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Boomer - Kitchen Mishaps

By: LordAnubis on May 10th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 8.59 KB | hits: 321 | expires: Never

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>It's Saturday
>Sweet, sweet, sleep.
>It's 10, you should probably get up and make breakfast for you and Boomer.
>Fuck it, he knows the days of the week, and this is 'Daddy sweep wong time, eat bwekfast later' day.
>He doesn't like having to wait longer to eat, but he's a good sport about it.
>He can complain a lot, but he really does love you.
>Drift back off into dreamland.
>For what feels like 5 minutes.
>There's a loud crash in the kitchen.
>The sounds of pots and pans colliding against the tile floor assaults your ears.
>What the eff, mang.
>You get up out of bed to go investigate, grabbing your baseball bat just in case.
>The kitchen is a mess. There are pots and pans all over the foor, there's slices of bread strewn out across the counter, and....the stove is lit?
>Boomer.
>You're about to call out for him, but then you see one of your larger pots start to shuffle around the floor. You can hear a scared child's voice crying out from inside it.
>”Hewp! Dawk! Boomer scawed! Why walls fowwow Boomer?”
>You calm down a bit. It's kinda funny now.
>You decide to watch for a bit, see if maybe he manages to get himself out of there.
>The pot scoots around on the floor for about a minute, cut with Boomer's cries for help.
>You have to resist laughing out loud. It's just so cute.
>”Meanie wall! Boomer gif owies!”
>You hear a soft bump and the pot slides forward a few inches.
>Boomer just tried to headbutt an overturned pot.
>Lol.
>The force of impact made the other side of the pot collide with Boomer's backside.
>”Owie! Wall bad, huwt Boomer! Boomer gif bigger owies!”
>You know what's about to happen.
>Boomer's going to kick the pot.
>You hear a louder bump than before and the pot slides back very fast.
>Right into Boomer's face.
>You hear him yelp, then a pause. Then very loud crying.
>Okay, time to cut him some slack.
>You lift the pot and Boomer looks up at you with tears in his eyes and some blood seeping out of his nose.
>It's not bad, but fluffies are fragile, and that pot hit him right in the snout. Kitchenware: 1, Fluffies: 0.
>”Daddy! Boomer huwt! Boomer sowwy!”
>You reach down and pick him up, then carry him over to the couch.
>Grabbing a tissue, you cradle him in your arms while you wipe the blood and tears from his face.
>The blood stops flowing, but the tears don't.
>”Now Boomer, you want to tell Daddy why my kitchen is all messed up?”
>You swear you've never seen Boomer look so despondent and pathetic as you do now.
>He begins bawling even harder. You do your best to listen to what he says between sobs.
>”Boomer sowwy! [Hic] Boomer know Daddy wike to [hic] sweep a lot today, so Boomer wan [hic] make bwekfast fo' Daddy! Make supwise, make Daddy happy [hic] wif Boomer!”
>You raise your eyebrows.
>Trying to make food for himself, you could have expected. But he was trying to cook for you?
>”Boomer twy cook wike Daddy, [hic] but Boomer not know how. Make [hic] mess. Boomer sowwy! Neba make mess againnn[hic]nnn!”
>You hug Boomer close to your chest as he begins bawling again.
>”Shh, shh, it's okay, Boomer.”
>You gently rock him and stroke his fluff while he calms down.
>A few minutes of sniffling and hiccups later, Boomer has returned to mostly normal. He looks at you with a look of profound penance.
>”Boomer go to sowwy box now?”
>You smile and hug him again.
>”No, Boomer, no Sorry Box this time. I'm not mad you tried to make breakfast.”
>Boomer licks your neck. “Weawwy?”
>You put him down on the couch and stand up.
>”Yes, but you can't ever do that again. The kitchen is dangerous for a little fluffy without me there to make sure something like this doesn't happen.”
>Boomer sits on the couch and doesn't meet your gaze. “Wan make Daddy happy. Daddy make Boomer happy all da time.”
>Awwwww, he's showing gratitude. That's rare for a fluffy.
>It's not really their fault they tend to think only for themselves, since their small brains limits their capacity for altruism, but it's nice to see a fluffy that shows a genuine desire to return kindness.
