Flanking Maneuvers Episode 9: B Side.

=Flanking Maneuvers Episode 9=

 

>You skipped along the Canterlot streets, happy as could be.

>It was barely after ten, but you had already made your day.

>Today had been the culmination of weeks of planning and pranking Celestia.

>You had been hiding them all over the city.

>Along the walls.

>In the shops.

>Over roofs and under bridges.

>Even got a few on the top of the castle.

>Dildos.

>Hundreds upon hundreds of dildos, spread all over Canterlot where Celestia would see.

>She had, to your shock and surprise, actually gotten rid of most of her prosthetics when the two of you got married.

>Most.

>Six boxes of plastic dongs and a couple late night snooping sessions had lead to one of your greatest pranks ever.

>And it all got capped off this morning at breakfast when Celly found a plastic cock baked into her bread.

>The look on her face was priceless, you couldn't tell if she wanted to just eat around it or swallow the whole thing.

>She had stormed off after you started laughing and left her breakfast sitting there, apparently locking herself in the Magi tower.

>You glanced over at said tower, it was lit up like a Christmas tree like it always was.

>Except this time, the antenna on top was glowing like no tomorrow, gathering up magical energy.

>That...wasn't supposed to happen...

>A pink crack of lightning strikes the tip of the tower and sends a wave of magic over the city.

>You raise your arms over your face as the wave tosses you back.

>Voices around you cry out in shock asking "what happened?" over and over.

>Your entire body stings as you push yourself up off the ground... and...

>You look down and see them, your mind not believe it.

"WHY DO I HAVE TITS!?"

-Theme song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmGkfWDtv78-

 

>You stormed through the palace.

"WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE!?"

>You were a feral tiger on the hunt, and you knew just the kind of blood you wanted.

>You reached out and grabbed a royal guard by the scruff of her armor.

"WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?"

>She timidly points a hoof down the hall, towards your room.

>You toss her away and go kick the door open, he's standing there with that shit eating grin of his.

"SOLARIIIIIIIIIIS!"

>He turns and flashes a smile to you.

>"Hello darling! How are yo-"

>You grab his face and shut him up.

"I'M GOING TO KILL AND EAT YOU."

>His smile twists into a smarmy grin.

>"In what order~?"

>You grab his horn and tilt his head down so you can look into his eyes.

"Fix. This."

>He chuckles. "I don't know if I can."

>What.

>WHAT.

"WHAAAAAAT?!"

>"Who is shouting in here!?" A navy alicorn behind you yelled.

"SHUT UP ORION!"

>You turn back to your husband.

"What do you mean you "don't know if you can"?"

>Solly smiles. "Just that dear, the spell seemed to...misfire. I can't say this gender swapping effect was what I had in mind."

>That might explain why even your thoughts were flipped.

>Wait.

"What WAS the effect you wanted?"

>Solly smiles.

>"Irritable bowel syndrome dear, honest."

>Brilliant...

 

>You, Solaris and Orion were all crammed into a carriage heading towards Ponyville.

>You sat with your arms crossed as the sky outside whizzed by.

>Solaris spent the entire time staring at your chest.

"Fuck off."

>"Whatever do you mean, dear?"

"I mean I said I wasn't taking my tits out when we were at the castle and I'm not taking them out here."

>He nuzzles against your cheek.

>"Oh but darling...this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! Aren't you the least bit...curious?" He says.

>No.

>No you were not.

"Solly...your brother is RIGHT THERE."

>Orion sat in his seat on the far side of carriage, red faced as can be.

>"This...is what I get for seeing Pippy, isn't it?"

"Shut up Orion."

>He leans back in and begins trying to nibble at your ear.

>"See? He has no right to complain with the things he does..."

>The world was not prepared for your spouse with testosterone flooding his brain.

>But there was one thing that it was less prepared for.

>You. PMS'ing.

>Your hand shoots up and snatches Solaris' tongue from his mouth.

