already dead
  110. >Pip walks in front of you when you reach Sugarcube Corner
  111.  
  112. "What is this?"
  113. >The small foal only spreads his plot in your face
  114. >You attribute this vision to the LSD kicking in
  115. >Surely this can't be real!
  116. >But your suspicions are proved to be accurate
  117. >"Goatse, I love you. I want your peeny in my beany."
  118. >Tears are legit coming down your face, fool
  119. >Your penis is, needless to say, erect beyond erect
  120. >You inch closer to his anus
  121. >Your voice momentarily changes to the exact pitch and tone of Hogarth Hughes from the Iron Giant
  122. "I... I love you..."
  123. >"I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU NIGGA," he says lovingly
  124. >You will intertwine as one
  125. >You begin to fuck him like he's a got-damn fleshlight
  126. >The wisdom fills you entirely
  127. >All is at peace
  128. >You gain the heat of a thousand suns
  129. >This is super sayan
  130. >What the fuck
  131. >What the fuck
  132. >What the fuck
  133. >Orgasm
  134.  
  135. * * *
  136.  
  137. >Everything is frozen
  138. >Not a single limb, not even your peeny, is movable
  139. >You and your master are frozen together in time
  140. >Ponies still haven't come out of their homes
  141. >With your newfound endless knowledge, you can predict that you will be frozen for the next thousand micro-millennia
  142. >FUN FACT: ten-thousand micro-millennia amounts to about a week
  143. >Now we play the waiting game
  144. >
  145. >
  146. >
  147. >Wait
  148. >Who's that mutant horse
  149. >
  150. >It's red
  151. >It's Big Macintosh
  152. >
  153. >He see you
  154. >Not moving
  155. >He trots gingerly over to you, rage i his eyes
  156. >He raises a hind hoof in anger
  157. >"This is fer' mah' sister, Goatse."
  158. >That motherfucker is taking a horse piss on you
  159. >
  160. >
  161. >
  162. >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6q-6RroaJA
  163.  
  164. -END?-
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