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Slutty Ponies (02/04/13)

By: IntoTheVoid on Jul 3rd, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 42.11 KB | hits: 528 | expires: Never

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1
>You go home after a day at your shit job.
>In your house are stallions all lined up, heading up the stairs.
>You go up, seeing what they're all lined up for.
>Your roommate, Lyra, is in her room being double teamed.
>As a stallion finishes, another takes his place.
>"Anon! glad your home!"
"What's... going on?"
>"I'm going for the world record of most sexual partners in twenty-four hours, and we need one more to break Celestia's record! care to join in?"
>You back out slowly, a stallion's ejaculation narrowly missing your head and hitting the wall beside you.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
2
>The next day, you get off of work early and buy some muffins from Sugarcube Corner.
>You go to the park, hoping to find a nice place to enjoy your lunch.
>All the park benches are painted white now.
>You turn to a random pony and mention,"I thought the town council decided it was a waste of funds?"
>"They did, Lyra was here earlier and decided to test the rest of the benches."
>You look closer at the paint.
>It's actually dried up stallion semen.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
3
>Heading home later, you walk in the door to find another line of stallions.
>You head up to Lyra's room again.
"Lyra, I thought you already went for the record?"
>"I did, beat Celestia's by seven too. This is the normal amount."
>You glance at the line of about fifty stallions.
>Now that you think about it, it is.
>The stallion finishes, right into the fish bowl.
>The goldfish start to eat the semen immediately.
>Huh, that's why they were getting so big.
>You head to bed, and fall asleep as you try to ignore the stallion grunts and occasional mares moans.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
4
>You go to get a sandwich from the fridge.
>The stallions from last night must have eaten all of your pre made ones, so you grab the stuff to make more instead.
>Theres at least fifty jars of mayo in there.
>You call up to Lyra,[spoiler][/spoiler]"Yo, Lyra! Why did you buy so much mayonnaise?"
>"That's stallion cum! I've been jarring and selling it to sperm banks!"
>You look again at the jar.
>It's got a picture of Lyra with a orgasmic look on her face, and the words "Lyra's fresh stallion semen, the freshest around!"
"Where's the mayo then?"
>"Big Mac ate the rest!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.
5
>You head to Sugarcube Corner for breakfast, since your diet only consist of overly sugary confections.
>As you head up to the counter, Pinkie bounces out of the cash register.
>"Hiya Anon! We got a new flavor of cupcake for you today, wana try it?"
"Sure!"
>She throws you a strangely colored cupcake, and you take a bite.
>Taste kind of like squash.
>"Do you like it? Huh? Do yah do yah do yah?!"
"It's delicious, what kind is it?"
>"Lyra's special recipe!"
>You spit it out, and vomit onto a child standing beside you.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
6
>You wake up in the middle of the night hungry.
>For some reason, your equipment feels cold.
>Heading downstairs to check if derpy raided your fridge again, you notice your pants are undone.
>You button them back up, and open the fridge.
"Fuck yes, there's a sandwich still here."
>You close the door, and lo and behold, Lyra's behind it with a turkey baster full of cum.
"Lyra? What are you doing up?"
>"Oh! I was going to give you your split ofthe profit's in the morning, I've been selling your cum as a aphrodisiac! We're rich!"
>You glance at the turkey baster and sure enough, it's not a stallions semen in it.
>Your share of the profits is enough to buy a lock on the fridge.
>Derpy broke it first try.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
7
>You enter your house.
>Lyra is sitting on the couch watching the tele, some rainbow dyke eating her out.
>"Hey Anon, good porno is on, want to watch it?"
"Eh, sure."
>You sit down next to her, avoiding sitting in any cum stains.
>You look at the tele, and it's two penguins fucking.
>The male is slapping the other on the ass with his flipper.
>"I was thinking of trying out beastiality, what do you think?"
>You get up and leave.
>Your pant's feel wet in the back.
>You sat right in marehood juices.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
8
>You get home after being fired by your boss.
>Lyra's on the counter cooking something.
>She has to stand on the counter because the stove is build for you.
>"Hey Anon! How was your day?"
"Fucking fabulous! I got fired."
>"That sucks, want one?"
>You've learned by now not to trust anything Lyra cooks.
"What is it?"
>"Oh, just some fries."
"Eh, why not."
>You grab one and bite.
>"You know, I find dipping the potatoes in Griffon cum adds some nice salty flavor!"
>You vomit.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
9
>You wake up, smelling coffee.
>Huh, Lyra rarely wakes up before you.
>You go down stares and see something you never through you would.
>A human, complete with wizard robes.
>Lyra is at the table, obviously trying to get him in bed.
>"Come on, it'll be fun!"
>"No! For the last time no! I have to get back incase Rainbow arrives.
>The rainbow colored dyke pops her head up and says, "Right here dude, what do you need?"
>"Not you!"
"Lyra, ease up on him, he obviously doesn't want it."
>"Ah-ha! I found the spell!"
>Wiz-anon vanishes in a puff of smoke.
>Wizards are cool, you guess.
-
>Wiz-anon arrives home with a flash.
>"Hey, Anon, where have you been?... and what are you covered in?"
"Don't ask..."
>"Is that...?"
"I SAID DON'T ASK!"
>"Ok ok! Chill!"
10
>You head upstairs to wash off the mare juices that have accumulated on you from proximity to Lyra.
>Heading into the bathroom, you strip down.
>You hear Lyra go to the hole to watch, it's been a long time since you've cared.
>Not paying attention to her moans, you turn on the water.
>Where did the water go?
>Suddenly, squash soup begins to pour out of the showerhead.
>The fuck?
"Lyra, what the fuck did you do to the plumbing?"
>"I invented the 'cum shower'!"
>You poke her eye through the hole.
>You'll get that rainbow dyke to shower you with a rain cloud.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
11
>You come home from job searching fruitless.
>Lyra's in the corner crying.
>You go over to comfort her.
>Playing a hand on her shoulder, you ask,[spoiler][/spoiler]"What's wrong?"
>"Huh? Nothings wrong."
"Then why are you crying?"
>She pulls outa massive dildo and says, "Because tears make great lube!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.
12
>You wake up, hearing chirping.
>Did a bird get in the house?
>You go around, trying to find it.
>It's a illusive little thing, but you've followed the noise to Lyra's room.
>You enter, bracing yourself for whatever she's doing in there.
>There's two griffins, one is fucking her while she soff.
>"Mphm, " she spits the griffin in the front out, "I never knew Griffins had a mating song!"
>You go wash your eyes with bleach.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
13
>You head to bed, only to hear the doorbell.
"I'll get it!"
>"Wait! That's probably my-"
>You open the door to be greeted with box after box of stuff.
>All of it clearly labled.
>Lunaughty's sex rack, Molestia's BDSM set, Fleur de Lis' dragon body pillow complete with FUS RO DAH action, Blueblood's super sized human shaped dildo, and a lot more.
>The last one makes you realize to start locking your door at night.
>"So, can you help me move this stuff in Anon?"
"Fine..."
>You pick up the body pillow and the chains.
>"Also, can you help me get the dildo in? It's big even for me."
>You drop the pillow and the chains.
>The pillow FUS RO DAHs the packaging off the chains, and ties them around Lyra.
>"Umm, little help?"
>You ignore her and go get a drink.
>"Well, might as well have fun while I'm here!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.
14
>You are sitting on your porch, watching strangely day early fireworks with Rainbow dyke and Lyra.
>Each of you have a drink in hand or hoof, and Lyra a Caramel in her.
>You get up, and go inside to get more whiskey.
>When you come back out, Lyra is magically jerking off Big Mac onto a grill.
>Rainbow dyke speaks up, "Ick, I can't believe I went down on that."
"I could have warned you."
>"Yah but-"
"Just shut up and drink."
>You go to take a sip.
>Right before you do, Big Mac finishes and overshoots the grill into your drink.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
15
>You're walking into Sugarcube Corner to bribe pinkie into giving you some dinner.
>Actually... why don't you just buy it?
>You walk up to the counter, and search for Pinkie Pie.
>Huh, she's not [spoiler][/spoiler] "OH GOD WHAT?!"
>"Hiya silly filly! What can I getcha?"
"Twelve glazed doughnuts please."
>"That'll be six bits!"
>You pass her the money and pull a doughnut out of the bag she gives you.
>Wait...glazed...
"Lyra didn't make these, did she?"
>"Nnnnope!"
"Was she in contact with them at all?"
>"Nuh-uh!"
"Was she within twelve yards of the premises when these were made?"
>"Uhh... I don't think so?"
>Fucking slutty ponies... making you paranoid...
>You take a bite.
>"We did buy some new frosting brand from her though!"
>You throw up onto the child next to you.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
16
>You head down to the kitchen, and pull out the blender.
>you then head over to the kitchen, and gather some ingredients.
"Lets see... strawberries... milk..."
>You check the milk to see that its actual milk.
>It is.
"Bananas..."
>Every banana is carved into a penis.
>Just... why...?
>They seem unused, and you throw them in the blender.
"Sugar..."
>That can't be anything weird, right?
>You throw it in, and prepare to turn on the blender.
>"Wait! You forgot an ingredient!"
"Huh?"
>Lyra leaps onto the counter, trusty turkey baster in mouth, and squirts some stallion semen out of it into the blender.
>"Always gotta remember the cum! Extra protein!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.
17
>Day 30 in Ex-Equestria.
>Time has ended, and you are all that remains.
>Kind of sucks.
>Wait, what's that?
>Is that... Lyra?
>"Hey Anon! Wana fuck?"
>You think about it.
>It's been years since you've last gotten laid.
>And there's nothing else to do...
"Sure."
>You both fuck like rabbits for about a week.
>You catch pony aids, and die quickly.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
18
>You head upstairs to look for your wallet.
>It's not downstairs, or in your room, so that must mean...
