Wizard Anon in Equestria pt. 8

You are Anonymous, and a loud knocking rouses you from slumber. Ugh, light and noise, your two least favorite things in the morning. Rubbing your bleary eyes, you take in your surrounding. Tiny door, tiny window, tiny table, tiny bed... what? Then the memories of the past days flood back. Portal. Ponies. Princess. Party. Still stranded somewhere -or somewhen- in the Nevernever.

 

"Anonymous," you can hear Applejack holler from the other side of the door. "Time tah rise an' shine!" Hauling yourself out of the undersized bed, you can't help but grumble.

 

"I'm coming, dammit!" you shout through the wooden walls, immediately wishing that you could take the harsh tone back. After all, the orange earth pony had been kind enough to offer you the guest bedroom instead of the barn. You frantically smooth your hair into place before opening the door. "I mean... I'm awake, thanks."

 

Applejack eyes you over, no doubt assessing your wrinkled clothing and unruly mop. "Mornin' Anon. Breakfast in ten minutes." As she trots down the hallway, she turns back to wink at you. "Maybe had a bit too much ah the cider, Anon?"

 

You scowl. "I seem to recall drinking you AND Big Red under the table last night!" Your expression lightens as you remember the previous evening's festivities. Pinkie Pie had pulled a black-and-white striped uniform from SOMEWHERE and counted out your victory over both Apple ponies. "And if you think THIS is anything close to a proper hangover, then missy you've got a lot to learn about humanity."

 

Applejack shakes her head, still smiling as she continues down the stairs. "Just don't you forget about that rematch ya promised!"

 

Ducking back into the Apples' guest room, you survey the small chamber. Your coat, shoes, and overshirt rest haphazardly folded on top of your lone leather satchel. If only you'd had the time to pack even a few more things! But that was in the past now, and you have to make due with what you've got.

 

A second door leads to a small, spartan bathroom. You're glad to find that Equestria has discovered indoor plumbing, while simultaneously dissapointed at the lack of a shower or tub, or even a hot water tap on the basin. Still, after a good wash with cold water and a fragrant bar of soap, you feel at least a little bit rejuvenated.

 

Apprehensively, you sniff your clothing. Still relatively clean. It was a good thing you'd done laundry the day before you'd left the material world, since you hadn't had any time to pack extra duds. You curse the Wardens under your breath. Stupid dogs, braying and barking as soon as the White Council let them off their leashes! Still, you'd shown those bloodthirsty fools right up. Just imagining Ignatius fuming behind his desk is enough to make you grin.

 

The rumble in your stomache reminds you that Applejack will be waiting downstairs. Sure, you'd filled up on appertif's during the party, but your grumbling belly wants to real food. Better not keep the Apples waiting, then.

 

The bottom of the staircase opens into a quaint living room, complete with rocking chairs, checkered blankets, and a real stone fireplace. Through a doorframe on the opposite wall appears to be a dining room, where you can see Applejack and Big Mac seated at a long table, and beyond that a kitchen. It's all so very rustic, but with an honest sort of charm. Smiling, you make your way into the dining area.

 

Suddenly, a small yellow streak flashes between your legs and back into the kitchen, coming to rest behind what you guess is a cast-iron stove. "Awww, come on now, lil' sis," Applejack begins in a chiding tone. "Mister Anonymous is are guest, an' he ain't nothing to be afriad of! So how 'bout yah stop bein' such a scardy-filly an' come say 'Hi' tuh our visitor."

 

Hesitantly, a tiny yellow pony wearing a big red bow steps out from behind the iron stove, though as soon as you reach up to wave, she shoots back to her hiding spot. HNNNNGGGG. Reflexively, you clutch your chest. Too. Much. CUTE. Diabetes incoming in 5... 4...3...

 

But wait! That gives you an idea! Fishing around in your pockets, you take stock of your inventory. Keys? Check. Wallet? Check. Loose change? Check. Fresh pack of Double-Bubble Chewing Gum? Exactly what you were looking for!

 

Kneeling down, you hold the package of gum out in front of you. Ever since chewing gum had been invented, you always kept a pack on you. You MAY have something of a sweet tooth. With a simple gesture, you knock one piece out into your palm, and then pop it into your mouth. "Mmmm," you exclaim, chewing vigorously. You note that both Applejack and Big Mac are grinning at your pantomime.

 

"Say, Applejack, would you like a piece of this super delicious chewing gum?" You can see a pair of large orange eyes peeking out at you from below the stove.

 

"Sure would, sugarcube!"

 

"And how about you, Big Mac? Would YOU like some of this extra tasty gum?" You can see the little filly's eyes grow wider.

 

"Eeyup."

 

"Oh no!" You feign distress, pressing an outward palm to your forehead. Applejack is trying her hardest not to snicker. "We've each taken a yummy gummy piece, but there's still so much left! If ONLY there were another pony around to help me chew this super scumptuous Double Bubble chewing gum!"