>”Well, Boomer, Daddy is very happy that you wanted to show Daddy how much you love him.”
>He perks up and jumps onto you leg, holding it as hard as he can in a fluffy bearhug.
>”Wuv daddy!”
>You pick him up.
>”Yes, well, you need to learn how dangerous it can be in a kitchen. It doesn't look scary when I'm in there, because I know how to use everything. You don't. Watch.”
>You carry him over to the still lit stove. There's nothing on it, so the gas has been burning by itself the whole time.
>How he managed to light the thing and set it to low heat without immolating himself is a mystery you will never solve.
>You swear that fluffies unconsciously manipulate probability when humans aren't looking. It would explain the absolutely unexplainable way some fluffies manage to kill themselves.
>”You see the fire, Boomer?”
>Boomer stares at the flames. “Pwetty cowwors”
>”Yes, but try touching the colors.”
>Boomer sticks out one of his little hooves to touch the fire.
>As soon as it makes contact, he screams and pulls his hoof back.
>”Wah! Cowwors huwt Boomer! Make owies!”
>He holds the singed hoof close to himself and licks the burn.
>You turn off the gas and move Boomer to the sink. You hold his burned hoof out and run it under cold water for a minute.
>Boomer stops crying when the pain goes away.
>”You see? Fire burns you when you touch it. But cold water makes the burn feel better. Understand?”
>”Boomer undastan'”
>”If you had burned yourself earlier, would you know to put cold water on it?”
>The little gears in Boomer's head start turning. “....No...”
>”So if you had been cooking by yourself and you had touched the fire, you would have been hurt and not know how to make it better.”
>More gears turning in el cabeza de Boomer. His eyes widen a bit when he realizes what you're getting at.
>”If Daddy not hewe, Boomer get big owies! No know how make go away!”
>There was a much greater risk here that just that, such as him possibly bursting into flame, catching the house on fire, dying a horribly painful death. But this much is enough to convince him not to try it again.
>Don't use a sledgehammer to break a walnut.
>”Exactly. So, what did you learn?”
>”Boomer neba twy cooking wifout Daddy again!”
>You smile and pet him.
>He frowns and looks down. “Boomer is bad fwuffy. Make messies, get owies. Bad fwuffy go in sowwy box.”
>He's still beating himself up over this. You swear he's like an emotional prodigy in the fluffy world.
>You've met some fluffies who would have just fallen asleep under that pot because they thought that because it was dark, it was time for bed.
>Thank God your fluffy isn't rock stupid.
>You pick him up and hold him at face level.
>”Did you learn your lesson, Boomer?”
>”Boomer wet Daddy cook, no pway wif fire?”
>”That's right. I think we can skip the Sorry Box this time, since you already learned your lesson. How about we make breakfast together?”
>The promise of food lightens Boomer's spirits immensely.
>”Yay! Make nummies! Boomer hewp!”
>He licks your face and you put him down on the counter.
>You get some bacon and eggs out of the fridge and put them on the counter.
>You select a pan off the floor, make sure it's clean, and set it on the stove.
>When you light the stove again, Boomer takes a few steps back.
>”Boomer no wike fiwe, no wan pway wif cowwors.”
>Yep, lesson learned. He won't pull a stunt like this again.
>You start cooking, calling out for foods.
>You ask for eggs, and Boomer pushes the carton towards you with his head.
>You ask for bread, and he picks up a slice off the counter with his little teeth and carries it over to you.
>You ask for bacon, he pulls a strip out of the pack and drags it over, leaving a slippery sheen of grease in his wake.
>Well, he's trying.
>When it's all finished, you have a delicious breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast all ready to eat.
>You put your food on your plate and scrape some eggs into Boomer's bowl. You also give him half a slice of toast, or as Boomer calls it, “cwunchy bwead!”
>You put Boomer on the table with his bowl and he immediately digs in.
>You notice the clock as you carry your own plate over.
>11:30
>Eventful morning.
>You both eat happily, Boomer enjoying his scrambled eggs and crunchy bread.
>When all that's left is one slice of bacon, you tear it into little pieces and feed them to Boomer one by one.
>”Boomer wuv baca!”
>”Me too, buddy.”
>Boomer waddles up to you and nuzzles your chest.
>”But wuv yoo mo!”
