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Anon Alighieri One Shot Paste

By: Long_Gone_Writer on Dec 5th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 5.78 KB  |  hits: 58  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Come from the Dark Timeline where anon's presence in equestria destroys all ponies
  2. >Simple mission: Kill your prime self
  3. >Find yourself being raped by Fluttershy
  4. >Shank her from behind
  5. >See your prime self with his pants off and covered in marejuices
  6. >Asks who you are
  7. >Kill him
  8. >Haven't become nonexistent
  9. >Timeline is still on course?
  10. >Decide to kill the princess, perhaps her death will save the future of ponies
  11. >Raise a army of evil clone Alicorns
  12. >Wage war
  13. >Get killed in battle
  14. >In afterlife, find out that your primse self was ressurected to fight you, but you died
  15. >realize nothing has changed
  16. >you caused the dark time line
  17.  
  18. ==
  19.  
  20. >Day [f(7)=x^3 + 4x^2 -1] in equestria
  21. >Get Job
  22. >Walk into class with a bunch of retarded ponies
  23. "Colts and Mares I am Sir Doctor Anon, I will be your teacher for Calculus 2 this semister, sit your fucking asses down and grab your quills because I hope you like taking limits" you bellow
  24. >Class just stares
  25. "In this chapter we will be using the calculus of limits to solve if a infinite series, and find out if the end result of a series is a finite number. Now in a series we can express it as a function in the realm of all real numbers, but in the realm of integers, we have to only use the set of all integers. You will find that to solve for the limit of n as it approaches infinity in a equation of a series can easily be solved by converting it to it's real numbers counterpart and taking the same limit there" you look at the class
  26. >Silence
  27. "No questions?" you say
  28. >One pony raises his hoof
  29. >"Whats Calculus?" he asks
  30. "..." you walk over to your bag and grab a lawlrocketlauncher out of it.
  31. "I refuse to live in a world where ponies don't understand the rates of change or the area underneath curves" you say as you fire the lawlrocketlauncher into your head
  32.  
  33.  
  34. >Back to Life
  35. >Fuck
  36. >Ponies can't higher math
  37. >how they fuck did they figure out astronomy? you don't know
  38. >Go home
  39. >No calculator
  40. >no computer
  41. >trying to build a rudimentary difference machine using ball bearings to represent 0 and 1s
  42. >failing
  43. >Fuckingshitniggertits you became a mathematician to leave your mark on humanity with Anon's therom or Anon's proof or Anon's law, but here no one gives a niggershit about math
  44. >start crying
  45. >Ponies don't care about math or systems of logic
  46. >Any and all achievements you do here will not be remembered
  47. >turn off light and lay in bed, curled up in a fetal position
  48. >Doing math here is pointless
  49. >trying to kill yourself is pointless
  50. >there is only
  51. > Existence
  52.  
  53. >Ordered by retarded government to assist a princesses or some shit
  54. >Introduced
  55. >She is barely factoring polynomials right
  56. >whatever.gif
  57. >This is a waste of your time
  58. >She tries to make it enjoyable, but without pioneering new maths, you dont give a shit about enjoying life anymore
  59. >After hours of assisting you, she dismisses you
  60. >Bump into her Abacus
  61. >She flies into a rage
  62. >DO YOU LIKE KIWIS?
  63. "No I.." you start flying
  64. >"CAN YOU CALCULATE YOUR TRAJECTORY TO THE FUCKING SUN YOU ARROGANT FUCKING ASSHOLE" she bellows
  65. >Flies to the sun
  66. >Cant die
  67. >In a eternal cycle of burning and regenerating your flesh only to have it burn as you regenerate
  68. >Only the dead can know peace from this evil
  69.  
  70.  
  71. >revived from the sun by Celestia to solve the impossible
  72. >Try and solve how Pinkie Pie can work in transdimensional means
  73. >Year 1: You know that math won't be able to give a precise answers, so you seek to simply approximate
  74. >Year 2: Using probability and Topology, you map out a series of transdimensional tubes that she might take
  75. >Year 3: Apply game theory/behavior mathematics to Pinkie Pie's behaviors, have to invent a new logic system just to represent it
  76. >Year 4: Finish, present work, ready self for last day on this god forsaken plant
  77. >She looks over the work
  78. >"Nice nice...but you made approximations using limits, we wanted exact answers" she said
  79. >She shoves 4 Books made just for calculating Pinkie Pie in a fire
  80. >Look at work
  81. >Tear drop forms in eye
  82. >"Enjoy the sun" she says as she sends you back to wince you came
  83.  
  84. >Burning forever at the core of the sun
  85. >Celestia appears and starts throwing kiwis at you
  86. >you would cry but you know, tears dont last long in the sun
  87. >Two other Alicorns appear
  88. >Its Luna and Cadence
  89. >They start throwing Kiwis at you also
  90. >"HAHA! THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED!" cries Luna
  91. >Doubled implies a value multiplied by 2
  92. >However, this implies that 1*2=3
  93. >But thats fucking wrong
  94. >That's fucking wrong
  95. >That's fucking wrong
  96. >That's fucking wrong
  97. >That's fucking wrong
  98. >That's fucking wrong
  99. >That's fucking wrong
  100. >That's fucking wrong
  101. >That's fucking wrong as they throw Kiwis at you laughing...laughing at you
  102.  
  103. >Still at the core of the sun
  104. >3 Alicorns appear in front of you
  105. >Oh great its the disproportionate retribution trio
  106. >You would greet them but, you know, no vocal cords and oxygen
  107. >"Anon, how has thou gotten all of us pregnant?" says Luna
  108. >wut
  109. >"Y..Yeah how did you do it" Candace speaks
  110. >Love to argue but no voice
  111. >But how? Impregnation is impossible, if Alicorn biology even conformed to the standard earth system, their chromosomes must be of a different number
  112. >They leave
  113. >Spend the next 18 years thinking about it...you think
  114. >Still have no idea
  115. >One day 3 Adolescent Alicorns appear
  116. >They yell and call me names
  117. > Basically "I hate you human dad" for not being their for them
  118. >If they got any DNA from me, they got all the retarded bits and pieces
  119. >Leave
  120. >Come back every 4 months or so to air grievances
  121. >12 years of this later
  122. >Thought process has degenerated
  123. >Where you could easily do non-euclidean geometry is replaced with one sentience
  124. >They come around again to hate on their so called 'human dad'
  125. >only one thing goes on in your mind
  126. >KILL ME
  127. >KILL ME
  128. >KILL ME
  129. >KILL ME
  130. >KILL ME
  131. >KILL ME
  132. >KILL ME
  133. >KILL ME
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