shitty failed attempts at My Little Pony fanfiction

[EXCERPTS: BOOK OF THE SUN]

 

Sermon 1

 

She was formed in the glorious candescence of star-birth, amidst a distant and unknown nebula of coalescing dusts.  This was anon the era of Ald Ponelans, long since wiped away in the abhorrent waves of Smooze which had consumed most but the hardiest of living form and stalled the rotational axes with its inexorable opposing tide.    In her benevolence she was drawn to the cries wrought from the scattered and decimated life of this planet, and hence she arrived to shine upon them her warmth.  Being born of the stars herself, she could sing in their esoteric harmonics and by relay of the sorrowful cries below did convince the home-star to travel of it's own accord and bring about once more the cycle of days to the world that long had suffered it's unending scorch on one end, but bereft of it's energy opposite.  The survivour tribes whom had retreated to the planets heated core returned to the surface lands in rejoice, and paid to their saviour their swearings of loyalty and tribute forevermore.

 

Thus did she speak unto them:

 

'I come to you with tidings of love, for I see that you are dying'

 

'But know that the warmth I bring with me is channeled by love of your own'

 

'I remain with thee for time eternal, to ressurect your lands of old'

 

'But know your place and keep your grace, for without your love mine will grow cold'

 

~The end is punctuated by the stars~

 

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Sermon 2

 

Her leave had formed in the nebula an expanse that was void of dust.  Much was used in her formation and more still was pushed away by her wake.  The newly formed stars shone their pittance onto this emptiness, and as the light filled it in the dark was pushed aside until it had nowhere else to go.  The darkness gathered until it collapsed upon itself, forming an un-star that did not shine outwardly like it's brethren.  Thus was birthed another in the likeness of Celestia, although opposite.  Knowing not what her purpose was, she followed in the wake left by her sister-mother until she too came upon the lonely planet which now thrived in the warmth of her older sibling.  She looked upon this spectacle in jealousy, as she did not have the capacity to shine light nor warmth.  But wise Celestia foresaw her coming, and did approach her as such:

 

'Dearest sister, born of my grace'

 

'Who has travelled far through the darkness of space'

 

'Exert ye not such an envious gaze, but share purpose in my workings too.  To see the true glory of this world, I must be balanced by you.'

 

At these words her envy did melt away, replaced by the powerful love of her sister whom she had known so briefly.  A tear was shed from young Luna's eye, which fell into the gravity pull of the world.  Driven by the power-sounds that weighted Luna's breath, this fledgeling moon did swing in a graceful orbit, and the pull of it's own gravity force would set in motion the workings of nature.  Responding to the pull, the oceans cycled now in predicable tides and Celestia's heat could flow around the world by it's currents.  The oceans of magma far below the surface also felt the pull, and the earth shook and rumbled with geo-thermal activity that reshaped the lands, and vented sub-surface pressure that would reinforce the breathing-sphere of the world.  

 

Celestia provided energy to the world by communion with its home-star, and Luna would shape and direct this energy with the moon as her conduit.  Celestia's radiance was constant and predictable, and all that was exposed to it for too long would surely burn.  But Luna's gravity gave flow to the energy by it's manipulation of the world, distributing it as needed so that it would not cause havoc as it lingered.  The light of the dun would be reflected by the crystalline face of the moon, so that the side of the planet not faced by the sun would not be forsaken of its light.  With the forces of stasis and change in balance, the ecosystem flourished and the race of ponies rose like a phoenix from the ashes of their once-shattered kingdom.  The two sisters would rule in harmony for many ages unforeseen.

 

~The end is punctuated by the stars~

 

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Sermon 3

 

For a thousand year and hundred more did the aspiring ponies spread their likeness across the newly seeded lands.  Granted a vigour they had never before known from the radiant warmth of their star-sent princess, the tales of Ald Poneslan fell to but a tenuous whisper.  They shaped for themselves a new kingdom, which would come to be far mightier than the one left behind, and unto it was dubbed the title of Æquestrea.

