Pastebin launched a little side project called HostCabi.net, check it out ;-)Don't like ads? PRO users don't see any ads ;-)
Public Pastes

Anon Sniffs Everything (with narration by PaleNarrator)

By: JazzTeeth on Mar 31st, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 6.45 KB  |  hits: 638  |  expires: Never
download  |  raw  |  embed  |  report abuse  |  print
Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)
  1.     http://soundcloud.com/p-332/sniff-something-drastic - PaleNarrator's bitchin' dramatic reading for more depraved pony goodness!  Perfect for kicking back on rainy days and smoking cigars!
  2.  
  3. >Day 178 in the Year of Our Princess Two Thousand and Twelve
  4.     >You are Anonymous
  5.     >And you can't stop smiling
  6.  
  7.     >Seriously, you can't fucking stop, you sniffed at a pile of Twilight's laundry and now your facial muscles won't loosen
  8.     >She stepped out for a few hours and asked if you could mind the library. You asked her why Spike couldn't watch her precious book vault, but she just laughed
  9.     >He would probably just like...try to eat them or something
  10.     >dumbass dragon
  11.     >You tried to grab his attention, pantomiming your distress, but he's just staring at you and eating all the ice cream.
  12.     >Your face is really freaking sore.
  13.     >You try sniffing other things.
  14.  
  15. >You look around the library
  16. >Her copy of letters to Celestia! That should do something.
  17. >SNORT
  18. >Like...warm cinammon. You can feel your muscles relaxing into its neutral almost-frown.
  19. >Then your shoulders hike up like frankenstein. Good job. Retard
  20. >You go for her quillstand and start huffing. Smells a lot like Rainbow Dash, go figure
  21. >The shoulders loosen, but now your legs turn into spaghetti, causing your head to bash into her hardwood floor
  22. >Spike is still staring. He still gives no fucks
  23.  
  24. >So there you are, a fucking cripple with a headache lying uselessly on the floor for the passive amusement of a useless dragon in crayola cartoon horse land.
  25. >You miss your mom. You miss your brother and your sister.
  26. >"Hey Spike?"
  27. "Yeah?"
  28. >"I fucking hate you. Just thought I should say that."
  29. "Noted."
  30. >You huff again.
  31. >Uh-oh.
  32. >Your legs straighten out and your propelled into an upright position by your raging boner.
  33.  
  34.  
  35. >You stand at attention. Or your penis is. In fact, this is the most attention its ever paid to anything. It may be the single most focused non-sentient entity in all of Equestria.
  36. >You marvel at its power.
  37. >Spike is staring at your battering ram, it straining against the mortal fabric of your pants
  38. >The spoon has fallen from his mouth
  39. >Fuck, this thing is really getting sore. This is no ordinary boner. It was just pure hardness, no actual arousal. Your testicles were jimmied as hell.
  40. >You're not really enjoying it at all. You had a laptop with 30 gigs of quality human pr0n on it, but the batteries died out six months ago. Research into an alternate power source were still ongoing.
  41. >You still need to get to a normal state
  42. >You REALLY didn't want twilight to find you like this
  43. >She might get the p0nies to steal your house again and banish you back to the field.
  44. >That creepy fucking field.
  45.  
  46. >Your eyes scan the room.
  47. >This will only be remedied by sniffing something drastic
  48. >Fucking weird human allergic reactions
  49. >Spike is still staring at you, eating ice cream
  50. >You look at him
  51. >He looks at you
  52. >You launch yourself into the air screaming "HENSHIN A GO GO!" as he panics and scurries off.
  53. >Soon shelves are getting tipped over, books are being thrown around
  54. >but you snag the bastard
  55. >"Hahaha, got you, ya scaly fuck!"
  56. >He belches green flame
  57. >There is a sudden heat and the sound of your ass being hurled through a thousand ethereal doors and you slam against a cold stone floor, eyes closed and cursing the earth.
  58. "Anon."
  59. >Eyes open. Oh fuck. It's HER.
  60. >"Hello...Princess Celestia."
  61. "You shouldn't fight with Spike."
  62. >"But I have a boner and only he can fix it."
  63. >She looks at your Tower of Isengard.
  64. >You and your boner are quickly magicked back to the library.
  65.  
  66.  
  67. >You probably shouldn't have tried smelling her
  68. >But that doesn't matter, Spike is now struggling in your hands once gain, his face away form your body
  69. >You hold him close
  70. >"I need you, Spike."
  71. >The small dragon is kicking and screaming, but your superior human strength is no match for him.
  72. >"Only through joining can you relieve me."
  73. >SNORT!
  74. >Like...a thousand year old jolly rancher.
  75. >Your ceramite boner dissipates
  76. >You smile.
  77. >And once again find that you can't stop smiling.
  78. >"GOD EMPEROR DAMMIT!" You yell as you toss Spike away. He immediately scampers off into the second floor of the library.
  79. >The library entrance door opens
  80. >Oh fuck.
  81. >It's Twilight.
  82.  
  83. >Oh no. Oh no. No. Nononononoonno. No.
  84. >"Hi" The library looks like a shit tornado paid a visit
  85. >She looks at you disapprovingly.
  86. "Did you smell my laundry?"
  87. >You nod. Your eyes speak of horrors untold. Your teeth look great, however.
  88. "HE WAS SMELLING ME"
  89. "Did you smell spike?"
  90. >You nod again.
  91. >She shakes her head and smiles softly, walking close to you.
  92. >Aw fuck, here it comes.
  93. "Sixth time this month, and you still haven't learned."
  94. >Maybe she'll banish you to the field. You really hope she'll banish you to the field.
  95. >She nuzzles you on the nose and giggles softly. You close you eyes and just hope its over quickly.
  96. "Your dumb sometimes, but it's kinda cute."
  97. >She kisses you once.
  98. >Your muscles relax.
  99. >She kisses you gain. Her lips are warm and they taste sweet, like...not quite like a thousand year old jolly rancher, but its still pretty banging. You kiss back, but only a little bit
  100. >The smile is gone, but you can feel the boner coming back.
  101. >You hate this monster that you've become. You really wish your laptop still worked. Honest to Celestia titties would be the best thing for you right now.
  102. >Twilight pulls away and rubs her head beneath your chin. Her mane is soft and smells like grape kool-aid
  103. >You missed kool-aid.
  104. "Now get out of here before I throw a pillowcase over your head."
  105.  
  106. >You scurry home.
  107. >You lock the doors
  108. >You climb up onto your roof
  109. >And you scream blasphemies at Luna's moon for hours on end.
  110. >"STOP IT!" "LEAVE ME ALONE" "I WANT MY LAPTOP BACK!"
  111. >They don't listen, however. They never do. The p0nies think its funny, though.
  112. "Can you sing a song, Anon?
  113. "Your voice carries really well, Anon!"
  114. "Show us our cock, Anon!"
  115. >Once your larynx can take no more, you eventually make your way back downstairs and lock the doors to your room.
  116. >You throw your head into a pillow and cry, you cry spaghetti noodles and you just don't stop
  117. >You begin to masturbate furiously, proclaiming your hate for this world, for p0nies, and how they've turned you into a desperate monster.
  118. >Eventually your seed is wasted onto your bedsheets, which you toss into a corner. Fuck it, you'll just sleep on a bare mattress.
  119. >You hug your pillow close, sniffling lightly.
  120. >You hope you get to see Twilight again tomorrow.
create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data