Title:           Now Introducing: Chatterbox
Author:          Morning_Wood
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/wUdPypEx
First Edit:      Monday 20th of July 2015 11:10:00 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 20th of July 2015 11:10:00 PM CDT

>First job I had ever gotten, and it was in another dimension.
>Only one interdimensional train-ride away, though
>What was it my friends had told me?
> [spoiler]“Fuck the horsepussy, anon.”[/spoiler]
>No, the other thing.
>”Try to make friends at work, anon. Jobs only suck if you have no one to bitch about them to.”
>Okay, I was good at making friends, but how could I make friends with horses? How the hell was that supposed to work?
>Was I supposed to lead with a compliment? What the hell COULD I compliment?
>Maybe if I complimented a dude-horse he’d think I was a faggot, that could cause all sorts of problems.
>Shit, how did I tell the dude-horses from the chick horses?
>I mulled over this question for some time, the train seat rumbling under me.
>It was on the tip of my tongue… um… mind, but I just couldn’t think of it.
>Something about their faces. Maybe I should have studied before accepting a job so far away.
>A paycheck’s a paycheck I guess.
>More than a little nervous, I turned around and eyed the green and pink pony sitting behind me. Gender unspecified. It would know.
>”I’ll probably never see it again,” I thought to myself. “I can just fire the questions away and--hopefully-- it’ll never matter.”
>I politely cleared my throat to get its attention. It turned and smiled at me. Damn, that’s cute.
> Oh well, too late to back out now.
“Umm.... How do you tell the guy-horses from the girl-horses?”
>She giggled, effeminately.
>Anon, you are one smooth motherfucker.
 
>”Well, “guy-horses” are called stallions. “Girl horses” are mares.”
>She doesn’t break her smile the entire time she’s talking. Seems like she’s done this before.
>At least the words they used were similar to the ones on Earth. Maybe this won’t be so hard, after all.
>Just like high school. Never study, ask the smart chick next to you for answers on the test.
“Alright, but that doesn’t answer my question. How can I tell the “stallions” from the “mares”? Please tell me I don’t have to, uh… “analyze” them to find out.”
>She giggled again. Either I was smooth as fuck, or I was making an ass of myself. Something tells me it was the latter
>”No, I’ve heard that’s how you sex animals on Earth, but there’s much simpler ways of learning a ponies gender.
>I’m proud to say I fought that blush down like a champ.
“So…”
>”So what?”
“How do I tell them apart?”
>Another giggle. Maybe I was the victim of some cruel experiment this vicious little mare was putting on.
>”I already answered one question for you, but you haven’t done anything for me.”
>That’s never good. Had I entered into some crazy pony blood pact by asking her a question and receiving an answer? Was she going to force me into ten years of hard labor? This was nothing like high school! The girls never wanted anything in return but Jamba Juice Gift Cards! Abort!
>She giggled again.
>Damnit! Stop doing that you adorable horse. It puts me on edge.
“Don’t get all panicky, I just want you to answer some of MY questions in return. I’ve only been to Earth four times and each visit it seems crazier than before.
>Sounds fair. And cheaper than Jamba Juice.
“Okay, I’m all ears.”
>”No you’re not…”
“Sorry, human idiom, it means I’m listening. Ask away. Anything you want to learn about Earth. As long as it’s not weird.”
>”Alright!” She clopped her hooves together and her shit-eating grin somehow grew even wider. “Where are all the ponies on Earth? The weird ones. The ones that were around before the portal opened? I’ve always wanted to meet one!”
>Maybe this little ponies questions weren’t going to be as challenging as I’d thought.
“Small problem there-- they can’t talk. Or communicate. Or do anything interesting for that matter. Ponies on Earth are just as unintelligent as the rest of the animals in the world. Like dogs, if you have those in Equestria.”
>She looked a little taken aback, but her smile didn’t fade and she didn’t look insulted. Probably because I had left out the part about people riding horses here. Useless details that she definitely didn’t need to know.
>That’s super weird. Now I definitely want to meet them! Where can I find them? Are they some kind of super rare species that you’ll only meet once in a lifetime? That’d make it even awesomer!”
“No… ponies are just kind of… around. You see them a lot more out in the country where there’s fewer people and less open space. Look up a ranch next time you visit, you’ll probably find some.”
>Wait… considering what goes on at ranches…
“Actually don’t. You’d be bored. Totally freaking bored. Ranches are, like, the most boring things on Earth. I’m sure you’ll meet the, uh… “weird ponies” eventually. On someplace that isn’t a ranch. While you’re at it, also avoid glue factories. No relation, they’re just boring too.”
>Saved it!
>Though now she definitely looks a little off-put.
>Don’t frown, pretty little horse. Your smile creeps me the fuck out, but it’s starting to seem… nice.
>It’s my turn to smile and laugh. If I seem comfortable, she’ll be comfortable, right?
>As I begin to brighten the little ponies face lights back up. Success!
>”Weird answers, I guess all of Earth is just weird. Anyway, you answered two questions for me! That means I owe you two questions back! What did you say? I’m all ears!”
>She flopped her ears forward over her face to highlight the expression. This pony was just trying to kill me with adorableness.
>A long conversation later, the train stopped and both of us got off.
>As we turned to part ways she took a moment to stop me.
>”Hey, before you go… could I get your name?”
>For the first time in the conversation, she seemed like the awkward one instead of me. It was kind of nice.
“You can call me Anon, though my full name is Anonymous. How about your name?”
>”Anon-E-mouse.” She giggled after saying it. “Weird name to go with weird Earth! I’m Forest Chatter, but my friends all call me Chatterbox. You can call me that too, if you want!
>Damn fitting name.
“See you around, hopefully!”
>”Yep!”
>Just as I turned to leave I thought up another type of horse I hadn’t asked about. I had learned about unicorns, mares, stallions, and pegasi, but there was another type of horse I had heard of. It WAS my turn to ask a question.
“Hey Chatterbox!”
“She turned around and gave me an inquisitive look.
“What’s a gelding?