 

But in spite of Celestia's warmth, the early ages of the newborn kingdom carried with them many hardships.  Though they were resilient and had survived the tides of Smooze, the ponies were still mortal, and so relied upon the gifts of earth to sustain themselves.  The ponies were also numerous, and so the earth could not bear its gifts at a pace which could sustain them.  Sensing impending disaster, they migrated forth in all directions in search of more fertile lands yet untouched.  Those unaccustomed to hoof-travel fell behind and were left in the wake of their travelling brethren who had taken with them all the gifts of earth.  With none left to sustain them, they withered into bones which aligned to form a message for the stars to read.

 

Celestia saw the shapes of the bones and the messages of famine, futility and failure which they wrote.  Though she was imbued with the power of stars, like a star she existed as a singular point in space, and when her dominion expanded in all directions she could not follow them in all directions at once.  Her sister saw the bone shapes and their message was seared into her heart.  She mourned the wayward ponies below, and begged unto her elder that they cooperate to the purpose of their amnesty.  But Celestia was wise, and knew that it would be folly to grant them full salvation: they would then fail to learn from their mistakes and thus would be doomed to their repetition.  Celestia was still benevolent, however, and she knew also that if the pony-kind she had worked so hard to rebirth did not receive their assistance now then they would surely be consumed by the dirt, and she would never feel the warmth of their love again.  Thus did she confer with Luna to the effect of their resuscitation.

 

Celestia followed the ponies to the north, where could be found those of deepest thought and sharpest wit amongst the pony-kind.  She spoke unto them:

 

'Dearest subjects who have travelled far, I grant my pittance unto thee'

 

'For you have suffered losses many, and the road ahead is bleaker still'

 

'My pittance takes the form of my blood, which I shall imbue unto your veins'

 

'That you may feel the vibrations of the solar lattice as I do, and bend its energies as you will'

 

The ponies of the north took on the aspect of Celestia - an image of her magickal conduit graced their heads and they became known as UNIS-HORNED.

 

Luna followed the ponies to the south, where could be found those fleetest of hoof and those of superiour war-tactics amongst the pony-kind.  She spoke unto them:

 

'My heart has heard your cries, and so the moon does weep for thee'

 

'Those fallen behind you all have perished, I will suffer to see this happen no more'

 

'I cry to you now with my wind-weighted breath, let it shift your bones into a material less dense than before'

 

'And lift you from the burgeoning earth, where amongst the clouds you shall henceforth soar'

 

The ponies of the south took on the aspect of Luna - their backs were enveloped by feathered wings and they became known as PÆGYSSUS.

 

Those of the east and west had fared better than their brethren, and so they lived on as EARTH-HOST.  Their reliance on the land and on their own strength for the millennia that followed formed with them a bond to the earth that their enchanted cousins could never know.

 

It would be up to them to regroup and combine their new-found powers to the betterment of their society.

 

~The end is punctuated by the stars~

 

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Sermon 4

 

I.)

MY WARMTH IS WHAT SUSTAINS YOUR LIFE, TO THAT EFFECT YOU BELONG TO ME

 

BUT BY MERCY OF MY VIRTUES MANY, I LET THEE LIVE WITH THY WILL FREE

 

MINE HEART IS THE IMAGE OF A POWERED MACHINE

 

THE FUEL CONSUMED IS YOUR LOYALTY

 

I BREATHE TO YOU IN ROYALTY

 

THE QUEEN OF YOUR DOMINION

 

 

[At this point, the courtmaiden presents the offering]

 

 

II.)

I GRANTED YOU MY ROYAL BLOOD AS RECOMPENSE FOR YOUR WOES

 

SO THAT YOU MAY CHANNEL THE FORCES AS I DO, AND RISE ABOVE YOUR FOES

 

BUT MY BLOOD WAS GIVEN NOT IN CHAIRTY, AND TRIBUTE MUST BE MADE

 

SHOULD YOU WISH TO MAINTAIN YOUR POWERS, THE BLOOD MUST BE REPAID

 

 

[The offering is to be processed as per protocol laid out in the Book of the Moon: Ref. VOL I - C XI - A II]

 

 

III.)

