Doctor Anonymous and the Pony-Bots of Terror!

        Anon sat in his lab, finishing up the final touches on his latest scheme. He added the final drops of the solution and set the mixture over an open flame.

“After that's reacted, just add a little calcium... and I think we'll be golden!”

He swiveled around in his chair and pushed himself towards his chemical cabinet. He shifted a few bottles around before finding the one he needed. He took the powdered calcium and shut it again, pushing himself back. Rolling chairs were great. He would have to add whoever invented the rolling chair to his list of favorite inventors.

“Lionel! Fetch me the 10mil', would you? I'm about to do SCIENCE!”

A robot arm descended from the ceiling, reaching across to the other side of the room where the tools were kept and retrieving a 10 milliliter graduated cylinder. It placed it on the table next to Anon's experiment.

“Excellent. I'll have this done in a few moments.”

        Anon carefully removed the test tube from the burner. He placed it on the side to sit while he measured out 3 milliliters of aqueous calcium solution, making sure not to spill a drop. Chemicals were harder and harder to come by, ever since his chemistry teacher contact had gotten arrested for possession of highly radioactive materials. Now that Anon thought about it, sneaking that plutonium into his house probably wasn't the best idea. He should have hid it in someone else's house, like Krevenski's. Krevenski was a dick. Always talking about how he was a “real scientist”. As if Anon wasn't.

        The doorbell rang. Anonymous sighed and put the chemicals down, heading for the door. Ideas of a machine that could answer the door for him ran through his head. Or at least a machine that could drop people into a pit when they rang the doorbell. He was quite fond of pits.

“Lionel! Finish mixing up those chemicals. And I swear to god if I come back and you've spilled something I will scrap you for parts and build Lionel V.2, who WON'T suck ass.”

        Anon reached the door and swung it open. There stood a lone man, standard Russian, gazing at him with vacant eyes. They stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Anon sighed and started the conversation.

“What the hell do you want.”

“We have another noise complaint. Neighbor claims you are being loud, no?”

Anon sighed and leaned against the door frame. “The reason I came to Russia in the first place was to get AWAY from this bullshit. I didn't even know you could file a noise complaint in Russia! I doubted my experiments could be heard over the constant sounds of AK's with their safety off and drunk people screaming in the streets.”

The man didn't seem phased. “Well, you can file a complaint, and someone did. So I'm going to ask you to be quiet, because if we get another one, we'll come take disciplinary action. Have a good day, sir.”

The man turned around and went back down the hallway. Anon slammed the door and headed back to his lab.

        He hated apartments. He had one back when he did his experiments in L.A., too, but apparently some things happen the same in Russia as they did there. You bring in one test subject who just won't stop screaming no matter how much you inject him with tranquilizers and you get a noise complaint filed against you. Anon stopped by the fridge and opened it up. He pushed aside a jar with a head in it and grabbed a slice of cold pizza.

        When he returned to his lab, Lionel was retracted back in the ceiling. Anon squinted and looked at his workstation. The solution was spilled everywhere.

“Lionel, what did I say right before I left the room?”

A red light flashed on the ceiling panel, followed by a beep.

“And what did you do right after I left?”

Another beep.

“So I think it's in your best interest to stay up in the ceiling before I ACT ON MY WORDS, LIONEL.”

The panel blinked red a few more times and then shut off.

“Sometimes, I swear, the people I'm forced to work with...”

        Anonymous cleaned up the mess and threw away all his progress. He would have to start again tomorrow, when he got another shipment. Another EXPENSIVE shipment. Apparently his revenge on Krevenski would have to wait until then. Almost as if on cue, his phone rang. Caller ID showed it was his least favorite rival. He answered.

“What do you want, Krevenski?”

“Oh, nothing, Anonymous. Just wanted to check up on my favorite American.”

“It's Doctor Anonymous.”

“The day you get a doctorate in anything is the day my liver finally gets the best of me. Now shut up and listen. You know how we were going to have that battle next week what with the explosions and robots and what not?”

Anon glanced at his failed experiment in the trash can. “Yeah.”

“Change of plans. We do it week after next. I have important appearance I have to make at a convention. I know you probably can't relate to that, but...”

Anon hung up. Normally he'd be pissed, but this just meant he had more time. All he needed were the materials. Materials that would cost more money than he had.

        Anon sighed. If he already HAD a giant death robot, he's just STEAL the money. But in order to GET the giant robot, he needed to have money in the first place. It was like a giant circle that never ended with him having a giant robot.

        What he needed was just unlimited resources for a small window of time. Just enough to get him started. Then he could do whatever he wanted.

In the name of science.

And money.

“Lionel, I'm sorry for shouting at you. Get me a drink.”

