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Meta in Equestria 3: D&D part 4

By: Lurking_Giant on Jun 11th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 8.05 KB  |  hits: 45  |  expires: Never
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  1. Meta in Equestria 3: D&D part 4
  2.  
  3. >DM: Ok
  4. >DM: Its tomorrow afternoon
  5. >MA: 1d20+4 spot, people dead? = 21
  6. >DAT: Let’s shove the rest of the poison up the anus of some meaty corpse and feed that to the dragon
  7. >DM: Yes. Many dead people
  8. #23: Everyone dead?
  9. >DM: You see people near rioting, running around with holes in their bodies
  10. >Scoots: wow
  11. >DAT: I announce to the town people that there may well be an epidemic and that to keep themselves healthy they need to drink more water
  12. >DAT: 1d20+7 bluff = 9
  13. >MA: way to fail
  14. >MA: Also, rioting? Holes in their bodies?
  15. >DM: Many appear to be leaking some strange, pinkish liquid from every open hole of their bodies
  16. >MA: oh god
  17. >Scoots: ewww
  18. >MA: the poison makes them zombies
  19. >DAT: I suggest we do not expose ourselves to that fluid
  20. >Scoots: Oh really, what makes you say that?
  21. #23: Zombie village....
  22. >DM: Everyone is quite clearly in extreme pain
  23. >MA: I concur
  24. >DAT: I vote we put them out of their misery
  25. >MA: I agree
  26. >DAT: We start killing villagers
  27. >DM: By now, the ground is pretty much covered in corpses.
  28. #23: We should gtfo of here
  29. >DAT: #23, get some protective gloves
  30. >DAT: We are looting the corpses
  31. >MA: hah
  32. >Scoots: You can loot them I’m not touching that ooze
  33. #23: I cast my fishing pole think of hazmat gear
  34. >FFA: Alright I’m back
  35. >DAT: FFA
  36. >DM: You pull out what appears to be a really large condom.
  37. #23: ......
  38. >DAT: We killed everyone
  39. >FFA: ahhhh fuck
  40. >FFA: how
  41. >DAT: poison
  42. >DAT: ok guys, I put on the condom and get to work looting
  43. >FFA: But I wanted to do that
  44. >MA: the poison turned the people into zombies or something
  45. >DM: Many appear to be leaking some strange, pinkish liquid from every open hole of their bodies
  46. >DM: Everyone is quite clearly in extreme pain
  47. >FFA: oh fuck
  48. >Scoots: So they aren’t all dead?
  49. >DM: Nope
  50. #23: I search the village for survivors
  51. >FFA: I search the village for fillies
  52. >MA: 1d20+3 knowledge/undead = 13
  53. >DM: There are still people alive, running around in sheer mortal terror.
  54. >DAT: Loot the dead first, we take care of the survivors later
  55. #23: I don't think the dragon will want to eat them
  56. >DM: MA, you think that zombies would have overrun the town by now.
  57. >DAT: We can kill the survivors and feed them to the dragon
  58. >FFA: hay guys, I say we go find the dragon and tell him we killed/incapacitated everyone in the village so he can come gorge himself on everyone
  59. >FFA: and let him deal with the zombies
  60. >DAT: only after we loot the bodies
  61. >MA: after looting
  62. >Scoots: Are going to gain experience for this?
  63. >MA: yes
  64. >DM: Maybe…
  65. >DAT: What phat loot do we get?
  66. >DM: All of the corpes are only wearing common clothes.
  67. >MA: let's loot the stores
  68. >DM: Some have daggers on them.
  69. >DAT: loot the daggers, store them on the cart
  70. >Scoots: You’re the one in the giant condom you do it
  71. >DM: Also, handling the corpses seems to turn any remaining tissue into mush.
  72. >DAT: Any monies?
  73. >DM: You find:
  74. >DM: 15 daggers
  75. #23: Raid the houses and shit
  76. >DM: No monies
  77. >DAT: FFA, record those daggers
  78. >DAT: Now we loot the houses and the shops
  79. >DM: The houses are more fruitful:
  80. #23: and look for anyone that hasn't been effected
  81. >DM: 21 shortbows
  82. >FFA: alright 15 daggers
  83. >DM: 14 shortswords
  84. >DAT: any healthy survivors we kill and feed to the dragon later
  85. >FFA: hay guys, I say we go find the dragon and tell him we killed/incapacitated everyone in the village so he can come gorge himself on everyone
  86. >DM: 17 sets of leather armor
  87. >FFA: and let him deal with the zombies
  88. >DM: That is all from the houses
  89. >FFA: how about the shops
  90. #23: wasn't there a shop that you got scrolls from last week?
  91. >MA: Raid the shops, guise
  92. >FFA: they have to have some money
  93. >DM: At the shop:
  94. >DM: 4 potions
  95. >DM: 5 scrolls
  96. >DM: 500 gold
  97. >FFA: 500 gold
  98. >FFA: wut
  99. >FFA: I can shit out more than that
  100. >Scoots: So no plate armor?
  101. >DM: No just leather and those weapons so far
  102. >Scoots: Shoot I wanted some better gear for my crusader
  103. >DM: Well there was a blacksmith in the village that could have made you some
  104. >DM: He’s a pile of goo now though
  105. >Scoots: Awwww
  106. #23: Sorry Scoots
  107. >DAT: I say we split the gold
  108. #23: I want one of those short bows
  109. >MA: I take the scrolls
  110. >FFA: take one
  111. >FFA: *gives#23 a shortbow*
  112. >FFA: alright, who wants to lure the dragon back here
  113. >FFA: maybe we can turn him into a zombie dragon
  114. >DAT: MA is the only one who can speak dragon
  115. >MA: fuck
  116. >DM: So now that you guys have commited genicide, what's next?
