Anon's Journal (A Changelings Rise sidestory)

        Monday morning, who the fuck knows the date.

 

Got out of bed this morning. Not my bed of course, Twilight's bed. Not, like, Twilight's ACTUAL bed. One of the beds Twilight owns. In the library. Anyways.

Went and drew up a map of Ponyville. All I had was shitty fingerpaint (knowing these stupid fucking horses it's called hoofpaint or something) and some pencils. They don't even have real paper, they have "parchment". What the hell is parchment, even?

Anyways, let the map dry and folded it up. It's in the back of this journal, if you want to look at it. (Map can be found in the "bonus content" section of the Changelings Rise general document)

I'm making that map (and this journal) in the hopes that when I get back I look less crazy.

A raving madman gets put in an asylum, but a raving madman with a journal gets a KICKASS DOCUMENTARY.

Assuming I do get back, at least.

Pictures would be nice but I don't even know if these ponies have them. I mean they don't even have PAPER.

Anyways that's it. I'll keep it updated I guess.

-Anonymous

 

        Tuesday, apparently Twilight does, it's the 16th of Neighpril. Fucking horse puns I swear to god.

 

Lyra is starting to creep me out. She invited me over and we had a talk. She wouldn't stop staring at my hands. I told Twilight and she said I was imagining things.

Anyways, met Zecora too. She's a talking zebra. Except she only talks in rhymes.

The more I write the more it sounds like I'm on shrooms.

Anyways, did nothing productive, as usual. If I have to stay here I'm not going to fucking work.

-Anonymous

 

        Wednesday, 17th of Neighpril

 

Horse puns. For everything.

I asked Twilight what the name of the place was. She says Equestria.

I say what's the name of the capital city. She says Canterlot.

I say name three different cities. She says Baltimare, Trottingham and Los Pegasus.

Which reminds me. They just don't have unicorns here, they have fucking pegasus..es. Pegasi? I don't know, they have them. And when they have horns AND the wings, they're called Alicorns.

Met Pinkie Pie today. I think she's made of cotton candy. That would explain the constant sugar rush she seems to have. I'm guessing she also has diabetes because I just saw her fucking INHALE an entire cake.

Also met Rainbow Dash, who's surprisingly fun to hang around. Seems the most lax out of everyone for sure.

And some white bitch, I think her name was Rarely or something. She has an annoying voice and has like, a degree in fashion or something.

-Anonymous

 

        Thursday, 18th of Neighpril

 

Changed my mind. Rainbow is not fun to hang around. All she does is talk about herself and how "incredibly awesome" she is.

Met a nice mare today, actually. She was TOTALLY coming on to me. And I gotta say, annoying as they are, these things can be pretty hot too. I mean it's clear I'm already hallucinating to begin with so... would having sex with a figment of my imagination count as masturbation? Can anyone say "best fap ever"?

Anyways, said her name is Butterscotch. She wants me to meet her in the Everfree tonight. Totally going to.

 

        Monday, Februmarey (AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING HORSE PUNS) 18th

 

Gather around, because do I have a fucking story for all of you guys and gals.

Literally my FOURTH DAY in horseland and I get kidnapped by bughorses.

That's right. Bug. Horses. Bugs in the shape of horses. I don't fuckin' know.

Anyways, they drag me all the way out to their hive or whatever. They try and put me in this pod, but I'm too big, so my foot sticks out and they don't notice. So when the pod tries to shut, it doesn't work, and it doesn't put me to sleep. It's like that one scene in Rocketman with the cryo chambers and the monkey steals his- you've seen the movie, you know the scene.

So the thing tries to put me to sleep but it only works for like, 5 minutes. I wake up and get out of my pod and have a look around, because there are no bugs around. I went around the place as best I could and looked around. I even came across some green parchment (I don't fucking know why it was green. These bugs are obsessed with the color green) and a black piece of chalk. I made a quick map of the place, just in case.

I heard a lot of commotion and peaked inside one of the rooms. It was some kind of am- meeting room, and it was filled with tons of them. There was a really big one on the stage and she was just finishing off her speech. I assumed the tunnel she was going back into at the end there led to her room.

I found the exit too, but there were a couple of bugs guarding it, so I didn't try. Instead I ended up going in a circle and ending up in the first room again. I figured that room was the place where they ate people like me, so I made it the "feeding grounds".

So then I hear all theses bugs coming back from their orgy or whatever and run away to another pod. I don't think it was the same one as last time.

I try and do what I did last time on accident but my foot slips and the pod fucking closed on me. So now I get put to sleep for real.

I can still remember my dreams. They were all really pleasant. I mean, I knew I was kidnapped, but it was all really surreal. I dreamed of my ex, who I still kind of have a thing for. She was weird, though, always super quiet. Barely said any words. It was our vacation to France.

Anyways, I finally wake up. Some white pegasus fellow is there now, definitely not a bug. He says I've been captured by "changelings" and that he found me in this pod.

So I'm like "ok sure let's go" and then ANOTHER pegasus comes out from the side and tackles him. And I'm just like, super confused at this point, because I thought these guys were on the same side. But it turns out second guy was actually a bug, which APPARENTLY can turn into ponies when they want to. So then this bug turns back to normal and gives me a death glare and corners me against the wall, and he's SUPER mad. He's baring his fangs and shit.

And then BAM. ANOTHER guard comes out from the side and totally kicks him in the face. Knocks him out in one go. Tell me that isn't some James Bond shit.

Anyways, guard and I get the hell out of there. We're standing outside and the place is WRECKED. Smoke coming out of everywhere, tunnels are all collapsed and all that. There's some bigshot princess pony there, supposedly "Princess Celestia". And the big bug bitch from earlier is being carted out in some purple orb, I guess it was some kind of magical shield. Suddenly she does this... screech. All the bugs nearby clutch their hearts and fall over, and immediately try to break out of their own cages, trying to help the big one. It doesn't work, though, and they all get carried away en masse to Canterlot.

And by en masse I mean ALL OF THEM.

TOGETHER.

INCLUDING THE GUARDS.

AND NOT INCLUDING ME.

So yeah. I climbed to the top of the nearest rock and looked around. Finally found Ponyville after about like, 10 minutes.

Got back down and started walking.

That was like, 10 days ago. I got lost in the swamps on the way over here, which didn't make things easy Didn't make it back until just now, and that's why this journal entry is late.

I put the map of the bug hive in the back of this journal and now I'm going to go ask Twilight if she's ABSOLUTELY sure she doesn't know how to send me back. Because fuck everything.