Such is the Life of Bjorgman

GREENTEXTS

 

>Tomorrow is formal ceremony where Arendale will be receiving dignitaries from its closest allies

>Kristoff, now part of the Royal Family, is expected to attend in full formal attire

>"But I'm an Ice Harvester! I don't even HAVE a suit!"

>"Sure you do! It's in your wardrobe!"

>Kristoff eyes Anna suspiciously before going up to investigate

>Inside there's an exquisitely crafted, charcoal suit that fits him perfectly

>As in, absolutely perfectly

>The shoulders, the waist, the groin; everything is precisely right

>Literally no way it could have turned out this way without an incredibly detailed tailor finding his exact measurements

>"Anna, where did this suit come from?"

>"Elsa got it for you!"

>Close inspection reveals the cufflinks actually have his name in Troll Runes in clear yet impossibly small lettering carved into them

 

Such is the life of Bjorgman

 

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>At dinner the next day, Kristoff is seated beside Anna at the Royal Table, who is herself seated immediately to the right of Elsa

>As the servants go around refilling glasses of wine, Elsa pulls one aside, whispering something in his ear while motioning to Kristoff

>He nods and quickly walks

>EyebrowsFurrow.gif

>The meals are brought out not long after; everyone is given a plate of an exquisite looking pasta dinner

>Except for Kristoff, who has equally nice looking meal of fish

>"What's the deal with my food?" he whispers to Anna

>Elsa responds without looking up

>"They used almond oil when they were making the meal; you're allergic, so I made sure they had a suitable alternative for you. It's just as well; halibut is your favorite, isn't it?"

>EyebrowsContinueFurrowing.gif

>"Yeah, it is."

>"You never told me you were allergic to almonds." Anna whispers to him

 

Such is the life of Bjorgman.

 

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>All the foreign dignitaries have finally left

>For the first time in days, Kristoff can just be himself without having to worry about dressing well, or avoiding a faux paus, or maintaining the dignity and grace that Arendale deserves

>He can just be Kristoff, and that means having a beer and working on some ice carving with Sven

>The night air is cool and chills his skin, but he won't bother with a jacket if he can avoid it

>He hears shuffling behind him

>It's Elsa

>OhGodHereWeGo.png

>"Some evening ice carving?"

>"Just a bit. Nice to have a chance to unwind some."

>"Yes, I'm aware the last few days haven't been outside your comfort zone. But it's the expectation of the Royal Family to maintain decorum; that burden lies on you now."

>DrinkingIntensifies.jpg

>"That said, your efforts to maintain that standard have been noted. AND appreciated."

>She smiles at him

>Like, an actual, human smile

>At Him

>Kristoff

>And then she sits there

>Staring

>DrinkingResumes.jpg

>Kristoff tries to resume carving, but he's waiting for the shoe to drop

>'Not there; you'll want it 20 degrees sharper'

>'You'll want to focus on the head first; leave the foundation as it is.'

>'Anna has a much smaller waist; you're aware of that, aren't you?'

>"I'm not here to criticize you, you know." Elsa adds

>How the fuck does she do that?

>"Well, what does bring you out here?"

>"I don't know much about ice carving." she shrugs

>Doubt.jpg

>"Well, I've never exactly had the need."

>She leans back against a nearby tree as she sits

>"So I thought I might watch and learn a thing or two."

>Hesitation

>"I'm not sure there's much I can teach you..." Kristoff says sheepishly

>"Of course there is; I don't know everything."

>"....yeah, you actually do."

