Olaf the Jaded, Alcoholic Snowman

        "Anna, we've been out here for hours; we should really set up camp before the sun sets," Kristoff said, trying his best not to reveal his exhaustion in his voice, "Besides, we're not gonna be able to find your sister if we're frozen solid anyway."

 

        "Please, just a little while longer. There has to be SOME clue out here," Anna pleaded with huge eyes. In truth, she was getting exhausted as well, but she couldn't give up on her sister! She scanned her surroundings desperately, jumping up as something caught her eye in the distance.

 

        "Look, over there! It's a snowman!" She exclaimed, grabbing Kristoff's arm enthusiastically, "Someone has to be nearby!"

 

        "Someone who doesn't know much about making snowmen, apparently," Kristoff grumbled, inspecting the stout little construct with a keen eye as Anna called out in search of its creator. The snow looked dirty, the eyes were askew and in it's knotted branches was a glass of what looked like brown water, "Saddest looking thing I've come across..."

 

        "Excuse me," Olaf responded, blinking open his eyes, "But do I walk up to you and insult your ugly mug while you're taking a nap?"

 

        Anna let out a shriek and Kristoff couldn't help himself from stepping back a few paces as the snowman lurched to life. He muttered something under his breath and rubbed his head, apparently in pain.

 

        "Y-you're alive," Anna finally squeeked out.

 

        "Yeah, and more than a little hung over. So if you could stop with the screaming, that'd just be swell," he responded, opening his eyes and raising an eyebrow at their confusion, "Look, the name's Olaf, and I-"

 

        "Like cold scotch." Anna interjected, a wave of remembrance and nostalgia suddenly washing over her. Elsa had always been a tad....cynical, as a child, and there was no mistaking her handiwork.

 

        "Ha, you're damn right I do, Red," Olaf said, taking a swig of the drink in his glass, either missing or just ignoring the far off tone in her voice, "Little Hair of the Dog is usually all I need to get going."

 

        "Where's a snowman even GET scotch out here?" Kristoff asked quizzically as his companion tried to get a hold of herself.

 

        "Wandering Oaken's Trading Post," Olaf answered, staring into his glass as he swirled the scotch, "He's a man of few questions, but I'm pretty sure he waters down his product. Crook."

 

        "THANK YOU!"

 

        "Kristoff, not now," Anna said, giving the man a shove, "Look....Olaf, d-did my Sister Elsa make you? Do you know where she is?"

 

        "You mean the blond-haired chick shooting out snow and hitting the high-notes," he asked, taking Anna's shrug as an affirmative, "Yeah, she threw me together outside that schnazzy ice palace of hers. Not that I ever got an invite inside...."

 

        "That's perfect!" Anna exclaimed loudly, causing Olaf, Kristoff and Sven to all visibly cringe at the decibel of it, "That means you can take us to her, and I can talk to her and convince her to come home with us and end this Winter and then we can save Arendale and I can marry Hans and it'll all be perfect again!"

 

        "So, wait, let me see if I understand: You want me to show you where your Snow-Spouting Sister is so you can convince her to stop and bring back the Summer," Olaf asked, sighing at Anna's enthusiastic nodding, "Alright, well, let me consider my options here..."

 

        The snow man carefully placed his glass onto the snow and took a moment to breathe in deeply. Suddenly, his arms began to whirl around rapidly, firing off a torrent of snowballs at Anna and Kristoff.

 

        "What the hell are you doing?!?" Kristoff exclaimed, pulling Anna close to him and trying to cover their faces with his arms.

 

        "I'm trying to get you to GO HOME, BLONDIE!" Olaf shouted, not relenting with the barrage, "You know what happens to snowmen when the Winter Ends?!? It's not pleasant!"

 

        Olaf punctuated his comment with one last snowball before picking up his glass of scotch and beginning to shuffle away.

 

        "Wait, please!" Anna called out, chasing after her diminutive assailant, "You're are only hope to find her!"

 

        "Well, then I guess you're SOL, huh Red?" Olaf told her, turning around one last time and giving her the most aggravated look he could muster, "You want a happy ending, you and Hans over there go back home and start up a snow boot empire."

 

        "H-He isn't Hans," Anna told him, a confused look on her face.

 

        "But you said you were getting all set to marr-Ohhhhhhh," Olaf exclaimed, a sudden look of realization on his face as he turned his view to Kirstoff, "Oof, tough break there kid. Today just ain't your day, huh?"

 

        "Look, please," Anna said, shaking off Olaf's comments as she stared into the snowman's eyes, "Elsa is my Sister, and I love her. But I'm afraid that she might be in danger, and if I don't get there soon....well, I don't know what might happen. I know it doesn't sound great for you, but I'm sure we can work something out! Just please, please don't let me lose my sister...."

 

        Olaf stood silent for a few minutes, breathing deeply as the gears in his head seemed to be working over time. Silently, he finished off the remainders of his scotch and threw the glass backwards over his shoulder. Anna and Kristoff exchanged nervous glances, and both were on the verge of saying themselves when the snowman finally responded.

 

        "Goddammit. God-fucking-Dammit," Olaf sighed as he slowly began to trudge past the pair, still frozen in place. He got a few yards ahead when he finally turned around and gestured them forward, "Well, are you two yokels coming or not?"

 

        "B-But that the way we came in the first place!" Anna said as she rushed forward.

 

        "I know, but if I'm gonna do this, I'll need some supplies," Olaf told her, "Oaken might be a cheap crook, but his scotch is still the only stuff in town..."