Random (12/7/12)

1

>Ahh, she arrives.

>You grab the rope, and use it to pull her hind legs out from under her.

>Oh my... I must have tripped over something"

"Perhaps..." You say, your voice masked with an enchanted microphone, "Maybe it wasn't the oh so obvious answer of somepone tripping you."

>"Eep! Im sorry for tripping over you!"

"Who said it was an accident?"

>"W-what do you mean?"

"Gah, you 'ponies' tend to be slow, don't you? I tripped you on purpose."

>"Why would you do something like that?"

"Why not?"

>"Because it's not nice?"

"But why should I be nice? You've done nothing nice to me after all..."

>"Who are you?"

"Never mind that. Day after day, you get pushed around, stepped over, thrown aside, yet you're still nice to everypone... Why is that?"

>"Because do unto others as you would like them to do unto you, like Anonymous told me!"

"Perhaps... But when has anypone done something nice in return?"

>"I'm sure theres been a few times..."

"Oh really? When might that be?"

>"Umm..."

"Did the old stallion you helped carry groceries home thank you?"

>"No..."

"That's right... He just told you to get out of his house, and slammed the door into you."

>"Well, he was old. Maybe he had dementia or something?"

 

"Then what about Rose? You helped her fix a wheel on her cart. The next day she yelled at you for tracking dirt into her flower shop, a  shop that literally grows with dirt! Tell me, was that 'repaying kindness with more kindness?"

>"W-well, no... but I'm sure she was just in a bad mood that day..."

"Are you sure you aren't just trying to cover up the facts? She wasn't in a bad mood, ponies just aren't nice."

>"Thats not true! Just look at my friends!"

"You mean the one who tried to cause problems for you, just so she could write a letter about fixing it? How about the one who forces you to her meaningless parties, just to make herself smile? Perhaps the one who made you become a fashion star, just to advertise her wares, or the one who was best friends with that gyphon? Face it, the only one who hasn't wronged you is Applejack, and even then she cares more about her worthless apples then you."

>"T-that's not t-true..."

"Quit hiding from the fact's Fluttershy, the only pony that gives a rats ass about others is you. Nopone cares. It's a pony eat pony world, and only the nastiest come out on top. Blueblood, who would sell his own mother for a drink. Celestia, who banished her own sister for a thousand years, for the crime of wanting to feel loved. Cadenza, who manipulates others into false feelings of attraction for her own amusement. And of course Luna, do I need to say what 'nightmares' she tried to cause?"

 

>She starts to cry.

>"Why are you doing this! Can't you just leave me alone?"

"But why would I? I'm only trying to help you open your eyes."

>"W-what do you mean?"

"Isn't it time you put down the act, stopped trying to be nice? It gets you no where, so why don't you just let lose, let the anger and hate flow through you. Get ahead in life? After all, kindness gets you nowhere, anger does."

>Her fur starts to dull, becoming greyish yellow.

>"Humph, and why should I listen to you? After all, you said it. nopone is nice."

"Ahh, but I'm not a pony, you haven't even seen me."

>"Then what might you be? Hmm?"

"A friend, and that's all you need to know..."

>She walks off, smashing a vase as she leaves.

>You feel a talon rest on your shoulder.

>"Well well... I'm surprised, you managed to do it. I couldn't even make her snap without cheating..."

"I never lose a bet."

>"I see, speaking of which, here you go!"

>He tosses a large bag of bits at you, then snaps his talon and teleports off.

>You open the bag, and feel your anger building.

>Their fucking chocolate coins.

>Fucking Discord...

 

2

>You are binge eater Anon.

>And you are hungry.

>You are ALWAYS hungry.

>You just finished off the last of Sweet Apple Acres apples.

>It's not enough.

>Applejack walks up to you.

>"Hay thar sugarcube, you seem to like apples. I know an apple ya can eat..."

"Don't mind if I do!"

>You pick her up and swallow her in one bite.

>Delicious.

>You're still hungry.

