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MageAnon's Misadventures Part Seven: Welcome to the Jungle

By: MageAnon on Jun 6th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 24.22 KB | hits: 346 | expires: Never

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>Ughhhhh
>Did somep0ny get the name of that carriage that hit you?
>Brain.exe has suffered a critical error in processing
>Do you wish to reboot?
>y/n
>[y]
>Brain.exe re-initializing...
>Current status: Under pressure by giant pink object.
>Recommended course of action?
>Brain: Reboot Eyes.exe
>Initializing...
>Initial assessment: Pink p0ny
>Secondary assessment: Trouble.
>”OH HI ANON YOU FINALLY MADE IT” The pink one says
“Gah... Can’t BREATH...”
>”I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to come to town,”
“pinkie’
>”I think the other’s expected you to show up eventually but we weren’t really sure exactly when, you like parties right?”
“Pinkie”
>”We defiantly have to throw you a party, I’ll invitethecakesandrainbowandfluttershyandapplejacandtwiglightand...”
“PINKIE PIE!”
>”Yes Anon?”
>You’re blacking out
“CANT BREATHE”
>Pinkie blushes “Oh sorry Anon, I was so excited when I saw the carriage coming in and I wanted to welcome the new p0ny to town, and then you showed up and I was like (Inhale) and then you stepped out and I was like (Inhale) and I was so excited just like that one time...”
>Oh god she keeps going on and on!
>She’s like a broken record stuck on hyper speed!
“How about showing me around town?” you say, hoping to get a moment of silence to ease the massive headache coming on.
>Okie Dokie Lokie” She says hoping off your chest, “Let’s go see Twilight first!” and begins to bound away with a complete disregard for physics.
>It’s going to be another LONG day.
>You grab your luggage and climb to your feet.
>Pinkie being on your chest made you feel like your ribs were being crushed.
>You rub your hand tenderly over the spot.
>Although she looks tiny, that p0ny can sure pack quite the punch.
>Dusting yourself off, you see Pinkie already a ways away waving at you.
>”Come on slow poke!” she cheers at you.
>How the hell does she stay so peppy all the time?
>Sighing with a smile, you break into a light jog and try to catch up.
>This being your second time in p0nyville, and your first as a non-invader.
>You actually have a chance to notice the surroundings.
>Your initial assessment of it being a tiny little hamlet was not that far off.
>The buildings all around were mostly shops, along with a few houses.
>The larger two story buildings seemed to be both shops and homes.
>How quaint.
>The only odd thing is that there is a lack of p0nies around.
>For the middle of the day, it sure seems dead around here.
>Maybe it’s your arrival that has everyone in hiding.
>You’ll have to find a way to break the ice.
>Oh look, Pinkie’s stopped in front of that large tree.
>Isn’t that the library you were in earlier?
>”You finally made it!” she says “I was beginning to think you got lost.”
“No...Just...out..of...breath...again” you sputter.
>Damn you are SERIOUSLY out of shape.
>Your physique is nowhere near what it was back in South America.
>You drop your bag
>”Anon, are you feeling ok? You’re awfully pale.” Pinkie says with a worried tone.
>HEY
>HEY DUDE
>NO TIME FOR FLASHBACKS
>*beep* *beep* Sorry, Anonymous is unavailable at the moment, he is currently experiencing a class 5 flashback. Please check back in 10 MINUTES.
>GOD DAMMIT.
Pinkie’s Perspective.
>”Mister Anonymous?” you’re quite concerned now.
>He’s gone completely pale, and he’s grasping at his throat.
>Maybe you should do something.
>You open the door to the library.
>”Oh hey Pinkie, Twilight’s upstairs, did you need something?” Spike says
“No time for talky Spike,” you say hurriedly “Twilight! THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ANONYMOUS!”
>With a bright flash, the purple mare is standing in front of you.
>”WHAT HAPPENED Pinkie?” she says, rushing over to the towering human
“I dunno, he was fine running after me, and then mentioned he was out of breath and just kinda froze.” You say with a pout
>”It looks like he’s in shock,” Twilight says “quick, help me get him inside.”
>Twilight tries pushing him, and he starts walking along, muttering something to himself, sweat beading down his face.
>He looked like he was in a great deal of pain.
>”Pinkie, clear off the guest bed, we need to get him comfortable.” Twilight half-ordered, half-asked.
>You zip upstairs, and clear off the massive pile of books that were sitting on the bed.
>Twilight can read, like you can bake. FAST.
>You hear hoofsteps coming up the stairs
>Anonymous appears first, with Twilight pushing him from behind.
>”Thanks Pinkie.” She says, pushing Anon onto the bed.
“What’s wrong with him?” you ask
>”I’m not sure, although I do think he’s in some sort of shock. The best thing we can do for now is make in comfy and try to snap him out of it.” She says, flipping through a book.
>The book was entitled “Shock and Awe: A dummies guide”
>She has a book for EVERYTHING.
>4 hours later...
>Anonymous is still flat out on the bed.
>He hasn’t moved, spoken, or done much of ANYTHING for the past few hours.
>Your other friends have joined you for dinner at Twilight’s while you try and attend to Anon.
>Fluttershy came by as soon as she heard, and tried to wake snap him out of it.
>She had no luck however.
>Twilight’s book said that this “paralysis” can last anywhere from 2 minutes to 24 hours.
>It all depends on the severity.
>Poor Anon.
>”Hey ya’ll, how ya doin?” Applejack said as she opened the door.
>”Just got done fer the day, and thought I’d come see how our favourite alien’s doin.”
>Oh Applejack
>She’s also carrying a bunch of apples.
>”Thought ya’ll might want a snack.” She says tossing each of you one.
“Thanks Applejack” everyone says in unison.
>Maybe you should take one to Anon.
“Im gonna go check on Anonymous, I’ll be back in a minute.” Twilight says.
>She trots off up the stairs.