>It's in Lyra's room.
"-gulp-"
>You head in, forewarned by her moans that she's in there.
>You open the door, and...
>It's Big Mac, with his hoof inside Lyra's marehood.
>"Hey Anon! I just found out I like fisting!"
"Wouldn't it be hoofing?"
>"Huh?"
"You know, he has a hoof, not a fist, so it wouldn't be fisting."
>"I don't get what you're saying..."
"Big Mac, you understand me, right?"
>"Eenope."
>You give up and grab your wallet.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
19
>You head to the town hall to file for a gun license.
>On the way there, everyp0ny is laughing at some guy with a tiny dick.
>You chuckle, it is pretty small.
>He goes up and tries to rape some pony, then Twilight rips him in two.
>God damn that had to hurt.
>Everyp0ny is gathered around the corpse for some reason.
>Lyra comes out of the house, wondering what's going on.
>She see's the dead body and it turns her on.
>Of course, everything turns her on.
>She runs up and grabs a hand in her magic, then begins to masturbate furiously with it.
>A few other ponies do the same, taking arms, legs, and even the heart.
>"Wow, I never knew necrophilia felt so good!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.
20
>You are cutting tomatoes in the kitchen.
>Suddenly, Fluttershy.
>"H-hi Anon..."
>"Fluttershy..."
>"I-is emancipation your fetish?"
"What?"
>Suddenly, Lyra.
>"It's not his, but it is one of mine! Why don't you come up stairs with me?"
>"U-um... I'd rather not..."
>"We could fuck right here then! I'm fine with that!"
>"U-um no thank-"
>You push her into Lyra.
"Have fun you two! I'll be down here cooking if you need anything!"
>"We could use your cock Anon!"
"No."
>"H-help me please?"
"No."
>Lovely slutty ponies.
>Fucking Fluttershy.
21
>You get on the computer, ready to surf the ponynet for something to do.
>Hmm, Lyra must have been on recently.
>You close out the twenty or so tabs of porn, and start searching.
>You type 'X' and suggestions show Xenophillia videos, X-treem spanking, and X-tra erotic mares on griffon action.
>You press backspace, and enter 'E'.
>Exotic hookups, Enticing western stallions, and erotic 4th dimensional entity porn.
>'M'-Magestic long horns.
>'P'-Penguin spanking.
>'F'-Fun fuck times.
>'G'-Gay older stallions gi- you stop reading there.
>'T'-Tick-Tock goes the cock, Doctor Whooves and Derpy sex tape.
>'D'-Dragons gone wild.
>'B'-Beautiful Mares Weekly.
>'R'-Revolutionary roll playing tips.
>'U'-Unicorn horn anal.
>'Z'-Zoos in your local area.
>That one doesn't seem bad, so you click it.
>It's been a while since you've last been to a zoo, should be- OH GOD YOUR EYES!
>You toss the computer out the window.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
22
>You get home to an empty house.
>It's been about a week since Lyra left on some sort of trip unnanounced, and you've managed to actually get the place clean for once.
>You're sweeping the hall, when you hear the door open.
>Lyra walks in, coated in a semi dried layer of semen from head to toe.
>She plops onto the couch, and starts watching her pornos.
>You just finished getting the last stain out of it yesterday...
>"Sup?"
"Where were you?"
>"I was on a quest of epic proportions! Traveling across Equestria, fucking every stallion and mare I met with one goal in mind! And do you know what that is?"
"What?"
>She gets her hear right up to yours and whispers into your ear.
>"To find the ultimate fetish."
"Did you find it?"
>"Indeed I have."
"What is it?"
>"42"
"Maybe your's, but not mine."
>She gives you bedroom eyes.
>"Shame, I was hoping to show you personally..."
"Never going to happen."
>"Eh, your loss."
>She walks off into her room and starts clopping.
>You lied, it truly is the ultimate fetish.
>You can't lose your erection for at least five hours.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
23
>You head up the stairs carefully avoiding the various sex toys strewn about, pen and grocery list in hand.
>Opening Lyra's door, you ask,[spoiler][/spoiler]"I'm heading to get some groceries, derpy raided the fridge again. You need anything?"
>"Nope, you should know by now my diet consist 95% of cum and 5% of aphrodisiacs!"
"Riiight..."
>You peek your head in the room, it being strangely absent of mare moans and stallion grunts.
>Lyra and three other unicorns are sitting around on the floor, cards in a telekinetic grasp.
"No sex?"
>"Nope, we're playing strip poker!"
>Wat.
"Uh... how do you tell who's winning?"
>"We haven't figured that part out yet..."
>Fucking slutty ponies.
24
>You are sitting on the couch reading, when Lyra walks into the room.
>"What's that?"
"You don't know what a book is?"
>"Nope!"
>You pass her the book and say,[spoiler][/spoiler]"Here, try it. This one's particularly stimulating."
>She takes the book, and sits down on the couch with it.
>You head out to chill with Rainbow Dyke.
>Later, you come home.
>"You lied to me!"
"What?"
>"You said that book was stimulating! I didn't have one orgasm when I read it, there wasn't even any hot parts!"
"I didn't mean sexually stimulating..."
>"Oh."
"Why's my book wet?"
>"I got bored of it and used it to masturbate. I think I got a paper cut on my clit though, can you check?"
>You throw the book into the fireplace and head to a bar.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
25
>You head to the market after a full out invasion of your fridge by the one who Derps.
>Entering the market, you are met with a sea of green unicorns.
>Lyra's, Lyra's everywhere.
>All of them fucking the stall managers and shoppers.
"Lyra, what the fuck is going on!?"
>About seven of them answer you. "Hey Anon! Twilight taught us a cloning spell! Now we can have seven hundred times the sex per day!"
>You back away slowly, and flee the wall of slut.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
26
>You head outside, only to be blocked by a massive crowd of ponies.
>Trixie:"Trixie can do anything you do better! Does anypony else dare to challenge her?"
>By the looks of it, she beat Applejack, Rainbow, and Rarity already.
>Lyra:"I DO!"
>Trixie:"Who is it that challenges the Great and Powerful Trixie now?"
>Lyra:"The Lusty and Sluttyful Lyra!"
>Oh Celestia...
>Trixie:"Being the greatest unicorn in all of Equestria, I can accept your challenge without hearing it! What shall it be?"
>Lyra:"Whoever can fuck the most stallions in thirty miniutes wins."
>Trixie:"W-wait, what?"
>Lyra:"Let's begin!"
>And so it does.
>For the next thirty miniutes, your forced to watch two unicorns hump, suck, and magically pleasure every stallion in the crowd.
>You just can't find the strength to look away.
>You barely avoided getting forced up there, instead using the excuse that you reproduce by spores.
>Eventually, the time ends, and the score is tallied.
>Trixie: 35
>Lyra: 145.5
>Trixie is boo'ed out of town, and Lyra throws an orgy to celebrate.
>Your house will never be clean again.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
27
>You have just finished reading to the class of Ponyville elementary.
>"Ok class, that was Anon reading "The little pegasus and the Fox", say thank you mister Anon."
>"Thank you!"
>You head out to leave, when Cheerilee starts to talk again.
>"Ok class, it's almost the estrus, so today we will learn about sex."
>Dear god what?
>"So give a warm greeting to Lyra!"
>Oh shit.
>"Hi kids!"
>"Hi Lyra?"
>"Today, I'm here to teach you about sex."
>Scootaloo raises her hoof.
>"What's sex?"
>"That's what we're going to find out!"
>"Now, to demonstrate, I brought my two assistants... Um, what were your names again?"
>"I'm Ghost, and he's Pale."
>"Right. So, let's begin!"
>Lyra hops onto the table, and begins to scar the children for life.
>You leave, not wanting to witness their anguish.
>You see the CMC later at Rarity's, in a catatonic state.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
28
>You are falling asleep, when you hear something.
>Just the wind.
>Another thump, this time louder.
>Maybe a branch is hitting the side of your house?
>You close your eyes.
>"Se...mo...ka...tu."
>That wasn't a branch.
>You go down stairs, the voices growing louder.
>It seems to be coming from the basement.
>You open the door, and...
>Somehow, your basement turned into a office.
>There are ponies in business suits tapping away at computers, talking in what looks like a meeting room, and a few chatting around a water cooler.
>Lyra is one of the few at the cooler, so you walk up to her.
"What the fuck is going on?"
>"Oh! I was going to tell you in the morning, I'm starting a sex toy company!"
"Riiight..."
>"By the way, we have plans for a human dildo, can we make a mold of yours?"
>You don't answer, instead heading back upstairs.
>In the morning, you find out she made the mold in your sleep.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
29
>You get home from your new job, tired and aching.
>Bear massages are a lot harder than you thought, which was pretty hard to begin with.
>You open the door, and are greeted with the sight of twelve or so ponies in black hoods around your kitchen table.
>"Oh shit!"
"What's going on?"
>"This is a meeting of the Secret Order of the Slut. Since you've witnessed us, you must now be initiated into the order."
"Nope."
>"Anon, it's not a choice."
>You head up your stairs to your room.
>A few of the mares follow.
>One knocks on your door and says, "Come on, I'll suck your dick if you join!"
"That's what I'm trying to avoid!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.
30
>You've just gotten back from shopping for new bedsheets.
>The last one's Lyra ruined when she hosted a party/orgy with Pinkie.
>Rather than risk missing a spot when cleaning them, you burned the damn things.
>It's still pretty early in the day, so Lyra shouldn't be too dirty to feel them.
"Hey Lyra, come feel my new sheets!"
>She trots down the stairs, and rubs a hoof on them.
>"Wow, those are smooth as a turtle's asshole!"
"The hell?"
>"What?"
"Do your sexual tendencies know no bounds?"
>"Let me think about that for a moment..."
>"Umm, Does being bound and gagged during sex count?"
"No."
>"Then nope!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.
31
>You round the corner, clutching your crossbow.
>Griffons have invaded Equestria, and you got drafted into the military.
>Having both the advantages of flight and hands, they are slaughtering Equestrian troops.
>You are about to breach a door in a griffon base.
>Two stern kicks, and it breaks open.
>You raise your crossbow, and...
>Lyra's in there, getting gang-banged by griffons.
"The fuck is going on?"
>"Hey Anon!"
>You leave, angry that Lyra betrayed her own country by sleeping with those Griffon swine.
>Turns out, she was actually on a mission for Celestia.
