Flanking Maneuvers Episode 12: Sarcastic Serenades.

=Flanking Maneuvers Episode 11=

-Theme song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmGkfWDtv78-

 

>It was a rare and auspicious day in your life.

>A day that only came about every once in a blue moon, and not the sister-in-law kind.

>A day where you and Celly had gotten along all day.

>You expected The Horsemen any minute now.

>You and Celly were curled up on the lounge later at night, a photo album in your lap.

"I remember this..."

>You lift up a slightly charred photo.

"This was that time when I said your ass looked fat in all the photos of you."

>Celly chuckles under your arm. "If only I'd been a bit faster..."

"Your aim is shit anyways."

>Celly rolls her eyes and turns the page, lifting a particular photo out.

>You could hear her sigh contentedly. "Our wedding photo..."

"That dress makes you look old."

>"The vomit on your shirt makes you look poor."

>You scritch her behind the ears a bit.

"You remember what you did after we got to the room?"

>"Hah! Do I...?"

 

>You kicked the door into the hotel room.

>"Griffin King" Fuck off.

>You still were pissed.

>First she treats you like a fucktoy for months, then she gets you drunk, then she cheats in a hay sausage eating contest, and now she tricks you into marrying her.

>Celestia practically skipped into the room after you. You had refused to carry her fat ass.

>"Oh it has just been AGES since I was last married! Now I can try all those things I need a steady partner for!"

>You walk past her as she schemes and collapse on the animal hide bed.

>Celly is quick to pry. "What's the matter Mister Saddlesore?"

"You fucking tricked me, is what happened."

>Celly rolls her eyes. "There was a time when you'd have anticipated that, Mous. I make no apologies."

>She levitates a small stereo onto the dresser.

>"Are you ready to hear about your husbandly duties~?" she asks.

>You arch an eyebrow.

"What?"

>Celly hits play.

 

-Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWAdb1vgoik-

>Celly removed her jewelry as she sang.

>"I met a monkey one day."

>"He had a flare for wordplay."

>"But all of it was risqué."

>"And now he's in my life."

>Looks over to you as she pranes around.

>"One that is SURE to be bliss."

>"If I missed it, I'd be remiss."

>"I wasn't looking for this."

>"But now you're in my life."

>she nuzzles your face in the bed and walks over to the light switch.

>"Our tongues are biting."

>"When it's us we're spiting."

>"Try to avoid the smiting."

>"Why is it you're fighting baby?"

>She takes the lights down and drops a disco ball from the ceiling.

>"Hey, we just got married, and this is crazy."

>"But I'm your wife now, so fuck me maybe?"

>"It's hard to put up with you, baby."

>"But I'm your wife now, so fuck me maybe?"

>She keeps prancing around like a tart.

>"Hey, we just got married, and this is crazy."

>"But I'm your wife now, so fuck me maybe?"

>"And all the other boys, try to chase me."

>"But you're my husband, so fuck me maybe?"

>She starts tugging at your pants. You don't resist, you are utterly not in the mood.

>"You came and pulled off a prank."

>"Told me that I was a skank."

>"I drew you in with my flank~, and now you're in my life."

>"We fight, and argue, and yell."

>"And make life a living hell."

>"Nobody said it'd do well, but you're in my life."

>Your shit gets pulled over your head.

>"Our tongues are biting."

>"When it's us we're spiting."

>"Try to avoid the smiting."

>"Why is it you're fighting baby?"

 

>She jumps off you and continues to prance around the room.

>"Hey, we just got married, and this is crazy."

>"But I'm your wife now, so fuck me maybe?"

>"And all the other boys, try to chase me."

>"But you're my husband, so fuck me maybe?"

>She's practically bouncing off the walls.

>"Hey, we just got married, and this is crazy."

>"But I'm your wife now, so fuck me maybe?"

>"And all the other boys, try to chase me."

>"But you're my husband, so fuck me maybe?"

>She looks to herself in the mirror, mock sadness on her face.

>"Before you came into my life I just was so bored."

>"I was so bored... I was so, so bored."

>"Before you came into my life I just was so bored."

>"Not even Discord... could make me less bored."

>What?

>"It's hard to put up with you, baby."

>"But I'm your wife now, so fuck me maybe?"

>She's giddy with excitement over this.

>"Hey, we just got married, and this is crazy."

>"But I'm your wife now, so fuck me maybe?"

>"And all the other boys, try to chase me."

>"But you're my husband, so fuck me maybe?"