>You pull him into a hug.
>”Me too.”

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

>It's Saturday
>Sweet, sweet, sleep.
>It's 10, you should probably get up and make breakfast for you and Boomer.
>Fuck it, he knows the days of the week, and this is 'Daddy sweep wong time, eat bwekfast later' day.
>He doesn't like having to wait longer to eat, but he's a good sport about it.
>He can complain a lot, but he really does love you.
>Drift back off into dreamland.
>For what feels like 5 minutes.
>There's a loud crash in the kitchen.
>The sounds of pots and pans colliding against the tile floor assaults your ears.
>What the eff, mang.
>You get up out of bed to go investigate, grabbing your baseball bat just in case.
>The kitchen is a mess. There are pots and pans all over the foor, there's slices of bread strewn out across the counter, and....the stove is lit?
>Boomer.
>You're about to call out for him, but then you see one of your larger pots start to shuffle around the floor. You can hear a scared child's voice crying out from inside it. 
>”Hewp! Dawk! Boomer scawed! Why walls fowwow Boomer?”
>You calm down a bit. It's kinda funny now.
>You decide to watch for a bit, see if maybe he manages to get himself out of there.
>The pot scoots around on the floor for about a minute, cut with Boomer's cries for help.
>You have to resist laughing out loud. It's just so cute.
>”Meanie wall! Boomer gif owies!”
>You hear a soft bump and the pot slides forward a few inches.
>Boomer just tried to headbutt an overturned pot.
>Lol.
>The force of impact made the other side of the pot collide with Boomer's backside.
>”Owie! Wall bad, huwt Boomer! Boomer gif bigger owies!”
>You know what's about to happen.
>Boomer's going to kick the pot.
>You hear a louder bump than before and the pot slides back very fast.
>Right into Boomer's face.
>You hear him yelp, then a pause. Then very loud crying.
>Okay, time to cut him some slack.
>You lift the pot and Boomer looks up at you with tears in his eyes and some blood seeping out of his nose.
>It's not bad, but fluffies are fragile, and that pot hit him right in the snout. Kitchenware: 1, Fluffies: 0.
>”Daddy! Boomer huwt! Boomer sowwy!”
>You reach down and pick him up, then carry him over to the couch.
>Grabbing a tissue, you cradle him in your arms while you wipe the blood and tears from his face.
>The blood stops flowing, but the tears don't.
>”Now Boomer, you want to tell Daddy why my kitchen is all messed up?”
>You swear you've never seen Boomer look so despondent and pathetic as you do now.
>He begins bawling even harder. You do your best to listen to what he says between sobs.
>”Boomer sowwy! [Hic] Boomer know Daddy wike to [hic] sweep a lot today, so Boomer wan [hic] make bwekfast fo' Daddy! Make supwise, make Daddy happy [hic] wif Boomer!”
>You raise your eyebrows.
>Trying to make food for himself, you could have expected. But he was trying to cook for you?
>”Boomer twy cook wike Daddy, [hic] but Boomer not know how. Make [hic] mess. Boomer sowwy! Neba make mess againnn[hic]nnn!”
>You hug Boomer close to your chest as he begins bawling again.
>”Shh, shh, it's okay, Boomer.”
>You gently rock him and stroke his fluff while he calms down. 
>A few minutes of sniffling and hiccups later, Boomer has returned to mostly normal. He looks at you with a look of profound penance.
>”Boomer go to sowwy box now?”
>You smile and hug him again.
>”No, Boomer, no Sorry Box this time. I'm not mad you tried to make breakfast.”
>Boomer licks your neck. “Weawwy?”
>You put him down on the couch and stand up.
>”Yes, but you can't ever do that again. The kitchen is dangerous for a little fluffy without me there to make sure something like this doesn't happen.”
>Boomer sits on the couch and doesn't meet your gaze. “Wan make Daddy happy. Daddy make Boomer happy all da time.”
>Awwwww, he's showing gratitude. That's rare for a fluffy.
>It's not really their fault they tend to think only for themselves, since their small brains limits their capacity for altruism, but it's nice to see a fluffy that shows a genuine desire to return kindness. 
>”Well, Boomer, Daddy is very happy that you wanted to show Daddy how much you love him.”