>Her slutty behavior unites the two waring nations, ushering in a thousand more years of peace.
>You were actually profiteering off the war though on the side, and are now broke again.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
32
>You head to the park, when Derpy flies up to you.
>”Hiya Mr. Anon, I have a letter for you!”
“Thanks.”
>”Also, your fridge ran out of food again.”
>God damn it.
>You open the letter, and begin reading it out loud.
“Dear Anonymous, it would appear that your room-mate, Lyra, has been abducted by changelings.”
>Three days later you find out they let her go, mistaking her copious amounts of sex for copious amounts of love.
>Within thirty minutes of her returning, everything in your house has a layer of semen and mare juices on it.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
33
>You come home from bowling with Rainbro Dyke, to find a house filled with water.
>Lyra is inside, swimming around in scuba gear.
>How the hell did she afford that?
>You tap on the window of your home-turned-aquarium, and Lyra swims up to you.
“The fuck are you doing!?”
>”Glub glub glub!”
“What?”
>She teleports outside to you.
>”I said, it’s the seapony estrus!”
“The fuck is a seapony?”
>”Half pony, half fish!”
>One swims by the window, and you see what Lyra was speaking about.
“How…”
>“What?”
“How the fuck do you mate with that?!”
>”Well, first we get a tube, then…”
“Fuck it, I don’t want to know!”
>You now know to invest in flood insurance.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
34
>You get home form a long day at your new job.
>At least Berry Punch pays well.
>You open the door, and a knee high wave of white slime pours out.
>Ghost?
>Nope, Lyra.
>”Hiya Anon!”
“What’s going on?”
>”Well, Manehattan sperm banks are running low, so I thought I could help!”
“Don’t you have to keep it chilled though?”
>”Wait, so we’ve been doing this for nothing?”
“Yep.”
>She magics a straw from… you don’t want to know, and places an end in the semen tide.
>”Well, better not let this go to waste then!”
>You get no sleep that night, kept awake by Lyra’s slurps.
>The next day, you get fired for sleeping on the job.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
35
>You wake up, and begin thinking of what to eat for breakfast.
>As you rummage through the fridge, you find a discovery.
>Sausage! Glorious sausage!
>Without a moment’s waste, you throw it into a pan and go back to get eggs.
>As you’re searching through the fridge, you hear Lyra trot up behind you.
>”-yawn- good morning Anon…”
“Want eggs?”
>”Sure. Also, can you hand me my chilled dildos?”
>It’s just then you notice the smell of burning plastic pervaiding your nostrils.
>You look at the pan, and sure enough in your morning daze you mistook her dildos for sausages.
>…
>Fucking slutty ponies.
36
>You wake up.
>As you glance at the clock, you notice it’s later than usual.
>Huh… Lyra’s alarm clock usually is loud enough to wake you from down the hall.
>Maybe it broke?
>You go grab a screwdriver, and head to her room to see if you can fix it.
>You open the door and…
>”Oh Celestia!”
>You slam the door shut.
>Cautiously, you open it and peak in.
>And instantly regret it.
>Lyra somehow managed to combine her alarm clock and a vibrator, and had it set up for herself and two other mares.
>You go scrub your eyes with bleach.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
37
>You wake up and open the door on the way to job hunt.
>As you step outside, you feel as if you walked into one of Hitler’s ovens.
>Eh, job hunting can wait till winter.
>As you are about to close the door, suddenly something forces it open and smashes it into your face.
>”Oh my Celestia Anon! I’m so sorry!”
>As you get back to your feet you reply, ”I’m fwine, just a bwoken nose…”
>“He-he. Sorry.”
“Why awe you in such a wush anyways?”
>”Oh! It’s horrible! An absolute catastrophe! Positively the worst possible thing!”
>Since when was Lyra Rarity?
“Well?”
>”The male Anti-estrus is here, and all the stallions sex drives will be almost zero!”
>Of course, it would be something like that.
>”Luckily I’ve prepared! I’ve got aphrodisiacs, enchanted cock-rings, homing prostate massagers…”
>Later, while helping Lyra store the stuff, you find out the only place with enough room is well, yours.
>You now have to sleep next to a preinflated inflatable sex doll till the end of the month.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
38
>You head downstairs, and find Lyra typing away on your computer.
>God damn it, the keys are sticky enough as is.
>How does she even type with hooves anyways?
>You ignore the mind fuckery and go talk to her.
“What’cha doin’?”
>”I’m writing a book!”
“Another erotica?”
>”Nope! A Dictionary!”
“Wat.”
>”You see, I have an amazing vocabulary, if I do say so myself, so I figured, why not?”
“Mind If I see?”
>”Go right ahead!”
>You reach for the mouse… ick… never mind, you reach for the arrow keys, and start scrolling through the entries.
>Let’s see…
“Breadstick: a wheat-based sex toy produced in an oven, coated in various herbs and spices for scent and additional stimulation.”
“Cup: A container used to capture bodily fluids for later consumption.”
“Manhole cover: a device used to… oh dear god what?”
“Lyra, all of these are wildly incorrect.”
>”What? Oh you joker!”
“I’m not joking, just look at some of these.”
>”Hah! Nice try, the first edition is already on the Canterlot Times best sellers list.”
>You open up the Times’ web page and sure enough, it’s there at #1.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
39
Slutty ponies: The now FCC approved clop edition.
>You go *bleep* after a *bleep* at your *bleep* *bleep*.
>In *bleep* *bleep* are *bleep* all lined up, *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*.
>You go *bleep*, seeing *bleep* they're *bleep* *bleep* up *bleep*.
>Your *bleep*, Lyra, is *bleep* her *bleep* being *bleep* *bleep*.
>As *bleep* stallion *bleep*, *bleep* takes his *bleep*.
>"Anon! Glad *bleep* *bleep*!"
"What's... *bleep* *bleep*?"
>"I'm *bleep*ing for *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* of *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* in *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*, and we need *bleep* more to *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*! *bleep* to *bleep* in?"
>*bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*, *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*.
>*bleep*ing slutty ponies.
4040
>You're currently on your way to sugarcube corner to pick up some breakfast.
>As you pass by an alley, you hear somepone call your name.
>"Hey Anon! I'll suck you off for twenty bits!"
>You know that voice...
"Silver Spoon, what the fuck?"
>"Fine, fifteen bits."
>She steps out of the shadows,
"Why are you whoring yourself out?"
>"Ten bits?"
>You pick her up by the scruff of her neck.
"Tell me, why. are. you. whoring. yourself. out?"
>"Well, ever since that orgy in the marketplace Lyra started, I can't get enough! So i figured, why not make money off of it?"
>You toss her into a trashcan.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
41
>You go to the store, looking to refill your fridge, and maybe get some tofurky on the side.
>It's shit, but far better than hay bacon.
>You remember the time you first tried it...
>You still have nightmares.
>You pick up the list, and get going on your culinary shopping spree.
>Lets see...
>Corn, "check."
>Flour, "check."
>Tofu Sausage.
>Huh, you didn't remember putting that on there.
>Oh well, might be good. "check."
>Bananas.
>You're alergic, why the fuck did you put that on there?
>Oh well, must have had a reason. "check."
>Suspiciously stallion cock-shapped fruit.
>Lyra was never good at being subtle.
>She's good at mimicking your handwriting at least.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
42
>You get on your computer, ready to check your emails.
>Huh, Lyra was on it again.
>You can tell because of the sticky coating on the keyboard.
>You put on some gloves, and wake it from sleep mode.
>Huh, word is open, looks like Lyra was writing another book
>You begin reading, and it appears to be a cookbook.
>Moot Finger Tuesdays:
>1 cup of oil.
>1 cup of flour, spread over a flat surface.
>One Stallion at the ready.
>Take the stallion, and bring him to orgasm.
>Aim his penis at the floured surface, and flour semen strands throughougly.
>Then take the strands and 100010101011100010.
>000100100101110101.
>Huh?
>Your computer procedes to crash.
>The next day, you take it to a computer repair shop.
>Turns out, somehow Lyra gave it an electronic STD.
>You have to replace the entire thing.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
43
>Day Braeburntitplayisdelayedabit in Equestria.
>You leave your room for something other than food for the first time in weeks.
>It took that goddamn long to delete all the porn Lyra saved on your computer.
>You walk downstairs and see Lyra doing… something.
>And you don’t think it’s sex for once.
“What is this, and why is there a hole blown in the wall?
>”Oh! Hey Anon, what to help?”
“Nope. What the hell is going on though?”
>”I’m trying to open a portal to the Demon Realm!”
“And you’re doing that in the living room… why?”
>”The basement floor was too slippery from last night’s orgy.”
>”-GASP- It’s working!”
>The hole in the wall begins to flicker, and you find yourself being sucked towards it.
“Fuck fuck fuuuck.”
>You try to reach out and grasp something but the vortex is too strong and you’re pulled in.
-
>Day 2 in the Demon Realm.
>Your camp site is covered in semen of at least twelve different species,
>Lyra has grown several dicks,
>And after that harpy kissed you, you can’t stop masturbating.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
44
>You go to the park and find a nice shaded spot to relax.
>Looking around for any bears with collars and ties, you place your picnic blanket and open your lunch.
>You open the woven wicker lid and...
>A Lyra pops out!
>"Hiya Anon!"
"How the fuck did you fit in there?"
>"Pfft, minor details. So, nice spot huh? how about we get down to business?"
>You feel her magic tugging on your shirt.
"I wouldn't be doing that if I were you..."
>"Why not?"
"Because..."
>She rips your shirt clean off.
"NIPPLE SAND!"
>"Wha-?"
>Suddenly, gallon after gallon of sand starts to poor fromy our nipples at startling velocities.
>Lyra is already blasted from you into a pond, but the sand keeps pouring.
"I-I can't control it!"
>The sand begins to pile up, quickly reaching your shoulders.
"Nooo! Why does it have to end like this!"
>You begin to choke on sand, and soon expire.
>Later, Lyra uses the sand to make glass dildos, and profits massively from your death.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
45