>She hops on the bed and presents her ass into the air.

>"Before you came into my life I just was so bored."

>"I was so bored... I was so, so bored."

>"Before you came into my life I just was so bored."

>"Come get your reward."

>"And fuck me maybe?"

>The room goes silent as the song ends and the disco ball retreats into the ceiling.

>Celly is panting on the bed and looking at you with those big stupid eyes of hers.

>Well if you're married...

"...What if I'm not in the mood?"

 

>You laugh against the back of the lounge.

"That was the first time I had learned about your fucking musical fetish."

>She repositions herself next to you. "I never heard you complaining."

>You flip to another page.

"Ah, now here we go."

>You pull out a picture of you and Celly in formal attire and soaking wet.

>"Ah...the day I learned you could wow a crowd."

"That's not what this photo says, I think it may be you hitting me with that chair."

Celly cuddles up onto your lap, shoving the book out of the way. "Do you remember how your song went?"

>You lean back a bit.

"I think so...

 

>You sat back and tried to snore as loud as you could at the banquet.

>A bunch of ponies socializing with each other while they chastised your new marriage was not your idea of fun.

>You had some time ago decided to make this as miserable as possible for everyone involved.

>Or you would have if Celly hadn't elbowed you.

>"Will you sit up! you're not helping our case here!" she hissed

>You slam your feet onto the ground.

"These ponies already decided our case when they decided we shouldn't have gotten married!"

>Celestia jerks her head back towards the ballroom. "I can calm them if you'll just go along with this."

"Yeah, because that's likely."

>Celly sighs. "Uhg...why does the band not play a decent song when you need them to?"

>...Song?

 

-Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSI_EtJVj1g-

>You hop on the table and snap your fingers twice to get the band to start playing.

>Ponies from all over the ballroom turn to see their crown prince removing his jacker.

"Mmm, slut."

"Mmm, jackass."

"Aah, whore."

"Oooh, DICK!"

>You toss a fruit at the switch and turn the lights down.

"Poison will... a biting tongue."

"Taunting words not meant for young."

"A lack of affection... a push and a shove"

"Ooh you'll love my ah-oh-ah bitter love"

>Celestia rolls her eyes as the band continues confused.

"Bitter love!"

>Everyp0ny looks confused.

"I have a wife, who brings about the day."

"I make sure she doesn't get her way."

"I know her modesty - it almost isn't there."

"So all you ponies had best go and beware."

>You need a hat for this.

>You swipe one off some shocked looking stallion and jump to the floor.

"I feel good - a special kind of spiteful."

"The plans I've got are frankly rather frightful."

"I think I'll drive her mad with laxatives in sweets!"

"Get off your asses, ponies. And I'll tell you of me feats!"

>You throw off grandiose gestures and as saucy dance moves as you can from another table.

"Piss in drinks! Fires in bed!"

"Painting all her body red!"

"All that's cruel - all that's cold."

"And some things that can't be told!"

>Celly blushes at mention of something you called "The Falicitator."

 

"And after dinner I could go for something sweet"

>You stomp over in front of Celly.

"REVENGE! For a night of making me be...discrete."

"I'm gonna mock and taunt everything that you do."

"And when those run out --I'll think of something new! Ha ha!"

>You fall onto your ass and almost crash the table.

"'Cause that look on your face always makes it worthwhile."

"And it's that look that never fails to make me smile."

"And what a beautiful event you have provided"

"To carve a path of fun with my quick wit to guide it!"

>You tear off one of your sleeves.

"Hit me one time!"

>You tear off the other.

"Hit me twice!"

>With a few rips and tear and your shirt is in tatters on the floor.

"Ahhh - that's rather nice!"

>Celly is blushing up a storm, some of the other mares are too.

"Poison words... a biting tongue."

"Taunting words not meant for young."

"A lack of affection... a push and a shove."

"Ooh you'll love my (ah-oh-ah) bitter love."

>You break into your trademarked laughter as the song ends.

>Celly stops you by pulling you off the table into your seat again.

>"And that's the show! Goodnight everyp0ny!"

>The ponies turned and walked out of the ballroom into another with confused faces before Celly pulled your chair out from under you and hit you with it.

 

>You and Celly share a laugh on the lounge.

"I think I still have a bruise from that chair."

>"Oh don't pull that, you've had worse blows to the head."

"But that one was emotionally damaging! My own loving wife striking my so crassly." you say with a slight whimper.