 

>You are binge eating Anon again.

>And you are drinking(and eating) with your bro, Rainbow Dash.

>she looks at you half lidded.

>spaghetti starts to flow from your rolls.

>You eat the spaghetti.

>Wanna taste the rainbow?"

>"Oh yes..."

>You gorge on her quickly.

>She actually did taste like skittles.

 

>You outgrew your clothes again.

>Waddling over to Rarity's, your everything jiggles the whole way.

>You walk into the door.

>You don't fit, so you do one jumping jack.

>As you land, coated in enough sweat to slip through, the door collapses in the resulting earthquake.

>You head into the hole, barely fitting still.

>Marshmallow pony trots up to you.

"Mmmm... Marshmallows...."

>"Oh Anonymous! Are you in need of more dressings?"

>Salad?

>Eww...

>You leave, and devour Sugarcube Corner on the way home.

 

>Still being binge eating Anon, your hungry again, as always.

>You head into the rebuilt Sugarcube corner, now reinforced with steel.

>Pinkie is at the counter, taking your order.

>"Well? What'cha want?"

>You start to sweat.

>Your fat rolls feel saucy.

>Theres to many choices!

>The spaghetti is about to flow, when Pinkie talks.

>"How about one of everything?"

"Dear god yes!"

>"Okie dokie lokie!"

>You sit down, and start to dig in.

>Pinkie brings out the food, and you realize you were eating a table.

>You don't stop, and eat the food within miniutes.

>Suddenly, you smell marehood.

>"Oh my gosh! I never seen anyp0ny enjoy sweets at much as you!"

>"Say... How bout we head upstairs, and you can eat my 'pie'?"

"Why wait to go up stairs?"

>You eat her in one fell swoop of your jaw.

>Taste like cotton candy.

 

>You're heading over to Fluttershy's house to pick up some (as in all) of the deer (and rest of the animals) for a barbecue.

>Rolling your way over, you notice a large yellow thing blocking your path.

>You give it a lick.

>Nope, it's not butter... Taste like...

>Horse...

>"Anon! Oh I'm so so happy!-squee-!"

>"After all this time, I finally had an epiphany!"

>This is taking too long, your stomach growls in pain.

>"Your fetish is vore!"

>She sinks her horse teeth into your arm flab, and starts chowing down.

>You bellow out in pain, and try to swipe her off.

>Your arms are too short and stubby, and Fattershy is too heavy.

>Quickly, you start to do what you do best, eat.

>As she finishes off one of your arms, she goes onto a leg.

>"Oh Anon! Does this turn you on?"

"Mnpth!"

>It's no use, your mouth is too full of marshmallow pony to say no!

>You keep eating, but its a loosing battle.

>Sheer determination and hunger kicks in, and you pick up the pace, storing what you can't swallow in your many chins.

>It's no use, Fattershy has an stomach of the gods.

>Slowly, you are eaten piece by piece, and eventually vanquished.

>"Wait! Where did he go?"

>"Damn... I guess vore wasn't his fetish..."

 

3

>Its raining.

>There's a black box to be lowered into the ground in front of you.

>A pony is absent.

>And right now, nothing else matters.

>"Here we are gathered today, to celebrate the life of Pinkamina Diane Pie, taken from us in the prime of youth, and commit her unto Elysium."

>It was... You can't bother to remember the amount of days ago.

>"Pinkie... Was... I don't know how to say this..."

>Since you heard the news, the days just blended together.

>"...In short, she was a great friend. Maybe my best friend..."

>It feels like you haven't slept much, just drifting off and waking up sometime later.

>"I remember the day I first met her..."

>You eventually stopped crying.

>"I had to write a report to the Princess once, and she..."

>Not because you could deal with it, but your body just couldn't keep it up.

>"...She looked absolutely fabulous in that dress."

>Oh look, the rain stopped.

>But water still runs down your face?

>You feel a nudge on your shoulder.

>"Fluttershy, its your turn to speak."