UNIS-HORNED THAT CARRY MY DEED

PÆGYSSUS OF MINE SISTER'S CREED

EARTH-HOST KEEPERS OF THE SEED

 

THINK NOT THAT I'VE FORSAKEN THEE

SHOULD TIMES OF HARDSHIP FALL

FOR I AM EVER WATCHFUL

AND I PROTECT YOU ALL

 

 

[If at this point force is still asserted by the offering then revert operation to II.) until force is properly culled]

 

~The end is punctuated by the stars~

 

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Sermon 5

 

From much blood and turmoil, a unified nation of the pony-kind had come to be.  All lands which could be reached by hoof or by wing were their eminent domain, as even the most powerful of living form had naught the sapience to contest them.  A tribunal of their three archetypes convened at the centre of their domain, where a great mountain stood.  Atop its peak, they would begin a project lasting a great many solar cycles which would consume the lives of nearly all who dedicated themselves to it.  In it's culmination, their love and gratitude was given embodiment as a twinkling palace, a monument to their host who shone her mercy from the skies.  By its design, aetherical energies which radiated from the home-star channeled through a towering spire and were re-directed to flow down the mountain's slopes, and the lands at the foot of this mountain became bathed in a glowing warmth that empowered all things within its embrace.  Here within the great planes of amplified sun-warmth, the collective pony-kind had at long last made themselves a haven wherein they could settle and forego the harshness of their old wandering ways.

 

While the Earth-Host found their comfort in the soft soils at the mountain's base (deposited there from centuries of nature's eroding force and the natural tendency of gravity to bring all things down if they are not held fast), their enchanted cousins quickly grew restless and moved on from those sun-soaked plains to find a space more suitable to their aspects.  Unis-horned, who bore the mystical blood of their host, gathered at her temple where they could be closer to their star mother's radiant grace.  Likewise, the Pægyssus took to the sky's clouds where the wind-breath of their moon mother could flow with vigour through their feathered channels.  Though now separated from them, the enchanted cousins of the Earth-Host were still dependent of those who dwelt in the soil below, as only they could effectively coax the earth's bounty from those soft grounds.  For in spite of their god-gifted powers, neither air nor aether could satisfy one's pangs of hunger.

 

But before long, a greater purpose for their vantages than mere stubborn pride became apparent.  The magickally-attuned clerics of the mountain temple could twist, stall and redirect the flowing energies it gathered from their host, forming a schedule by which those living below would receive it's warmth so that the bounty of the earth would not wither and burn in constant exposure that lasted throughout every day and night.  For this, the Earth-Host was grateful.  The intrepid vagrants of the clouds could imitate the weighted bellows of their host by strong movements of their wings, and with this technique they could corral the moisture of the air to single points and coerce them to condense and fall to the earth, rejuvenating the soil's properties in a way far more efficient than their previous attempts to dig channels from the rivers.  For this too, the Earth-Host was grateful.  With the assistance of their kin above, those ponies of the mountain's feet would ensure that none of their kind should ever have to beg or starve, and for this both the Unis-Horned and Pægyssus were especially grateful.  The three cousins lived for many solar cycles in a state of unity, but alas, as each generation aged and died so too did the bonds that their predecessors had formed.

 

The feisty Pægyssus built a city of charged vapour and raw spectrum in the clouds that drifted overhead, and as they looked upon their work they felt a ferocious inspiration in their hearts.  The world below relied upon the life-giving rainfall wrought by their creation, and all which they looked down upon laid prone to destruction by arcs of sun-like heat which they could coax from the swirling clouds if they so desired.  As generations passed and children were born into this powerful position rather than working to attain it, their sense of entitlement consumed them.  The young war-lords of the Pægyssus demanded a greater share of the sustenance sown by their Earth-Host cousins to satisfy their greedy lifestyles, and they were backed by threats of rain's ceassation and by strikes of fearsome lightning.  Soon they had even forgotten the deeds of their night-bound host in their fervent pride, and she was relegated to little more than an ancient myth of creation.  Eventually, it came to pass that the most scarred and experienced of their war-lords domineered over the others, and gathered them as his sub-ordinates.  He boasted to the race of Pægyssus now under his domain that he was fated for this position, for he claimed to be the living aspect of Dark Mother Luna from ancient legend.  The prideful Pægyssus had no doubts that one of their own could truly be a god, and so the brothers of the clouds worshipped him as their ascended God of War: COMMANDER HURRICANE.  

