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Murica

By: MDL on Aug 22nd, 2013  |  syntax: None  |  size: 2.30 KB  |  hits: 25  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Day 'Murica in Equestria.
  2. >Wake up to Free Bird playing on your radio.
  3. >Turn it off and scratch the Semper Fi tattoo on your left arm.
  4. >Walk over to the bathroom sink and turn on the faucet.
  5. >No water comes out.
  6. "Damn it."
  7. >Sluggishly walk back to your night stand.
  8. >Open it up to grab some duct-tape, WD40, and a wrench.
  9. >Sluggishly walk back to the sink.
  10. >Start beating the shit out of it with the wrench.
  11. >Slap on some duct-tape and slip in some WD40.
  12. >Stand back and marvel at your master piece.
  13. >Your once plane wooden sink is now made of marble.
  14. >The plastic nobs are now solid gold.
  15. >Sigh heavily.
  16. "It's not the best fix, but it'll do."
  17. >Go through your morning routine.
  18. >Quickly get dressed and head downstairs.
  19. >Grab your breakfast of champions.
  20. >Slimjims and Bud-light.
  21. >Tap your 2008 Blue Collar Comedy Tour poster for good luck and head out the door.
  22. >Hop in your 1965 Chevy Truck your Pappy left you.
  23. >It's a cherry red beauty you named "The Fuck Truck" for reasons that only you know.
  24. >The Truck was teleported here along with the poster.
  25. >Before you start your engine, the Yellow pony comes walking up to your truck door.
  26. "Whadda ya want, Fluttershy? I gotta git ta work."
  27. >"I wuz wonderin' if you had any more Bud-light?"
  28. "You wha-?"
  29. >Turn to see that shes wearing a Daisy Duke out fit, cut-off jeans and all.
  30. >Take off your cowboy hat and place in near your heart.
  31. "My oh my, looky what we got here."
  32. >"Like somethin' ya see."
  33. >She gives you the bedroom eyes.
  34. "I sure do!"
  35. >"Well why don't yew come and git it."
  36. "Yes ma'ma"
  37. >Hop out of your truck and walk up to her.
  38. >She has her eyes closed and her lips perked.
  39. >Give her a funny look.
  40. >Take the small American flag that was sticking out of her bum.
  41. >Walk back to The Fuck Truck.
  42. >"You're not gonna rut me?"
  43. "The only thing that gets me hard, is freedom."
  44. >Take the flag in the bed of your truck and begin having sex with it.
  45. >That's right, you're fucking a flag.
  46. >A Bald Eagle lands on a boombox and starts playing "Born in The USA.".
  47. >The Eagle watches the whole time as you begin adding more white stripes to the flag.
  48. >You finish with on last final thrust and collapse.
  49. >Sit in the bed of the truck, with your new found flag/lover.
  50. >Put some dip in your mouth.
  51. "At least I'm not-
  52. Fuckin' mah sister... I mean Fluttershy."
  53. END
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