Title:           First time with Derpy
Author:          Kitty-Pony
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/2TEKxfGP
First Edit:      Saturday 24th of March 2012 11:45:03 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 24th of March 2012 11:45:03 PM CDT

>Wake up.
>Where the hell...
>Oh teh noes, alcohol and painkillers didn't work so well this time.
>Get your ass the fuck up.
>Grab what you assume is your bag.
>Check what you have: 2 Lighters, some vodka, a machete (why is this not on my belt?), a few glow sticks, a water filter kit, and some... porn?
>The fuck did I even do last night?
>Did I go to a rave, kill someone inna woods, and jerk off afterwards?
>Ahh shit, well it can't be too bad right?
>Check self for injuries or items
>Multi-cam Pants, simple Gray Sleeve-less shirt, your dog-tags, and your fucking glasses thank fuck (you blind motherfucker).
>Get your shit together boy, and find somewhere good to sleep, maybe some goddamn food since you're starving.
>Good idea me.
>Barrel Roll until you reach a seemingly normal town
>whatcouldpossiblygowrong.ASCII
>Those aren't people... Ponies? Did I take acid now too?
>itbegins.wav
>Walk towards town cautiously with machete in hand in case of S.H.T.F. situation.
>Finally reach town.
>So far so good.
>Ponies seem content with staring at me as if I'm a fucking alien.
>Hey dick, you ARE an alien here.
>Trippingballs.gif
>Attempt to talk with one of the ponies.
>Fear?
>Nope.avi
>Anger?
>Nope.wmv
>Calm discussion begins about where I am, and what this place even is.
>Place: Equestria
>ohboy-
>Location: Ponyville
>-herewego.png
>Immediate reaction of relaxation.
>Either I'm in a coma so I'm fucked, or I'm actually on a planet with ponies as the primary sentient life.
>Ask if there is a house that I can spend some time in until I figure out what I'm going to do.
>At first apologetically reject due to no room.
>understandable.
>Suddenly out-of-fucking-no-where.
>Gray Pegasus with blonde mane and slightly off eyes.
>Seems fine so far.
>The Pegasus asks if I am new here and what I'm even doing here apparently so far from home (fucking hell, that's not even close to my level of fuck).
>Asks if I have somewhere to stay.
>Nope.avi
>Offers for me to stay in her home (by now I've been told her name is Derpy and that she is, in fact, female.).
>Accept and follow her home.
>Comfy, yet small bed.
>Everythingwentbetterthanexpected.tiff
>Set my bag by the head of the bed.
>Take off clothing to further inspect my condition.
>Nothing wrong with me.
>Suddenly a small Unicorn enters the room, presumably a family member of Derpy.
>Say hello.
>Receive hello and many questions.
>Answer as best I can.
>Cool so far.
>Dinky is done asking 8999 questions.
>She asks me how long I will be here.
>No clue.
>Not like I am in a rush to leave.
>You LIKE it here.
>You like the COMPANY here.
>It's better than the DIEING world I was in.
>She asks if it's alright to give you a hug.
>Sure why not.
>Dawwwmodeengage.jfif
>Lasts a minute.
>A single manly tear.
>You put your pants back on (what? ponies never even wear clothes) and fix up your room to your style.
>You go outside.
>You look for a place to get something to eat and drink.
>Simple carbonated drink and vegetables.
>Good stuff man.
>Go to the waters edge.
>Lay down and relax.
>Dazed and Confused starts playing in your head.
>Feelsgoodman.png
>Wake up.
>The hell...
>Oh right I'm in Ponyville.
>Begin to get up and notice a weight on your left arm.
>What is this feel.
>Derpy laying there with her front hooves on your arm.
>Dawwmode.jpg
>Stroke her mane.
>She opens her eyes enough to see you and she whispers to you.
How did you sleep?
>Just fine.
>Glad I had some company.
>She smiles and you both get up and walk back to her place.
>Wake up in a bed.
>Not the one Derpy gave you.
>It's soft and warm.
>Waitaminute.png
>You remember when you last woke up with Derpy on your...
>Yep, she's on your left arm again but also with a hoof on your chest.
>You wrap your arm around her and nuzzle in soaking in her warmth.
>She moans a bit and you can feel your leg getting damp.
>Bro you should stop right nao.
>shut up brain, I'm having fun.
>No! She is making this too easy and so are you.
>You nudge her awake and get up.
>She asks if something is wrong.
>No, just need some fresh air.
>She smiles and sets her head back down to sleep a bit longer.
>Feels like family man.
>Feels right man.
>You finish collecting your wits and shits.
>You walk back in and lay next to Derpy until she wakes up.
>All the while running your hand through her mane feeling every aspect of her to their full extent.
>She wakes up roughly an hour into your treatment.
>She smiles and asks you if she can give you a kiss.
>Sure Derpy.
>She gives you a nice long kiss and puts quite a bit of passion into it.
>You break the kiss and ask her an important question.
"So what do you think of me, the alien creature that you've allowed into your bed?"
>She looks stunned for a moment.
>She responds with a quick kiss and a very deliberate glance at Dinky at the other side of the bed, peacefully sleeping still.
I would like to have a special somep0ny, someone who I can spend time with, and help take care of Dinky, If you want to, I mean, I wouldn't want to force you.
>You smile and kiss her before wrapping her in a hug and responding with a simple "Yes".
>She hugs you tighter and you can feel her crying with joy.
>You know, for a fresh start, you didn't fuck this chance up.
>Bravo nec/k/beard /k/ommando.
>Bravo.
 
The End.
Your new friendly neighborhood Trip-Friend,
Kitty-Pony