Flanking Maneuvers Episode 15: Hers and His.

=Flanking Maneuvers Episode 15=

 

-Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmGkfWDtv78-

 

>Breakfast.

>Toast.

>BURNT toast.

>Again.

"And on her last day of our bet, she decides to be a cunt and burns my food to carbon."

>You toss your ruined toast and watch it break into a million pieces.

>"It slipped." Celestia says.

"How often have those words been uttered around you?"

>Celestia rolls her eyes as you start buttering a sweet role.

>The Royal Family was rather small today, just Luna.

>Armor and Cadence were off in the Crystal Kingdom cleaning up after Sombra's crap.

>You remember that week, you had been on Celly's tits the entire time wondering why she was sending six kids instead of going herself.

>She spouted some crap about it being a test for Twilight.

>Meaning it smelled like a case of the "bad ex"'s to you.

>But that was the past now.

"So how you been, Luna?" you ask as you butter your bread.

>Luna sips her tea and arches an eyebrow. "I have been...well, In-law. I have been spending time out with some friends out in the city."

>Luna.

>Friends.

>Ha.

"And how's that been?"

>"It has been well, I even had a social date the other evening."

>Celestia sighs. "Spending time with those you care for is so nice..."

>You nod.

"That it is."

>"I wish I could get out more often."

"Yeah, it's a bit boring here all the time."

>"So you'll pick me up at eight?"

"Yeah, su-"

>Whoa.

>Wait.

>What?

 

-Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwLtFovGyCI-

>You and Celly were in your Sunday best sitting in the middle of the "Le", Canterlot's premier fancy restraint.

>You thought the name was flank-on-head retarded.

>Everyp0ny else sat around the outer edge of the establishment eating and being merry.

>You catch a few glances to your table still.

"Everyone is staring."

>Celly continues to eat her food. "We're royalty, it comes with the territory."

"Don't talk with your damn mouth full."

>"I'm the Sun, I can do what I want."

"You're a Princess, don't be a cunt."

>Celly waggles her eyebrows and puts a few leaves of salad in her mouth before saying "No."

>You resort to your last choice and flip her the bird.

>"Body language, dear. We're in public."

"Since when has public image been something you care about?"

>"Since I've had to pick up after you."

"Just keeping life interesting, don't want you going back into Hyper-Whore mode."

>"It keeps life interesting~" Celly says as she downs her wine.

>Hmm...should fix that.

>Your waiter returns to your table levitating a notepad. "And can I get the royal family anything else this evening?"

"A bottle of Asgardian Black, if you don't mind."

>The waiter balks a bit but regains his composure. "Is His Highness feeling particularly daring today?

>You toss a smile to Celly.

"No, I just like to get wined and dined before I get fucked."

 

>Celly sent your drink back as soon as it arrived, denying you and sort of fun you had planned and forcing you to do the thing you dreaded doing.

>Talking.

"So what's the plan for next week?"

>"The Prench president is stopping by for a bit of a chat about the situation of Horsaille and later in the week I was thinking about helping teach magical theory at the university."

"So you're gonna smell like cheap cheese and booze for a week, brilliant."

>Celly arches an eyebrow. "You'd prefer if I smell like you do? Sweat and whatever food was tossed at you?"

"Feck off."

>"Always a way with words, dear."

"One of us here has to."

>"And what are your plans for the week?"

"Figured I'd work most days, come home to your bitchy ass, and drink until I can't feel feelings anymore. You know, stuff normal people do as opposed to your God-king schedule."

>Celestia grins down. "Don't tell me you're still jealous~?"

"Don't fucking start that shit again."

>Celly titters and goes back to her meal, letting you spot two familiar faces over her shoulder.

"Hey, check five-thirty and seven."

>Celly looks over her shoulders at Filthy Rich on her right and Fancypants on her left.

>"Small Equestria."

"And you fucked one of them."

>"I have not slept with EVERYONE, dear."

"She said totally believing herself."

 

>Your soup came in time, one of the only filling things you could get outside of the castle.

"They burnt my soup..."

>"That's what you get for being picky."

"How do you burn soup?"

>"Honestly, I thought the royal chef was going to quit a few times."

"It's SOUP."

>"Why is it that you make half the castle staff almost quit just by being you?"

"Is Sweetie Belle working the backroom or some fucking shit?"

>"I swear that's the reason I don't take you out on diplomatic missions, you'd start a war in an hour."

>You continue to glance around the restaurant as an older stallion come to your table.

>"Princess Celestia." he began.

>Yeah, just ignore you.

>"It is my great honor to have you in my establishment tonight, and I would just like to ask if there was anything I could do for you to make your evening any more pleasant."

"You burnt my soup."

>Celly and him talk around you.

>"Oh thank you sir, but the dinner was positively lovely."

"Except for my burnt soup."

>"Your praise warms this old heart, Princess, thank you." he says with a bow.

"Do you have a little white filly working in the kitchen?"

>"The praise is well earned, good sir."

"About this tall? Unicorn? Pink hair and a high pitched voice?"

>The stallion bows deep as he continues to ignore you.

>Okay, that's it.

>You grab his ear.

"Hey, can you give me a hand with something?" you whisper.

>His eyes dart between you and her. "What did you have in mind, sir?"

>Oh.

>Something good.

 

>You kick in the door to the royal apartments.

"Luna! We're home!"

>You hoist the moaning Celestia further onto your back and trudge into through the door, grunting all the way.

"And I could use some damn help here!"

>Luna trots out of her room and balks when she sees you holding a Celestia who frankly looked like death on your back. "In-law! What happened!?"

>You take a few more steps as Luna helps lift Celly off your back.

>You massage the small of your back and groan as Luna looks her sister over.

>"WHAT HAPPENED HERE!?" she shouts.

"Ease up on the Royal Voice, she ate pears."

>Luna twists her head a bit. "Pears?"

"She's allergic. Stomach cramps."

>Luna nods her head. "Ah..."

"Care to help me lug her to bed?"

>"O-of course, In-law."

>You help Luna carry your wife upstairs and dump her fat ass on the bed.

>Once Luna is out of the room, you collapse on the bed next to Celly and give her your best grin.

"How ya feeling, Sunshine?"

>She mumbles something, you're sure you hear the word "revenge" in there.

>You pat her head.

"Now don't be like thaaaat, it's all in fun."

>She groans and rolls over as you hop up next to her.

"You gonna warn me if you vomit?"

>She moans again. "Uuhhhhgggggggg...yes..."

>She was totally lying, but that was the price you paid.

>You flip on the TV and nudge her as the show comes on.

"Oh look, Dirty Jobs."

>Celly moans and groans under the covers at the thought of a show about sewers with poop.

>You sigh contentedly.

"I had a good night too, sweetheart.