 

The little yellow filly practically... no, LITERALLY bounces into dining room. "Ah can help! Ah can help!" Kids and candy: works every time.

 

Kneeling down, you ruffle the tiny pony's red mane. "Hello there, little one," you say softly, tipping a piece of gum into her outstretched hoof. "My name's Anonymous. What's yours?"

 

She pops the gum into her mouth and chews merrily. "Ahm Applebloom. Itsa pleasure ta meetcha, Mister Nonymoose!" Applejack gives her a stern look. "An' thanks fer the chewin' gum."

 

"You're very welcome." You glance towards Applejack. "I just hope a little sweet won't spoil your breakfast." She smiles back at you.

 

"Ahm sure this one time's alright." She turns towards Big Mac. "Now where in tarnashun is Granny Smith?" The big red pony shrugs.

 

As if on cue, the front door creaks open and an elderly green mare with a white mane slowly step in, leaning on a wooden cane. "Ah felt a tickle in mah withers. Is somepony talkin' about me?" Applejack rises and moves to help her grandmother, and is rather deftly swatted away. "How many times Ah gotta tell you, missy, I don't need anypony's help 'round my own home! 'Sides, was jes out checkin' up on the cows, since SOMEpony is late on her mornin' chores."

 

Applejack paws at the floor. "Well shoot, Granny Smith, Ah darn forgot, what with all the excitement 'round our new guest." She and the old mare trot into the dining room, and Applejack points a hoof at you as you rise from patting Applebloom. "Lemme introduce ya. Granny Smith, this here's Anonymous." You nod politely. "Anonymous, Granny Smith."

 

The elderly pony eyes you up and down and up again. "Pleased to meet you, ma'am." You adopt a respectful tone despite the fact that, judging by what Twilight had told you about pony lifespans, you probably have at least a decade on the old mare.

 

"Well," she croaks after giving you the twice-over. "Ah don' know what kinda creature you are, but a guest is a guest is a guest. Now let's get started on breakfast. AJ, whynt you help me set tha table."

 

As Granny Smith and Applejack head into the kitchen, you give Applebloom's mane a final ruffle before taking a seat across from Big Mac. Looking him over, it's obvious how he got the name. Outside of the princess, he's by far the biggest pony you've seen, with broad and muscular flanks. Judging by his square jaw and straw-colored hair, you guess he'd be quite a handsome human. Most surprising, though, are his steady green eyes: where you might expect to find dull simplicity is a look of quiet contemplation. Maybe you'd underestimated this one.

 

Applebloom springs up into a chair next to you as her sister and grandmother set the table. The breakfast spread is impressive, even if you consider half of it indigestible. The other half consists of various apple dishes: roasted apples, apple tarts, apple turnovers, apple salad... you were definitely sensing a theme with these ponies. Cheerfully, you dig in, your gusto easily matched by the rest of the Apple family.

 

The meal goes uninterrupted, until you feel the need to speak up between bites of apple dumpling. "I just want to thank you all again for your hospitality." You swallow thoughtfully. "It's been while since I've felt so out of place and so welcome at the same time.

 

The ponies all nod, even Applebloom, but Granny Smith is the first to speak up. "Awww, don't mention it, sonny. Why, it's about time AJ brought a nice young stallion home."

 

Applejack rubs her face with one hoof, blushing intensely. Big Mac just chuckles, and Applebloom looks all but oblivious. As much as you'd like to keep pressing Applejack's buttons, you feel like you ought to bail your host out of this one. "Well, I'm certainly flattered by the implication." You wink at Applejack, who just pulls her stetson further down over her face. "But I'm just a traveller passing through."

 

Granny Smith cackles. "An that's just what AJ's granpappy said afore I roped him in with my feminine wiles." Okay, wow, that is one mental image you do not need.

 

Thankfully, Applejack has the same idea. "So Anon, what're ya up to taday?"

 

"Well," you reply, grateful for the change of subject. "I'm going to meet Twilight at the library. I figure we'll start with trying to determine where I come from relative to Equestria, and maybe look into how I might get back."

 

Applejack nods. "Iffin there's anypony that could help ya with magic, it'd be Twilight."

 

"Eeyup," Big Mac agrees. You certainly hope they're right.

 

"Anyway, after that I guess I'll end up answering a lot of questions." Even at the party last night, the purple unicorn could barely contain her curiosity. "I did promise the princess to teach Twilight about human magic, after all."

 

Applejack shakes her head and chuckles warily. "Ah can't say Ah envy ya on that count, Anon."

 

You cock an eyebrow. "Something I outta know about?"

 

Applejack frowns. "No, no. Twilight's a great mare, best friend ya could ask for. It's just... well, she can get a mite carried away sometimes." Her voice grows low and ominous. "Just don't let her hook ya up ta any a them weird machines she keeps in her basement." Hook you up? To weird...m-machines? Oh lords of magic! Just what had you gotten yourself into?