>He perks up and jumps onto you leg, holding it as hard as he can in a fluffy bearhug.
>”Wuv daddy!”
>You pick him up.
>”Yes, well, you need to learn how dangerous it can be in a kitchen. It doesn't look scary when I'm in there, because I know how to use everything. You don't. Watch.”
>You carry him over to the still lit stove. There's nothing on it, so the gas has been burning by itself the whole time.
>How he managed to light the thing and set it to low heat without immolating himself is a mystery you will never solve.
>You swear that fluffies unconsciously manipulate probability when humans aren't looking. It would explain the absolutely unexplainable way some fluffies manage to kill themselves.
>”You see the fire, Boomer?”
>Boomer stares at the flames. “Pwetty cowwors”
>”Yes, but try touching the colors.”
>Boomer sticks out one of his little hooves to touch the fire.
>As soon as it makes contact, he screams and pulls his hoof back.
>”Wah! Cowwors huwt Boomer! Make owies!”
>He holds the singed hoof close to himself and licks the burn.
>You turn off the gas and move Boomer to the sink. You hold his burned hoof out and run it under cold water for a minute.
>Boomer stops crying when the pain goes away.
>”You see? Fire burns you when you touch it. But cold water makes the burn feel better. Understand?”
>”Boomer undastan'”
>”If you had burned yourself earlier, would you know to put cold water on it?”
>The little gears in Boomer's head start turning. “....No...”
>”So if you had been cooking by yourself and you had touched the fire, you would have been hurt and not know how to make it better.”
>More gears turning in el cabeza de Boomer. His eyes widen a bit when he realizes what you're getting at.
>”If Daddy not hewe, Boomer get big owies! No know how make go away!”
>There was a much greater risk here that just that, such as him possibly bursting into flame, catching the house on fire, dying a horribly painful death. But this much is enough to convince him not to try it again.
>Don't use a sledgehammer to break a walnut.
>”Exactly. So, what did you learn?”
>”Boomer neba twy cooking wifout Daddy again!”
>You smile and pet him.
>He frowns and looks down. “Boomer is bad fwuffy. Make messies, get owies. Bad fwuffy go in sowwy box.”
>He's still beating himself up over this. You swear he's like an emotional prodigy in the fluffy world.
>You've met some fluffies who would have just fallen asleep under that pot because they thought that because it was dark, it was time for bed.
>Thank God your fluffy isn't rock stupid.
>You pick him up and hold him at face level.
>”Did you learn your lesson, Boomer?”
>”Boomer wet Daddy cook, no pway wif fire?”
>”That's right. I think we can skip the Sorry Box this time, since you already learned your lesson. How about we make breakfast together?”
>The promise of food lightens Boomer's spirits immensely. 
>”Yay! Make nummies! Boomer hewp!”
>He licks your face and you put him down on the counter.
>You get some bacon and eggs out of the fridge and put them on the counter. 
>You select a pan off the floor, make sure it's clean, and set it on the stove.
>When you light the stove again, Boomer takes a few steps back.
>”Boomer no wike fiwe, no wan pway wif cowwors.”
>Yep, lesson learned. He won't pull a stunt like this again.
>You start cooking, calling out for foods.
>You ask for eggs, and Boomer pushes the carton towards you with his head.
>You ask for bread, and he picks up a slice off the counter with his little teeth and carries it over to you.
>You ask for bacon, he pulls a strip out of the pack and drags it over, leaving a slippery sheen of grease in his wake.
>Well, he's trying.
>When it's all finished, you have a delicious breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast all ready to eat.
>You put your food on your plate and scrape some eggs into Boomer's bowl. You also give him half a slice of toast, or as Boomer calls it, “cwunchy bwead!”
>You put Boomer on the table with his bowl and he immediately digs in.
>You notice the clock as you carry your own plate over.
>11:30
>Eventful morning.
>You both eat happily, Boomer enjoying his scrambled eggs and crunchy bread. 
>When all that's left is one slice of bacon, you tear it into little pieces and feed them to Boomer one by one.
>”Boomer wuv baca!”
>”Me too, buddy.”
>Boomer waddles up to you and nuzzles your chest.
>”But wuv yoo mo!”
>You pull him into a hug.
>”Me too.”

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