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Anonymous: The Cowardly Human Part One

By: MageAnon on Jun 28th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 12.72 KB | hits: 111 | expires: Never

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>Today is the day.
>You finally got a chance to take a much-needed vacation from your job.
>Being a pizza delivery guy is a stressful job.
>Especially when your THIS PARANOID ABOUT EVERYTHING.
>Ok, so it’s not much of a vacation.
>You got fired, and you’re now on your way to your Dear Aunt’s house to stay with them for a while.
>Your aunt was such a sweet old lady, not unlike her husband.
>She also had an adorable pooch, who you always got along with when you visited.
>You took the last bus available, so it was getting late.
>Most of the other passengers got of earlier in the trip.
>One nice lady in particular sat down next to you.
>Your first reaction was to get up and change seats, but once she put her large bags in front of yours you were stuck.
>She asked you where you were going, and as soon as you told her, she laughed at you.
>You fucking hate people.
>You could never trust them.
>They would always just look out for themselves and never gave a rat’s ass about anyone else.
>You sighed and pulled out a magazine from your suitcase.
>It contained pretty much all your belongings.
>A few changes of clothes, a few razors, your anti-anxiety pills, a compass in case you get lost, a “Dummies guide for Surviving in the Wilderness: SO YOU DUN GOOFED Edition”
>Well, you did say you were paranoid.
>It doesn’t mean you can’t be prepared.
>The bus hits a rather large pot-hole, sending you bouncing in your seat.
>You clutch at your chest.
>Fuck man, your fucking heart.
>And you were just beginning to relax...
>You stare out the window, trying to still the frantic thumping in your chest.
>You see the sign welcoming you to your destination.
>The Middle of Nowhere
>The bus slowly rolls up in front of an old looking farmhouse.
>The only fixture for miles on the deserted plains.
>How they ever grew anything out here is beyond you.
>It’s almost like you stepped foot onto Arrakis.
>Except there aren’t any giant worms trying to eat you.
>And somewhere at the back of your mind, a little voice says “At least not yet”
>Fuck you little man.
>The driver turns around in his seat, “Last stop buddy, move it or lose it.”
>You oblige the grumpy man, and grab your belongings.
>Not even two seconds after you’re off the bus, he bangs the doors closed and speeds off.
>You jump at the sound, dropping your suitcase, which bursts open.
>WHY.jpg
>You gather up your now dusty clothing and quickly shove it back into your suitcase.
>You step up on to the creaky porch.
>Why does everything about this place already seem creepy?
>Its probably just your nerves Anon, calm down.
>You take a deep breath, and knock on the door.
>A bald man with a red cap opens the door, “Whatever your sellin, we ain’t buyin.” He says slamming the door back in your face.
>You didn’t even get to introduce yourself.
>You sigh and sit down on the creaky porch.
>Things just weren’t going your way.
>You rest your elbows on your knees and place your hands under your chin.
>You were almost like the thinker, except the only thing you were thinking is “How did it come to this?”
>You spot movement from behind an old barn out back.
>WHY ARE YOU GETTING UP?
>WHY ARE YOU GOING TO LOOK AT WHAT IT IS?
>You don’t answer your screaming conscious.
>You think you know who it is.
>You quietly walk up to the barn, and open the door.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kusyDPg-wGY
>”AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
>”AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Oh hey Courage!”
>The two of you finally stop screaming like little girly men.
>The dog recognizes you!
>It’s been quite some time since you last saw him
>You also never understood how he acted to human.
>You chalked it up to “Things Anon sees but aren’t actually there: The compendium of the mentally ill”
>he jumps up into your arms, and you give the pooch a hug.
>MAN, this dog was AWESOME.
>And by AWESOME, you mean just as mentally deranged as you.
>”Oh my, what’s all the racket out here?” you hear called from the house.