>It’s Wendsday, the beginning of the Equestrian weekend.
>Which means it’s time to find a spot to jack off.
>You head outside and think about finding a spot at the park when you hear a wet slap.
>It comes from the town square, where you notice a familiar wagon and stage set up.
>On it appears to be Trixie and Lyra, both reared up on their hind legs and moving oddly.
>Curiosity gets the better of you, and you move closer for a better look.
>You come to regret this soon, as it would seem both have grown massive throbbing cocks and are slapping each other with them.
>A crowd seems to have gathered, ponies are passing bits back and forth, a vender is selling cider and pies, and Cheerilee is leading a group of school kids to watch.
>You decide to head up and ask her, seeing as Lyra is busy at the moment.
“What’s going on?”
>”Oh hello Anon! It’s a futa-battle, an ancient ritual for dominance between mares.”
“And why are you bringing children to it?”
>”Well why not?”
>It is at this moment you notice Scootaloo stick a large horse-penis-shaped popsickle in her mouth.
“Uh… nevermind.”
>You glance up the stage just in time to see Lyra leap into the air, stallionhood in full view, and slam her dick into Trixie’s face.
>The force behind Lyra’s girth must be enourmous, as Trixie is sent flying off over the horizon, yelling out what you think is, “Looks like Trixie’s blasting off agaaaaaain!”
>As Lyra’s penis seemingly evaporates into thin air, she looks over the crowd and cries out, “Hey everyponie! We’re going to get laid!”
>The crowd erupts into cheering, and the moans of mares signals it’s time for you to evacuate.
>Within moments the town square is covered in semen.
>The stallion cum level rises faster and faster, eventually engulfing Ponyville in a tidal wave of white goop.
>It takes you over nine months of painting before your house is a color other than a creamy white.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
46
>You turn on your television and gamecube, eager to play some ponycart double-dash, specifically rainbow road.
>Flicking picking up a wireless controller and flicking it on, you see it flash to life and then promptly die.
>Well shit, the only back-up batteries are in the attic, hidden so Lyra doesn’t keep you up all hours of the night with vibrators.
>You head upstairs and open the door to the attic.
>A musty… humid… breeze hits you, and you wince.
>You get over it and head up.
>It’s much darker than you remember, and there is a lingering dampness.
>You should probably get someone to fix the leaky roof.
>After a few minutes of fumbling around, you begin to hear moans.
>You disregard it as Lyra masturbating or giving some blue-balled stallion a STD.
>A few more minutes of searching though, you notice the attic has grown much damper.
>You don’t remember it raining outside, but it’s getting unbearably humid and warm.
>You begin to hear out, but soon you hear a gush of liquid, and find yourself being swept out of the attic in a soupy tsunami.
>Landing at the base of the stairs, you see Lyra looking extremely content and sitting in a puddle of a similar fluid.
> “Oh, Anon, I forgot to tell you. I made the doorway to the attic a portal to my vagina. Don’t go up there,” She puts on a sensual look, “that is, unless you want to.”
>You rush back upstairs and scrub yourself in the shower for the rest of the day.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
47
>You head home from a day of mental ass-rape at work, to hopefully what is not actual ass-rape at home.
>Heading in, you plop down on the couch with an audible squish.
>You have the feeling your pants will never be clean again…
>”Hi Anon! Come check this out!” Lyra calls out from another room with an audibly more raspy voice.
>You get up and head on over, stopping only to give a Viking funeral to your shorts.
>As the flames devour them it begins to rain. They were valiant warriors, protecting your crotch from many a rape from Fluttershy.
>You continue on, and gasp as you enter the room.
>A large green dragon with a lyre on her ass is lying on Lyra’s bed.
>And you know it’s a ‘her’, because she’s presenting yourself to you.
“Lyra, the fuck did you do this time?”
>”Well Anon, it’s been so long since you’ve fucked anything, and since you don’t seem to be interested in ponies…”
“I’m not interested in dragons either; who do you think I am, Sethisto?”
>”Who?”
“Never mind.”
>”Well then,” the scales around her eyes begin to glow, “How about this?”
>Her body shifts and shapes, and then a green minotaur is in her place.
“Lyra, I’ve told you before, I’m only attracted to humans.
>”Fine…”
>She begins to morph again, and…
“Lyra?”
>”Yes?”
“Why are you me?”
>”Don’t all humans look alike?”
“THAT’S RACIST!”
>You storm out.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
48
>You get home.
>Your home.
>The one you left ten years ago when you wound up in Equestria.
>Jumping into your now slightly moldy bed you let out a squee of joy.
>You’re finally free.
>Free of rapist yellow birds.
>Free of dragons burning down towns, living in fear yours was next.
>And free of having to deal with stallion cum coating everything!
>You lie down and sigh, content with what you have for the moment, possibly the first time in your life.
>”Hiya Anon!”
>Heh, you could almost swear…
>”Whatcha doin’?”
>No…
>NO!
>”This place is kind of dirty, how could you stand living here?”
“How the fuck did you get here!?”
>”Oh silly, I just followed you into the portal!”
>She looks around a bit, before taking a seat in a chair.
>In Equestria you could explain burning the furniture out back, here, not so much.
>”So, what is it you humans do for fun here on Earth?”
“Go drink at the bar, I suppose… there really isn’t much compared to Equestria.”
>”TO THE BAR!”
>One week later, you get laid for the first time in eleven years.
>Two weeks later, you have found that humans in the ten years you were gone became far more accepting to the concept of xenophilia.
>Five weeks later, cases of AIDS have increased 5000%.
>Within ten weeks, mankind is on the brink of extinction due to AIDS and syphilis.
>Turns out, Lyra had also gotten her fill of human semen by then.
>She says it taste on average saltier than stallion semen, but not as salty as a minotaur’s.
>After twelve weeks, humanity is extinct beyond you, and you both head back through the portal to Equestria.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
49
>After a long day working at the hospital you get home and change from your work clothes.
>You’ve recently gotten a job as a nurse, and for some reason they make you wear a pink and white dress.
>It sucks. The other nurses grope at you, the doctors treat you like shit, and you found out during bedpan duty horse food goes through these ponies FAST, but least it pays the bills.
>You go and get a sandwich, and on return you see that your gown has gone missing.
>Quite confused as to where it could be, you take a quick look around.
>It doesn’t turn up, so you begin to wonder if you perhaps put it away already.
>You search through your drawers, but only find your hidden stash of glorious, heavenly bacon.
>Perhaps Lyra took it?
>You navigate around the room careful not to slip on any fluids, male, female, or other, and come to get closet.
>Opening it you are met with a wall of dildos.
>Carefully, you begin to search through them.
>A low rumble is heard.
>Oh fuck…
“AVALAAAAANCH!”
>An assorted variety of sex toys buries you, and only the sound of hooves is heard in the aftermath of its destruction.
>”Anon, why are you going through my ‘to-be-washed’ pile of toys?”
>Used? Oh god…
“You haven’t seen my gown, have you?”
>She points to the ceiling.
>Somehow, through some sort of unholy means, she managed to get it plastered up there with cum.
>You toss it, but are fired the next day for ‘inappropriate work attire’.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
50
>You get home, the wind from the snowstorm slamming the door behind you.
>You take off your jacket and drop it, noticing a squishing sound, as if it was to land in something wet.
>Looking down, your immediate thoughts are confirmed; it landed in a puddle of cum.
>Actually, a puddle is a vast understatement, as the sea of cum coats the entire floor.
>And the walls, the furniture, the windows…
>Something drips on your face.
>And the ceiling…
>As you head to the bathroom, hoping at least the shower is free of this mess, you see Lyra trot by with a paintbrush.
>She dips it in the sea of semen, and begins to slather it onto a clean section of wall.
“Lyra, what the fuck are you doing!”
>”Well, I remember how you told me about this ‘Christmas’ thing and I heard you singing that you were dreaming of a white one, so…”
>You stand there in shock, and opt to stay at Twilight’s library for the night.
>In the morning to head back to start cleaning, only to find it’s been marked for demolition.
>Turns out, there was so much semen that soaked into the walls; an entire ecosystem of mold grew overnight.
>You figure that you’re likely the first human to be homeless because of horse sex.
>Fucking slutty ponies.
51
>You get home after work, surprisingly cheery about the day.
>As you head upstairs you hear a faint sigh coming from Lyra’s room.
>And for once, it’s not the sexual kind.
>You didn’t even know there was a sexual kind before living here.
>A slight sniffle comes from her room.
>You’re torn between asking her what’s wrong, and avoiding risking walking in on some strange, absurd crying fetish.
>Eh, you’ve seen her do worse. You walk in to ask and thankfully see no dragon dildos, no beefy stallions, and no squash soup. Only a little mint horse sitting on a bed.
“What’s wrong?”
>”Nothing…”
“Come on, you had me help convert the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 into a sex-automaton, you can talk to me.”
>“Fine…” She sighs, “I got fired from my job, my father disowned me, I might have an STD… or a dozen, and the Mayor is demanding I pay to remove all of the semen stains I got on town hall.”
“Wow, that… that sucks.”
>She looks up at you, her ears down and eyes threatening to fill with tears.
>”I’ve been fucked over by life, haven’t I?”
“Yeah. No putting it any other way.”
>Suddenly, she springs up, almost excited.
>Her horn glows, and a checklist and quill fly over from the dresser.
>”YES! I can cross it off my list now!”
“List?”
>”Things to Fuck/be Fucked by. Number 3947: Life Itself. THANKS ANON!”
“So wait, those things didn’t happen?”
>”Nope, don’t have a job, my father disowned me a while ago, use protection, and I told the mayor to take it from your bank account.”
“Lyra, I’ve already been bouncing checks.”
>”Oh, well, uh… Good luck Anon! I’m going to head to a strip joint, see you later!”
>God damn it.
>Fucking Slutty Ponies.

