Title:           Day No Idea in Equestria
Author:          LasagnaPony
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/xftNdSHE
First Edit:      Thursday 2nd of May 2013 07:50:22 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 2nd of May 2013 07:50:22 PM CDT

>Day No idea in Equestria.
>You are anon and you have no idea what the fuck is going on.
>Twilight invited you and Fluttershy to her house for some reason.
>You thought it was an attempt to get you together with Fluttershy but that wasn't the case.
>Twilight invented some machine and wanted you to witness its effects.
>Twilight is currently telling you about her machine.
>”So this machine is supposed to speed up the process in which trees and bushes absorb nutrients.”
“Yeah yeah, just get on with it so I can get away from this rapist here.
>Twilight gives you look of disbelief before continuing.
>”Fine, but you should really stop telling those lies.”
“Yeah, yeah whatever.”
>Twilight starts the machine.
>The machine jumps around like crazy and makes all types of noises.
>Finally it lets out a huge wave around the entire room and passes through the walls.
>Fluttershy jumps as the wave passes through her and fly directly into your crouch.
“Okay is it done now.”
>You get up, brush off Fluttershy, and head for the door.
>Just as you approach the door, you get a whiff of something you haven't smelled in ages.
“I-It can't be.”
>Fluttershy and Twilight take notice of your strange behavior.
>”What wrong Anon?” they both ask in unison.
>You remain speechless as you open the door.
>Your life has never been more complete then it has been at this moment.
>On every tree, in every bush.
>You see something you have been longing for ever since you came to Equestria.
>Meat.
>It cant be true.
>It just can't.
>Chicken, steaks, even duck.
>You don't even like duck.
>You grab a big sirloin off of Twilight's house and inspect it.
>It is cooked to perfection.
“This has got to be a dream.”
>You take a small bite and savor the flavor.
>A single tear flows down your cheek.
“It's real.”
“IT'S REAL!”
>You start running around and eating like a mad man.
>Tears of joy are running down your face.
>You see Roseluck crying while holding a piece of prime rib
>“My precious rose! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!”
>You run up to the prime rib and munch down on it before Roseluck can even think
>”MY ROSE! HOW COULD YOU?”
>You are far gone by the time Roseluck got that out.
> A familiar sound rings through the air.
>Following the sound you come across a tree.
>Not just any tree.
>A screaming lobster tree.
>Thank you based Celestia.
>Approaching the tree, you grab a lobster as soon as it stops screaming.
>Gotta make sure the lobster is cooked to perfection.
>Ponies around you are shrieking in horror.
>Some of them are vomiting.
>No fucks are given this day.
>You munch down on your lobster and continue on your meat eating spree.
>You return home with a wheelbarrow of meat.
>You almost let go of your wheelbarrow once you see the glorious tree outside your yard.
>A bacon tree.
>Tears of joy flow down your cheek as the you make your way to the tree.
>You grab a piece of steaming bacon goodness.
>Admiring the piece of dead pig in front of you take a bite.
>Apples.
>THE BACON TASTES LIKE FUCKING APPLES.
>You take a look back at the bacon.
>It’s a fucking apple.
>Glancing back at your wheelbarrow of meat.
>Vegetables.
>Fluttershy flies up to you in your state of shock.
>”Anon! I have been looking for you everywhere.”
>You don't even take your eye off what used to be your beloved bacon strip.
>You barely make out words to Fluttershy.
“W-what happened?”
>Fluttershy looks confused at first, but she eventually understands what you mean.
>”I got Twilight to reverse the effects of her machine! I saw you crying once you left her house, so I helped her fix her machine!”
>She must of thought your tears of joy were tears of anguish.
>This pony.
>”So do you want to do it?”
>No one will understand true sadness like you.
>For on that day you died a little inside.
>All because of
>Fucking Fluttershy.