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Come Again, Chapter 1 - Another Day in Paradise

By: MisterElGuapo on Jun 27th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 7.83 KB  |  hits: 602  |  expires: Never
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  1. >The phone rings.
  2. >You groan and reach under the pile of clothes next to your futon mattress, feeling around for the small plastic brick.
  3. >The alarm clock reads 4 a.m. as you blearily fumble for the phone.
  4. >Ahh…got it.
  5. “…hello?”
  6. >…
  7. “…what do you mean he’s in Las Pegasus?”
  8. >…
  9. “...Hoof in mouth disease? Why does he need to go all the way to Las Pegasus for…”
  10. >…
  11. “What do you mean I could be more sympathetic?!”
  12. >…
  13. “It’s my day off!”
  14. >…
  15. “Look, I worked all day yesterday. Get some relief in there by noon or I walk…”
  16. >…
  17. “THREE? I ain’t doing...”
  18. >…
  19. “But…”
  20. >…
  21. >You sigh.
  22. “Fine…I’ll be there…”
  23. >You hang up your phone and bury your face in the pillow.
  24. >Why do you put up with this shit?
  25.  
  26. ---------
  27.  
  28. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=068AFYvd58E
  29. >The same as it always is…
  30. >Show up in time to accept the morning supply of papers.
  31. >The p0nies sure do love their newspapers…paying for them on the other hand…
  32. >Restock the shelves…toss out the rancid burritos…discount the not-so-rancid burritos…
  33. >Make sure the cigarette display is full…granted, they’re candy, but you suppose for p0nies they’re the same as the tobacco variety.
  34. >Man, what you would give for a real smoke…
  35. >Donut display, check…Coffeepot, on…Magazines? Organized…
  36. >Dirty Magazines? The dry ones are organized.
  37. >The sticky ones are thrown out.
  38. >How do these colts do this without you noticing?
  39. >Your greatest fear is that you’re cleaning behind the cooler one day and you find a secret door to some kind of p0ny spank ring.
  40. >You check your watch. It’s almost time to open…
  41. >There was hope when you got to this place that you could go on to do something special.
  42. >Save the world, be a great doctor, or maybe a  musician…
  43. >Nope.
  44. >You’re the same aimless loser you were, just that instead of people, you’re surrounded by p0nies.
  45. >Goddamn isn’t life wonderful.
  46. >One last thing…
  47. >You head outside to open the shutters. Grabbing the lock, you turn it to find…
  48. >…
  49. >Nothing.
  50. >Someone just…took the lock?
  51. >What’s the point of that?!
  52. >You shrug and heave the shutters open.
  53. >…
  54. “You have got to be kidding…”
  55. >Apparently, whoever “they” is stole the lock so they could vandalize the storefront under the shutter.
  56. “Clerks is a stupid movie…also, penis.”
  57. >That’s what they wrote.
  58. >Someone is thinking too hard…
  59. >You shake your head and go back inside, fuck it.
  60. >You flip the sign over to read “Open.”
  61. >Another fantastic day at the Hoof n’ Go.
  62.  
  63. -------------
  64.  
  65. >9 A.M.
  66. >It’s been a fairly steady, average morning crowd.
  67. >”Pack of Camels.”
  68. “Cinnamon or Sugar?”
  69. >”Cinnamon.”
  70. >You grab a pack of the cinnamon flavored Camels and set it on the counter.
  71. “Eighteen bits.”
  72. >”Such highway robbery…” The pegasus stallion tosses the requisite bits on the counter, taking his purchase.
  73. >”Seriously, where do you get off charging p0nies this much for cigarettes?”
  74. >You throw up your hands with an exasperated sigh.
  75. “I don’t set the prices, sir. I just sell them.”
  76. >The stallion snorts. “I bet you campaigned for that new cigarette tax, fueling your fat paycheck.”
  77. “Sir, I can guarantee you that any raise in prices does not increase my paycheck…”
  78. >If you could afford eighteen bits a pack, you wouldn’t be living in a shitty studio apartment.
  79. >”Oh yeah, I’m sure you tell that to everyone! I bet you eat at the Gilded Grain every night!”
  80. >You wish you could simply eat every night on your salary.
  81. “Come on buddy, now you’re being silly…”
  82. >The pegasus turns and sticks his head out the door.
  83. >”HEY EVERYP0NY! THIS SHOP IS GOUGING YOU FOR FEEDING YOUR ADDICTION SO SOME LAZY CLERK CAN EAT LIKE A KING!”
  84. “HEY, NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE…”
  85. >Too late, the pegasus is gone, his screaming echos about the cigarette fraud at the Hoof n’ Go echoing down the street.
