BiE 26: Master Plan.

=BiE 26=

 

-Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHUkBAIOHzY-

>Sunday.

>Around four in the afternoon.

>Anon and Rainbow went off to the Wonderbolts museum, which was good. If they stayed in bed all day they'd work themselves into a rut.

>Ba-zing.

>It worked out for you though.

>It gave you time to do what you came here to do.

>You approach your target.

>Canterlot Castle: Home of Princesses Celestia, Luna, and countless other nobles.

>You had spent most of yesterday scoping it out, even took a guided tour.

>The ground floor with the throne room was mostly for the tourists, you were aiming higher.

>Past that was the residences, where everypony from the royal sisters to the royal eighth-aunt-twice-removed lived. Closer, but not optimum.

>Above that was the little used maintenance hallways with roof access. That was what you were aiming for.

>Anon had told you that both princesses were at the derby yesterday.

>If these ponies were anything like people, they would be relaxing at home after a day at the races.

>And if one pony in particular behaved the way you thought she did, then the roof was your best chance of getting to her.

>That was your plan.

>Get inside.

>Get to the rood.

>And prank Celestia.

 

>You enter the castle walls.

>Two guards stood by the door.

>Easy.

>You toss them both a wave.

>"Hey, the Princess called me in. She wants to me some stuff about my homeworld."

>The two of them exchange looks. "We weren't notified."

>"Yeah, it was kinda sudden. She caught me at the derby yesterday and invited me over."

>The two of them exchange another glance.

>These two were the biggest hurdle, they could stop this plan before it started.

>Not that you'd give up, there was always another way.

>"What's in the bag?" the ask.

>Half-truths, Mous.

>"Just some stuff from my world I brought with me, I figured I'd show the Princess. I have some clothes...a toothbrush...and a music player." you list off.

>The guards exchange one final glance before they step aside.

>"The Princess is in her quarters." they say.

>You offer a quick bow and head inside.

>Phase one: Done.

>That was fairly simple.

>It's not those guards fault they didn't ask which princess you were here to see, it's not like this stuff happens too often.

>With an alibi and a pair of witnesses secured, you make your way through the castle.

>Your strategy of "Walk around like you own the place." is doing you well, nopony asks what you're doing here.

>Okay...from the tour yesterday, the stairs up should be behind the throne room.

>You find the stairs and sneak your way up. Phase two begins now.

 

>Phase one may have had the biggest opportunity for failure, but phase two is no slouch.

>If anyp0ny caught you up here, they could pretty easily call your alibi into question by simply asking the princess.

>Getting caught by Celestia with your pants down wasn't something you wanted to happen. Both figuratively and literally.

>You keep your head held high as you walk. It would deter a cursory glance, at least.

>You spot a mirror hanging from the wall up ahead.

>You can spot two guards on duty in its reflection.

>Fuck. Sneaking by wasn't an option.

>You take a knee by a vase to think.

>You're so caught up that you don't notice the pony sneaking up on you.

>"Who are you?" they whispered.

>You don't like being snuck up on as it is. That goes double when you're trespassing.

>You shoot up from your knee and nudge the vase.

>Fuck!

>You spin around and stop the vase from moving before it crashes.

>Heh. It seems all those days of playing games in Anon's living room have paid off.

>You turn to face your new friend.

 

>He was taller than most ponies, white coat, goldilocks mane, unicorn horn, and a...lapel?

>"Who are you?"

>The colt gets a disbelieving look on his face. "I asked first." he says.

>Had you there.

>"I'm Mous, I met the Princesses a few months ago. You?"

>He leans his head to the side and his incredulous frown gets deeper.

>"I am Prince Blueblood. I have been RELATED to the Princesses for my entire life."

>A noble? Named 'Blueblood'? You have stopped being surprised.

>He gets in your face. "Why are you here!? Only members of the royal family live on this floor."

>Remember your cover.

>"The Princess sent for me, I was looking for her room."

>He doesn't buy it. "It's day. No one knows that Princess Luna is even awake and Princess Celestia has been...indisposed...for the entire day."

>Well, there's your confirmation on her habitual behavior.

>But fuck. There goes your alibi.

>Dammit!

>You ignore Blueblood as you slump on the nearby wall and think of the consequences of this.

>You would probably be detained for a bit. Hauled off. Anon and Rainbow would be grabbed and asked why you snuck into the palace.

>As for punishment? You don't see why Celestia wouldn't take matters into her own hooves, especially if you were so keen on interrupting her.

>You're she would find the right irony for your punishment...

>You shudder.

>Blueblood wants answers. "Well!?"

>You sigh.

>"I'm here to prank Celestia."

>He tilts his head. "Prank?"

>"Yes, prank. It's sort of like a game we play, we try to mess with each other whenever we meet."

>That was the best explanation you had for your relationship with Celestia.

>Blueblood leans his head towards you. "What kind of prank?"

>You grab his ear and whisper your plan to him.

 

>A devious smile parts Bluebloods lips as he hears what you have in store.

>"And you're sure it would work?" he says.

>You simply nod.

>"Then get up, I'll help you get past the guards." he says.

>Whoa what?