 

The proud Unis-Horned built a city of shining gems and precious metal at the outskirts of the temple grounds, and they looked upon their work with vanity.  Theirs was the most beautiful, it stood closer to the home-star than even the cloud-city of the Pægyssus, and theirs housed the sun's temple upon which all ponies had come to rely.  As generations passed and children were born into this splendour rather than working to attain it, their vanity consumed them.  They began to threaten their cousins with the prospect of removing their hosts' life-giving warmth unless they were given a greater share of the soils' bounty, for they knew of the plans set forth by their flight-gifted cousins, and by extension that they too relied upon their warmth for their own well-being.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[EXCERPTS: BOOK OF THE MOON]

 

Before starting with the procedure, please note the following caveats:

 

An offerings mundane persistence should lie between six and eighteen solar cycles so as to ensure that structural and mental development is completed or at acceptable levels, and that entropy has not been initialised or remains at a minimum.

 

An offering must not have experienced gestation at any point prior to the procedure, regardless of whether the result was properly carried to term.  Offerings previously subjected to mating behaviour are acceptable as long as such behaviour did not initiate an aforementioned period of gestation.

 

An offering must not have sustained any head or bodily injuries that have imparted any observable persistent damage (i.e. recovery incomplete after 6 lunar cycles) which affect the brain, head-bones, eyes, reproductive organs or force conduit.

 

An offering must not be afflicted with any congenital or developmental condition which may affect the function, structure or usability of the brain, eyes, reproductive organs or force conduit, or otherwise inhibits control or reception of magickal energies or the proper functions of impregnation or insemination.

 

An offering, at the time of procedure, must be in verifiable robust condition.  Candidates who are afflicted by disease, injury etc. will not be deemed suitable and are to be disposed of as per protocol listed in S-XII of this chapter.

 

Offerings are to be sought based on their magickal potential in the following order of preference:  

 

UNIS-HORNED

EARTH-HOST

PÆGYSSUS

 

Mares are to be given preference over Colts, as their capacity for gestation allows for certain short-cuts to be taken during force-channel binding which saves time and may allow for additional levels of efficiency during the procedure.

 

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The image of Celestia's mare-hood can be written as a power rune expressing 3 focussing points (see Fig. Iɑ).  From top to bottom, the references of the focus points are CLSR, INSR, and ENSR.  Each requires 11720 MGK to cast unaided.

 

When CLSR is focussed, the rune may only be cast as Self - Timer with a duration of 60 solar ticks.  The affected caster will experience a mass-release of various neurological hormones mostly related to combat and mating behaviours, rendering them essentially unresponsive to pain and fatigue as well as often causing frenzied violent and/or sexual behaviour.  This technique is incredibly dangerous to casters who do not posses extensive willpower, and its overall usefulness even to experienced mages is debatable.

 

When INST is focussed, the rune may be cast as either Target - Fire/Forget or Self - Fire/Forget, however the latter is not advised due to potential complications that its effects may cause when looping through ones own force-channel.  Any affected target will immediately experience estrus and become seeded with the aspect of divinity, forcing their next progeny to be conceived in the image of ÆLIS-HORNED.  When cast on colts there will be no immediately observable effect, but their seed will carry the aspect until it is expelled (there are records of ÆLIS-HORNED being fathered by colts up to 20 solar cycles after initial casting). The technique can also affect womb-bound foals if their development has not exceeded 3 lunar cycles, as their image has not fully formed at this point.

 

When ENST is focussed, the rune may only be cast as Forward - Fire/Forget(?) with a range of approximately 127 metres and a variance of approximately 16°.  It carries a standard Banish effect, although duration and destination are yet to be documented as no affected subject or object has ever successfully been retrieved nor returned of its own accord.  Use of this technique is considered highly inadvisable by the Royal Cantorlux Magickal Standards Administration due to the theorised permanence of effects in comparison to traditional Banish techniques, and as such any use of ENST must be followed by a complete documentation of the incident written according to procedure listed in Ref. VOL III - C VII - A I .

 

 

 

 

 

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The pony-shaped effigy of hay-stuffed burlap stood stock still at the base of the towering mountains behind it, with the bustling city of Canterlot poised above in all it's glory.  Stretching before this phony pony at the mountain's feet was a vast, flat plain of grass and shrub.  And about 300 metres down the range of this plain, one could just barely see the silhouettes of a Canterlot Royal Guard platoon from the burlap bronco's position.

