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One Shots

By: LatemanParodius on Aug 7th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 4.41 KB  |  hits: 51  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Day A7F22 in Equestria
  2. >I went downstairs to make myself breakfast.
  3. >Silver Spoon was laying on my table on her back, giving those bedroom eyes.
  4. >Every piece of silverware I own was stuffed in her gaping horse vagina.
  5. >"Don't you want something to eat breakfast with, Anon?" she asks in a husky tone.
  6. >I think I'll go to a restaurant for breakfast today.
  7. >I grab my hat and coat, then walk out the door.
  8. >...moments later, I hear a rattling coming from behind me as I walk down the street.
  9. >I look back.
  10. >The grey pony smiles back, then blushes as a ladle falls out behind her.
  11. >...fucking Silver Spoon...
  12.  
  13. ---
  14.  
  15. >Day Rutabaga in equestria
  16. >Calmly eating lunch in a high class restaurant and reading a newspaper.
  17. >This soup is awesome.
  18. >put down paper, reach for spoon
  19. >404, spoon not found.
  20. >I put it right there!
  21. >There's another pony at my table now.
  22. >Silver Spoon smiles eagerly at me, a squee-ish sound escaping from her.
  23. >Three guesses where my spoon probably wound up.
  24. >Fucking Silver Spoon.
  25.  
  26. ---
  27.  
  28. >Day something in that place
  29. >My piano has gone out of tune.
  30. >I went to get my tuning fork, and found a letter in its place.
  31. >I pound on the door to Silver Spoon's house.
  32. >She answers the door.
  33. >"Why, Anonymous! Whatever could bring you here?" she coquettishly greets, blush on her cheeks.
  34. "Dammit, Silver Spoon. A tuning fork is not flatware!"
  35. >There is a perfect F note as something hits the floor.
  36. >Fucking Silver Spoon.
  37.  
  38. ---
  39.  
  40. >Day flex in equestria
  41. >See Pinkie.  She waves.
  42. >I flex at her and give a slight thrust.
  43. >She should be called Crimson Pie now.
  44. >I walk some more.  Carrot top is at her stall, selling her crops.
  45. >I pause in front of her, flexing marvelously.
  46. >She stares for a good while, then blushes and looks thoughtfully at one of her carrots.
  47. >Strolling onward, I roam onstage at some speech Mayor Mare is giving.
  48. >I flex, drawing a gasp from the crowd.  A few more poses, and they're whistling.  I move on, the mayor just thinking she's giving a really well received speech.
  49. >Finally, I pause in front of the flower trio.  With a smile, I give a MIGHTY FLEX!
  50. >The three scream and start running away, accompanied with screams of 'the horror!'
  51. "Ehh.  You can't win 'em all."
  52.  
  53. ---
  54.  
  55. >Day loitering in that one place
  56. >I put on a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt, and a leather jacket I brought from earth.
  57. >I slick my hair back and put on a pair of shades.
  58. >I then go and stand outside Sugar Cube Corner, leaning against it in my most thuggish manner, complete with cigarette.
  59. >I start cleaning my nails with a pocketknife.
  60. >Ponies start approaching, lock eyes with me, then suddenly find reasons to approach a different store.
  61. >The Cakes wonder what caused this day to be so terrible for business for the rest of the year when they look at their business ledgers.
  62.  
  63. ---
  64.  
  65. >Day popularity in Equestria.
  66. >It's my first day of school since I got dropped in this place.
  67. >Like, Miss Bon-Bon?  She totally gave me a place to stay.
  68. >I stay away from the school for a little while to watch.
  69. >I quickly see that this grey filly and this pink filly are the ones that call the shots.
  70. >I skip over to them.
  71. "Like... oh my gosh!  That little tiara is soooo wonderful!"
  72. >"Isn't it, though?" brags the pink one as she turns to me.  She looks me up and down.  "I've never seen you before."
  73. "Pshuh.  I fell into some weird glowy thing or some junk.  Now I'm in this place with ponies and stuff."  I wave a hand.  "Can you believe it?  I'll, like... never get to go back home an junk?  So I'll be coming to school here.  I thought I'd introduce myself to some ponies that didn't look like complete LOSERS, ya know?"
  74. >The grey one looks me over suspiciously through her glasses.
  75. >She then glances to the pink one.  They nod to each other.
  76. >"I know, right?  Can you believe there's three in this class that don't even have their cutie marks yet?"
  77. "Ugh, SUCH an embarrassment.  If my kind got cutie marks, I'd totally have gotten mine ages ago.  I mean, can you even IMAGINE how embarrassing that must be?"
  78. >"I know, right?"
  79. >"There should be some kind of rule or something."
  80. "Totally."
  81. >We share a smile.
  82. "Like, I'm Anonymous.  You can call me Anne."
  83. >"I'm Diamond Tiara, and this is Silver Spoon.  I'm sure we'll have lots of fun together, Anne," introduces the pink one.
  84. >I give a skin-deep smile.
  85. "We'll all be BEST friends."
  86. >They nod.
  87. >"Best friends," they agree in the same tone.
  88. >This place may not be too bad after all.
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