>That sounded like your Aunt!
>You carry Courage outside, and sure enough, there’s your Aunt Muriel.
“Aunt Muriel! It’s so nice to see you!”
>”Oh Anon dear, I was wondering when you would arrive!” she says, embracing you in a hug.
>”It’s been so long dear, and you must be exhausted from your long trip.”
“I am, I just came out back to say hello to my little buddy here” you say, freeing Courage from your grasp.
>He jumps down and goes wandering into the house.
>Well, I’m glad you could come stay with us. We should get inside, there’s a big storm coming in.”
>You look to the west, and sure enough, the clouds black as night, and menacing.
>You could almost swear they are laughing at you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1P526n6wfP4
>You scream and jump into your aunt’s arms.
“Eh hehehehe. Sorry Aunt Muriel.”
>”Still jumpy as ever I see. Well, let’s get you settled indoors. I’ll have Eustace make us a cup of tea.”
>You jump down from her embrace, and head inside.
>This place sure had its rustic charm.
>The decor was simple and it felt like a home.
>Even in the middle of these God Forsaken wastes.
>You set your bag down on the floor by the main door, as you see your aunt walk into the kitchen.
>Courage follows right behind her.
>You see Eustace sitting in his favourite armchair, reading the paper.
“Hey Uncle Eustace. It’s me. Anonymous.”
>He grunts and continues reading his paper.
>Good old Eustace.
>You head into the kitchen and help Aunt Muriel with the tea.
>You sit down and chat for a little while.
>She asks you about life in a big city.
>You lie and say it was great.
>You also tell her about your parents passing not too long ago.
>That hit you rather hard, and she seems sorry to hear.
>She was never very close with your mother.
>You can hear Eustace flip on the Television set in the living room.
>It sounds like he’s watching the news.
>You help your aunt make dinner, and soon enough it’s time to eat.
>The three of you are gathered around the table, while Courage snacks away at his on the floor.
>You were having meatloaf for supper.
>It was SO GOOD.
>E:”So Anon, why are you out here anyway?” Eustace says, not looking up from his paper.
>He was always reading the damn thing.
“Well, I’ve run into a bit of a bad luck streak back home, and decided it would be a good time to come visit my favourite Aunt.”
>E:”How long you staying?”
>You hadn’t really thought of that.
“I’m not too sure, as long as you’ll have me I guess...”
>E:”Well then you can leave in the morning.”
>M:”EUSTACE!” your aunt yells, smacking him with a rolling pin seemingly produced from nowhere.
>He yelps in pain.
>M:”You can stay as long as you need to dear, we don’t mind. Besides, I think Courage enjoys your company.”
>Sure enough, the little pink dog was sitting next to you at the table.
>The two of you always had got along, ever since you paid a visit a few years ago.
>E:”Stupid Dog, you made me look bad!” Eustace yells
>You look down at your plate, scooping up another helping of mashed potatoes.
>All of a sudden, you look up and see a huge voodoo mask in front of your face.
>”OOGA BOOGAH”
>Both you and Courage scream, you falling off your chair, and Courage landing on top of you.
>M:”Eustace! You know the poor boy has a problem with his heart!”
>Eustace snickers to himself as he sits back down reading the paper.
>What a dick.
>You’ve accidently spilled your potatoes all over your new shirt.
“I’m... I’m going to wash up.” You say, gently lifting the pooch of your chest, and placing him beside you.
>You head upstairs and into the bathroom.
>Fucking potatoes everywhere.
>You manage to wipe off most of them, when suddenly the power goes out.
>OH FUCK.
>You look out the bathroom window, only to see a raging storm outside.
>There’s lightning EVERYWHERE.
>M:”Anon dear, the power’s gone out! Eustace went to try and reset the breaker, come downstairs would you?”
“Coming!” you call back down, opening the door.
>God you hate the dark.
>You can never see what’s there.
>You hate the light even more for making things visible.
>As you get downstairs, Eustace is just coming up from the basement, the living room illuminated by candles.
>E:”Nope, powers out. Gonna be stuck in the dark for a while.”
>Both you and Courage whimper.
>All of you take a seat in the living room.