>She smiles, but doesn't deny it as she gestures him to continue carving

>Kristoff lets out a sigh, but can't help but smile himself as he resumes carving

 

It's not always terrible to be Bjorgman

 

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>It's deep into the evening when Kristoff returns home from harvesting ice

>He's not entirely sure how his business stays afloat, since the Queen can produce as much as she can imagine with a wave of her hand

>Of course, she also somehow sold the nobility that natural, "organic" ice is a quality luxury item

>Then she congratulated him on expanding his business horizons AND driving up the price of his commodity

>After she did all the work

>As usual

>Kristoff shakes his head and figures that work is work, even if he doesn't really need it now that he's Royalty

>He slips into the castle

>Reaches the door to the bedroom

>Takes a deep breath and tries to muster up whatever energy he has left to deal with the Sisters

>OhBoyHereWeGoAgain.jpg

>It's dead quiet

>Both Elsa and Anna are sound asleep

>They're not entangled in each others arms

>There's even more than a sliver of space between them

>Kristoff quickly strips down and jumps into bed

>Anna instinctively wraps her arms around him and moves her head up against his shoulder

>Pure Bliss

>"She wanted us to stay up for you, but I told her you'd be exhausted after a full day out on the ice"

>He looks up; Elsa hasn't even bothered to open her eyes while she's talking

>"Yeah, just a bit. Thanks; it was kind of a long day." he whispers back

>"I can imagine. Get some rest; I'm sure she'll be looking to make up for lost time in the morning."

>I'mOkayWithThis.jpg

>Kristoff closes his eyes and starts to drift to sleep

>"When the two of you do engage, however, let me know. It's time you start trying to produce an heir, and, misguided as it may be, male children command more respect. Colder room temperature increases the likelihood of a boy, so I'll chill the room accordingly when the time comes."

>Pause

>"I'll, uh, I'll make sure to do that, Elsa."

>"Great; good night, Kristoff!"

>"....Goodnight."

 

Such is the Night of Bjorgman

 

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>Early Morning when Kristoff finally wakes up

>No sign of Elsa, but Anna is standing there nude as she searches for an outfit

>EverythingWentBetterThanExpected.jpg

>"Good Morning."

>"Oh, you're awake! Way to join the land of the living there, sleeping beauty!"

>Kristoff scrambles out of bed and wraps his arms around his wife's bare hips

>"Well, I was just waiting for the proper incentive..."

>Anna laughs, but playfully pushes him away

>"Not now; I was just about to get into the shower!"

>pause

>"...unless you wanted to join me?"

>Yes.gif

>Clothes vanish as the couple rush to the bathroom

>Kristoff throws open the door with a flourish

>Elsa is sitting naked inside the spacious bathroom drying her hair

>"Good Morning Kristoff; trust you slept well after last night. VERY good use of tongue, I might add." She says matter of factually

>What is English?

>Anna runs past Kristoff, gives her sister a hug and climbs into the (glass door) shower

>"Kristoff, are you coming?

>ThisIsTheFutureYouChose.png

>Kristoff sheepishly slides into the shower

>His cares gradually drift away as he feels Anna's soapy, warm hands glide over his body...

>"That water should really be hotter; you've got to get some steam going to really clean effectively."

>Elsa's hand shoots in and turns the knob, prompting a barrage of lava

>"And Kristoff, please try to scrub your legs better. You're always skipping over your lower body."

>"Is he? Where?" Anna asks

>"Look right around the waist, see? And the upper thigh? It's just...here, hand me the loofah."

>Elsa proceeds to show Anna how to properly scrub down her husband

>Kristoff does not experience emotion until midway through lunch

 

Such is the morning of Bjorgman.

 

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>Breakfast time is Best time

>An entire cornucopia of bacon, sausage, pastries, eggs, breads, jams and pancakes lies on the table, waiting to be feasted upon

>Kristoff begins to shovel as much food as possible unto his plate

>"Kristoff, be careful not to use the Strawberry Jam," Elsa reminded him, "It'll give you indigestion for the whole day if you do."

>How the fuck does she do that?

>"Yeah, thanks," Kristoff replies, taking a bite out of a danish as he eyed his sister-in-law suspiciously. If she saw, she certainly didn't SEEM aware of it

>He lost his focus as Anna's arm shot across his field of vision, grabbing the strawberry jam jar

>"More for me then!"

>She stirred it a bit before taking the knife out and slowly licking the sweet concoction off

>"Mmmmmmm...."

>Soon.jpg

>"Anna, please try not to lick the silverware," Elsa sighed, "It's unsanitary."

>"Oh, I don't think it's that big of a deal," Anna replied, throwing a suggestive wink at Kristoff, "Do you dear?"