>Anonymous’ reaction reminds you a bit of when your friends surprised you with a party, and you went a LITTLE overboard before you found out about it.
>Hehe, that’s something you hope won’t happen again.
>”SNAAAAAAAAAKESSSSS!” you hear being screamed from the top of the house.
>Without a word, everyp0ny goes running up the stairs.
>It looks like a whirlwind has passed through the room.
>There are books everywhere, and Anonymous has his hands wrapped around Spike.
>”Someone help me here!” Twilight yells trying to magically pull the two apart.
>Fluttershy is panicking, Rainbow Dash is getting ready to ram Anon, Applejack ran to get her rope and Rarity is trying to help Twilight pull the two apart.
>Thinking quickly you grab your Cupcake launcher and pelt Anonymous with your Fudge Bom Cupcake special.
>NO p0ny can withstand THAT much sugar all at once.
>With a mighty *Splat* it crashes into his face.
>He drops Spike, and goes flying into the wall.
>Maybe you should have toned down the firepower.
>It looks like that did the trick
>He’s just sitting there
>You hope he’s ok.
>You are Anonymous again.
>Brain.exe has resolved the error encountered earlier
>Reboot in progress.
>Warning: Last 4 hours unaccounted for and memory of said hours may be corrupt
>Do you wish to try and recover memories?
>y/[n]
>Brain will catalogue corrupt memories for future examination by user.
>Brain will reboot at from last recorded moment...
>Standby
>Re-initializing
>Oh man does your head hurt, and you feel stiff as a board.
>And there is something on your face.
>You reach up to your face and wipe away the mess from your eyes.
>In front of you are six pastel p0nies with varying reactions
>They range from vengeful to scared out of their wits.
>Smells like Chocolate
>You taste some.
>IT IS CHOCOLATE.
>So good.
“Hey everyone, what’s going on?”
>They all stare at you, mouths agape.
“Was it something I said?” you say
>There’s a little purple...
>Lizard?
>Nah its bi-pedal it can’t be a lizard.
>You’re not sure what it is
>And your splitting head is not making things easier.
>You feel a rope tie your arms together tight.
“Hey, what’s the deal?” you say angrily
“I thought we were over this!”
>”Not after what ya’ll did to Spike over here” Applejack says
“I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” you yell
>Uhh dude
WHAT BRAIN
>You had a moment
You don’t mean
>Yeah bro, I tried to stop it, but once you get going...
Oh FUCK ME
>You look around.
>the room is in shambles
>Your new Friends, if they stay friends, are scared.
>The little lizard guy looks like he’s been through hell.
>And it’s all because of you.
>And you do something you haven’t in quite some time.
>Something you thought you had forgotten how to.
>You cry.
>You instantly start bawling the moment you see the little guy so afraid.
>That’s exactly how you felt so many years ago.
>Its been about 5 minutes now.
>Fluttershy walks over to you and puts a hoof around your head.
>”Shhh, shhh, everything is going to be O.K. Let it all out.” She says, dabbing your eyes with a soft wing.
>”It’s OK, we’re here for you.”
>You finally stop crying.
>The rope around you relaxes a little bit.
>”We’ll be downstairs when you’re ready to talk.” Fluttershy says, motioning for everyp0ny to go downstairs.
>Rainbow and Applejack look reluctant, but a sharp stare from Fluttershy has them following her.
>After everyone has gone downstairs, you take a look around the room
>It’s an absolute disaster area
>Books everywhere, the bed has been flipped.
>There’s still cupcake on your face.
>You take off your jacket and wipe your face with it.
>How are you ever going to face your friends after this debacle?
>You sigh and put the bed back in place.
>You begin gathering up the books
>The first one you pick up is about Shock.
>How appropriate.
>You pile all of them into a corner, and try to dry your eyes some more.
>This was going to be quite the conversation.
>You’ve never been able to recount exactly what happened before.
>Bloody governments with their secrets.
>You never even got to see a shrink, or any of the other members of the survivors.
>This will be the second time you’ve recounted the tale, but this time, you’re not under pressure of summary execution.
>You feel a bump in your jacket.
>GOOD LORD YOU STILL HAD YOUR SMOKES!
>You light up one, and take a drag on the sweet poison contained within.
>It immediately helps calm your nerves.
>You sigh and go down the steps.
>The p0nies are all gathered around a table that’s littered with food.
“Before I explain, do you have any booze?” you say, your voice like gravel
>Twilight goes into the kitchen and comes back with a large bottle of AppleJack Daniel’s and a glass.
>Of course, this crazy world and its puns.
>She levitates both over to you.
>You place the glass and your pocket and crack the lid on the liquor.
“Cheers” you say, and take a healthy swig of the beverage.
>Tastes sort of like the stuff back home, although defiantly less potent and with a slight apple flavor.
>You receive a few odd looks
>Looks like they’ve never seen binge drinking before
>Guess that’s a good thing.
>You grab a nearby chair and sit down.
>”Anon, are you feeling better?” Twilight asks you nervously.
“Twilight, everyp0ny, what I did earlier, I have no recollection of” you begin
>”What do ya mean you don’t remember anything?” Applejack barks “Ya nearly chocked Spike ta DEATH!”
>She’s literally shaking with anger.
>Best try to diffuse the situation
“I was afraid something like this might happen, although I didn’t know if I’d see something that would trigger a reaction” you say calmly, taking another drink.
>This Bottle will be gone soon enough
“Twilight was on the right track with the book she had.”
>”The one on Shock?” Twilight says
“That’s the one,” you say “I have a history of PTSD, and sometimes the reactions can be a bit...”
“Severe”
>”What’s PTSD?” Pinkie asks
>Twilight’s face drains of color, much like yours did, “It means Post traumatic Stress Disorder”