>Eustace takes his chair, Muriel her rocking chair.
>You take a pillow on the floor, and courage lays down beside you.
>It’s awfully quiet, but there is enough light to be able to read.
>You pull out your survival book and flip a few pages in to a new chapter.
>It reads: “So you’re stuck in a parallel dimension and have no idea how to get back? Not a problem my good reader. If you are certain that you are in some hostile alien world, the simplest thing to do would be to lose your mind. Once you are no longer is possession of your faculties, it will be much easier to take your mind off your impending demise.”
>Now you know why this book only cost you five bucks.
>You sit there quietly, closing the book.
>Fucking thing made you feel even worse now.
>What else could possibly go wrong in your life?
>There’s a sudden crack of thunder, and the whole room fills with a bright light.
>You look outside, and...
>What the actual fuck?
>It looks like a bolt of lightning is...
>It’s stuck in the ground.
>It stretches all the way up into the clouds, but it’s just sitting there.
>This defies all logic.
“Is anyone else seeing this?” you finally say
>Muriel wanders over “Oh my, isn’t it lovely?” she says opening the door, and heading outside
“AUNT MURIEL DON’T GO OUT THERE!” you say, racing after her, stopping short on the threshold of the door.
>Courage is sitting behind you
>You could almost swear he called out to her.
>She approaches the stuck bolt.
>If she touches that thing, she’ll be fried!
>Alright Anon, time to be brave for once in your pathetic life.
>You run outside after your Aunt, when another crack of thunder sounds.
>Another bolt whizzes down, connecting to the already stuck one.
>Now there are two.
“WHAT IN GODS NAME IS GOING ON OUT HERE!” you scream to no one in particular
>Another Crack, Another bolt.
>Now there are three.
>The raw energy crackling from them is distorting the air around them.
>Oh no.
>There’s a sickening *pop* as the energy discharges.
>Muriel is sent flying backwards, into you, and Courage rushes to your side.
>You can barely make out what is going on in the dark, until a swirling blue vortex appears where the bolts used to be.
>OK
>NOW WE PANIC.
>You scream at the top of your lungs, and courage does the same.
>The swirling portal fluxes, and begins sucking everything in its path inside it.
>You begin to feel a tug on your clothing.
>Still screaming, you grab courage in one hand, and Muriel in another, and pull them inside.
>The portal continues to grow, as the barn is engulfed inside it.
>Swallowed whole.
>You slam the door shut, and Eustace looks up from the paper.
>E:”What’s with all the racket?” he says
>You point at the swirling vortex of probable death, and he begins screaming as well.
>All four of you scream, as the houses foundation shifts, and is sucked into the portal.
>You continue screaming, even as everything goes turns a eerie shade of blue.
>You can hear the others, and the candles have been snuffed.
>All you can see is the swirling blue ether around the house.
>The door opens, the cosmic wind whistling by your ears.
>A powerful suction fills the room as you desperately hold onto Courage and your Aunt.
>You grip the stair railing, and try to make your way to the kitchen.
>The suction is too powerful for you though.
>You look around, and see Eustace, still sitting in his armchair, go flying out the door.
“EUSTACE!” you scream
>You try and hold on tight, but your grip fails, Muriel’s hand released from yours as she too goes flying out the door.
>Courage begins panicking, gripping your arm tighter as you finally manage to get into the kitchen.
>He’s shaking, your shaking, the house is shaking.
>Suddenly, everything goes black, and the whistling stops.
>Ugh, your head is killing you.
>What the hell...
>MURIEL!
>You look around, sunlight shining through the Kitchen windows.
>Courage is beside you. Out-cold.
>You get up and look out the window.
>Well, you not in the Middle of Nowhere anymore.
>You seem to be in some sort of Apple Orchard.
>The fuck?
>Your brain can’t really handle this at the moment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v9WiA5vtrM&feature=player_detailpage#t=21s
>You laugh as the sweet bliss of unconsciousness overtakes you again.