>"You're helping me? Why?"

>You never did anything for this guy.

>"Maybe I can just appreciate a good prank?" he says with a smirk.

>Holy shit, did you just make a bro?

>Broblood signals you back to him as he walks a few feet back.

>"Play along." he whispers.

>"And so there I was, with cake all over my new tie, when who walks in? But the duke of Trottingham."

>He leads you down the halls past the guards as he talks, he must not have guests because they seem a bit shocked.

>"I was so embarresed, I ran as fast as I could into the bathroom to wash up, luckily the dukes lovely daughter was kind enough-"

>He throws you around a corner and peeks back at the guards.

>"They aren't moving." he whispers.

>"Where to?" he says as he turns back to you.

>This was starting to look up.

>"The roof, that's the best bet."

>"Follow me." he says with a grin.

 

>The royal apartments had quite a few guards.

>Luckily, your new companion was able to talk his way past every single one of them.

>"There it is." Bluebro says pointing towards a wooden door at the end of the hall.

>You make for the door when a familiarly regal voice stops you. "Nephew?"

>You both spin around. "A-Aunt Luna?" Blueblood. says.

>Luna walks towards the two of you. "What, may We ask, art the two of you doing?"

>Luna motions towards your backpack. "And what is that thou carries?"

>Shit think fast.

>"Blueblood and I met at the market yesterday...and...he was giving me a tour of the palace."

>Luna looks confused. "Then, why art thou headed for the roof?

>Fuck.

>"The view?"

>Luna takes a step towards Blueblood and smiles. "We are proud of thee nephew! Tis so nice to see thee making friends after the...unpleasantness...at the Grand Galloping Gala."

>Blueblood doesn't miss a beat. "Thank you Aunt Luna, it's nice to be making friends."

>"Well, we shan't keep you from your day." Luna says as she walks off.

>Blueblood and you both exhale a sigh of relief and enter the door to the roof staircase behind you.

 

>The staircase leads you to a door with the best view you've ever seen.

>You can see almost all of Canterlot from up here. From the main gates and the train station, to the Wonderbolts stadium. You can even spot your hotel.

>The sun was starting it's decent, giving you plenty of afternoon light to disrupt an afternoon delight.

>Bluebro leads you to his best approximation of where Celestia's roof is.

>You hear it before you get there.

>Shit. You didn't have much time if the growing crescendo of their voices was any indicator.

>You throw your bag down and start unpacking your things.

>"So, what did Luna mean by 'unpleasantness'?"

>Blueblood sighs "Up until recently, I was a selfish, bigoted, ungrateful pony who was only interested in himself. At the latest Grand Galloping Gala, it finally came to a head when I tossed a mare in front of me to avoid a falling cake."

>That sounds like a tale.

 

>"It culminated with the mare screaming at me and driving me away. When I heard what the other ponies were saying about me...I..I couldn't bare it, because every word of it was true. From that day on, I have strived towards self improvement in an attempt to assuage the damage I have done.

>Damn, you could feel for him.

>Having a shit reputation is the worst, especially around people you like.

>"Hey. I don't care what everyone else says, you did good by me today. Thanks"

>You hold out your fist, Bluebro bumps his hoof against it.

>"You should get out of here, Celestia will be pissed when she hears."

>"Are you sure you can handle her?" he asks with concern in his eyes.

>You smirk.

>"Don't worry, Bro. This was the plan all along."

>Bluebro nods and gallops off to the door you entered.

>The voices coming from the open window below you were getting more intense.

>Nothing to do now but wait...

 

>You were Princess Celestia, and you were getting laid.

>You had met him at the derby yesterday, Fancypants, his name was.

>He had spoken about a mare companion often, but it seemed they were on a break.

>Which was perfect, Fancypants was good at this.

>"Ah...come on...come on..."

>Fancypants increased his fervor.

>Just then, a sound wafted through your window.

>The sound of music.

>It sounded like something with strings.

>Was the royal band practicing? Oh well, didn't matter.

>"Ah! Right there! Don't stop!"

>Fancypants grunted and started giving it his all.

>By the stars, you were close.

>"Keep going!"

>That music was still continuing.

>Where was that coming fro-aaaaahhhh!

>Any second now...

>That music was really nice...

>But where was it...

>Just then, the music got words.

>"Here comes the sun..."

>WHAT?

>"WHAAAAAAAHHHHHH!?"

>NO!

>NO DAMMIT NO!

>THAT MUSIC RUINED IT!

>"P-Princess?" Fancypants spoke.

>"Wait here."

>You were more terse with him then you wanted, but what did he expect? This ruined your afternoon.

>You fly off your balcony and follow the source of the music.

>Was it coming from the roof?

>You flew up and saw the source of the disturbance.

>Him.

>He was laying on your roof, head in hand, grinning like a madman.

>Next to him sat a small white square that was projecting the music you heard.

>He spoke.

>"Princess Celestia, has anyone ever told you that you would make an absolutely lovely tenor?"

 

-Optional music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6tV11acSRk-

-Mous PoV-

>Shit eating grin: ON MOTHERFUCKER.

>Music: Staying on, who doesn't like The Beatles?