>She continues on “It only occurs when someone has gone through an extremely traumatising event. It’s not very common in Equestria...”
“That’s right. Back home, I, uhh...fuck.” you say taking draining some more of the intoxicating beverage.
>”It’s ok Anon” Fluttershy says “You don’t have to explain anymore”
>God she is so nice.
“I know, but I need to get this off my chest. [REDACTED] years I’ve held onto this bloody secret, and it’s about time I got this off my chest. I warn you, it may be a bit... MUCH, but if you guys want to back out, I won’t blame you.” You say.
>the bottle is half empty now.
>You always hit the booze hard when you were stressed.
>None of them moved.
“Alright, it all started [REDACTED] years ago...
>I was a member of a special magical task force for the British Secret Service. They were basically an elite group of spies and special forces designed around protecting the Crown and securing potential threats to the Queen or the World at large.
>As you know there IS magic on my planet, but it works a bit different than how it does here. Regardless, the source of the magic was a mystery to my people for many years, until we came upon a lost civilization of ancient humans.
>These ruins were located in a large rainforest, much of which was dense and difficult to explore until the advent of magical divining. We needed to find the source of the magic, and see if we could use it too, uhh, make life easier for everyone. Needless to say we had a lead on a potential FOUNT of arcane energy.
>I was part of a small taskforce, our mission, was to protect some researchers while they explored these ancient ruins. We were armed to the teeth, and prepared to fight a small war if necessary. The ruins were large and Mayan in origin. The Mayans were an ancient human people, who thrived on violence. They were wiped out many, many years ago however. Almost 600 years before I was born.
>Now, all that remained of their great empire were rotting temples in a humid jungle. This specific one was MASSIVE. We had no idea what was inside, except for the fact that we were the first ones there. The temple was covered in vines and typical jungle growth. The decorations and decor indicated that this was a place of worship for the blasphemous god’s of old.
>Our initial appraisal showed that, if there was a source here, we would have to go to the very bottom level of the temple, which unfortunately looked like it was located 15 stories down. The scholars and my task force set up camp, and prepared to make an initial dig.
>Entrance to the temple was easy enough to come across. It was adorned with, ughhhh, idols of snake creatures. They lined the walls, the ceilings, everywhere! We pressed on, going deeper and deeper into the temple. Obviously we encountered traps of sorts, but they looked like they were designed to keep something IN rather than to keep intruders out.
>I was thankful to have my best friends with me on this one. Mikal was my best friend, and wingman. Always dependable albeit a bit of a religion nut. Christopherson was the muscle of the group. He was built like a fucking tank, but had the demeanor of a field mouse. Unless his friends were in danger.
>They were my best friends and brothers in arms for YEARS. We went through thick and thin together. This time I thought we’d make it out without a hitch. That was until we got deeper down.
>The carvings only got more gruesome as we went further. The temperature was soon unbearably hot and humid. The scientists were getting nervous being so far underground without all their equipment. Fucking pansies. We had been through much worse and it a shorter time. Eventually we reached the end of the winding hallways.
>There was a gigantic slab wall in front of us. The egg-heads were ecstatic about the find. They said it depicted the creation theory of Quetzequatal, and that behind this wall lay unknown treasures. Needless to say we quickly devised a plan to get through the door. We went back to camp to get explosives to blow open the door, while the scientists stayed behind to document the door further.
>When we got back, it was like something out of a horror movie. There was only one scientist left, and he was absolutely covered in.. stuff.
>There was blood all over the walls, but particularly the slab we were trying to move. He was chanting in some odd language, that we never quite figured out. We leveled our weapons and put an end to his madness. As he fell, a spray of blood hit the slab, and it slowly moved aside.
>Inside we found a massive alter. On the very top was a Gigantic Egg.
>You go to take another swig of the bottle, but notice it’s empty.
>All the p0nies are staring intently at you
>You stand up
“I think i’ve said more than enough today,” you say, wobbling as you stand up “I think I should just go.”
>You grab your suitcase and walk towards the door.
>”ANONYMOUS!” you hear come from behind you
>You see Twilight with tears in her eyes run up to you.
>”Im so sorry...” she says embracing you in a hug
>The other p0nies seem hesitant, but all come over and embrace you as well.
>You can feel your cheeks begin to dampen and a tear drops down onto Fluttershy
>”Are you ok now Anonymous?” Fluttershy asks
“I will be. Thank you. All of you.” You say
“Now, would someone take me home? I think i’ve had a little too much on an empty stomach.”
>In no time at all, you find yourself stumbling down p0nyville proper, with your 6 friends in tow.
>All the p0nies are still afraid of you, so they stay indoors.
>Nothing you can do about that right now.
>Right now, the only thing you want is a place to sleep.
>Suprisingly, all the p0nies, scratch that, your friends walk you to your home.
>It’s not that far from Rarity’s place, and a short walk from Fluttershy’s.
>It’s much larger than you first expected.
>A quick touch up your ass, this place looked like a swanky bungalow from back home.
>You open the door and see that it is fully furnished.
>A large t.v, a nice living room, a decked out kitchen, a nicely equipped bedroom.
>OMG YES