The robot claw descended from the kitchen ceiling and reached into the fridge, pulling out a beer and handing it to Anon. He popped off the cap and took a deep drink.

        Before he even had a chance to swallow it, he was suddenly bathed in a bright light. Anon felt himself leave the seat as he was pulled through some invisible portal, unable to hold himself down. The trip through to the other side was a strange experience, an otherworldly occurrence that can't be explained with words, as the terms that would be used to describe it do not exist in the English language. Anon felt himself lose consciousness.

       

        He awoke all at once. Anon pushed himself up off of the wooden floor and looked around to get his bearings. He appeared to be in some kind of... library. It was lined with books on a variety of different subjects. But the books weren't what drew Anon's attention.

No, he was more focused on the horned purple pegasus in front of him.

“H-hello, I assume you know how to build things?”

Anon blinked and took a swig of beer.

 

“So, what you're saying is, you need someone to build you robots?”

Anon sat back in the chair with an amused grin on his face. He was pretty sure he had just inhaled some hallucinogenic fumes from his lab, but he was still enjoying his exchange with the purple alicorn.

 “Yes. I've lived a long... long life, and it will be longer still. All of my friends passed away years ago...” She levitated a picture up to her face from one of the shelves. “Even Spike.”

“Who's that? Your dog?”

“Dragon, actually. He was a good friend. They all were...”

Anon took another sip of his beer, which had thankfully made it through the portal with him. He was careful not to drink it too fast, as he didn't know if he was going to find any more booze in a place like this. The alicorn tapped her hooves on the table anxiously.

“My name is Twilight, by the way. Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

“And I, madame, am the esteemed Doctor Anonymous.” He was a little disappointed when he didn't hear any thunder accompany his declaration. There would be thunder one day, when he got the weather machine working.

        Twilight put the picture back down and looked Anon in the eyes.

“I brought you here because I know you are the best at what you do. The spell was specifically to summon the greatest mind that exists, in any world. It brought you here for a reason.”

Anon couldn't pretend he wasn't at least slightly flattered.

        Anon took another sip of beer. Twilight looked off to the side nervously and brought a hoof up to her face, biting her bottom lip.

“Well... will you? You can have all the resources you need; anything you ask will be yours, as long as I get my friends back.”

Anon sat up slightly, coughing on his beer. “Anything I want?”

“Anything you need to reconstruct my friends.”

Anon smiled wide, every single one of his teeth gleaming. “Then we most certainly have a deal, miss Sparkle.”

       

        Anon descended into the library's basement. He whistled appreciatively as Twilight flicked the light switch on. She had converted the basement into a fully equipped laboratory, with shelves of chemicals, cabinets filled with electrical components, and rows and rows of tools and instruments. It was a scientist's career, a tinkerer's pursuit, and a madman's paradise. Anonymous had to keep himself from cackling with glee as he wandered inside. Twilight followed him.

“If there's anything else you need, don't be afraid to ask and I will get it for you. Your lab is my lab.”

Anon passed by a large glass container filled with nothing but gemstones. “I will definitely keep that in mind.”

Anon looked up at the boring wooden ceiling. Science wasn't going to be quite the same without Lionel.

        He pulled a pair of rubber gloves out of his pocket and slipped them on, something no good scientist would be left without. He turned on his heel and faced Twilight with a mad grin on his face and a sparkle in his eye.

“Get ready, Miss Sparkle. Things are about to involve obscene amounts of SCIENCE.”

 

        Twilight proved time and time again to be a worthwhile lab assistant. Anon didn't even have time to finish asking for what he needed and she had already set it down before him. There were more than a few specialty items Twilight had to leave the library to retrieve, however.

Anon swirled a plastic stick in a beaker of sulfuric acid with a glare of disapproval.

“Twilight, what's the concentration of this acid? 50%?”

“Oh, I'm not sure. Why?”

Anon brought a hand up to his face. Twilight watched with interest, which quickly manifested into horror as she saw him rip his left eye out of its socket and drop it into the beaker. He fished it back out and examined it from all angles. He shrugged and put it back in his eye socket.

“Momma always said, if the acid can't clean a glass eye, it ain't worth your time. So, I'm going to need higher concentration on this sulfuric acid. Oh, and while you're out I could use a few more plasma casings, and some 2x3 stainless steel hollow cylinders. Did you get all of that?”

Twilight stared on in a mixture of fascination and disgust.

“I... got it, Doctor. Why do you need acid anyways?”

“Batteries. Making lots of batteries.”

“Oh, alright. Does that... hurt?”

“Hm?”

“Putting the acid-coated eye back... n-nevermind, I'll go get that stuff now.”

Anon turned around to watch her leave. He waited until he heard the door close. As soon as he did, he dashed to the corner of the room and worked on his secret projects.

