Capt'n Anon

>You sit on your veranda, on a sunny spring afternoon.

>Ahh, that's life.

>You take your pipe out of your pocket and begin to stuff it with tobacco.

>Only the finest for you.

>As you are stuffing your pipe, you see three small ponies run towards you from the distance.

>You get your spyglass out of your bag to further inspect your unexpected visitors.

>Ah, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and... what was that orange one called?

>Scootydoodles?

>Something like that.

>You hear them scream from afar.

>"UNCLE ANON! Uncle Anon!"

>They come running up to you and jump in front of you up and down, full of excitement.

>"Uncle Anon, we're on the search for our cutiemarks!"

>"Yeah! We're trying to get our cutiemark in sailing!"

>"CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS SHIPCREW!"

>"So we thought maybe you could help us out with you being a Captain and all that."

"Ahoi fillies, yarr. Being a sailor takes more than just a boat."

>"What do you mean by that?" says Applebloom

"Arr, ", you begin, puffing your pipe,

"it takes great ingenuity and a will to survive on the sea. You know, I have a story. The story of how I got off a lonely island thanks to just me toothbrush."

>"Tell us uncle Anon!"

"Alright alright, just let me take my leg off."

>You reach down and take off your wooden leg.

"Alright fillies, it all began on a journey across the Atlantic."

>"What's an Atlantic?" asks Sweetie Belle.

"Yarr, it is one of the seven seas, matey."

"As I was saying, on said journey we sailed into a terrible storm. Arr, and what a storm it was."

"I was thrown of me boat, into the dark and stormy sea."

"All I had on me was me toothbrush, a trusty thing indeed."

"The sea had mercy, because she did not kill me but rather spit me out onto a desert island. Arr, what a desolate place it was."

"I was there, and had nothing to do, other than brush me pearly whites. So I brushed them day and night, you see."

>"What an odd thing to do."

"Let me finish, orange one. So it turns out sea ponies really dig guys with white teeth, y'know."

"Them fishhorses came swimming up to me with their shoo-be-doobens, and one of thems wanted to take me out on a date, yarr"

"I agreed, under the circumstance that they would bring me back to the mainland afterwards."

"And so they did, yarr. What a nice bunch of ponies."

>"That doesn't sound believable at all" says Applebloom.

"Arr shaddap you fillies, this sea bear has seen plenty o'unbelievable things in his time."

>You puff your pipe some more

>Damn, that sea pony was one sexy bitch.