>A FULL SIZE SHOWER
>”Ya know, some of us helped prepare this here place” Applejack said
“Is that true?” you say, absolutely flabbergasted
>”Of course silly-filly, you’re our friend!” Pinkie says, jumping on your nice clean bed.
“Well we will defiantly have to have a house warming party”
>Pinkie nearly explodes with excitement at the P-word.
“But not today, its been a long enough day as it is.” You say
>Taking that as their cue, your friends all bid you farewell and leave you to unpack your things.
>You take one last look around your new abode.
>On the kitchen table there’s a note with the royal seal.
>You open the note and read what’s inside.
>”Anonymous, I hope this letter finds you well. Although the past days have been trying on all of us, I sincerely hope you finding your stay enjoyable. Even though your visit to the palace was a little, unorthodox, we hope you do not harbor any ill feelings. I am hoping to hear from you, and hopefully see you soon as well. Both Princess Luna and I enjoyed your company, and look forward to your help with the issue we discussed earlier. We wish you well, and shall see you soon. Regards Celestia.”
>The letter is slightly stained with something in the bottom left corner.
>Smells like coffee.
>She must still be burning the midnight oil.
>And it’s all thanks to you.
>You grab your suitcase and head on into the bathroom.
>A quick shower, and you’re feeling much better.
>Taking a glance out the window, you see that the sun is beginning to set.
>Its quite the sight to behold.
>The last few rays of light stream through the trees in the Everfree forest.
>This land is so peaceful
>So serene.
>And you’ve upset the balance
>You sigh to yourself
>You had to stop thinking that way
>This is your chance to redeem yourself
>A chance to make up for past sins
>A chance at a new life.
>You allow yourself a small smile before trying out the bed.
>Ooooo that’s soft.
>You really need to pay back your new friends for all they have done.
>But that’s for tomorrow.
>For now, you sleep.
Meanwhile...
>A certain someone has fallen asleep in the library
>Her day spent ruling a kingdom
>Her nights, preventing its destruction.
>Her snores echo through the empty halls
>The table she is at is littered with ancient texts of a forgotten era
>One she was alive during, and some she even wrote.
>Each contained a snippet of the tales of yore.
>Some of this knowledge would even be deemed heretical by current era standards.
>These musty scrolls and tomes, written by p0nies long dead held such secrets.
>Many are simple spells, such as levitation, but others...
>Others held dark secrets from a dark time.
>One when magic ran rampant and unchecked by those that could use it.
>She had put a stop to those days
>With the help of her sister.
“Princesssssss”
>The Princess continues to snore, and dream the dreams of a better time.
“Celestiaaaaaa”
>Dreams of a foreign creature, of a loving embrace
“Oh enough with Tradition, wake up dammit”
>A book lands on the Princesses head
>”WHO DARES!” she yells nearly falling over.
“I dare ‘Princess’” the words dripping with acid.
>She instantly recognizes that voice.
>One she hasen’t heard in a thousand years.
“Have you missed me student?”
>”H-How? You’re DEAD. I MADE SURE OF IT. I BURIED YOU.” She stammers
“Oh my dear I know, it’s just that sometimes things happen for a reason, and this defies all reason, so I decided to come back for a while.”
>”WHAT DO YOU MEAN”
“Oh come now youngling, you know better than that.”
>”MUST WE CONTINUE YOUR GAMES OLD MAN?” her tone almost as sharp as his
“Tsk-tsk, such Anger, such resentment. And YOU wielded the Elements? I’ll never understand how. Perhaps it’s better that way. TO NEVER UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.” A sickening hollow chuckle resonates throughout the room.
>”Fine. Is it him that caused this?” she says
“Now we are getting somewhere. Yes.”
>”Does he know he caused it?”
“No”
>”Are you going to help me?”
“Now how would I? I am dead after all.”
>”Where is it?”
“If I told you, that would defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it?” he laughs
>The Princess could feel her patience wane. She snarls at the spectre floating before her.
“You’ve been through so much dear, why don’t you take a rest?”
>Princess Celestia jerks in her sleep, sitting straight up in her bed.
>”Sister! Are you alright?” Princess Luna yells, flying through the open window.
>”Your scream sounded like bloody murder, half of Canterlot heard it!”
“He’s back” she says
>”WHO IS? Is it Discord again?” Luna says making for the window.
“No. Much worse.” She says, her eyes narrowing.
>”You can’t be serious. He’s DEAD ‘Tia. We made SURE of it. There were NO TRACES LEFT. The scrolls were BURNED. The vessel SHATTERED. The crypt DEFILED. THERE is NO WAY.”
“Then how do you explain this?” Celestia says, holding out a piece of old parchment, with scrawled writing.
In hell, the liars feast on jackals’ flesh;
An thou tell truth with lies, then, enter in.
The oil of madness but plumps withered skin,
O hollowed shadow, your soul is paper-thin
that enters here. Withered bones reach for frost,
an thou recall thy books; Death’s kiss is cold.
I gave Death, crown’d with mountains, wreaths of gold;
The ash between her bones is bought and sold.
Seek thou my soul where chaos lies unbound.
Thy coin rings false here, flesh and blood can lie,
Thy fare, yet cold, rests paid upon her eye,
Thy mind afar be blind to heaven’s cry.
But nay, Death be a cruel mistress, her favour fickle like the line
Thou must take what thine heart desires
Take it, twist it, make it MINE
Use your ambition to stoke the fires
The moon shall rise, the sun shall fall
All the little creatures will have a ball
But in turn shall cause a mess
Moving the pieces in a game of chess
Power corrupts this much is true,
THEN WHAT ABOUT YOU...
>The Last Lines are written in blood...
>”Could this be some elaborate hoax?” Luna said, her throat suddenly dry.
“No my sister,” Celestia said “Starswirl is Back.”