>"Uhhhh..."

>"Don't try manipulating him onto your side like that," Elsa shot back, "It's insulting to his intelligence, isn't it Kristoff."

>"Well-"

>"Oh, so I flirt a little with my HUSBAND, and suddenly I'm MANIPULATING him? I don't need to do that; he agrees with me anyway, don't you Kristoff?"

>"I mean-"

>"Well of course he's going to agree with you; I know for a fact that he doesn't care where you put his tongue, as the two of you remind me EVERY night..."

>"Alright, look, this is getting a bit-"

>"Oh, so we're gonna open THAT can of worms again, are we?"

>"Anna, you're shaking the table..."

>"Well, I'm sorry if I want to have good night's sleep in my bed for once!"

>"Oh, so now it's YOUR bed, is it? Kristoff and I are just guests of the Queen?"

>"Oh, don't go twisting my words around like that..."

>Kristoff gave up trying to intervine and focused on cramming as many pieces of bread and jam into his mouth as possible to avoid being asked for his opinion. Yet in just a few minutes...

>"Kristoff?"

>"Kristoff?!"

>"KRISTOFF!"

>"Alright, look, you want to know what I think?" Kristoff shot back, swallowing what was left in his mouth in one gulp, "Yeah, it's probably unsanitary to go licking knives. But it's not like she started rubbing her tongue all over it or something!"

>"No, but Kristoff-"

>"But at the same time, Anna, we ALL are sharing the silverware, so, I'm sorry, but it's pretty inconsiderate to go licking it when you know it has to be shared. Obviously, I don't care, but Elsa does. And that kinda goes for the bed too..."

>"Kristoff, we're not-"

>"I mean, if it were up to me, we'd have our own bed anyway, but that doesn't really seem to be working out, so until then, and trust me, it hurts to say this, you've gotta respect that other people have their own needs for sleep and comfort and-"

>"KRISTOFF!"

>"What?!?" he said, throwing a wife an exasperated look

>"That toast you just ate had strawberry jam on it," Elsa said, head in her hands, "By my count, you've got about 45 seconds to find the nearest bathroom."

>50 seconds later, Kristoff was wondering how she always does that

 

Such is the Breakfast of Bjorgman

 

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>"...so, long story short, Mom and Dad had to replace the entire pipe system, and I learned a very important lesson about not mixing bathtubs and ice powers."

>Kristoff, Anna and Elsa all shared a laugh as the three of them enjoyed the glow of the warm fireplace. It was one of those cherished evenings where Elsa and Anna weren't weighed down in royal duties and the Ice Business wasn't taking up any of his time

>Cherished nights that reminded Kristoff that the whole setup he had with Anna and her sister might not have been normal, but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing either

>"Ugh, remind me to voice some grievances at your next 'family' reunion, Kirstoff," Anna said, playfully jamming her elbow into her husband's ribs as she rested on against his chest, "I don't remember ANY of these stories! Anything else like that ever happen?"

>"Not like that, no," Elsa said quizzically, scratching her head as she went through childhood memories, "You were always in the tub with me, so I had to be extra careful not to lose control of my powers or anything. Having you there helped."

>"D'aww, Sis," Anna replied, and Kristoff couldn't help but smile at the loving looks the two exchanged, "God, that was so long ago. We haven't shared a tub in ages."

>"Yeah, we used to do it every day," Elsa said, staring into the mug of hot chocolate she was holding, "We should really try it again sometime."

>"How about tonight?" Anna perked up.

>A chill went down Kristoff's spine

>"Uh, excuse me," he interjected, trying to squash this before it began, "but if anyone's going to be sharing a bathtub with my wife, I think it's going to be me!"

>The two sisters gave him a confused look

>"Well, duh," Anna said, eyebrows arched.

>"Whoever said you weren't invited to join, Kristoff?" Elsa added, tilting her head to the side a bit

>RollFailed.gif

>"ANYWAY, we should go try it now," Anna said, "We used to spend hours in there together! It was so much fun!"