They were coming along perfectly.

        Twilight spent days and days by Anon's side, recounting tales of her friends as he built them. When it came time to program their personalities, Anon used these stories to capture the ponies in the robots that represented them. Slowly, they took shape. Bit by bit, the ponies came together in metallic form, rising from the grave to join the ranks of the living in stainless steel husks of science. Eventually, Twilight stopped watching Anon work, afraid that it would detract from the final reveal. Anon used the time alone to work more and more on his secret projects, which quickly achieved success.

 

        Weeks passed. Anon checked his calendar. He had done it, and just in time. He smiled and stepped back, observing his final additions. Everything had gone exactly as he planned.

“Oh, Princess! I do believe you are well overdue for a surprise, yes?”

He could hear the sound of a book dropping to the floor and hooves rushing down stairs. He smirked as she came down the stairs way too fast, very nearly tripping over her own hooves and crashing into the floor.

“Is- a-are they done?”

“Indeed they are, Princess.”

Twilight took a deep breath and turned her attention to the other end of the room, where Anon was gesturing. Against the wall stood a line of shiny, robotic prismatic prototype ponies. There were 5 of them in all: orange, yellow, white, blue, and pink. Twilight stared, speechless.

        Anon joined her side and elbowed her playfully, pointing once more at the Pony-Bots lined up at the wall.

“Go on, then. Say hello. They're waiting for you.”

Twilight opened her mouth and stammered out a sentence.

“H-hello, girls?”

A few moments passed and nothing happened. Anon watched patiently, a grin on his face. Suddenly, a whirring noise emanated from the lineup, and dim lights started to turn on within the machines. Twilight gasped as the joints on the Pony-Bots loosened, allowing them to slump over. Applebot put a hoof up to her head, groaning.

“Consarnit, Pinkie, did you slip me something? Ah don' feel so... woah.”

Applebot looked down at her hooves, in shock at the apparent sudden transformation. “What in tarnation did ya put in mah cider, Pinkie?”

Pinkie Bot was already bouncing around the room, finding joy in her new spring-built metallic hooves. “I didn't do anything, silly billy! I just woke up!”

Twilight gaped, at a loss for words.

Raribot was next to gain consciousness.  “Oh, dear me, how long was I out? It feels li- oh my, this is abnormal.”

She stared at her new hooves with wide eyes, the blue LED's in her sockets blinking on and off.

        Twilight was brought to tears, very nearly weeping into her hooves. Anon sidestepped into the corner where he had his secret projects hidden. He reached behind the table and retrieved a small remote. Twilight was too distracted to notice as he took it and calibrated it. He turned to the lineup of Pony-Bots.

“Initiate protocol 5: Krevenski.”

Immediately the ponies froze. One by one their eyes turned red, moments later disappearing from the spot. Twilight continued to gape.

        Anon flicked a small lever on his invention and it whirred into action. Waving goodbye to a speechless Twilight, he vanished into thin air as well.

 

Princess Twilight stood motionless for several minutes, trying to understand what just happened.

 

 

        Doctor Anonymous stood in the cold Russian air, alone and unarmed. Across from him was his rival, Nikolai Krevenski. They stared at each other in silence, the only living thing in miles in the frigid Russian tundra. Krevenski reached into his coat and pulled out a remote with a single button on it.

“Anonymous. This has been a long time coming, no?”

“Indeed it has, Krevenski. Indeed it has.”

“Are you ready for me to show you, once and for all, that I am the better scientist?”

“I'm ready to watch you try, yes.”

“And that American cockiness pursues you, even to your death bed. Very well.”

        Krevenski pressed the button on his remote. A platform rose up beneath Krevenski, initially hidden by the snow. Slowly he reached towards the sky, panels opening up in the ground all around him. Huge chunks of metal emerged from the ground and built themselves around him, slowly enveloping him. When the process was finished, Krevenski was in the driver's seat of a metallic monstrosity, a bipedal mech the size of at least 4 houses, complete with an overkill chainsaw hand, minigun and what Anon assumed to be laser eyes.

Anonymous stared onward, not showing a hint of emotion.

He whistled.

        The 5 Pony-Bots he had teleported with him appeared by his side, their cloaking devices being disabled all at once. Even in their “obedient” state, they maintained their personalities. Pinkie Bot looked like she was having trouble standing still, and Raribot poked at the ground with a hoof with a disgusted expression on her face. Krevenski laughed from within his mobile fortress.

“What is this? The petting zoo? You think you can stop me with those?”

Anonymous said nothing. Pinkie Bot was having a harder time.

“Oh come on, Nonny, can I just shoot him with the party cannon now? I wanna shoot him with the party cannon!”

Anon held up a hand. “Wait.”