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

>Today is the day.
>You finally got a chance to take a much-needed vacation from your job.
>Being a pizza delivery guy is a stressful job.
>Especially when your THIS PARANOID ABOUT EVERYTHING.
>Ok, so it’s not much of a vacation.
>You got fired, and you’re now on your way to your Dear Aunt’s house to stay with them for a while.
>Your aunt was such a sweet old lady, not unlike her husband.
>She also had an adorable pooch, who you always got along with when you visited.
>You took the last bus available, so it was getting late.
>Most of the other passengers got of earlier in the trip.
>One nice lady in particular sat down next to you.
>Your first reaction was to get up and change seats, but once she put her large bags in front of yours you were stuck.
>She asked you where you were going, and as soon as you told her, she laughed at you.
>You fucking hate people.
>You could never trust them.
>They would always just look out for themselves and never gave a rat’s ass about anyone else.
>You sighed and pulled out a magazine from your suitcase.
>It contained pretty much all your belongings.
>A few changes of clothes, a few razors, your anti-anxiety pills, a compass in case you get lost, a “Dummies guide for Surviving in the Wilderness: SO YOU DUN GOOFED Edition”
>Well, you did say you were paranoid.
>It doesn’t mean you can’t be prepared.
>The bus hits a rather large pot-hole, sending you bouncing in your seat.
>You clutch at your chest.
>Fuck man, your fucking heart.
>And you were just beginning to relax...
>You stare out the window, trying to still the frantic thumping in your chest.
>You see the sign welcoming you to your destination.
>The Middle of Nowhere

>The bus slowly rolls up in front of an old looking farmhouse.
>The only fixture for miles on the deserted plains. 
>How they ever grew anything out here is beyond you.
>It’s almost like you stepped foot onto Arrakis.
>Except there aren’t any giant worms trying to eat you.
>And somewhere at the back of your mind, a little voice says “At least not yet”
>Fuck you little man.
>The driver turns around in his seat, “Last stop buddy, move it or lose it.”
>You oblige the grumpy man, and grab your belongings. 
>Not even two seconds after you’re off the bus, he bangs the doors closed and speeds off.
>You jump at the sound, dropping your suitcase, which bursts open.
>WHY.jpg
>You gather up your now dusty clothing and quickly shove it back into your suitcase.
>You step up on to the creaky porch.
>Why does everything about this place already seem creepy?
>Its probably just your nerves Anon, calm down.
>You take a deep breath, and knock on the door.
>A bald man with a red cap opens the door, “Whatever your sellin, we ain’t buyin.” He says slamming the door back in your face.
>You didn’t even get to introduce yourself.
>You sigh and sit down on the creaky porch.
>Things just weren’t going your way.
>You rest your elbows on your knees and place your hands under your chin.
>You were almost like the thinker, except the only thing you were thinking is “How did it come to this?”
>You spot movement from behind an old barn out back.
>WHY ARE YOU GETTING UP?
>WHY ARE YOU GOING TO LOOK AT WHAT IT IS?
>You don’t answer your screaming conscious. 
>You think you know who it is.
>You quietly walk up to the barn, and open the door.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kusyDPg-wGY
>”AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
>”AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Oh hey Courage!”
>The two of you finally stop screaming like little girly men.
>The dog recognizes you!
>It’s been quite some time since you last saw him
>You also never understood how he acted to human.
>You chalked it up to “Things Anon sees but aren’t actually there: The compendium of the mentally ill”
>he jumps up into your arms, and you give the pooch a hug.
>MAN, this dog was AWESOME.
>And by AWESOME, you mean just as mentally deranged as you.
>”Oh my, what’s all the racket out here?” you hear called from the house.
>That sounded like your Aunt!
>You carry Courage outside, and sure enough, there’s your Aunt Muriel.
“Aunt Muriel! It’s so nice to see you!”
>”Oh Anon dear, I was wondering when you would arrive!” she says, embracing you in a hug.
>”It’s been so long dear, and you must be exhausted from your long trip.”
“I am, I just came out back to say hello to my little buddy here” you say, freeing Courage from your grasp.
>He jumps down and goes wandering into the house.
>Well, I’m glad you could come stay with us. We should get inside, there’s a big storm coming in.”
>You look to the west, and sure enough, the clouds black as night, and menacing.
>You could almost swear they are laughing at you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1P526n6wfP4
>You scream and jump into your aunt’s arms.
“Eh hehehehe. Sorry Aunt Muriel.”
>”Still jumpy as ever I see. Well, let’s get you settled indoors. I’ll have Eustace make us a cup of tea.”
>You jump down from her embrace, and head inside.