  117. >DM: By the way, you all move 1 step towards evil.
  118. >DAT: I am already evil
  119. >Scoots: but I don’t want to be evil
  120. >MA: So I'm chaotic neutral now or what
  121. >FFA: I didn’t kill anyone
  122. >FFA: I was just gonna date rape them
  123. >DM: No FAA, you just agreet to massacre a whole town.
  124. >FFA: the devil made me do it
  125. >DM: And MA, if you were chaotic good before, then yes.
  126.  
  127. >FFA: *prays to Molestia for forgives ness of her sins*
  128. >FFA: MA, go find that dragon
  129. >DM: You still become more evil, FFA.
  130. >FFA: stupid consequences of my actions
  131. >MA: We should find some people who are still fine and bring them to the dragon
  132. >FFA: I say dragon comes, zombies attack dragon and dragon becomes mush
  133. >FFA: It’s a win win scenario
  134. >MA: If she's zombified, she can't help us find Gilda
  135. >DM: By now, the town is basically covered in a thick soup of liquefied people.
  136. #23: did we check the chiefs house?
  137. >Scoots: liquefied?
  138. >FFA: I think the dragon would like liquefied people soup
  139. >FFA: I bet the chief has Gilda
  140. >FFA: let’s go
  141. >DAT: Yea
  142. >DM: Where?
  143. >DAT: let’s search the chiefs house
  144. >DM: Do you know where it is?
  145. >MA: search for it
  146. >MA: 1d20+5 search chief house = 15
  147. >DM: That's not how search works.
  148. #23: inb4 gelatinous cubes spawn from the villagers
  149. >FFA: 1d20+1 local knowledge = 2
  150. >FFA: fffffffffff
  151. >DM: You are surprised that there is a village here, FFA.
  152. >MA: 1d20+3 same what FFA wanted =15
  153. >FFA: oh fuck where am I?
  154. >DM: You find the house
  155. >FFA: *is trippin' balls*
  156. >FFA: *knocks on the door*
  157. >DM: The door is open
  158. >FFA: Excuse me, can anyone in there tell me where I am
  159. >DAT: I sneak in
  160. >DAT: 1d20+11 sneak = 12
  161. >FFA: I move silently into the house
  162. >FFA: 1d20+13 move silently =19
  163. >DM: OK
  164. >DM: You're inside now
  165. >MA: I tell FFA where she is
  166. >MA: before she snuck into the house
  167. >Scoots: I jump on MA’s shoulder to avoid the pink slime
  168. >MA: Fine
  169. >DAT: search the house for anything of value or interest
  170. >DM: Search
  171. >DAT: 1d20+0 loots = 16
  172. >DM: You find a sword, a set of armor, and some vials
  173. >FFA: 1d20+5 search = 7
  174. #23: FFA finds her bellybutton
  175. >Scoots: oh what kind of armor?
  176. >DM: Not full plate
  177. >Scoots: Blah
  178. >DAT: FFA, get the sword and armour
  179. >DAT: how many vials?
  180. >DM: 3
  181. >FFA: I sense motive on the armor
  182. >FFA: 1d20+5 sense motive = 17
  183. >DM: The armor's motivation is to protect your squishy organs.
  184. #23: I cast detect magic on the sword
  185. >FFA: Okay I’ll take the sword and armor
  186. >DM: It is magical
  187. >DAT: continue searching for anything of value or interest
  188. >DAT: 1d20+3 search = 16
  189. >DM: You find a collection of orc porn in his sock drawer.
  190. >DAT: I already have orc porn
  191. >DM: Nothing else of value
  192. >DAT: no trap doors or secret passages?
  193. >FFA: 1d20+1 search = 4
  194. >FFA: hah
  195. >DM: You find the front door
  196. >FFA: 1d20+1 local knowledge banks =13
  197. >DM: No
  198. >FFA: Then why doesn’t anyone have any fucking money?
  199. >MA: I'm outside and look everywhere for people who didn't die yet
  200. >Scoots: Did we check all the houses?
  201. >DAT: let’s go look for survivors
  202. #23: I help MA look
  203. >Scoots: Me too since I’m on his shoulder
  204. >DM: It looks like everyone croaked already.
  205. >MA: damn
  206. >DAT: let’s just get the dragon
  207. >MA: let's tell her about this
  208. >DM: Everyone listen
  209. >FFA: 1d20+8 =22
  210. #23: 1d20+1 =9
  211. >Scoots: 1d20+ 4 =7
  212. >MA: 1d20+2 =10
  213. >DM: FFA, you think you here crying.
  214. >FFA: hey guys I hear crying
  215. >DAT: ok
  216. >FFA: I hope it’s a filly
  217. >FFA: in which direction is the sound coming from
  218. >DM: Left
  219. >FFA: I move to the left and listen again
  220. >DM: You think you know where the sound is coming from
  221. >FFA: okay
  222. >FFA: where?
  223. >DM: One of the houses
  224. >FFA: how many houses are around us?
  225. >DM: You know which house it is
  226. >DM: OK
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