>"Sounds good to me," Elsa said, getting up from her chair and stretching a tad, "A nice, long soak is EXACTLY what I need to unwind after a long day of diplomacy."

>It'sHappening.png

>The two sisters exchanged excited looks and began to walk out the room, conversing about how much fun it was going to be and how many bubbles to use and whether or not they still had that old toy boat an-

>"Kristoff, are you coming?" Anna asked, peaking her head back around the corner and looking at her silent husband

>Pause

>Well, best not to look a gift horse in the mouth

>"Yeah, I'll be right up."

>She flashed a huge grin and dashed out of sight

 

Such is the night of Bjorgman

 

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PROSE

 

        "You realize I might literally be the least qualified person for this, right?" Kristoff asked as he nervously adjusted his bowtie, "Why am I going out to talk to the foreign dignitaries again?"

 

        "Because, you are now a member of the Royal House of Arendale, and, as such, the expectations to uphold the Honor of our Kingdom at all times and amongst all people are upon you," Elsa reminded him, standing up and brushing away his hands as she adjusted his bowtie herself. She looked up at him with a soft smile after she finished. "Expectations we know you will both meet and exceed with no problem."

 

        Kristoff looked down at the Queen's smile for a moment as she reassuringly laid her hand on his shoulder.

 

        "Alright, but seriously, why am I the one meeting the foreign dignitaries again," he asked, this time looking past Elsa to her younger sister sitting at the rear of the dressing room.

 

        "Because Elsa's gotta meet the other Heads of State and I'm stuck receiving the Apology Convoy from the Southern Isles," Anna shrugged, ignoring her sisters frown, "That makes you the next poor schmuck on Deck, I'm afraid. Cost of being a Royal!"

 

        "You could have warned me about that BEFORE you married me, you know," Kristoff sighed.

 

        "What, and give you an excuse to get cold feet? Given the chance, I would have joined you," she said, getting up and giving her husband a playful kiss on the cheek before looking at him with full, sympathetic eyes, "Seriously though, Elsa isn't wrong. This is NOTHING you can't handle. Just go out there and be yourself! Except, the best version of yourself. At all times. Always."

 

        "Are you sure YOU'RE ready to go out there, Anna?" Elsa asked with an unconvinced look as her Brother-in-Law let out an audible gulp, "Your communication skills don't exactly seem up to par today."

 

        "Please; the Southern Isles are lucky we even let them through the door," Anna scoffed.

 

        "Be that as it may, we have our dignity maintain. Apparently, they're afraid we might call our Allies in Corona into War. We have to put a stop to that before things get out of hand," Elsa sighed, though she relented as she gave her sister a playful look, "Of course, that doesn't mean they can't be left to sweat a little first."

 

        The sisters shared a laugh, and even Kristoff found the time to snicker at the thought of the 12 Brothers spending hours anxiously awaiting Anna's pardon. Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward and through his arms around the Princess and Queen.

 

        "So," he asked, lowering his head down to face-level, "What are the odds this won't be as bad as I think?"

 

        "Absolutely zero," Elsa relented.

        "None whatsoever," Anna sighed.

 

        "Perfect," Kristoff replied giving each sister a hearty slap on the shoulder as he stood back up, "At least I know what I'm getting into!"

 

        "Are you ready?" Anna asked.

 

        "As I'll ever be," he said, "Although tomorrow we're spending the day in the Mountains. Agreed?"

 

        "Sounds perfect to me," Elsa admitted.

 

        "Well, then let's get this over with!" Anna announced as she threw open the doors.

 

        >Such is the Life of Bjorgman

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        "So did you really have to grow up out here all alone?" Anna asked inquisitively, her hands dramatically sweeping the landscape of the Western Mountains as she did so,

 

        "Well, not ALL alone! I had Sven!" Kristoff corrected enthusiastically, rubbing the smiling reindeer's mane affectionately, "Plus, I had my family with me! They were always around?"

 

        "Trolls are nocturnal though, aren't they? They go into hibernation during the day," Elsa added gently, "That still left you without anyone to talk to from sunup to sundown."