"Ok..."

>You trot past the coffin to the podium.

"Pinkie..."

>You freeze up, unsure what to say.

"She..."

>You hide behind your mane, and fly off.

>You just couldn't do it.

 

>You burst into the front door, unable to control your sobs anymore.

>Angel bunny hops infront of you, pointing to a cookbook.

>You push him out of the way and climb into your bed.

>He hops off angrily, but you can't care.

>You lay there, sobbing for sometime.

>It could be minutes, or it could be days.

>You don't care.

>Somepone knocks on your door.

>You crawl out of bed, trying to wipe the tears from your face as you do.

>It doesn't work.

>"Fluttershy, open up!"

"I'm -sniff- comming..."

>You open the door, Rainbow Dash floating outside of it.

"What is it Rainbow?"

>"We're all going to head to Anon's place for drinks, come on!"

"I-i don't drink..."

>"Don't care, you're going."

"N-no thank you..."

>"I said, you're going!"

"And I said NO!"

>You slam the door on her, and climb back to your bed.

 

>"It is positively dreadful how she's reacting. I haven't seen her quite this bad before."

"I say we just let her be a downer to herself."

>"And ah say you don' git to talk, Rainbow. Of all things yah could'a done, yah yelled at her!"

"So what? I tried to get her to come!"

>Applejack rams a hoof into your face, and Twilight catches you before you can fall back.

>"Ah said, quiet!"

>You give her a glare, before turning back to your whiskey.

>"If Rainbow and Applejack are finished with their quarrel, I think it would be best if we returned to the subject at hand."

>"Agreed Rarity."

>"Anonymous, you would say that you and Fluttershy are quite close, right?"

>"Are you insinuating..."

>"No no! Not at all dear! What I mean is, you two are quite good friends. More so than the rest of us are if I do say so myself."

>"So, what should I do?"

>"Just go talk to her, she needs someone to help her out of this rut she's in."

>"...Now?"

>"Yes now!"

>"Ok ok, I'm going."

>And with that, Anonymous walks out the door.

>You break the following silence.

"I still say we should just leave her to herself!"

>You see a flash of orange, and everything goes black.

 

>Somepone is knocking again.

"Go away Rainbow Dash!"

>"It's me, Anon!"

"...The doors open..."

>You hear Anon's 'footsteps heading towards you.

>"Hey."

"-sniff- hey..."

>"Mind if I sit with you?"

>You rather he just leave.

"...Sure."

>"Want to talk?"

"No."

>"I think we should."

>You say nothing.

>He places his hands by your wings, and starts to massage.

>"I know it hurts, but dwelling on it won't make it better."

"It's just -sniff-...It's just so hard..."

>"I know... It is..."

>He you glance up at him.

>He's tearing up and looks very solemn.

>You've never seen him like this before.

>He moves his hands to your shoulders.

>You don't know if it's the massage or talking to him, but you feel better.

>More... at ease.

>He lays next to you, and pulls you into a hug.

>You both sit like that for a while, enjoying each other's company.

>"You know what Pinkie would say if she was here?"

"No?

>"I know you do, think harder."

"Umm..."

"That she likes to see her friends..."

>"Yeees?"

"Smile."

>And, for the first time since it happened, you do.

 

4

>You are Applejack.

>And you are meeting with Zecora for a poison to kill Anon.

"So, uh, Zecora. Yah got anything that can knock a pon- ah mean human dead?"

>"Ah, a poison you need in order to kill, I have just the thing for making a pony deathly ill."

>She hand's you... an apple?

>That no good thieving Zebra's been the one stealing from your farm!

>"Should the one you want dead take a bite, they will fall asleep, and soon the poison will smite."

"Great! How much do ah owe yah?"

>"Nothing, for to Tartarus I want his soul to send. That human annoys me to no end!"

>What voodoo heebie jeebie stuff is she saying now?

>Eh, you can't find a buck to give, it's free.

>You take the apple, and head off to Anon's house.