  86. “I hate this day already…”
  87. >As you sigh and stick the bits in the register, barely able to stretch before the bell over the door rings again.
  88. “Oh…good morning Ms. Cake.”
  89. >For her part, the Sugarcube Corner owner looks just as exasperated as you do.
  90. >”Anon, when is the video store going to open?”
  91. “I’m sure he’s running late for a good reason…”
  92. >Yeah, right.
  93. >Cake shakes her head and trots in, grabbing a sack of donuts and tossing them on the counter.
  94. >”Anyway, how much for these donuts? Might as well have a snack while I wait.”
  95. >She stares at you as you stare at the sign DIRECTLY BEHIND HER HEAD, ADVERTISING DONUTS AT FIVE BITS A FREAKIN’ SACK.
  96. >OPEN YOUR EYES YOU SAGGY OLD PIECE OF…
  97. “Seven bits. Don’t you make stuff like donuts?”
  98. >”Yes, but ever since Pinkie took that…second job of hers, her quality of work has…declined.”
  99. >As Ms. Cake takes her purchase and leaves, you stick five bits in the register.
  100. >The extra two go in your pocket.
  101. >No dog food for Anon tonight…
  102. >Speaking of Pinkie, you can hear her hard at work outside as the door opens and shuts.
  103. >Now, if someone actually employed here could show up on time…
  104.  
  105. ----------------
  106.  
  107. >Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy look at the wall between the store door and the door for the video shop.
  108. >P: “Alright Fluttershy! Just like we practiced!”
  109. >F: “Oh…ok…umm…Pinkie? Why do I have to wear this green overcoat?”
  110. >P: “Don’t ask questions, Fluttershy! Now HIT IT!”
  111. >Pinkie strikes a pose as Fluttershy sets down the boom box, gingerly pressing the “Play” button as her pink partner inhales deeply.
  112. >As the retro drum beat gets started, so does Pinkie.
  113. >P: “BUCK BUCK BUCK! MOTHER MOTHER BUCK, MOTHER MOTHER BUCK BUCK, MOTHERBUCK, MOTHERBUCK SWEET SWEET SWEET!”
  114. >Pinkie Pie dances like a dynamo, while Fluttershy stands back, bobbing her head to the beat and trying to not look as embarrassing as her friend does.
  115. >P: “SMOKIN’ COOKIES, SMOKIN’ CUPCAKES, DOIN’ CAKES, EATIN’ PIES! EATIN’ PIES PIES PIES! ROLLIN’ PIXIES, SMOKIN’ CAKES! WHO SMOKES THE CAKES?”
  116. >F: “Uh….well….I don’t really smoke cakes…”
  117. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRp_mVi969I
  118. >Pinkie groans as the music shuts off as if on command.
  119. >P: “Fluttershy, that’s not what we practiced!”
  120. >F: “Oh….I’m sorry, I’ll try harder next time…”
  121. >The yellow pegasus recoils a little as the earth p0ny places her hooves on her hips.
  122. >As you watch the scene play out through your window, you can’t help by wonder.
  123. >How the hell does Pinkie stand on two hooves like that?
  124. >P: “Seriously! How are we ever going to sell our stuff if you can’t get this right?”
  125. >Fluttershy whimpers. “Sorry…”
  126. >Pinkie sighs. “Alright. I’m gonna go get some coffee. You stay here and…not say anything.”
  127. >F: “But…”
  128. >P: “NOT. A. WORD!”
  129. >Flutters bites her lower lip and nods as Pinkie bounds her way in to the store.
  130. >P: “Hey Anon! I thought you weren’t supposed to be here today!”
  131. “That’s what I thought…”
  132. >P: “Damn Anon, don’t be such a pussy. Speaking of which, where’s the penis?”
  133. “Come again?”
  134. >P: “Sign outside says penis.”
  135. >You sigh.
  136. “We do not sell penis here.”
  137. >Pinkie shrugs, pouring herself a cup of coffee. “Too bad, I’d buy it.”
  138. “I’m sure Twilight would be upset.”
  139. >P: “Oh yes, your –marefriend-. You ought to play the field, Anon. Know what will help? Some CUPCAKES!”
  140. “No. And what have I told you about selling out in front of the stores?”
  141. >Pinkie just giggles and heads out the door.
  142. “WAIT! YOU GOTTA PAY for that….”
  143. >You sigh. There’s no use.
  144. >You fish the two bits out of your pocket and toss them in the register to cover Pinkie’s coffee.
  145. >Guess it’s Alpo Surprise for dinner.
  146. >Cake: “ANON, He isn’t here yet! I got foals at home!”
  147. >You sigh and check your watch.
  148. >9:15 A.M.
  149. >Where the hell is he?
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