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

1
>You go home after a day at your shit job.
>In your house are stallions all lined up, heading up the stairs.
>You go up, seeing what they're all lined up for.
>Your roommate, Lyra, is in her room being double teamed.
>As a stallion finishes, another takes his place.
>"Anon! glad your home!"
"What's... going on?"
>"I'm going for the world record of most sexual partners in twenty-four hours, and we need one more to break Celestia's record! care to join in?"
>You back out slowly, a stallion's ejaculation narrowly missing your head and hitting the wall beside you.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

2
>The next day, you get off of work early and buy some muffins from Sugarcube Corner.
>You go to the park, hoping to find a nice place to enjoy your lunch.
>All the park benches are painted white now.
>You turn to a random pony and mention,"I thought the town council decided it was a waste of funds?"
>"They did, Lyra was here earlier and decided to test the rest of the benches."
>You look closer at the paint.
>It's actually dried up stallion semen.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

3
>Heading home later, you walk in the door to find another line of stallions.
>You head up to Lyra's room again.
"Lyra, I thought you already went for the record?"
>"I did, beat Celestia's by seven too. This is the normal amount."
>You glance at the line of about fifty stallions.
>Now that you think about it, it is.
>The stallion finishes, right into the fish bowl.
>The goldfish start to eat the semen immediately.
>Huh, that's why they were getting so big.
>You head to bed, and fall asleep as you try to ignore the stallion grunts and occasional mares moans.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

4
>You go to get a sandwich from the fridge.
>The stallions from last night must have eaten all of your pre made ones, so you grab the stuff to make more instead.
>Theres at least fifty jars of mayo in there.
>You call up to Lyra,[spoiler][/spoiler]"Yo, Lyra! Why did you buy so much mayonnaise?"
>"That's stallion cum! I've been jarring and selling it to sperm banks!"
>You look again at the jar.
>It's got a picture of Lyra with a orgasmic look on her face, and the words "Lyra's fresh stallion semen, the freshest around!"
"Where's the mayo then?"
>"Big Mac ate the rest!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.

5
>You head to Sugarcube Corner for breakfast, since your diet only consist of overly sugary confections.
>As you head up to the counter, Pinkie bounces out of the cash register.
>"Hiya Anon! We got a new flavor of cupcake for you today, wana try it?"
"Sure!"
>She throws you a strangely colored cupcake, and you take a bite.
>Taste kind of like squash.
>"Do you like it? Huh? Do yah do yah do yah?!"
"It's delicious, what kind is it?"
>"Lyra's special recipe!"
>You spit it out, and vomit onto a child standing beside you.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

6
>You wake up in the middle of the night hungry.
>For some reason, your equipment feels cold.
>Heading downstairs to check if derpy raided your fridge again, you notice your pants are undone.
>You button them back up, and open the fridge.
"Fuck yes, there's a sandwich still here."
>You close the door, and lo and behold, Lyra's behind it with a turkey baster full of cum.
"Lyra? What are you doing up?"
>"Oh! I was going to give you your split ofthe profit's in the morning, I've been selling your cum as a aphrodisiac! We're rich!"
>You glance at the turkey baster and sure enough, it's not a stallions semen in it.
>Your share of the profits is enough to buy a lock on the fridge.
>Derpy broke it first try.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

7
>You enter your house.
>Lyra is sitting on the couch watching the tele, some rainbow dyke eating her out.
>"Hey Anon, good porno is on, want to watch it?"
"Eh, sure."
>You sit down next to her, avoiding sitting in any cum stains.
>You look at the tele, and it's two penguins fucking.
>The male is slapping the other on the ass with his flipper.
>"I was thinking of trying out beastiality, what do you think?"
>You get up and leave.
>Your pant's feel wet in the back.
>You sat right in marehood juices.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

8
>You get home after being fired by your boss.
>Lyra's on the counter cooking something.
>She has to stand on the counter because the stove is build for you.
>"Hey Anon! How was your day?"
"Fucking fabulous! I got fired."
>"That sucks, want one?"
>You've learned by now not to trust anything Lyra cooks.
"What is it?"
>"Oh, just some fries."
"Eh, why not."
>You grab one and bite.
>"You know, I find dipping the potatoes in Griffon cum adds some nice salty flavor!"
>You vomit.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

9
>You wake up, smelling coffee.
>Huh, Lyra rarely wakes up before you.
>You go down stares and see something you never through you would.
>A human, complete with wizard robes.
>Lyra is at the table, obviously trying to get him in bed.
>"Come on, it'll be fun!"
>"No! For the last time no! I have to get back incase Rainbow arrives.
>The rainbow colored dyke pops her head up and says, "Right here dude, what do you need?"
>"Not you!"
"Lyra, ease up on him, he obviously doesn't want it."
>"Ah-ha! I found the spell!"
>Wiz-anon vanishes in a puff of smoke.
>Wizards are cool, you guess.
-
>Wiz-anon arrives home with a flash.
>"Hey, Anon, where have you been?... and what are you covered in?"
"Don't ask..."
>"Is that...?"
"I SAID DON'T ASK!"
>"Ok ok! Chill!"

10
>You head upstairs to wash off the mare juices that have accumulated on you from proximity to Lyra.
>Heading into the bathroom, you strip down.
>You hear Lyra go to the hole to watch, it's been a long time since you've cared.
>Not paying attention to her moans, you turn on the water.
>Where did the water go?
>Suddenly, squash soup begins to pour out of the showerhead.
>The fuck?
"Lyra, what the fuck did you do to the plumbing?"
>"I invented the 'cum shower'!"
>You poke her eye through the hole.
>You'll get that rainbow dyke to shower you with a rain cloud.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

11
>You come home from job searching fruitless.
>Lyra's in the corner crying.
>You go over to comfort her.
>Playing a hand on her shoulder, you ask,[spoiler][/spoiler]"What's wrong?"
>"Huh? Nothings wrong."
"Then why are you crying?"
>She pulls outa massive dildo and says, "Because tears make great lube!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.

12
>You wake up, hearing chirping.
>Did a bird get in the house?
>You go around, trying to find it.
>It's a illusive little thing, but you've followed the noise to Lyra's room.
>You enter, bracing yourself for whatever she's doing in there.
>There's two griffins, one is fucking her while she soff.
>"Mphm, " she spits the griffin in the front out, "I never knew Griffins had a mating song!"
>You go wash your eyes with bleach.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

13
>You head to bed, only to hear the doorbell.
"I'll get it!"
>"Wait! That's probably my-"
>You open the door to be greeted with box after box of stuff.
>All of it clearly labled.
>Lunaughty's sex rack, Molestia's BDSM set, Fleur de Lis' dragon body pillow complete with FUS RO DAH action, Blueblood's super sized human shaped dildo, and a lot more.
>The last one makes you realize to start locking your door at night.
>"So, can you help me move this stuff in Anon?"
"Fine..."
>You pick up the body pillow and the chains.
>"Also, can you help me get the dildo in? It's big even for me."
>You drop the pillow and the chains.
>The pillow FUS RO DAHs the packaging off the chains, and ties them around Lyra.
>"Umm, little help?"
>You ignore her and go get a drink.
>"Well, might as well have fun while I'm here!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.

14
>You are sitting on your porch, watching strangely day early fireworks with Rainbow dyke and Lyra.
>Each of you have a drink in hand or hoof, and Lyra a Caramel in her.
>You get up, and go inside to get more whiskey.
>When you come back out, Lyra is magically jerking off Big Mac onto a grill.
>Rainbow dyke speaks up, "Ick, I can't believe I went down on that."
"I could have warned you."
>"Yah but-"
"Just shut up and drink."
>You go to take a sip. 
>Right before you do, Big Mac finishes and overshoots the grill into your drink.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

15
>You're walking  into Sugarcube Corner to bribe pinkie into giving you some dinner.
>Actually... why don't you just buy it?
>You walk up to the counter, and search for Pinkie Pie.
>Huh, she's not [spoiler][/spoiler] "OH GOD WHAT?!"
>"Hiya silly filly! What can I getcha?"
"Twelve glazed doughnuts please."
>"That'll be six bits!"
>You pass her the money and pull a doughnut out of the bag she gives you.
>Wait...glazed...
"Lyra didn't make these, did she?"
>"Nnnnope!"
"Was she in contact with them at all?"
>"Nuh-uh!"
"Was she within twelve yards of the premises when these were made?"
>"Uhh... I don't think so?"
>Fucking slutty ponies... making you paranoid...
>You take a bite.
>"We did buy some new frosting brand from her though!"
>You throw up onto the child next to you.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

16
>You head down to the kitchen, and pull out the blender.
>you then head over to the kitchen, and gather some ingredients.
"Lets see... strawberries... milk..."
>You check the milk to see that its actual milk.
>It is.
"Bananas..."
>Every banana is carved into a penis.
>Just... why...?
>They seem unused, and you throw them in the blender.
"Sugar..."
>That can't be anything weird, right?
>You throw it in, and prepare to turn on the blender.
>"Wait! You forgot an ingredient!"
"Huh?"
>Lyra leaps onto the counter, trusty turkey baster in mouth, and squirts some stallion semen out of it into the blender.
>"Always gotta remember the cum! Extra protein!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.