"Solly, if you utter another word about us having sex in this carriage, I'm going to rip this out."

>"'Ut iss 'ould 'e a o'y 'ime 'e 'ath 'oo 'y i'!"

"I don't care if this is the only time we have to try this! I am not letting you fuck me after you turned me into a boiling tub of estrogen!"

>Solaris yanks his tongue back into his mouth and pouts in the seat next to you.

>"You're fine with sleeping with me when you're a man but the second I turn you into a woman it's "Keep that thing away from me!"."

"...Yeah, that's how normal couples work."

>The carriage is silent...

>"...Pippy and I don't work like that."

"SHUT UP ORION."

 

>You open the door to the Ponyville Library.

"Dusk! You better be able to fix this crap!"

>Dusk Shine trots down the stairs from his second floor, Stiletto the dragon on his back.

>"You guys too, huh?"

>"I'm afraid so, my faithful student..." Solaris said.

>You could care less that Solaris didn't want to tell Dusk he did this, whatever, he'll get his later.

>You just wanted your balls back.

>"That Mo'?" A voice from the basement asked.

>Awww...her too?

"Hey Ann."

>The two of you embrace in the library.

"How's Blitz taking it?"

>"Amazed at his new appendage, how bout you two?"

>You glance at your husband and narrow your eyes.

"We're dealing..."

>Solaris clears his throat.

>"Yes, well, why don't we get started trying to solve this dilemma?" He says.

>He turns to Dusk and Ann.

>"I believe the spell was a transmogrification wave sent across the Angel spectrum."

>"How could this get on the Angel spectrum!? The power requirements would be enormous!"

>"But if it -IS- on the Angel Spectrum..."

>"...Then the Princes' using their magic on a Riselem Ankh hooked up to a transmitter should reverse the effects!"

>They were talking a different language when they were like this.

>You couldn't even tell who said what.

>Dusk walked over to a shelf. "I have a Riselem Ankh in here somewhere, we can just hook it up to a dish and be set to go!"

>He levitates the box out and dumps the contents on the floor.

>You imagine he immediately regrets it based on what falls out and the shade of crimson his cheeks take.

"Now I KNOW the maids at the castle don't have fishnets as part of their outfits..."

>"They will starting next week~..."

 

>An hour or two later you were back at the palace.

>And your balls were back in their rightful spot.

>Celly had been disappointed when her own pair winked away, but at least it stopped her from giving you that lusty stare.

>The three of you had said your goodbyes and made way back to Canterlot.

>As part one of your revenge, you had let slip that it was Celly who flipped everyone, Luna was in the process of nagging your ears off about it.

>"-and I have NEVER seen such a blatant disregard for ones duties in all my years! Honestly Sister, swapping the genders of the ENTIRE NATION? OVER PETTY REVENGE?!"

>A glance at Celly's face told you that she was just as tired of this as you were.

>The two of you walked into your room as Luna ranted in the hallway.

>"Why, if this were the days of Olde Equestria, we would take you out an-"

>She gets cut off as you slam the door.

 

>"THANK you..." Celestia said as she walked to her beauty desk.

>"Another minute of that and I'd have to send her to the moon again..."

"You deserve it."

>"Oh come now dear, I told you that it was unintended! I only wanted to give you the runs!"

"Oh well in THAT case..."

>Celly pouts at the desk. "Wasn't even willing to experiment with the time we had..."

"Oh fuck off, you're lucky I don't divorce you."

>"Ha! As if anyp0ny else would put up with you!"

>The room is silent for a moment.

"You know..."

>Celly turns to you.

"I'm not opposed to it..."experimentation"...

>Her gaze turns sultry as she gets to her feet and trots to the other side of the bed from you.

>"Oh~? What kind?..."

"Hehe...let me show you..."

>You reach under the bed and grab It.

>You plop it down on the bed and grab the rip cord as Celly's eyes grow wide and she realizes what it is you're holding.

>"Mous! Don't you-"

>You pull the chord.

"DILDO BOMB!"