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

>Ughhhhh
>Did somep0ny get the name of that carriage that hit you?
>Brain.exe has suffered a critical error in processing
>Do you wish to reboot?
>y/n
>[y]
>Brain.exe re-initializing...
>Current status: Under pressure by giant pink object.
>Recommended course of action?
>Brain: Reboot Eyes.exe
>Initializing...
>Initial assessment: Pink p0ny
>Secondary assessment: Trouble.
>”OH HI ANON YOU FINALLY MADE IT” The pink one says
“Gah... Can’t BREATH...”
>”I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to come to town,”
“pinkie’
>”I think the other’s expected you to show up eventually but we weren’t really sure exactly when, you like parties right?”
“Pinkie”
>”We defiantly have to throw you a party, I’ll invitethecakesandrainbowandfluttershyandapplejacandtwiglightand...”
“PINKIE PIE!”
>”Yes Anon?”
>You’re blacking out
“CANT BREATHE”
>Pinkie blushes “Oh sorry Anon, I was so excited when I saw the carriage coming in and I wanted to welcome the new p0ny to town, and then you showed up and I was like (Inhale) and then you stepped out and I was like (Inhale) and I was so excited just like that one time...”
>Oh god she keeps going on and on!
>She’s like a broken record stuck on hyper speed!
“How about showing me around town?” you say, hoping to get a moment of silence to ease the massive headache coming on.
>Okie Dokie Lokie” She says hoping off your chest, “Let’s go see Twilight first!” and begins to bound away with a complete disregard for physics. 
>It’s going to be another LONG day.
>You grab your luggage and climb to your feet.
>Pinkie being on your chest made you feel like your ribs were being crushed.
>You rub your hand tenderly over the spot.
>Although she looks tiny, that p0ny can sure pack quite the punch.
>Dusting yourself off, you see Pinkie already a ways away waving at you.
>”Come on slow poke!” she cheers at you.
>How the hell does she stay so peppy all the time?
>Sighing with a smile, you break into a light jog and try to catch up.
>This being your second time in p0nyville, and your first as a non-invader.
>You actually have a chance to notice the surroundings.
>Your initial assessment of it being a tiny little hamlet was not that far off.
>The buildings all around were mostly shops, along with a few houses.
>The larger two story buildings seemed to be both shops and homes.
>How quaint.



>The only odd thing is that there is a lack of p0nies around. 
>For the middle of the day, it sure seems dead around here.
>Maybe it’s your arrival that has everyone in hiding.
>You’ll have to find a way to break the ice.
>Oh look, Pinkie’s stopped in front of that large tree.
>Isn’t that the library you were in earlier?
>”You finally made it!” she says “I was beginning to think you got lost.”
“No...Just...out..of...breath...again” you sputter.
>Damn you are SERIOUSLY out of shape.
>Your physique is nowhere near what it was back in South America.
>You drop your bag
>”Anon, are you feeling ok? You’re awfully pale.” Pinkie says with a worried tone.
>HEY
>HEY DUDE
>NO TIME FOR FLASHBACKS
>*beep* *beep* Sorry, Anonymous is unavailable at the moment, he is currently experiencing a class 5 flashback. Please check back in 10 MINUTES.
>GOD DAMMIT.


Pinkie’s Perspective.
>”Mister Anonymous?” you’re quite concerned now.
>He’s gone completely pale, and he’s grasping at his throat.
>Maybe you should do something.
>You open the door to the library.
>”Oh hey Pinkie, Twilight’s upstairs, did you need something?” Spike says
“No time for talky Spike,” you say hurriedly “Twilight! THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ANONYMOUS!”
>With a bright flash, the purple mare is standing in front of you.
>”WHAT HAPPENED Pinkie?” she says, rushing over to the towering human
“I dunno, he was fine running after me, and then mentioned he was out of breath and just kinda froze.” You say with a pout
>”It looks like he’s in shock,” Twilight says “quick, help me get him inside.”
>Twilight tries pushing him, and he starts walking along, muttering something to himself, sweat beading down his face.
>He looked like he was in a great deal of pain.
>”Pinkie, clear off the guest bed, we need to get him comfortable.” Twilight half-ordered, half-asked.
>You zip upstairs, and clear off the massive pile of books that were sitting on the bed.
>Twilight can read, like you can bake. FAST.
>You hear hoofsteps coming up the stairs
>Anonymous appears first, with Twilight pushing him from behind.
>”Thanks Pinkie.” She says, pushing Anon onto the bed.
“What’s wrong with him?” you ask
>”I’m not sure, although I do think he’s in some sort of shock. The best thing we can do for now is make in comfy and try to snap him out of it.” She says, flipping through a book.
>The book was entitled “Shock and Awe: A dummies guide”
>She has a book for EVERYTHING.

>4 hours later...
>Anonymous is still flat out on the bed.
>He hasn’t moved, spoken, or done much of ANYTHING for the past few hours.
>Your other friends have joined you for dinner at Twilight’s while you try and attend to Anon.
>Fluttershy came by as soon as she heard, and tried to wake snap him out of it.
>She had no luck however.
>Twilight’s book said that this “paralysis” can last anywhere from 2 minutes to 24 hours.
>It all depends on the severity.
>Poor Anon.
>”Hey ya’ll, how ya doin?” Applejack said as she opened the door.
>”Just got done fer the day, and thought I’d come see how our favourite alien’s doin.”
>Oh Applejack
>She’s also carrying a bunch of apples.
>”Thought ya’ll might want a snack.” She says tossing each of you one.
“Thanks Applejack” everyone says in unison.
>Maybe you should take one to Anon.
“Im gonna go check on Anonymous, I’ll be back in a minute.” Twilight says.
>She trots off up the stairs.
>Anonymous’ reaction reminds you a bit of when your friends surprised you with a party, and you went a LITTLE overboard before you found out about it.
>Hehe, that’s something you hope won’t happen again.
>”SNAAAAAAAAAKESSSSS!” you hear being screamed from the top of the house.
>Without a word, everyp0ny goes running up the stairs.
>It looks like a whirlwind has passed through the room.
>There are books everywhere, and Anonymous has his hands wrapped around Spike.