17
>Day 30 in Ex-Equestria.
>Time has ended, and you are all that remains.
>Kind of sucks.
>Wait, what's that?
>Is that... Lyra?
>"Hey Anon! Wana fuck?"
>You think about it.
>It's been years since you've last gotten laid.
>And there's nothing else to do...
"Sure."
>You both fuck like rabbits for about a week.
>You catch pony aids, and die quickly.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

18
>You head upstairs to look for your wallet.
>It's not downstairs, or in your room, so that must mean...
>It's in Lyra's room.
"-gulp-"
>You head in, forewarned by her moans that she's in there.
>You open the door, and...
>It's Big Mac, with his hoof inside Lyra's marehood.
>"Hey Anon! I just found out I like fisting!"
"Wouldn't it be hoofing?"
>"Huh?"
"You know, he has a hoof, not a fist, so it wouldn't be fisting."
>"I don't get what you're saying..."
"Big Mac, you understand me, right?"
>"Eenope."
>You give up and grab your wallet.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

19
>You head to the town hall to file for a gun license.
>On the way there, everyp0ny is laughing at some guy with a tiny dick.
>You chuckle, it is pretty small.
>He goes up and tries to rape some pony, then Twilight rips him in two.
>God damn that had to hurt.
>Everyp0ny is gathered around the corpse for some reason.
>Lyra comes out of the house, wondering what's going on.
>She see's the dead body and it turns her on.
>Of course, everything turns her on.
>She runs up and grabs a hand in her magic, then begins to masturbate furiously with it.
>A few other ponies do the same, taking arms, legs, and even the heart.
>"Wow, I never knew necrophilia felt so good!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.

20
>You are cutting tomatoes in the kitchen.
>Suddenly, Fluttershy.
>"H-hi Anon..."
>"Fluttershy..."
>"I-is emancipation your fetish?"
"What?"
>Suddenly, Lyra.
>"It's not his, but it is one of mine! Why don't you come up stairs with me?"
>"U-um... I'd rather not..."
>"We could fuck right here then! I'm fine with that!"
>"U-um no thank-"
>You push her into Lyra.
"Have fun you two! I'll be down here cooking if you need anything!"
>"We could use your cock Anon!"
"No."
>"H-help me please?"
"No."
>Lovely slutty ponies.
>Fucking Fluttershy.

21
>You get on the computer, ready to surf the ponynet for something to do.
>Hmm, Lyra must have been on recently.
>You close out the twenty or so tabs of porn, and start searching.
>You type 'X' and suggestions show Xenophillia videos, X-treem spanking, and X-tra erotic mares on griffon action.
>You press backspace, and enter 'E'.
>Exotic hookups, Enticing western stallions, and erotic 4th dimensional entity porn.
>'M'-Magestic long horns.
>'P'-Penguin spanking.
>'F'-Fun fuck times.
>'G'-Gay older stallions gi- you stop reading there.
>'T'-Tick-Tock goes the cock, Doctor Whooves and Derpy sex tape.
>'D'-Dragons gone wild.
>'B'-Beautiful Mares Weekly.
>'R'-Revolutionary roll playing tips.
>'U'-Unicorn horn anal.
>'Z'-Zoos in your local area.
>That one doesn't seem bad, so you click it.
>It's been a while since you've last been to a zoo, should be- OH GOD YOUR EYES!
>You toss the computer out the window.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

22
>You get home to an empty house.
>It's been about a week since Lyra left on some sort of trip unnanounced, and you've managed to actually get the place clean for once.
>You're sweeping the hall, when you hear the door open.
>Lyra walks in, coated in a semi dried layer of semen from head to toe.
>She plops onto the couch, and starts watching her pornos.
>You just finished getting the last stain out of it yesterday...
>"Sup?"
"Where were you?"
>"I was on a quest of epic proportions! Traveling across Equestria, fucking every stallion and mare I met with one goal in mind! And do you know what that is?"
"What?"
>She gets her hear right up to yours and whispers into your ear.
>"To find the ultimate fetish."
"Did you find it?"
>"Indeed I have."
"What is it?"
>"42"
"Maybe your's, but not mine."
>She gives you bedroom eyes.
>"Shame, I was hoping to show you personally..."
"Never going to happen."
>"Eh, your loss."
>She walks off into her room and starts clopping.
>You lied, it truly is the ultimate fetish.
>You can't lose your erection for at least five hours.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

23
>You head up the stairs carefully avoiding the various sex toys strewn about, pen and grocery list in hand.
>Opening Lyra's door, you ask,[spoiler][/spoiler]"I'm heading to get some groceries, derpy raided the fridge again. You need anything?"
>"Nope, you should know by now my diet consist 95% of cum and 5% of aphrodisiacs!"
"Riiight..."
>You peek your head in the room, it being strangely absent of mare moans and stallion grunts.
>Lyra and three other unicorns are sitting around on the floor, cards in a telekinetic grasp.
"No sex?"
>"Nope, we're playing strip poker!"
>Wat.
"Uh... how do you tell who's winning?"
>"We haven't figured that part out yet..."
>Fucking slutty ponies.

24
>You are sitting on the couch reading, when Lyra walks into the room.
>"What's that?"
"You don't know what a book is?"
>"Nope!"
>You pass her the book and say,[spoiler][/spoiler]"Here, try it. This one's particularly stimulating."
>She takes the book, and sits down on the couch with it.
>You head out to chill with Rainbow Dyke.
>Later, you come home.
>"You lied to me!"
"What?"
>"You said that book was stimulating! I didn't have one orgasm when I read it, there wasn't even any hot parts!"
"I didn't mean sexually stimulating..."
>"Oh."
"Why's my book wet?"
>"I got bored of it and used it to masturbate. I think I got a paper cut on my clit though, can you check?"
>You throw the book into the fireplace and head to a bar.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

25
>You head to the market after a full out invasion of your fridge by the one who Derps.
>Entering the market, you are met with a sea of green unicorns.
>Lyra's, Lyra's everywhere.
>All of them fucking the stall managers and shoppers.
"Lyra, what the fuck is going on!?"
>About seven of them answer you. "Hey Anon! Twilight taught us a cloning spell! Now we can have seven hundred times the sex per day!"
>You back away slowly, and flee the wall of slut.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

26
>You head outside, only to be blocked by a massive crowd of ponies.
>Trixie:"Trixie can do anything you do better! Does anypony else dare to challenge her?"
>By the looks of it, she beat Applejack, Rainbow, and Rarity already.
>Lyra:"I DO!"
>Trixie:"Who is it that challenges the Great and Powerful Trixie now?"
>Lyra:"The Lusty and Sluttyful Lyra!"
>Oh Celestia...
>Trixie:"Being the greatest unicorn in all of Equestria, I can accept your challenge without hearing it! What shall it be?"
>Lyra:"Whoever can fuck the most stallions in thirty miniutes wins."
>Trixie:"W-wait, what?"
>Lyra:"Let's begin!"
>And so it does.
>For the next thirty miniutes, your forced to watch two unicorns hump, suck, and magically pleasure every stallion in the crowd.
>You just can't find the strength to look away.
>You barely avoided getting forced up there, instead using the excuse that you reproduce by spores.
>Eventually, the time ends, and the score is tallied.
>Trixie: 35
>Lyra: 145.5
>Trixie is boo'ed out of town, and Lyra throws an orgy to celebrate.
>Your house will never be clean again.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

27
>You have just finished reading to the class of Ponyville elementary.
>"Ok class, that was Anon reading "The little pegasus and the Fox", say thank you mister Anon."
>"Thank you!"
>You head out to leave, when Cheerilee starts to talk again.
>"Ok class, it's almost the estrus, so today we will learn about sex."
>Dear god what?
>"So give a warm greeting to Lyra!"
>Oh shit.
>"Hi kids!"
>"Hi Lyra?"
>"Today, I'm here to teach you about sex."
>Scootaloo raises her hoof.
>"What's sex?"
>"That's what we're going to find out!"
>"Now, to demonstrate, I brought my two assistants... Um, what were your names again?"
>"I'm Ghost, and he's Pale."
>"Right. So, let's begin!"
>Lyra hops onto the table, and begins to scar the children for life.
>You leave, not wanting to witness their anguish.
>You see the CMC later at Rarity's, in a catatonic state.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

28
>You are falling asleep, when you hear something.
>Just the wind.
>Another thump, this time louder.
>Maybe a branch is hitting the side of your house?
>You close your eyes.
>"Se...mo...ka...tu."
>That wasn't a branch.
>You go down stairs, the voices growing louder.
>It seems to be coming from the basement.
>You open the door, and...
>Somehow, your basement turned into a office.
>There are ponies in business suits tapping away at computers, talking in what looks like a meeting room, and a few chatting around a water cooler.
>Lyra is one of the few at the cooler, so you walk up to her.
"What the fuck is going on?"
>"Oh! I was going to tell you in the morning, I'm starting a sex toy company!"
"Riiight..."
>"By the way, we have plans for a human dildo, can we make a mold of yours?"
>You don't answer, instead heading back upstairs.
>In the morning, you find out she made the mold in your sleep.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

29
>You get home from your new job, tired and aching.
>Bear massages are a lot harder than you thought, which was pretty hard to begin with.
>You open the door, and are greeted with the sight of twelve or so ponies in black hoods around your kitchen table.
>"Oh shit!"
"What's going on?"
>"This is a meeting of the Secret Order of the Slut. Since you've witnessed us, you must now be initiated into the order."
"Nope."
>"Anon, it's not a choice."
>You head up your stairs to your room.
>A few of the mares follow.
>One knocks on your door and says, "Come on, I'll suck your dick if you join!"
"That's what I'm trying to avoid!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.

30
>You've just gotten back from shopping for new bedsheets.
>The last one's Lyra ruined when she hosted a party/orgy with Pinkie.
>Rather than risk missing a spot when cleaning them, you burned the damn things.
>It's still pretty early in the day, so Lyra shouldn't be too dirty to feel them.
"Hey Lyra, come feel my new sheets!"
>She trots down the stairs, and rubs a hoof on them.
>"Wow, those are smooth as a turtle's asshole!"
"The hell?"
>"What?"
"Do your sexual tendencies know no bounds?"
>"Let me think about that for a moment..."
>"Umm, Does being bound and gagged during sex count?"
"No."
>"Then nope!"
>Fucking slutty ponies.

31
>You round the corner, clutching your crossbow.
>Griffons have invaded Equestria, and you got drafted into the military.
>Having both the advantages of flight and hands, they are slaughtering Equestrian troops.
>You are about to breach a door in a griffon base.
>Two stern kicks, and it breaks open.
>You raise your crossbow, and...
>Lyra's in there, getting gang-banged by griffons.
"The fuck is going on?"
>"Hey Anon!"
>You leave, angry that Lyra betrayed her own country by sleeping with those Griffon swine.
>Turns out, she was actually on a mission for Celestia.
>Her slutty behavior unites the two waring nations, ushering in a thousand more years of peace.
>You were actually profiteering off the war though on the side, and are now broke again.
>Fucking slutty ponies.