>This place sure had its rustic charm.
>The decor was simple and it felt like a home.
>Even in the middle of these God Forsaken wastes.
>You set your bag down on the floor by the main door, as you see your aunt walk into the kitchen.
>Courage follows right behind her.
>You see Eustace sitting in his favourite armchair, reading the paper.
“Hey Uncle Eustace. It’s me. Anonymous.”
>He grunts and continues reading his paper.
>Good old Eustace.
>You head into the kitchen and help Aunt Muriel with the tea.
>You sit down and chat for a little while.
>She asks you about life in a big city.
>You lie and say it was great.
>You also tell her about your parents passing not too long ago.
>That hit you rather hard, and she seems sorry to hear.
>She was never very close with your mother.
>You can hear Eustace flip on the Television set in the living room.
>It sounds like he’s watching the news.
>You help your aunt make dinner, and soon enough it’s time to eat.
>The three of you are gathered around the table, while Courage snacks away at his on the floor.
>You were having meatloaf for supper.
>It was SO GOOD.
>E:”So Anon, why are you out here anyway?” Eustace says, not looking up from his paper.
>He was always reading the damn thing.
“Well, I’ve run into a bit of a bad luck streak back home, and decided it would be a good time to come visit my favourite Aunt.”
>E:”How long you staying?”
>You hadn’t really thought of that.
“I’m not too sure, as long as you’ll have me I guess...”
>E:”Well then  you can leave in the morning.”
>M:”EUSTACE!” your aunt yells, smacking him with a rolling pin seemingly produced from nowhere. 
>He yelps in pain.

>M:”You can stay as long as you need to dear, we don’t mind. Besides, I think Courage enjoys your company.”
>Sure enough, the little pink dog was sitting next to you at the table.
>The two of you always had got along, ever since you paid a visit a few years ago.
>E:”Stupid Dog, you made me look bad!” Eustace yells
>You look down at your plate, scooping up another helping of mashed potatoes.
>All of a sudden, you look up and see a huge voodoo mask in front of your face.
>”OOGA BOOGAH”
>Both you and Courage scream, you falling off your chair, and Courage landing on top of you.
>M:”Eustace! You know the poor boy has a problem with his heart!”
>Eustace snickers to himself as he sits back down reading the paper.
>What a dick.
>You’ve accidently spilled your potatoes all over your new shirt.
“I’m... I’m going to wash up.” You say, gently lifting the pooch of your chest, and placing him beside you.
>You head upstairs and into the bathroom.
>Fucking potatoes everywhere.
>You manage to wipe off most of them, when suddenly the power goes out.
>OH FUCK.
>You look out the bathroom window, only to see a raging storm outside.
>There’s lightning EVERYWHERE.
>M:”Anon dear, the power’s gone out! Eustace went to try and reset the breaker, come downstairs would you?”
“Coming!” you call back down, opening the door.
>God you hate the dark.
>You can never see what’s there.
>You hate the light even more for making things visible.
>As you get downstairs, Eustace is just coming up from the basement, the living room illuminated by candles.
>E:”Nope, powers out. Gonna be stuck in the dark for a while.”
>Both you and Courage whimper.

