Title: Bits and Pieces Author: JargonScott Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/VKvgXQiX First Edit: Friday 10th of October 2014 12:03:12 AM CDT Last Edit: Friday 10th of October 2014 12:03:12 AM CDT Hello there. Can I tell you a secret? On /mlp/, I'll sometimes drop into one of those "Cadence face" threads where she says something like "HEY ANON, I DID SOMETHING!" And I'll write something based on what's in the OP It's pretty fun, and also how I come up with http://pastebin.com/75vzF0Cj and http://pastebin.com/GmcBhgWQ this is a collection of the smaller things I've done   ------   OP: I'M ON MY PEROID, ANON!   "Cadence, you can't be on your period." >does she even know how her body works? >she may be a little cutie, but she is still kind of a doofus "Horses don't have a menstr-" >"No Anon, it's a magic period." >what? "Magic period?" >"Yep. My horn is going to be very sensitive and shoot magic for a week." "Okay..." >"so watch out." >you didn't think about her being magic "Maybe you'll stop rubbing your horn on everything then." >"Hush. Also, I'm craving a pineapple, olive and chocolate pizza." "Ew... Those are not great tastes that taste great toge-" >"I said hush, Anon. And don't touch my wings. They feel bloated. And I need a hundred blankets." "A hundred..." >"Yes. For my blanket cocoon. I want to be comfy while I ride this out. >Anon had a look of concern >what was he about to get into... >"And don't let Shining Armor in here. He's going to be all 'oh, let me make it better for you honey, blah blah.' I don't want that. Tell him to go on vacation for a week." "Okay..." >"Tell him if I even catch a glimpse of him, I'll have him gelded." >Anon gulped >"oh and Anon, could you get me every pillow within a mile of this house, please?" "W-why?" >"I want to make a pillow fort!"   -----   OP: I ATE ALL THE COOKIES, ANON!   "Oh really now?" >"Yep!" >Anon made his way to the kitchen cabinet where the sweets were kept "Well, it appears you did" >the package of cookies was indeed empty >"I even ate all of 'em in the cookie jar too!" >she was levitating the jar upside down as proof "Well..." >time for Contingency Plan: C >Anon made his way to his bedroom and began to open his big safe >Cadence sat beside him smiling >he kept a lot of stuff in the big safe >valuables, trinkets from earth, an ungodly sum of bits, ammunition, various magical potions, those secret pictures... >but most importantly right now, a pack of chocolate cookies >his secret stash >he opened the safe, then opened the padlocked box, then the briefcase combination >and there they are, his... >empty pack of cookies >they... >they're gone. "WHAT?!?" >he spun to look at the princess sitting at his feet >"I don't think you understand, Anonymous." >she said in a serious tone while staring up at him, smiling >"I ate ALL the cookies." "I-in the house?" >"This house. Every house." >those big, intense eyes locked onto Anon >"There are no more cookies." "R-real-" >"Really Anonymous." >anon's eyes grew wide in fear >"And there will never be any more. They have been outlawed." "Why?" >"Crimes of deliciousosity" "But-" >"The bakeries have been shut down, all recipes burnt, and the bakers taken to the dungeons." >Anon stared at her in shock >they both stared at each other for the longest minute in silence >Cadence flopped onto her back with her hooves in the air >"Rub my belly Anon!" >she was back to her usual cheery tone >"I gots a tummy ache!"   ------   (Note: OP was a picture of Flitter) OP: LET'S PLAY BEYBLADE, ANON!   "Okay, flitter" >"Yay!" >Anon went to his drawer marked "beyblades" >he opened it *GASP* >all that was in the drawer was a note >elegant writing in glitter pen on pink paper >"Anonymous, borrowed your beyblades. Love ya" >and signed with a blue heart and a smiley face "AHHHHH!" >"What is it, Anon?" "CADENCE TOOK MY BEYBLADES!"   >Anon, with Flitter in his arms, burst through the main door of the crystal castle >he kicked it off its hinges >as it slid across the floor, he jumped on and rode it through the hall >he nollie tre flipped it right before skidding to a stop in front of her throne "CADENCE!" >he yelled while pointing to the regal chair > >it was empty >to the side of it was Cadence, sitting in the floor and giggling like a filly >her and Shining Armor were playing with anon's beyblades   Notes: I wanted to keep this going, but the thread had 404'd by the time I got back to it -Anon was going to find out that Cadence had put pink princess stickers on his prized beyblade -He was going to challenge Cadence to a beyblade fight -Cadence was going to reveal that she was the reigning beyblade champ of Equestria, holding the title in Ponyville, Canterlot and Cloudsdale -Anon was going to challenge her to a "Winner take all" scenario -Anon and Flitter Vs. Cadence and Shining -Flitter and Shining didn't really want anything to do with it -I had no idea what the arbitrary prize was going to be -no real idea of the winner either, it was probably going to be based on what the prize was -Overall, I just wanted this to be a silly short story   -------   OP: WAKE UP ANON! IT'S CHRISTMAS!   >you are startled out of what was a wonderful bit of snoozing by the princess' yelling "Cadence, what have I TOLD YO-" >looking around, you go silent as you notice all the decorations throughout your room >it may be august, but it looks like Christmas Eve at the north pole in your house >getting out of bed, you notice your old Rudolph blanket on your bed >along with Mr. Bear > you thought he was lost to the annals of time > or thrown away long ago >"Come on Anon!" The pink pony said grabbing your hand in her hooves, leading you through your own house > this candy colored mare had gone all out with decorating >the lights, the garland all the tinsel > and the tree, the cornerstone of this festive display, had to have a metric ton of ornaments on it > it would have made the White House tree look like it belonged in a trailer park > and underneath it was a bountiful lot of presents >each one ornately wrapped >and adorned with a tag that had "Anon" written on it in pink glitter pen "Is that..." >cadence had somehow set up your grandma's old Christmas figurine village set > that hadn't been put out since she passed >A familiar, nostalgically sweet smell filled your nose >is that ham? "Cadence, is that ham?" >"yup. Christmas ham!" She said >while you stood there, mouth agape the pony gently rested her head against your side >"Merry christmas, Anon" "Merry Christmas, Cadence"   -------   (what prompted this was talking about R63 mane6 and their "sizes")   "No, it's average!" >Dusk Shine said to his marefriend, worry starting to grow in his voice "I-I've measured the l-length and girth and compared to the average for equestrian unicorns, I fall right into the middle of the bell curve" >Dusk was confident, backed up by facts >I mean, you can't argue with hard facts > >...right? > >the look on the mare's face said otherwise "...o-okay" >Dusk could feel himself breaking into a sweat "M-maybe I- my..." >his confidence was waning >his voice trailing off into just above a whisper "Mayb- my g-girth might be... slightly b-below average..."   (I still kind of want to do a story with a not-well-endowed Dusk Shine and the rest of the mane6 are mares)   ------   (the shitdraft, one of the first things I wrote for the R63 thread. Yep, it was me)   >one day am butteredscotch is animaling the aminals >pink pies come up n sais "buttirscot sho mee ur weenir" "No pinks I an shy" >"puh-lease" pinker pots pleated "Ok" >prinnie pie lookd at butter shys pee pee >"Can touch?" Pin pit said "..." Butters said >"pinky gone touch" Popipo pie greb butters thing and gives hanjob "Pink, am gonna-" > the yellow stallion was cut off by a mighty orgasm that coated the poor pink mare's face in ropes upon ropes of his seed "I is sorry" >"it's great!" Pinks pied sayd   -------   There was also one I couldn't find, but it was about Cadence having a penis it was not a long story at all, it mostly went >"Anon, I have a penis. What should I do with it?" >anon looks at her >she indeed has one "go put it in the icebox" >she does it >she screams because it's cold