 

"Epsilon three!" shouted the platoon commander, who almost could not be looked at directly on account of the sun reflecting brilliantly off his gilded ceremonial armour.  "Enter the firing lane and await my command!"

 

A skinny off-white unicorn with a cropped blonde mane warily trotted up to the red line painted on the ground, and upon reaching it he promptly stood at stiff attention and uttered "Ready for orders, sir!" in a voice that did not seem sure of itself.

 

The commander did not seem to take notice of his tone, or perhaps he simply didn't care.  "You should know the drill by now", he remarked.  "Simply cast the standard 'Shooting Star' ballistic you were taught, and try to hit that target 300 metres downrange.  You have 60 ticks to hit the target as many times as you can.  Ready to begin?"

 

The unicorn took a deep, slow breath in an effort to calm his anxiety.  "Yes sir" he said with a hint of wavering still in his voice.

 

"Timer starts now, begin firing!" yelled the commander.  The nervous unicorn bit down on his lip and opened his conduit channel slightly, which caused his horn to become enveloped in a sparkling glow.  He began to concentrate on the procedure he had learned during previous training.  "Channel frequency needs to be set directly between green and blue spectrum in order to achieve proper crystal formation..." he thought to himself, as the aura surrounding his horn shifted hues from a golden yellow to a light cyan colour.  "Concentrate the CY-aether to a single point and maintain reasonable band-width to prevent misfire..."  A tiny spark formed at the tip of his horn, which began to crackle as it grew in size into a shining crystalline orb.  His attention became focussed on the small brown dot off in the distance.  "Now I just gotta open the channel fully, and the residual aether will be forced from the opening and-"

 

"ARE YOU GOING FIRE OR STARE AT YOUR DAMN HORN?" shouted the commander in frustration.  The young unicorn did not notice that he had spent nearly 10 ticks concentrating on charging his first shot, and the sudden outburst had startled him.  He loosely let go of his channel instead of fully opening it in a quick smooth operation, and with a brief spurt of sparks the orb was impotently lobbed a few metres before coming to rest in the grass.  It did not even collide with enough force to shatter on impact as it was supposed to, and instead sat there slowly sublimating into the atmosphere.

 

The commander angrily stomped a forehoof into the ground.  "For fuck's sake, how did you even get past the selection process?"

 

"I-I'm sorry sir, I-" he uttered before he was cut off.

 

"DON'T APOLOGISE TO ME, YOU HAVE 43 TICKS LEFT!  KEEP FIRING!"

 

The recruit gritted his teeth and focussed again on the dummy prop off in the distance.  This time he spent only a moment reviewing the procedure and executed it as he went.  Within 3 ticks he had a fully charged pearl of crystallised aether held at the end of his horn.  He allowed just a moment for residual aether to build up in his conduit, centred the distant target in his vision, and flipped open his channel.  A stream of brilliant white energy arced from the tip of his horn and slammed into the orb that stood floating in it's wake, which propelled the ball of energy down the range at incredible speed.  It traced a lofty ballistic curve through the air before coming down about one tick later, almost 100 metres short of the target.  The projectile smashed on impact with the ground, sending jagged shards of crystalline shrapnel flying in all directions.

 

"Come on, you're not even in splash range!  Pay attention to your firing angle and channel buffer!  38 ticks remaining!" chided the commander.

 

Now the unicorn's nervousness had been replaced with determination.  He readjusted his horn to angle up slightly higher, and began to hammer his conduit repeatedly.  Shooting Stars flew from his horn in rapid succession, less than three ticks apart, each being fired harder than the one before it.  By the third pulse, his stars were landing within splash range of the dummy and the outer burlap cover was being torn by fragments of shattered crystal.  In all, he had sent 8 stars down range, and he felt a little bit light-headed after the ordeal.

 

"That's better!" stated the commander.  "You have 10 ticks left, try to hit the target directly with one last shot."

 

The unicorn bit down on his lip, aligned the tip of his horn almost parallel to the ground and began to flood his conduit with magickal energy as the end was held closed to a pinpoint.  He had an idea; perhaps if he pulsed hard enough the star would simply fly nearly straight and he wouldn't have to factor in the ballistic curve from gravity's pull on the solid crystal aether.  Being careful not to move his head and throw off his aim, he shut his eyes tightly to concentrate.  His horn began to surge in bright strobing flashes as sparks erupted from all sides of it.  A brilliant sphere hovered at it's tip, nearly the size of an apple now and growing steadily larger.  A small trickle of blood ran down his chin.