>All of you take a seat in the living room.
>Eustace takes his chair, Muriel her rocking chair.
>You take a pillow on the floor, and courage lays down beside you.
>It’s awfully quiet, but there is enough light to be able to read.
>You pull out your survival book and flip a few pages in to a new chapter.
>It reads: “So you’re stuck in a parallel dimension and have no idea how to get back? Not a problem my good reader. If you are certain that you are in some hostile alien world, the simplest thing to do would be to lose your mind. Once you are no longer is possession of your faculties, it will be much easier to take your mind off your impending demise.”
>Now you know why this book only cost you five bucks.
>You sit there quietly, closing the book.
>Fucking thing made you feel even worse now.
>What else could possibly go wrong in your life?
>There’s a sudden crack of thunder, and the whole room fills with a bright light.
>You look outside, and...
>What the actual fuck?
>It looks like a bolt of lightning is...
>It’s stuck in the ground.
>It stretches all the way up into the clouds, but it’s just sitting there.
>This defies all logic.
“Is anyone else seeing this?” you finally say
>Muriel wanders over “Oh my, isn’t it lovely?” she says opening the door, and heading outside
“AUNT MURIEL DON’T GO OUT THERE!” you say, racing after her, stopping short on the threshold of the door.
>Courage is sitting behind you
>You could almost swear he called out to her.
>She approaches the stuck bolt.
>If she touches that thing, she’ll be fried! 
>Alright Anon, time to be brave for once in your pathetic life.

>You run outside after your Aunt, when another crack of thunder sounds.
>Another bolt whizzes down, connecting to the already stuck one.
>Now there are two.
“WHAT IN GODS NAME IS GOING ON OUT HERE!” you scream to no one in particular
>Another Crack, Another bolt.
>Now there are three.
>The raw energy crackling from them is distorting the air around them.
>Oh no.
>There’s a sickening *pop* as the energy discharges.
>Muriel is sent flying backwards, into you, and Courage rushes to your side.
>You can barely make out what is going on in the dark, until a swirling blue vortex appears where the bolts used to be.
>OK
>NOW WE PANIC.
>You scream at the top of your lungs, and courage does the same.
>The swirling portal fluxes, and begins sucking everything in its path inside it.
>You begin to feel a tug on your clothing.
>Still screaming, you grab courage in one hand, and Muriel in another, and pull them inside.
>The portal continues to grow, as the barn is engulfed inside it.
>Swallowed whole.
>You slam the door shut, and Eustace looks up from the paper.
>E:”What’s with all the racket?” he says
>You point at the swirling vortex of probable death, and he begins screaming as well.
>All four of you scream, as the houses foundation shifts, and is sucked into the portal.
>You continue screaming, even as everything goes turns a eerie shade of blue.
>You can hear the others, and the candles have been snuffed.

>All you can see is the swirling blue ether around the house.
>The door opens, the cosmic wind whistling by your ears.
>A powerful suction fills the room as you desperately hold onto Courage and your Aunt.
>You grip the stair railing, and try to make your way to the kitchen.
>The suction is too powerful for you though.
>You look around, and see Eustace, still sitting in his armchair, go flying out the door.
“EUSTACE!” you scream
>You try and hold on tight, but your grip fails, Muriel’s hand released from yours as she too goes flying out the door.
>Courage begins panicking, gripping your arm tighter as you finally manage to get into the kitchen.
>He’s shaking, your shaking, the house is shaking.
>Suddenly, everything goes black, and the whistling stops.

>Ugh, your head is killing you.
>What the hell...
>MURIEL!
>You look around, sunlight shining through the Kitchen windows.
>Courage is beside you. Out-cold.
>You get up and look out the window.
>Well, you not in the Middle of Nowhere anymore.
>You seem to be in some sort of Apple Orchard.
>The fuck?
>Your brain can’t really handle this at the moment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v9WiA5vtrM&feature=player_detailpage#t=21s
>You laugh as the sweet bliss of unconsciousness overtakes you again.

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