>”Someone help me here!” Twilight yells trying to magically pull the two apart.
>Fluttershy is panicking, Rainbow Dash is getting ready to ram Anon, Applejack ran to get her rope and Rarity is trying to help Twilight pull the two apart.
>Thinking quickly you grab your Cupcake launcher and pelt Anonymous with your Fudge Bom Cupcake special.
>NO p0ny can withstand THAT much sugar all at once.
>With a mighty *Splat* it crashes into his face.
>He drops Spike, and goes flying into the wall.
>Maybe you should have toned down the firepower.
>It looks like that did the trick
>He’s just sitting there
>You hope he’s ok.

>You are Anonymous again.
>Brain.exe has resolved the error encountered earlier
>Reboot in progress.
>Warning: Last 4 hours unaccounted for and memory of said hours may be corrupt
>Do you wish to try and recover memories?
>y/[n]
>Brain will catalogue corrupt memories for future examination by user.
>Brain will reboot at from last recorded moment...
>Standby 
>Re-initializing
>Oh man does your head hurt, and you feel stiff as a board.
>And there is something on your face.
>You reach up to your face and wipe away the mess from your eyes.
>In front of you are six pastel p0nies with varying reactions
>They range from vengeful to scared out of their wits.
  >Smells like Chocolate
>You taste some.
>IT IS CHOCOLATE.
>So good.
“Hey everyone, what’s going on?”
>They all stare at you, mouths agape. 
“Was it something I said?” you say
>There’s a little purple...
>Lizard?
>Nah its bi-pedal it can’t be a lizard.
>You’re not sure what it is
>And your splitting head is not making things easier.
>You feel a rope tie your arms together tight.
“Hey, what’s the deal?” you say angrily
“I thought we were over this!”
>”Not after what ya’ll did to Spike over here” Applejack says 
“I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” you yell

>Uhh dude
WHAT BRAIN
>You had a moment
You don’t mean
>Yeah bro, I tried to stop it, but once you get going...
Oh FUCK ME
>You look around.
>the room is in shambles
>Your new Friends, if they stay friends, are scared.
>The little lizard guy looks like he’s been through hell.
>And it’s all because of you.
>And you do something you haven’t in quite some time.
>Something you thought you had forgotten how to.
>You cry.
>You instantly start bawling the moment you see the little guy so afraid.
>That’s exactly how you felt so many years ago.

>Its been about 5 minutes now.
>Fluttershy walks over to you and puts a hoof around your head.
>”Shhh, shhh, everything is going to be O.K. Let it all out.” She says, dabbing your eyes with a soft wing.
>”It’s OK, we’re here for you.”
>You finally stop crying.
>The rope around you relaxes a little bit.
>”We’ll be downstairs when you’re ready to talk.” Fluttershy says, motioning for everyp0ny to go downstairs.
>Rainbow and Applejack look reluctant, but a sharp stare from Fluttershy has them following her.
>After everyone has gone downstairs, you take a look around the room
>It’s an absolute disaster area
>Books everywhere, the bed has been flipped.
>There’s still cupcake on your face.
>You take off your jacket and wipe your face with it.
>How are you ever going to face your friends after this debacle?
>You sigh and put the bed back in place.
>You begin gathering up the books
>The first one you pick up is about Shock.
>How appropriate.
>You pile all of them into a corner, and try to dry your eyes some more.
>This was going to be quite the conversation.
>You’ve never been able to recount exactly what happened before.
>Bloody governments with their secrets.
>You never even got to see a shrink, or any of the other members of the survivors.
>This will be the second time you’ve recounted the tale, but this time, you’re not under pressure of summary execution. 

>You feel a bump in your jacket.
>GOOD LORD YOU STILL HAD YOUR SMOKES!
>You light up one, and take a drag on the sweet poison contained within.
>It immediately helps calm your nerves.
>You sigh and go down the steps.
>The p0nies are all gathered around a table that’s littered with food.
“Before I explain, do you have any booze?” you say, your voice like gravel
>Twilight goes into the kitchen and comes back with a large bottle of AppleJack Daniel’s and a glass.
>Of course, this crazy world and its puns.
>She levitates both over to you. 
>You place the glass and your pocket and crack the lid on the liquor.
“Cheers” you say, and take a healthy swig of  the beverage.
>Tastes sort of like the stuff back home, although defiantly less potent and with a slight apple flavor.
>You receive a few odd looks
>Looks like they’ve never seen binge drinking before
>Guess that’s a good thing.
>You grab a nearby chair and sit down.
>”Anon, are you feeling better?” Twilight asks you nervously.
“Twilight, everyp0ny, what I did earlier, I have no recollection of” you begin