32
>You head to the park, when Derpy flies up to you.
>”Hiya Mr. Anon, I have a letter for you!”
“Thanks.”
>”Also, your fridge ran out of food again.”
>God damn it.
>You open the letter, and begin reading it out loud.
“Dear Anonymous, it would appear that your room-mate, Lyra, has been abducted by changelings.”
>Three days later you find out they let her go, mistaking her copious amounts of sex for copious amounts of love.
>Within thirty minutes of her returning, everything in your house has a layer of semen and mare juices on it.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

33
>You come home from bowling with Rainbro Dyke, to find a house filled with water.
>Lyra is inside, swimming around in scuba gear.
>How the hell did she afford that?
>You tap on the window of your home-turned-aquarium, and Lyra swims up to you.
“The fuck are you doing!?”
>”Glub glub glub!”
“What?”
>She teleports outside to you.
>”I said, it’s the seapony estrus!”
“The fuck is a seapony?”
>”Half pony, half fish!”
>One swims by the window, and you see what Lyra was speaking about.
“How…”
>“What?”
“How the fuck do you mate with that?!”
>”Well, first we get a tube, then…”
“Fuck it, I don’t want to know!”
>You now know to invest in flood insurance.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

34
>You get home form a long day at your new job.
>At least Berry Punch pays well.
>You open the door, and a knee high wave of white slime pours out.
>Ghost?
>Nope, Lyra.
>”Hiya Anon!”
“What’s going on?”
>”Well, Manehattan sperm banks are running low, so I thought I could help!”
“Don’t you have to keep it chilled though?”
>”Wait, so we’ve been doing this for nothing?”
“Yep.”
>She magics a straw from… you don’t want to know, and places an end in the semen tide.
>”Well, better not let this go to waste then!”
>You get no sleep that night, kept awake by Lyra’s slurps.
>The next day, you get fired for sleeping on the job.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

35
>You wake up, and begin thinking of what to eat for breakfast.
>As you rummage through the fridge, you find a discovery.
>Sausage! Glorious sausage!
>Without a moment’s waste, you throw it into a pan and go back to get eggs.
>As you’re searching through the fridge, you hear Lyra trot up behind you.
>”-yawn- good morning Anon…”
“Want eggs?”
>”Sure. Also, can you hand me my chilled dildos?”
>It’s just then you notice the smell of burning plastic pervaiding your nostrils.
>You look at the pan, and sure enough in your morning daze you mistook her dildos for sausages.
>…
>Fucking slutty ponies.

36
>You wake up.
>As you glance at the clock, you notice it’s later than usual.
>Huh… Lyra’s alarm clock usually is loud enough to wake you from down the hall.
>Maybe it broke?
>You go grab a screwdriver, and head to her room to see if you can fix it.
>You open the door and…
>”Oh Celestia!”
>You slam the door shut.
>Cautiously, you open it and peak in.
>And instantly regret it.
>Lyra somehow managed to combine her alarm clock and a vibrator, and had it set up for herself and two other mares.
>You go scrub your eyes with bleach.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

37
>You wake up and open the door on the way to job hunt.
>As you step outside, you feel as if you walked into one of Hitler’s ovens.
>Eh, job hunting can wait till winter.
>As you are about to close the door, suddenly something forces it open and smashes it into your face.
>”Oh my Celestia Anon! I’m so sorry!”
>As you get back to your feet you reply, ”I’m fwine, just a bwoken nose…”
>“He-he. Sorry.”
“Why awe you in such a wush anyways?”
>”Oh! It’s horrible! An absolute catastrophe! Positively the worst possible thing!”
>Since when was Lyra Rarity?
“Well?”
>”The male Anti-estrus is here, and all the stallions sex drives will be almost zero!”
>Of course, it would be something like that.
>”Luckily I’ve prepared! I’ve got aphrodisiacs, enchanted cock-rings, homing prostate massagers…”
>Later, while helping Lyra store the stuff, you find out the only place with enough room is well, yours.
>You now have to sleep next to a preinflated inflatable sex doll till the end of the month.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

38
>You head downstairs, and find Lyra typing away on your computer.
>God damn it, the keys are sticky enough as is.
>How does she even type with hooves anyways?
>You ignore the mind fuckery and go talk to her.
“What’cha doin’?”
>”I’m writing a book!”
“Another erotica?”
>”Nope! A Dictionary!”
“Wat.”
>”You see, I have an amazing vocabulary, if I do say so myself, so I figured, why not?”
“Mind If I see?”
>”Go right ahead!”
>You reach for the mouse… ick… never mind, you reach for the arrow keys, and start scrolling through the entries.
>Let’s see…
“Breadstick: a wheat-based sex toy produced in an oven, coated in various herbs and spices for scent and additional stimulation.”
“Cup: A container used to capture bodily fluids for later consumption.”
“Manhole cover: a device used to… oh dear god what?”
“Lyra, all of these are wildly incorrect.”
>”What? Oh you joker!”
“I’m not joking, just look at some of these.”
>”Hah! Nice try, the first edition is already on the Canterlot Times best sellers list.”
>You open up the Times’ web page and sure enough, it’s there at #1.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

39
Slutty ponies: The now FCC approved clop edition.
>You go *bleep* after a *bleep* at your *bleep* *bleep*.
>In *bleep* *bleep* are *bleep* all lined up, *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*.
>You go *bleep*, seeing *bleep* they're *bleep* *bleep* up *bleep*.
>Your *bleep*, Lyra, is *bleep* her *bleep* being *bleep* *bleep*.
>As *bleep* stallion *bleep*, *bleep* takes his *bleep*.
>"Anon! Glad *bleep* *bleep*!"
"What's... *bleep* *bleep*?"
>"I'm *bleep*ing for *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* of *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* in *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*, and we need *bleep* more to *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*! *bleep* to *bleep* in?"
>*bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*, *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*.
>*bleep*ing slutty ponies.

4040
>You're currently on your way to sugarcube corner to pick up some breakfast.
>As you pass by an alley, you hear somepone call your name.
>"Hey Anon! I'll suck you off for twenty bits!"
>You know that voice...
"Silver Spoon, what the fuck?"
>"Fine, fifteen bits."
>She steps out of the shadows,
"Why are you whoring yourself out?"
>"Ten bits?"
>You pick her up by the scruff of her neck.
"Tell me, why. are. you. whoring. yourself. out?"
>"Well, ever since that orgy in the marketplace Lyra started, I can't get enough! So i figured, why not make money off of it?"
>You toss her into a trashcan.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

41
>You go to the store, looking to refill your fridge, and maybe get some tofurky on the side.
>It's shit, but far better than hay bacon.
>You remember the time you first tried it...
>You still have nightmares.
>You pick up the list, and get going on your culinary shopping spree.
>Lets see...
>Corn, "check."
>Flour, "check."
>Tofu Sausage.
>Huh, you didn't remember putting that on there.
>Oh well, might be good. "check."
>Bananas.
>You're alergic, why the fuck did you put that on there?
>Oh well, must have had a reason. "check."
>Suspiciously stallion cock-shapped fruit.
>Lyra was never good at being subtle.
>She's good at mimicking your handwriting at least.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

42
>You get on your computer, ready to check your emails.
>Huh, Lyra was on it again.
>You can tell because of the sticky coating on the keyboard.
>You put on some gloves, and wake it from sleep mode.
>Huh, word is open, looks like Lyra was writing another book
>You begin reading, and it appears to be a cookbook.
>Moot Finger Tuesdays:
>1 cup of oil.
>1 cup of flour, spread over a flat surface.
>One Stallion at the ready.
>Take the stallion, and bring him to orgasm.
>Aim his penis at the floured surface, and flour semen strands throughougly.
>Then take the strands and 100010101011100010.
>000100100101110101.
>Huh?
>Your computer procedes to crash.
>The next day, you take it to a computer repair shop.
>Turns out, somehow Lyra gave it an electronic STD.
>You have to replace the entire thing.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

43
>Day Braeburntitplayisdelayedabit in Equestria.
>You leave your room for something other than food for the first time in weeks.
>It took that goddamn long to delete all the porn Lyra saved on your computer.
>You walk downstairs and see Lyra doing… something.
>And you don’t think it’s sex for once.
“What is this, and why is there a hole blown in the wall?
>”Oh! Hey Anon, what to help?”
“Nope. What the hell is going on though?”
>”I’m trying to open a portal to the Demon Realm!”
“And you’re doing that in the living room… why?”
>”The basement floor was too slippery from last night’s orgy.”
>”-GASP- It’s working!”
>The hole in the wall begins to flicker, and you find yourself being sucked towards it.
“Fuck fuck fuuuck.”
>You try to reach out and grasp something but the vortex is too strong and you’re pulled in.
-
>Day 2 in the Demon Realm.
>Your camp site is covered in semen of at least twelve different species,
>Lyra has grown several dicks,
>And after that harpy kissed you, you can’t stop masturbating.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

44
>You go to the park and find a nice shaded spot to relax.
>Looking around for any bears with collars and ties, you place your picnic blanket and open your lunch.
>You open the woven wicker lid and...
>A Lyra pops out!
>"Hiya Anon!"
"How the fuck did you fit in there?"
>"Pfft, minor details. So, nice spot huh? how about we get down to business?"
>You feel her magic tugging on your shirt.
"I wouldn't be doing that if I were you..."
>"Why not?"
"Because..."
>She rips your shirt clean off.
"NIPPLE SAND!"
>"Wha-?"
>Suddenly, gallon after gallon of sand starts to poor fromy our nipples at startling velocities.
>Lyra is already blasted from you into a pond, but the sand keeps pouring.
"I-I can't control it!"
>The sand begins to pile up, quickly reaching your shoulders.
"Nooo! Why does it have to end like this!"
>You begin to choke on sand, and soon expire.
>Later, Lyra uses the sand to make glass dildos, and profits massively from your death.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