 

"Epsilon three, what the hell are you doing?  EPSILON THREE, DO NOT OPEN YOUR CH-"

 

The commander was cut off by a deafening bang and a sound like a glass vase being knocked over onto a hard tile floor.  When the unicorn tried to pulse the enormous shooting star he had formed, he did not realise that he had allowed his buffer to overflow it's capacity and when he attempted to open the channel the structural integrity of his horn failed catastrophically.  Shards of it's ivory casing were sent flying into the air as it came apart.  To make matters worse for the hapless recruit, his oversized shooting star imploded violently as soon as his horn was no longer holding it together.  Much of his face, chest and forelegs were shredded by vagrant aether shards.  He promptly collapsed to the ground and curled up in pain, covering the blown-out remains of his horn with his forehooves.

 

"For fucks sake!"  screamed the commander.  He charged his own horn and the air in front of his face distorted slightly.  "This is BLU-II Platoon Commander, reporting from firing range lane XII.  Send medical assistance immediately, one of our recruits just had a catastrophic misfire!  Do you copy?"

 

An ethereal, echoing voice filled the air near the frustrated commander and the group of terrified recruits who had just witnessed the scene.  "This is Canterlot Royal Command.  Understood, we are dispatching medical team to firing range, lane XII.  ETA is 200 ticks."  The commander powered down his horn, dispersing the wave input capture field in front of him.  He sighed, trotted over to the injured recruit and looked down at the bloodied, whimpering mess of a unicorn that lay in the grass at his feet.  "I'm sorry, nephew."  he grumbled.  "I should have never encouraged your dumb whimpy ass to join the Canterlot Royal Guard..."

 

 

 

 

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The stars one by one flickered away into darkness as dense shadow-cloud blanketed the earth. After so many millennia the Dragon of Ancient Canter-Lot had returned to his former home, where he would slumber for one thousand years. Dragon Champion Fluttershy, and indeed the other aspects of the Elements of Harmony, were at this point little more than a whispered myth, long since withered away to ages passed.

 

As such, the citizens of the modern Equestrian Capitol Province had no means of displacing the beast in his tyrannical slumber on their own.  For even the God-Princess Celestia, at once thought immortal, had felt the inexorable pull of entropy.  Now her presence in this universe had dregraded to little more than a tenuous bundle of meat and aether, held in a fluid-filled storage tank in the old palace and hooked to a conduit that would allow her magick to regulate the sun, for that is now her only capability.  Her Lunar Sister's disappearance coincided many eras ago with the death of the final Element of Harmony, the silpelit princess Twilight Sparkle, and she has never since been seen.

 

Now the sky is no more.  Crops wither at their post. Children freeze in the streets. Even the mysterious Everfree Forest ultimately succumbs to the cold and darkness, and the world is slowly but surely left barren.  With nothing left in this world for her, the husk of old Celestia decays and disperses into the local aether along with the home-star that kept her tethered to the world.  Thus, yet another reign of pony-kind meets its unceremonious end.  The immortal dragon takes no notice of the disappearance of such a weak and dying sun, and will awaken only for the light of another young wayward star that should happen upon this once-again lonely and barren rock.

 

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The most dedicated students and worshippers of the Immortal Princess Celestia are known from time to time to offer their very souls to her magnanimous grace, forming with their host a holy and eternal bond and becoming an extension of her divine will.  Of those who choose this path, the strongest and most magickally attuned individuals may be selected by the Princess herself for induction into the ancient and secretive Innermost Royal Cult.  Here they are taught the ways of great cosmic forces that are beyond the understanding of any mortal pony, a universal power permeating all things which even our God-Princess cannot control directly and can only redirect the influence thereof.  As mortal ponies cannot hope to be capable of such feats, they are trained instead to become a channel through which her holy might can conduct these forces to perform miraculous acts without need for her direct presence.

 

It is a dangerous process and not all who are subjected to it will survive.  For those that do, they are made the highest-ranking elite knights of the Royal Court, the legendary Solar Paladins.