>”What do ya mean you don’t remember anything?” Applejack barks “Ya nearly chocked Spike ta DEATH!”
>She’s literally shaking with anger.
>Best try to diffuse the situation
“I was afraid something like this might happen, although I didn’t know if I’d see something that would trigger a reaction” you say calmly, taking another drink. 
>This Bottle will be gone soon enough
“Twilight was on the right track with the book she had.”
>”The one on Shock?” Twilight says
“That’s the one,” you say “I have a history of PTSD, and sometimes the reactions can be a bit...”
“Severe”
>”What’s PTSD?” Pinkie asks
>Twilight’s face drains of color, much like yours did, “It means Post traumatic Stress Disorder”
>She continues on “It only occurs when someone has gone through an extremely traumatising event. It’s not very common in Equestria...”
“That’s right. Back home, I, uhh...fuck.” you say taking draining some more of the intoxicating beverage.
>”It’s ok Anon” Fluttershy says “You don’t have to explain anymore”
>God she is so nice.
“I know, but I need to get this off my chest. [REDACTED] years I’ve held onto this bloody secret, and it’s about time I got this off my chest. I warn you, it may be a bit... MUCH, but if you guys want to back out, I won’t blame you.” You say.
>the bottle is half empty now.
>You always hit the booze hard when you were stressed.
>None of them moved.
“Alright, it all started [REDACTED] years ago...


>I was a member of a special magical task force for the British Secret Service. They were basically an elite group of spies and special forces designed around protecting the Crown and securing potential threats to the Queen or the World at large.
>As you know there IS magic on my planet, but it works a bit different than how it does here. Regardless, the source of the magic was a mystery to my people for many years, until we came upon a lost civilization of ancient humans.
>These ruins were located in a large rainforest, much of which was dense and difficult to explore until the advent of magical divining.  We needed to find the source of the magic, and see if we could use it too, uhh, make life easier for everyone. Needless to say we had a lead on a potential FOUNT of arcane energy.
>I was part of a small taskforce, our mission, was to protect some researchers while they explored these ancient ruins. We were armed to the teeth, and prepared to fight a small war if necessary. The ruins were large and Mayan in origin. The Mayans were an ancient human people, who thrived on violence. They were wiped out many, many years ago however. Almost 600 years before I was born.


>Now, all that remained of their great empire were rotting temples in a humid jungle. This specific one was MASSIVE. We had no idea what was inside, except for the fact that we were the first ones there. The temple was covered in vines and typical jungle growth. The decorations and decor indicated that this was a place of worship for the blasphemous god’s of old.
>Our initial appraisal showed that, if there was a source here, we would have to go to the very bottom level of the temple, which unfortunately looked like it was located 15 stories down. The scholars and my task force set up camp, and prepared to make an initial dig.
>Entrance to the temple was easy enough to come across. It was adorned with, ughhhh, idols of snake creatures. They lined the walls, the ceilings, everywhere! We pressed on, going deeper and deeper into the temple. Obviously we encountered traps of sorts, but they looked like they were designed to keep something IN rather than to keep intruders out. 
>I was thankful to have my best friends with me on this one. Mikal was my best friend, and wingman. Always dependable albeit a bit of a religion nut. Christopherson was the muscle of the group. He was built like a fucking tank, but had the demeanor of a field mouse. Unless his friends were in danger.

>They were my best friends and brothers in arms for YEARS. We went through thick and thin together. This time I thought we’d make it out without a hitch. That was until we got deeper down.
>The carvings only got more gruesome as we went further. The temperature was soon unbearably hot and humid. The scientists were getting nervous being so far underground without all their equipment. Fucking pansies. We had been through much worse and it a shorter time. Eventually we reached the end of the winding hallways.


>There was a gigantic slab wall in front of us. The egg-heads were ecstatic about the find. They said it depicted the creation theory of Quetzequatal, and that behind this wall lay unknown treasures. Needless to say we quickly devised a plan to get through the door. We went back to camp to get explosives to blow open the door, while the scientists stayed behind to document the door further.
>When we got back, it was like something out of a horror movie. There was only one scientist left, and he was absolutely covered in.. stuff. 
>There was blood all over the walls, but particularly the slab we were trying to move. He was chanting in some odd language, that we never quite figured out. We leveled our weapons and put an end to his madness. As he fell, a spray of blood hit the slab, and it slowly moved aside.
>Inside we found a massive alter. On the very top was a Gigantic Egg.

>You go to take another swig of the bottle, but notice it’s empty.
>All the p0nies are staring intently at you
>You stand up
“I think i’ve said more than enough today,” you say, wobbling as you stand up “I think I should just go.”
>You grab your suitcase and walk towards the door.
>”ANONYMOUS!” you hear come from behind you
>You see Twilight with tears in her eyes run up to you.
>”Im so sorry...” she says embracing you in a hug
>The other p0nies seem hesitant, but all come over and embrace you as well.
>You can feel your cheeks begin to dampen and a tear drops down onto Fluttershy
>”Are you ok now Anonymous?” Fluttershy asks
“I will be. Thank you. All of you.” You say
“Now, would someone take me home? I think i’ve had a little too much on an empty stomach.”
>In no time at all, you find yourself stumbling down p0nyville proper, with your 6 friends in tow.
>All the p0nies are still afraid of you, so they stay indoors.
>Nothing you can do about that right now.
>Right now, the only thing you want is a place to sleep.
>Suprisingly, all the p0nies, scratch that, your friends walk you to your home.
>It’s not that far from Rarity’s place, and a short walk from Fluttershy’s.
>It’s much larger than you first expected.
>A quick touch up your ass, this place looked like a swanky bungalow from back home.
>You open the door and see that it is fully furnished.
>A large t.v, a nice living room, a decked out kitchen, a nicely equipped bedroom.
>OMG YES
>A FULL SIZE SHOWER