 

        "Well, okay, yeah," the (former) Mountain Man admitted, though he quickly adopted a sly grin as he gestured to the panoramic view before them, "But hey, if you had to pick a place to be alone in..."

 

        The two sisters had to give the Ice Harvester credit; it was the first time in years the two of them had ventured into the Mountains during the Summer Months, and the landscape was nothing short of breathtaking. With Elsa's Winter nothing but a distant memory, the whole outdoors had exploded into a symphony of life and color. And Kristoff seemingly had an intimate knowledge of the entire geography, taking them to explore every hidden glade and hillside.

 

        "You've got that right, buddy," Olaf announced, lying on his back in front the log the trio were sitting on. If not for the perpetual snow-cloud over his head, you'd swear the snowman was trying to work on a tan, "THIS is what I was talking about when I said 'Summer'!

 

        "But still, didn't you get lonely?" Anna interjected, wrapping her slender arm around her husband, "I mean, even when I was cooped up in the castle, I still had my parents, and the servants, and even Elsa for a little while...." The redhead trailed off for a bit at the end, shooting her sister and apologetic look, fearing she might have come off accusatory. For her part, the queen returned a soft, apologetic smile of her own, which seemed to appease her younger sister. Kristoff couldn't help but grin as well.

 

        "Eh, I guess so, every now and then, but to be honest, it never really occurred to me." Kristoff shrugged, although he still made sure to wrap his arm around his wife's waist, "I mean, it's just how you grow up, you know? Never really occurs to you that it should be something else. It's just...well, uh...."

 

        "You don't have anything to compare it to," Elsa finished for him, resting her own hand on his shoulder affectionately, "You don't realize how cold it feels to be alone until you feel how warm it is to be around everyone else."

 

        "Sounds about right," Kristoff replied, for once not caring that the blond-haired girl had once again seemed to peer into her thoughts as he gave her an understanding look.

 

        "Well, hate to be the one to ruin getting lost in the great outdoors for you, but you're stuck with me now," Anna teased, although she still pulled herself close to him as she buried her head in his cheat.

 

        "And as much as I hate to pile on, you're always gonna have me around too," Elsa added, her hands squeezing Kristoff's own as she grinned from ear to ear.

 

        "Make it three, pal!" Olaf exclaimed, getting up from the ground and wrapping his arms around the man's leg, "You're my bestest summer buddy, after all!"

 

        With a soft thump, Kristoff suddenly became aware of something landing on top of him. Looking up, he saw that Sven had walked up and affectionately placed his head over his own. 'You know I'm always gonna be here for you', Kristoff could practically hear him say.

 

        Completely surrounded by his friends, Kristoff breathed in deeply as he looked out into the landscape he had called "Home" for so long. With a growing warmth in his chest, he realized that, just maybe, that definition was in need of changing.

 

        "Well, it's obvious what needs to happen," Anna finally said after a few moments, looking up at her husband lovingly.

 

        "What's that?" He responded playfully.

 

        "We're all going to have to spend a LOT more time together!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together excitedly, "The five of us don't do nearly enough together!"

 

        "I mean, I appreciate the sentiment, Anna, but I don't really want to be a bother o-"

 

        "That's actually not a bad idea, Anna," Elsa said, turning to face the countryside, "Days like this remind me that I'm wasting too much of my time buried in those diplomacy meetings. I've really been neglecting my time with the two of you!"

 

        "Okay, let's not go getting carried awa-"

 

        "Uh, hello; snowman present," Olaf added in, "Can't help but feel a bit left out of the little trio forming!"

 

        "Oh, don't be silly Olaf! You're welcome to join too!" Anna grinned, reaching down to embrace him, "Of course you're gonna be there too! We're gonna be spending every day together after all!"

 

        Kristoff exchanged a look with Sven as the Sisters and Snowman began to cobble together what sounded like an endless stream of plans. There was a time, he realized, that his four-hoofed friend was the only company in the world her ever wanted.

 

        "Maybe some things are meant to change," he reluctantly whispered to the reindeer. Sven smiled as nudged Kristoff back over towards the others.

 

        >Such is the Life of Bjorgman

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