>Celestia, it seems.

>She landed on the roof a few feet away.

>"Hello Princess, like my little concert?"

>She just glared at you. "What are you doing here?"

>You carefully got up, this joke would be ruined if you went and fell off the damn roof.

>"Why, just seranading Canterlot with some music from my world. I was in the area and I thought "You know, the Princess would really like some of this music, and I have to pay her back for checking on me during estrus." so I worked my way up here, found your room, and here I am.

>"Why, I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

>You stared her down.

>This was your biggest gamble, whether she would take it well.

>Her eyes stare right into yours.

>You can't break contact here, if this goes tits up, your gall might be the only thing that saves you from a trip to the moon.

>You were peripherally watching her mouth for the signs of...

>Yes!

>"I think I see a smile..."

>Celestia quickly turns her head away as she works to regain her composure.

>You still hear a few giggles escape.

>"I'm glad you enjoyed my show, Princess."

>She turns back to you, composure restored, but a smile present.

>"Yes, very elaborate, very fitting. You certainly have thought this through, haven't you?"

>You give a wide shrug.

>"I told you, I'm a bit of an odd guy."

>You cross your arms and begin to relax...this isn't over yet.

>Celestia takes a step closer "However."

>And there it is.

 

>"There is the matter of how you managed to sneak directly above my room in the royal palace, I'm sure my Captain of the Guard would like to have a word with you about that."

>Hmm...you could work with this.

>"Come on Celestia, there's no fun in that. At least give me a handicap."

>"Such as?" she asks as she opens her mouth into an unnaturally wide grin and flutters her eyelashes.

>"Three hour head start."

>"Two."

>"One and a half, and the guards don't know what they're looking for and can't follow outside of the city."

>Celestia stares at you for a second. "Deal."

>You extend your hand.

>"Shake on it."

>Celestia extends her hoof, you grab it and give it a good shake.

>"Well then, I suppose I better get moving? You should go see to your boyfriend. I'm sure he can help you with that Cyan Cunt you have now."

>Celestia just stares at you confused.

>"Oh, just get out of here."

>What was the female term for blue balls anyway?

 

 

>You haul it back to the hotel, Anon and Rainbow better be there and not naked or you're leaving without them.

>You run up the stairs and burst into the room.

>Rainbow and Anon are sitting on the couch together watching TV. "Dude, we have to get cable at the house." Anon says.

>"No time. Pack. We're going."

>Anon looks confused and alarmed. "Uh...Dude? Is something wrong?"

>You don't have the time for this.

>You grab Anon by the shoulders.

>"You know how bros have that thing where they sometimes need you to not say a word and just go along with whatever they say? And he'll handle everything?"

>Anon shakes his head wordlessly.

>"Well, this is that time. We have, like, twenty minutes to get out of the city before the guards get he-"

>You hear shouting from outside.

>You run to the window and pear out. It looked like half the royal legion was outside

>Some white unicorn in a purple accented suit of armor was calling out orders. "Spread out! We're looking for anything out of the ordinary!"

>This was against the deal, but you found yourself smiling.

>"Celestia you bitch..."

>This reminds you of a song...how did it go?

>Oh yeah, Dat bass line.

>Anon grabs your shoulder. "What's going on, dude?"

>You reach into your bag and pull out your sunglasses.

>Sunglasses you slowly lower onto your face as you recite the words you've wanted to for so long.

>"I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together."

>Okay.

>3.

>2.

>1.

>Let's Jam!

 

-Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6jCJZEFIto-

>You, Anon and Dash burst out of the hotel back door.

>Get to the train station.

>Alert no guards.

>"This way."

>You lead them through an alley to the street behind the hotel.

>"You sure this is a good idea, Bro!?" Anon shouts.

>You turn to shout back at him.

>"Of course it is!"

>He looked scared.

>You must still have your psycho grin on.

>Shit pegusi in the air.

>"Under that overhang!"

>You can see the train station.

>There's  a squad of guards out front.

>"Mous, guards!" Anon cries.

>"I'll handle this, just run past them!" you call back.

>Anon and Rainbow blow past the bewildered guards as you grab the one in the lead.

>"You have to stop him! There's some crazy Gryphon in that store and he's holding them hostage!

>"W-what!?" the guard says. "Come on, this could be it!" he calls to his friends.

>Ha. Idiot.

>You all get through the turnstile and look for your train.

>"There it is!" Rainbow cries.

>Fuck! It was pulling out!

>You all race towards the rapidly leaving train.

>"There they are, get em!" you hear from over your shoulder.

>A quick peek; Fuck! Guards!

>"Rainbow, carry Anon and land on that caboose!"

>Rainbow grabs Anon under the armpits and carries him to the train.

>Only have you now.

>"Outa my way!" you shout to the ponies in front of you.

>You can hear the guards hot on your tail.

>The train leaves the platform.

>Gotta jump!

>You grab ahold of the bars on the back and Rainbow and Anon pull you up.

>Eat your heart out James Bond.

>You turn and flip the guards back on the station the bird.

>All earth ponies. Nice.

>You turn to Anon.

>"See, told you I'd take care of everything."