>Celly rolls over and smiles up at you. "Has all this talk of music put you in a mood too~?"

>You DID like a good duet...

"Perhaps I could be persuaded with another..."

>Celly gets a devious smile and rolls off the couch.

>"I have just the one." she says as she moves to the stereo.

 

-Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=afzmwAKUppU#t=18s

>The music starts and Celly's grin only grows wider.

"You're terrible."

>"You like terrible~"

"What is it you want from this?"

>"Why, only one thing, dear." she says.

>"Come to bed! Come to Bed!"

>"Go on and give your legs a spread."

>"Just sit back and relax, my dear."

>"And I'll provide the head~."

>You giggle a bit despite yourself.

>"From the back."

>"From the front."

>"If you'll allow me to be blunt."

>"Pull my hair some,  it's fantastic!"

>"And I'd like to try something a bit spastic."

>She closes the balcony and uses her magic to light up the room.

>You push off the lounge.

>"I can lick, I can suck."

>"Just so long as we both fuck"

>"And a night together's always rather fun~"

>"Go on, and lose those pants."

>"Look just how I prance."

"Come to bed?"

>"Yes, to bed."

>"Come to bed!"

>You had to get in on this.

"Light some scents."

>"Get some wood!"

"With us it's always good! "

>"We'll prepare and screw with flair just the way sex always should!"

>"We're together, we've got leather and this lovely little feather~."

>"You're always gloomy or complaining."

>"Am I really all that draining?"

>"Crack a smile!"

>"Tell a joke!"

>"Show me the passion I evoke!"

>"And move around a bit to show me you're not dead!"

>She hops onto the bed.

>"Come on and move your ass you've won your own free pass"

>"To come to bed."

>"No one works in your stead just listen to what I said."

>"Come to bed! Come to bed! Come to bed!"

 

>Celly falls to her side and adopts a mock sad stare as you walk to one side of the bed.

>"Life was just so boring...even when I was out whoring."

>"I could not wait to find a mate for a quick lay..."

>"Ahh those good ol' days when held my interest."

>"Now I see those days have gone away..."

>"MILLENIA I've been living have been both taking it and giving."

>"Needing anything to occupy my mind."

>"Most days I would just lay here in my bedroom..."

>Her face lights up and she hops off the bed again.

>"Always stuck in estrus you walked in and oh my goodness!"

>Your turn.

>You get your "Pissed off stare" despite your mood and join in.

"Come to bed! Come to bed!"

"Bitch, that's all you've ever said!"

"Every day until I'm grey that will be drilled into my head."

>You smack Celestia's open mouth closed.

"Just take your mouth and clamp it shut."

"I know it's hard, you ancient slut."

"I knew the challenge when we married."

"I want to avoid being harried."

"It isn't like I really mind so by the Five, don't fucking whine."

"Au contraire! You know we have to play instead!"

>You dance around the room a bit up next to her.

"I know that it's my job."

"Make sure you're not macabre."

"And I'll go to bed."

>Go to bed?!"

"Go to bed!"

>You and Celly prance around and start to sing in tune together.

>"Come to bed!"

>"Come to bed! Come to bed!"

>"Come to bed!"

 

>"Come to bed! Come to bed!"

>"Grab a piece of sheet and shred!"

>"It is routine to act so mean and we've got lots of fun ahead!"

>"Every night right on time."

>"Sometimes we don't even speak in rhyme!"

>"While the candlelight's still glowing"

>"You shouldn't stop cause I'll keep going!"

>Celly grabs a hat and cane from the nightstand as the music becomes incredibly grand.

>"Round by round, one by one!"

>"That's the deal when you fuck the sun!"

>"And to think that this used to fill us up with dread!"

>"After the sunlight goes off"

>"It's time to get those clothes off!"

>"Come to bed! Come to bed!"

>"Come to bed!"

>"Please, come to bed!"

>The music shuts off with Celly's light filling the room.

>The sound of the two of you laughing in complete darkness probably woke the guards before you fell onto the bed and calmed down.

>"Hehe...always a pleasure to sing with you, dear."

"Wish I could say the same, Miss Tone Deaf."

>You feel a wing drape over you. "Ass."

>You relax a bit on the bed before your slutty wife's vices get back at her. "So...about that mood~..."

"Hehe..."

>You stroke her leg a bit.

>"Well, "Beauty"...and I use that term loosely."

>Celly lets out a sharp gasp as you slide your hand off her leg and somewhere...else.

"Meet the Beast~..."