45
>It’s Wendsday, the beginning of the Equestrian weekend.
>Which means it’s time to find a spot to jack off.
>You head outside and think about finding a spot at the park when you hear a wet slap.
>It comes from the town square, where you notice a familiar wagon and stage set up.
>On it appears to be Trixie and Lyra, both reared up on their hind legs and moving oddly.
>Curiosity gets the better of you, and you move closer for a better look.
>You come to regret this soon, as it would seem both have grown massive throbbing cocks and are slapping each other with them.
>A crowd seems to have gathered, ponies are passing bits back and forth, a vender is selling cider and pies, and Cheerilee is leading a group of school kids to watch.
>You decide to head up and ask her, seeing as Lyra is busy at the moment.
“What’s going on?”
>”Oh hello Anon! It’s a futa-battle, an ancient ritual for dominance between mares.”
“And why are you bringing children to it?”
>”Well why not?”
>It is at this moment you notice Scootaloo stick a large horse-penis-shaped popsickle in her mouth.
“Uh… nevermind.”
>You glance up the stage just in time to see Lyra leap into the air, stallionhood in full view, and slam her dick into Trixie’s face.
>The force behind Lyra’s girth must be enourmous, as Trixie is sent flying off over the horizon, yelling out what you think is, “Looks like Trixie’s blasting off agaaaaaain!”
>As Lyra’s penis seemingly evaporates into thin air, she looks over the crowd and cries out, “Hey everyponie! We’re going to get laid!”
>The crowd erupts into cheering, and the moans of mares signals it’s time for you to evacuate.
>Within moments the town square is covered in semen.
>The stallion cum level rises faster and faster, eventually engulfing Ponyville in a tidal wave of white goop.
>It takes you over nine months of painting before your house is a color other than a creamy white.
>Fucking slutty ponies.


46
>You turn on your television and gamecube, eager to play some ponycart double-dash, specifically rainbow road.
>Flicking picking up a wireless controller and flicking it on, you see it flash to life and then promptly die.
>Well shit, the only back-up batteries are in the attic, hidden so Lyra doesn’t keep you up all hours of the night with vibrators.
>You head upstairs and open the door to the attic.
>A musty… humid… breeze hits you, and you wince.
>You get over it and head up.
>It’s much darker than you remember, and there is a lingering dampness.
>You should probably get someone to fix the leaky roof.
>After a few minutes of fumbling around, you begin to hear moans.
>You disregard it as Lyra masturbating or giving some blue-balled stallion a STD.
>A few more minutes of searching though, you notice the attic has grown much damper.
>You don’t remember it raining outside, but it’s getting unbearably humid and warm.
>You begin to hear out, but soon you hear a gush of liquid, and find yourself being swept out of the attic in a soupy tsunami.
>Landing at the base of the stairs, you see Lyra looking extremely content and sitting in a puddle of a similar fluid.
> “Oh, Anon, I forgot to tell you. I made the doorway to the attic a portal to my vagina. Don’t go up there,” She puts on a sensual look, “that is, unless you want to.”
>You rush back upstairs and scrub yourself in the shower for the rest of the day.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

47
>You head home from a day of mental ass-rape at work, to hopefully what is not actual ass-rape at home.
>Heading in, you plop down on the couch with an audible squish.
>You have the feeling your pants will never be clean again…
>”Hi Anon! Come check this out!” Lyra calls out from another room with an audibly more raspy voice.
>You get up and head on over, stopping only to give a Viking funeral to your shorts.
>As the flames devour them it begins to rain. They were valiant warriors, protecting your crotch from many a rape from Fluttershy.
>You continue on, and gasp as you enter the room.
>A large green dragon with a lyre on her ass is lying on Lyra’s bed.
>And you know it’s a ‘her’, because she’s presenting yourself to you.
“Lyra, the fuck did you do this time?”
>”Well Anon, it’s been so long since you’ve fucked anything, and since you don’t seem to be interested in ponies…”
“I’m not interested in dragons either; who do you think I am, Sethisto?”
>”Who?”
“Never mind.”
>”Well then,” the scales around her eyes begin to glow, “How about this?”
>Her body shifts and shapes, and then a green minotaur is in her place.
“Lyra, I’ve told you before, I’m only attracted to humans.
>”Fine…”
>She begins to morph again, and…
“Lyra?”
>”Yes?”
“Why are you me?”
>”Don’t all humans look alike?”
“THAT’S RACIST!”
>You storm out.
>Fucking slutty ponies.



48
>You get home.
>Your home.
>The one you left ten years ago when you wound up in Equestria.
>Jumping into your now slightly moldy bed you let out a squee of joy.
>You’re finally free.
>Free of rapist yellow birds.
>Free of dragons burning down towns, living in fear yours was next.
>And free of having to deal with stallion cum coating everything!
>You lie down and sigh, content with what you have for the moment, possibly the first time in your life.
>”Hiya Anon!”
>Heh, you could almost swear…
>”Whatcha doin’?”
>No…
>NO!
>”This place is kind of dirty, how could you stand living here?”
“How the fuck did you get here!?”
>”Oh silly, I just followed you into the portal!”
>She looks around a bit, before taking a seat in a chair.
>In Equestria you could explain burning the furniture out back, here, not so much.
>”So, what is it you humans do for fun here on Earth?”
“Go drink at the bar, I suppose… there really isn’t much compared to Equestria.”
>”TO THE BAR!”
>One week later, you get laid for the first time in eleven years.
>Two weeks later, you have found that humans in the ten years you were gone became far more accepting to the concept of xenophilia.
>Five weeks later, cases of AIDS have increased 5000%.
>Within ten weeks, mankind is on the brink of extinction due to AIDS and syphilis.
>Turns out, Lyra had also gotten her fill of human semen by then.
>She says it taste on average saltier than stallion semen, but not as salty as a minotaur’s.
>After twelve weeks, humanity is extinct beyond you, and you both head back through the portal to Equestria.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

49
>After a long day working at the hospital you get home and change from your work clothes.
>You’ve recently gotten a job as a nurse, and for some reason they make you wear a pink and white dress.
>It sucks. The other nurses grope at you, the doctors treat you like shit, and you found out during bedpan duty horse food goes through these ponies FAST, but least it pays the bills.
>You go and get a sandwich, and on return you see that your gown has gone missing.
>Quite confused as to where it could be, you take a quick look around.
>It doesn’t turn up, so you begin to wonder if you perhaps put it away already.
>You search through your drawers, but only find your hidden stash of glorious, heavenly bacon.
>Perhaps Lyra took it?
>You navigate around the room careful not to slip on any fluids, male, female, or other, and come to get closet.
>Opening it you are met with a wall of dildos.
>Carefully, you begin to search through them.
>A low rumble is heard.
>Oh fuck…
“AVALAAAAANCH!”
>An assorted variety of sex toys buries you, and only the sound of hooves is heard in the aftermath of its destruction.
>”Anon, why are you going through my ‘to-be-washed’ pile of toys?”
>Used? Oh god…
“You haven’t seen my gown, have you?”
>She points to the ceiling.
>Somehow, through some sort of unholy means, she managed to get it plastered up there with cum.
>You toss it, but are fired the next day for ‘inappropriate work attire’.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

50
>You get home, the wind from the snowstorm slamming the door behind you.
>You take off your jacket and drop it, noticing a squishing sound, as if it was to land in something wet.
>Looking down, your immediate thoughts are confirmed; it landed in a puddle of cum.
>Actually, a puddle is a vast understatement, as the sea of cum coats the entire floor.
>And the walls, the furniture, the windows…
>Something drips on your face.
>And the ceiling…
>As you head to the bathroom, hoping at least the shower is free of this mess, you see Lyra trot by with a paintbrush.
>She dips it in the sea of semen, and begins to slather it onto a clean section of wall.
“Lyra, what the fuck are you doing!”
>”Well, I remember how you told me about this ‘Christmas’ thing and I heard you singing that you were dreaming of a white one, so…”
>You stand there in shock, and opt to stay at Twilight’s library for the night.
>In the morning to head back to start cleaning, only to find it’s been marked for demolition.
>Turns out, there was so much semen that soaked into the walls; an entire ecosystem of mold grew overnight.
>You figure that you’re likely the first human to be homeless because of horse sex.
>Fucking slutty ponies.

51
>You get home after work, surprisingly cheery about the day.
>As you head upstairs you hear a faint sigh coming from Lyra’s room.
>And for once, it’s not the sexual kind.
>You didn’t even know there was a sexual kind before living here.
>A slight sniffle comes from her room.
>You’re torn between asking her what’s wrong, and avoiding risking walking in on some strange, absurd crying fetish.
>Eh, you’ve seen her do worse. You walk in to ask and thankfully see no dragon dildos, no beefy stallions, and no squash soup. Only a little mint horse sitting on a bed.
“What’s wrong?”
>”Nothing…”
“Come on, you had me help convert the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 into a sex-automaton, you can talk to me.”
>“Fine…” She sighs, “I got fired from my job, my father disowned me, I might have an STD… or a dozen, and the Mayor is demanding I pay to remove all of the semen stains I got on town hall.”
“Wow, that… that sucks.”
>She looks up at you, her ears down and eyes threatening to fill with tears.
>”I’ve been fucked over by life, haven’t I?”
“Yeah. No putting it any other way.”
>Suddenly, she springs up, almost excited.
>Her horn glows, and a checklist and quill fly over from the dresser.
>”YES! I can cross it off my list now!”
“List?”
>”Things to Fuck/be Fucked by.  Number 3947: Life Itself. THANKS ANON!”
“So wait, those things didn’t happen?”
>”Nope, don’t have a job, my father disowned me a while ago, use protection, and I told the mayor to take it from your bank account.”
“Lyra, I’ve already been bouncing checks.”
>”Oh, well, uh… Good luck Anon! I’m going to head to a strip joint, see you later!”
>God damn it.
>Fucking Slutty Ponies.

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