>”Ya know, some of us helped prepare this here place” Applejack said
“Is that true?” you say, absolutely flabbergasted
>”Of course silly-filly, you’re our friend!” Pinkie says, jumping on your nice clean bed.
“Well we will defiantly have to have a house warming party”
>Pinkie nearly explodes with excitement at the P-word.
“But not today, its been a long enough day as it is.” You say
>Taking that as their cue, your friends all bid you farewell and leave you to unpack your things.
>You take one last look around your new abode.
>On the kitchen table there’s a note with the royal seal.
>You open the note and read what’s inside.
>”Anonymous, I hope this letter finds you well. Although the past days have been trying on all of us, I sincerely hope you finding your stay enjoyable. Even though your visit to the palace was a little, unorthodox, we hope you do not harbor any ill feelings. I am hoping to hear from you, and hopefully see you soon as well. Both Princess Luna and I enjoyed your company, and look forward to your help with the issue we discussed earlier. We wish you well, and shall see you soon. Regards Celestia.”
>The letter is slightly stained with something in the bottom left corner.
>Smells like coffee.
>She must still be burning the midnight oil.
>And it’s all thanks to you.
>You grab your suitcase and head on into the bathroom.
>A quick shower, and you’re feeling much better.
>Taking a glance out the window, you see that the sun is beginning to set.
>Its quite the sight to behold.
>The last few rays of light stream through the trees in the Everfree forest. 
>This land is so peaceful
>So serene.
>And you’ve upset the balance
>You sigh to yourself
>You had to stop thinking that way
>This is your chance to redeem yourself
>A chance to make up for past sins
>A chance at a new life.
>You allow yourself a small smile before trying out the bed.
>Ooooo that’s soft.
>You really need to pay back your new friends for all they have done.
>But that’s for tomorrow.
>For now, you sleep.


Meanwhile...
>A certain someone has fallen asleep in the library
>Her day spent ruling a kingdom
>Her nights, preventing its destruction.
>Her snores echo through the empty halls
>The table she is at is littered with ancient texts of a forgotten era
>One she was alive during, and some she even wrote.
>Each contained a snippet of the tales of yore.
>Some of this knowledge would even be deemed heretical by current era standards.
>These musty scrolls and tomes, written by p0nies long dead held such secrets.
>Many are simple spells, such as levitation, but others...
>Others held dark secrets from a dark time.
>One when magic ran rampant and unchecked by those that could use it.
>She had put a stop to those days
>With the help of her sister.
“Princesssssss”
>The Princess continues to snore, and dream the dreams of a better time.
“Celestiaaaaaa”
>Dreams of a foreign creature, of a loving embrace
“Oh enough with Tradition, wake up dammit”


>A book lands on the Princesses head
>”WHO DARES!” she yells nearly falling over.
“I dare ‘Princess’” the words dripping with acid.
>She instantly recognizes that voice.
>One she hasen’t heard in a thousand years.
“Have you missed me student?”
>”H-How? You’re DEAD. I MADE SURE OF IT. I BURIED YOU.” She stammers
“Oh my dear I know, it’s just that sometimes things happen for a reason, and this defies all reason, so I decided to come back for a while.”
>”WHAT DO YOU MEAN”
“Oh come now youngling, you know better than that.”
>”MUST WE CONTINUE YOUR GAMES OLD MAN?” her tone almost as sharp as his
“Tsk-tsk, such Anger, such resentment. And YOU wielded the Elements? I’ll never understand how. Perhaps it’s better that way. TO NEVER UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.” A sickening hollow chuckle resonates throughout the room.
>”Fine. Is it him that caused this?” she says
“Now we are getting somewhere. Yes.”
>”Does he know he caused it?” 
“No”
>”Are you going to help me?”
“Now how would I? I am dead after all.”
>”Where is it?”
“If I told you, that would defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it?” he laughs
>The Princess could feel her patience wane.  She snarls at the spectre floating before her.
“You’ve been through so much dear, why don’t you take a rest?” 


>Princess Celestia jerks in her sleep, sitting straight up in her bed.
>”Sister! Are you alright?” Princess Luna yells, flying through the open window.
>”Your scream sounded like bloody murder, half of Canterlot heard it!”
“He’s back” she says
>”WHO IS? Is it Discord again?” Luna says making for the window.
“No. Much worse.” She says, her eyes narrowing.
>”You can’t be serious. He’s DEAD ‘Tia. We made SURE of it. There were NO TRACES LEFT. The scrolls were BURNED. The vessel SHATTERED. The crypt DEFILED. THERE is NO WAY.”
“Then how do you explain this?” Celestia says, holding out a piece of old parchment, with scrawled writing.

In hell, the liars feast on jackals’ flesh;
An thou tell truth with lies, then, enter in.
The oil of madness but plumps withered skin,
O hollowed shadow, your soul is paper-thin
that enters here. Withered bones reach for frost,
an thou recall thy books; Death’s kiss is cold.
I gave Death, crown’d with mountains, wreaths of gold;
The ash between her bones is bought and sold.
Seek thou my soul where chaos lies unbound.
Thy coin rings false here, flesh and blood can lie,
Thy fare, yet cold, rests paid upon her eye,
Thy mind afar be blind to heaven’s cry.
But nay, Death be a cruel mistress, her favour fickle like the line
Thou must take what thine heart desires
Take it, twist it, make it MINE	
Use your ambition to stoke the fires
The moon shall rise, the sun shall fall
All the little creatures will have a ball
But in turn shall cause a mess
Moving the pieces in a game of chess
Power corrupts this much is true,
THEN WHAT ABOUT YOU...
>The Last Lines are written in blood...
>”Could this be some elaborate hoax?” Luna said, her throat suddenly dry.
“No my sister,” Celestia said “Starswirl is Back.”

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