Flutterbot tried to hide behind her wings. “M-maybe we should let him go. It doesn't seem right to-”

“Nuh uh! You aren't going to chicken out of this one, Fluttershy. This fight is going to be so AWESOME.” Dashbot beat at the air with her hooves.

Krevenski was still laughing. “Ok, tell you what, 'Nonny'. Because of this pitiful display, I'll let you have the first shot. Do your worst.”

        Anonymous nodded. He pointed at the mech and spoke to his robotic minions.

“Go. Practice science.”

        Immediately Applebot sprung forward, bucking at one of the legs with all of her might. The metal crunched beneath her strength, the left leg buckling in before the real fight even began. Pinkie Bot launched into the air with her springy hooves, landing on top of the mech. With a series of short beeps, a cannon rose out of her back, firing a multicolored beam of concentrated death downward, slicing the mech's chainsaw arm off.

Raribot scrunched her face.“Ugh, the design on that piece of trash is horrid. The colors of the eyes and the trim contrast and don't even get me started on all that extra bulk you have hanging around the midsection.”

Two miniguns emerged from her sides and started firing, sharpened diamonds flying out at breakneck velocities. The diamonds tore straight through the mech, ripping it to shreds.

Dashbot pointed at the mech and glared angrily at Flutterbot. “Are you going to help or not? The thing's almost blown up already, and I want to do the finisher.”

Flutterbot winced and peeked out from under her wings. “O-oh, alright. If you think I should.”

She opened her mouth, revealing a hose. Highly concentrated sulfuric acid streamed out, coating the mech. The outer layer resisted it, but as it seeped in through the holes that Raribot had made, the inside of the mech started to dissolve and fall apart.

“Oh, this is going to be so... incredibly... awesome.” Dashbot adopted a wolfish grin. Turbines sprouted from her back, heating up into use immediately. She took off within seconds, already going at speeds comparable to a jet.

        She looped around the battlefield and sped towards the cockpit of the mech. She broke the sound barrier just as she collided, sending the mech toppling over and into the snow. In one final explosion, the dust settled.

 

The behemoth was no more.

       

        Anonymous stood in the exact same position he had stood when the battle began. Flaming wreckage was dotted around the landscape like pepper sprinkled on mashed potatoes. Suddenly Anon was hungry.

“Let's go back home, girls, I could use some food.”

Pinkie Bot appeared by his side. “But Nonny, what about Mr. Krevenski?”

Anon turned and gazed over the wreckage. “Yes, I suppose we should find him, shouldn't we?”

 

        Krevenski crawled out of his safety pod, coughing up smoke. As soon as he felt the chill of the tundra air on his skin, he considered going back in. He didn't have time to decide as Anonymous and his ponies arrived just as he was attempting to push himself off the ground. He glanced up and growled.

“W-what is it, American? Have you come to gloat some more? Or are you here to finish me?”

Anonymous stared for a few seconds, and then smirked. “Pinkie, I do believe dear Doctor Krevenski wishes us to finish him. Can you please attend to that?”

Pinkie Bot adopted a stone-cold expression, and nodded. She slowly trotted forward until she stood inches from Krevenski's face. He scowled at her in silence.

 

Pinkie Bot lifted her hoof.

 

And brought it down lightly on his nose.

 

“Boop!”

 

 

The mad scientist and 5 robot ponies went home laughing, leaving a disgruntled Russian to groan angrily into the snow.

 

“Well, It's been fun, but I'd say it's time you folks went home, wouldn't you? Twilight's probably missing you.” Anon took another swig of beer, now safely back at home.

Pinkie Bot nodded enthusiastically, but gave Anon a hug. He gasped for air as her super-strength nearly crushed his spine.

“Oh, you're right. But we'll miss you, Nonny!”

The other robot ponies nodded in agreement.

Dashbot rubbed the back of her head, looking off to the side. “And, uh, thanks for bringing us back to life or... something. I'm not sure what this counts as. But I'm loving the jet turbines.”

Anon nodded. “You can all teleport to Equestria, so go. Do it. Twilight is probably having a breakdown right now.”

        With final goodbyes said, the Pony-Bots disappeared, returning to whence they came. Anonymous settled back down in his couch with a sigh, taking another swig.

“You can come out now, Spike. They're gone.”

A small, robotic, purple dragon rounded the corner. His sparkling green LED eyes created a small pool of light as he walked through the dimly lit hallway. This was Anonymous's second secret project, aside from the portal to Equestria which he had stashed in his lab.

“Lionel, watch the house. Come on, Spike, let's go rob a bank.”

The dragon shrugged. “Whatever.”

 

Anonymous grabbed his lab coat off the wall and headed out the door, robotic dragon in tow.

 

The science was only beginning.