Broken Wings, Chapter 8 - By Starlight (light clop)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um89ylS0PMM

>It’s a warm summer morning when the Apples bury Big Macintosh.

>As with any Apple family event, the entire family comes in, along with half of P0nyville.

>You glance up at Applejack as the ceremony drags on.

>She glances up at you for just the slightest of moments before averting her gaze, the mix of emotions unreadable to you.

>She hasn’t spoken to you since it happened.

>That’s what hurts most of all.

>You expected her to not spend time with you, she needed to be there for her family.

>But the silence only exacerbates your grief.

>She never said it, but you knew.

>Not a matter of paranoia, you just knew.

>Because part of you knows that she is right.

>It is your fault.

>In school, every instructor lectured you on the grim realities of your craft.

>You cannot save every life, and to think you could was to invite madness.

>It was a lesson you callously disregarded. What do you care?

>Your patients would be simple, dumb animals.

>Sure, an owner may be grief stricken, but you could empathize for a little while and move on to the next appointment.

>The first time you lost a patient here, it hit you that life would not be that easy any more.

>But now, you watch as Big Mac’s casket is lowered into the earth, AJ placing her own sorrow on hold to console her grandmother and sister.

>This was something wholly different.

>You wanted to help her with her pain, and perhaps soothe your own pain in the process.

>At least Rainbow is with you, but she looks more sad for you than for Mac’s passing.

>After the ceremony, you adjust your suit and approach Applejack.

“AJ…can we talk? Please?”

>She pauses, not turning to face you.

“Anon, not right now…just…not now.”

>You grimace and step in front of her before she can walk away.

>You’ve had about enough of this. You can’t handle it anymore.

>She looks up at you, a mixture of grief, pain and anger in her face.

“No, Applejack. I need you to talk to me. You’re my special somep0ny…I know you’re hurting, but I’m hurting too…”

>Anger begins to win out on her face as you fall to a knee to bring yourself more to eye-level.

>”HURT? Anon, y’have no idea what ahm’ feelin’, much less mah family…so please, can we just do this later?”

>Your voice cracks as you fight to contain your pent-up emotions just long enough so you could finish what you wanted to say.

“No. Applejack…I loved your brother like family, and all I want to do is help you and your family. Please, just talk to me…”

>Applejack is getting visibly overcome as she looks away in disgust.

>”You act like it ain’t yer fau…”

>She goes wide eyed and stops herself.

>Your nerves go ice cold.

“…finish that sentence.”

>She can’t even look at you, much less finish as her eyes close.

“…like it ain’t my fault?”

>She keeps her eyes shut as you stand.

>”Anon, I’m so….”

>You’re already gone.

>You don’t even notice Rainbow walking up next to you as you walk away from the funeral, lost in your own thoughts.

>Rainbow Dash.

>You managed to save her, a p0ny you barely knew.

>Yet you couldn’t save one of your best friends, and the brother of the mare you were in love with.

>The one who hated you because he died.

>The one who blamed you.

>She was right. It was your fault.

>Your failure.

>”Anon…do you…you know?”

>Rainbow shakes her head and snorts.

>She wasn’t good at this kind of stuff.

>Besides, she must be irritated. You promised her yesterday that you would help her take her first flight.

>She’s healthy, why doesn’t she just fly now?

>Finally, she just blurts it out.

>”Anon, you want to talk about it or what?”

>You can’t muster the energy to sigh or comment on her exasperation.

“Rainbow…just go back without me, okay? I want to be alone for a while…”

>She stops in her tracks, allowing her concern to shine through plain as day as you walk on.

>”Okay, just…don’t do anything stupid. Come home in one piece, okay?”

>You don’t answer.

 

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSJbYWPEaxw

>You literally spend the day just walking around town.

>The streets usually feel so warm, so alive.

>Now they just feel empty, even though they are full of p0nies.

>Some stop and smile, say hi.

>You just slog on.

>You thought visiting the lake would make you feel better.

>It always helps in the movies to visit a lake when you’re sad.

>You are left disillusioned to just how fake Hollywood is.

>You walk past P0nyville General.

>You look up at it. If you still worked there, you’d go and sulk in your office.

>No dice, though.

>Life here seems to be going on as it always does.

>Like Big Mac was never here…

>Fuck, you need supplies.

>By supplies, you mean a bottle of rum.

>Not much of a stomach for Applejack Daniels.

>That bottle is your sweetest friend as you meander about, chasing away your thoughts and guilt, if only for a moment’s peace within your own thoughts.

>The bottle is empty by the time you get home at sunset.

>As you open the door, Rainbow looks up from where she was reading, on the sofa patients wait on.

>She smiles, happy you came back.

>”Welcome home, Anon…”

>Welcome home, Anon…said by someone who means it.

>You like that feel.

>Rainbow’s expression turns to disdain as you stagger in, reeking of booze.

>”…Damnit Anon, I thought I said not to do anything stupid…”

>She closes the door with a kick as she takes you under your arm, acting as your support as she helps you to your bed.

>You aren’t sure what you mutter, but it causes Rainbow to blush a little.

>Something about a plot.

>”Jeez Anon, did you even eat anything today?

>You think you shake your head no as you’re rolled into bed.

>More than likely you shook your left foot yes.

>Dashie grunts as she gets your jacket and shoes off. You lost your tie somewhere.

>She stops and stares at you a little as she tucks you in.

>”Anon…just…do me a favor and don’t do that again, ok?”

>You slur out a “’kay” as you black out.

>You aren’t sure how long you were out, but the first thing to come back is your sense of touch.

>You can’t remember the last time this bed was so cold…

>Because Applejack wasn’t here.

>She was too busy blaming you for her brother’s death.

>What right did she have to lay that on you anyway?

>You can’t win them all, even if you are a great surgeon.

>Even if the one you lost was Big Macintosh…

>Couldn’t even be fucked to ask you about your own torment…

>You open your eyes. It’s dark, with the moon shining brightly into your room.

>The moonlight splashes off of moist pink eyes, locked firmly on you.

“Rainbow…”

>You forget what you were going to say as she kisses you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEOo-hc7bUQ

>There are no words spoken as Rainbow climbs on top of you.

>You don’t think you could even form them right now.

>The moonlight dances through feathers and fur in your mind, your vision filled with a multicolored brilliance that smells like persimmon on a wild, untamed wind.

>In the back of your mind, you suppose you always knew.

>Knew what Rainbow had been searching for the words to say.

>What she almost said the night Big Macintosh died.

>But there is a simple reality.

>You were hollow and cold, and you needed the comfort of someone who loved you today.

>Applejack was not there. She did not want to be there.

>As selfish as that sounds, she simply wasn’t.

>Rainbow Dash was.

>Tongues dance as the cyan pegasus presses up close against you as your mind goes blank.

>Rainbow was here, taking care of the needs you needed addressed the most.

>Here to salve your pain and to hold you close in your grief.

>To heal your hurting heart, as you healed her.

>And all she was asking in return was your love.

>Something you don’t think Applejack wants right now.

>If at all, anymore.

>You give Rainbow what she wants as the moon continues its nightly journey.

>Right now…you don’t want to think about Applejack, or Big Mac, or the pain you felt from blaming yourself.

>You just want to feel this, a primal connection with this mare on every level.

>By the time you two finish, and Rainbow sleeps contentedly on your chest in her glowing satisfaction…

>You smile for the first time in days.

>And you fall asleep.