Title:           Goatse in Equestria 3: God Hates Applejack
Author:          NameIsJolly
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/HMsGvG1Y
First Edit:      Tuesday 20th of March 2012 05:44:43 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 20th of March 2012 05:44:43 PM CDT

>Wake up
>Something is poking you in the back
>It feels vaguely like a penis
"WHO WHERE?"
>Apparently, Mr. Cake hasn't taken too kindly to you sleeping on the roof of Sugarcube Corner
>"Goatse, get down from there! You're scaring away all our customers!"
>From inside the store, Mrs. Cake begs her husband to ignore you
>"HONEY LEAVE IT ALONE REMEMBER WHAT IT DID TO TWILIGHT."
>You can smell her tears from here
>You roll off of the roof like all that snow in that one viral video
"EAT 12 DICKS WITH PASTA."
>You land right on Mr. Cake's head
>His long, lanky neck gives way to a "SNNK"
>You get up and investigate the now-paralyzed entrepreneur
"SUCKA, A SUCKA DICK- SUCKA DICK"
>You start shufflin'
>Mrs. Cake is crying furiously
 
>You do the robot for her
"SUCK MY ROBOT DIIIIIIIIIIIICK"
>Stop
>Hammertime
>No srsly stop because you just picked up the whiff of a vagina
>God damn it stinks
>You look around and you can see stink lines coming from the flank of an onlooking orange pony
>Oh god it smells so bad-good that you get at least a quarter-chub
>You start cartwheeling toward her
>You bend down to meet her at eye level and make like you're taking off an imaginary top hat
"I'M GOATSE. GOD OF HELL AND DEATH. MAY I STINK-FUCK YOU PLEASE."
>"Err... pardon?"
>She's scared
>Oh god it's so cute
>YOU WANNA FUCK HER STINKY VAGINA ALL DAY
"I WANT YOU."
>Apparently this is the dumbass redneck mutant horse because she's not familiar with the urbam legend of the evil and mystical Goatse
>"Oh!... Well, i'll be..."
>She blushes
 
>"Well, ain't you a charmer? Might yall' wanna follow me back ta' the farm? Ah reckon Big Mac's out buckin', an' he won't m-"
"HA!"
>She pauses
>"Err... what's so funny?"
"IT'S LIKE A MCDONALDS! HA! LIKE A BIG MAC! DOES SHE HAVE SPECIAL SAUCE? SPECIAL ASS-SAUCE? HAA!"
>Moar pausing
>"... 'yer a strange fella, ain't ya?"
"SHUT UP, WAIFU."
>You swoop her up in your arms like newlyweds and carry her to Sweet Apple Acres, because you know where that is somehow
 
>You're running down the street, screaming,
"CRUISE CONTROL, CRUISE CONTROL, CRUISE CONTROL"
>WHILE SHE'S C
>While she's cuddling into a ball in your arms, trying to piece together what exactly is happening and if she's okay with it
>You make it to the farm and instead of using the door, you be a gentleman and jump through the window
>She scrambles to her feet
>"WOAH WOAH woah, loverboy! Now look what ya' done di-"
>Cover her mouth
>No talk
>Only dreams now
>You grab her and pull her close to your side
>You reach a hand around to her flank
>She begins to scream a bit
>It's moments like these that you thank god that your left hand is made out of sand paper
 
>You inch a finger gently into her stinky stanky vagina
>She's really screaming a lot now
"SHUT UP FAG"
>You shove your whole hand, up to the elbow, into this mutant horse's tight, stinky puss
>Her puss feels like it looks like those monster worm things from Splice
>It smells like what you imagine those things smell like too
>lol wouldn't it be funny if she grew a pee-pee right now
>Anyways you're bored and she's REALLY screaming because you're breaching her womb
>You exit the vagina and turn her over on her back
"TITS OR GTFO"
>You dig your face into her tiny mounds of breast-areas
>They're really tiny
>You figure if you keep slamming your face into them they might get bigger
>So now you're just head-butting her chest with all your fury, repeatedly
>She's screaming things like, "NOOOO!" and "NOOooooooOOOOOOOO!!!" and "FUCK, AH DON'T WANT IT, AH DON'T WANT IT!!!!"
>Oh god she's so god damn smelly
>You headbutt/kiss her
"THE FUCK DID YOU EAT BITCH"
 
"WHY THE DICK ARE YOU SO STINKY"
>She fights through the cries
>"Ah... work... a lot... sweaty..."
>FUCK IT
>YOU TAKE YOUR SANDPAPER HAND
>you punch a CLEAR hole throughout this bitches stinky chest that now has your face indented into it
>It's like that scene from Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist
>Like, seriously, it's just like that
>Actually, this whole story's premise bears a strange resemblance to that movie
>You look down
>You are the chosen one
>You are in Steve Odekirk's body
>
>No
>Stay with it
>You can't let that universe take you again, not until you've brutally and disgustingly murdered these mutant horses
 
* * *
 
>Mr. Cake is like, "Gee, I wish I wasn't paralyzed from the neck down."
>Then his baby-mutant-horses are like, "Daddy pick us up because we're sad
>but he can't because he's pretty much paralyzed form the neck down
>Mrs. cake: "REENIE REENIE REENIE REENIE REENIE REENIE PARALYSIS REENIE REENIE I TOOOOOLD YOU NOT TO POKE THE DEMON REENIE REENIE"
"Man, that would be awesome."
>You think, as you're hauling ass into the town with this stanky skanky mutant horse-orange-apple thingy on your head
>Mutant horses are conversing in the evening moonlight outside Sugarcube corner
>"sssssssssssssss"
>Someone's like, "Who dat?"
>"sssssssSSSSSSSSSSS"
 
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUCKA
 
>DICK."
 
>You fucking shot-put this bitch 5-billion feet in the air with your dick-muscles and she gets impaled on those candle-light things on the roof of sugarcube corner
>It's gonna take years to get it down
>lol she's gonna stink up the town
>Big mac is amongst the crowd, he and Applebloom look on and cry
>You live in Sweet Apple Acres now
 
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