>Hi-ho, hi-ho, off to kill Anon you go...

 

"Hey, Anon!"

>"Fuck you Applejack-off!"

"Ah got'a present for yah!"

>He opens the door.

>"What do you want now?"

"Uh...Ah'm sorry fer all the times ah tried to rape yah, so I... uh..brought yah an apple as a token of good will?"

>You put on your best pokerface...

>You need to learn to lie better.

>"Eh, thanks... I guess..."

"Phew..."

>"What was that?"

"Nothin'! Ah didn't say nothin'!"

>He takes a bite from the apple, and falls over immediately.

>That wasn't so hard you guess.

"Heh... suck's i never got ta buck yah Anon, but maybe Ah'll take a kiss while ah can."

>Suddenly, Fluttershy swoops in, and french kisses his body.

"gald-darn it Fluttershai!"

>"Eep! sorry Applejack! I couldn't help myself! I thought maybe necrophilliacs was his fetish..."

"-sigh-, It's ok Fluttershai..."

>Anon's eyes flare open.

>He screams something about rapist ponies, and runs back inside his house.

"Gald-darn it..."

 

You are Twilight Sparkle.

And, right now, you can't make heads or tales of what this spell says.

It's meant to kill, but the ink is smudged in several places.

You'll have to try several different thing's you guess.

You place the book back in it's hiding place, and head off to find Anonymous.

 

You are Anonymous.

And you don't know why you just thought that...

O-well.

>You're watching a documentary on Equestrian history currently.

>"during the Equestrian Inquisition, it is estimated..."

Suddenly, Twilight Sparkle.

>"Noponie expects the Equestrian Inquisition!"

"What's with the cardinal robes?"

>"Um.. nothing. Can I ask a favor Anon?"

>Please not be more spell testing...

"What do you need?"

>"I have a couple of new spells I'd like to try."

"No."

>"I'll pay."

"Sure."

 

>You are Twilight Sparkle again.

>"Ok, let's begin."

>You cast the spell...

>And nothing happens.

>"So... what was that suppose to do?"

"Um.. nothing... and it worked! Ha ha! ha..."

>"Ok then..."

>Hmm... 

>You try something else.

>And Anon turns into... you?

>"Wow, so that spell turned you into me?"

>What?

>You look down at you're hooves...

>And they're replaced by freaky claws.

>You have fainted.

>Use next Pokemon?

 

>You come to, feeling your own body again.

"Phew.. sorry about that... that was..."

>The library is in a mess.

>YOUR library, is in a mess.

>Books are strewn about, chairs are burnt to ashes, and Anon is just sitting there smiling at you.

"WHAT... did you do?"

>"Well... you passed out, and decided to try out that weird magic thing you do... and I accidentally an explosion...

>You can feel the steam shooting from your ears.

>You pick him up in telekinesis, and throw him out the window.

>Hopefully he snaps his neck when he lands...

>Wait... why didn't you just do that before?

 

>You are Rainbow Dash.

>And you aren't surprised that Twilight and Applejack failed.

>After all, that aren't as cool as you.

>You have a much better plan though.

>And it involves being the undoubtedly best flyer in Equestria!

>You can't wait to see him go splat on the ground!

>He smells, he tries to get you to drink even though he knows you're a recovering alcoholic, and always calls you 'Rainbro'.

>You don't even know what a 'Rainbro' is!

>Eh, doesn't matter.

>Soon he will be a pile of what ever color alien blood is goop.

>You tap on the window of his house.

"Anon! Open up!"

>"Sup Rainbro?"

>Your blood boils at that name.

>You keep your cool levels at a fifth above maximum capacity though.

"I was wondering..."

>"Are you finally asking me on a date?"

>Ugh... why does he think you have feelings for him?

"No, I was thinking, do you want to go flying?"

>"Sure."

>All according to plan...

 

>Not according to plan.

>Anon must weigh like three hundred pounds!

>"You going to takeoff anytime soon?"

"-Huff... just a minute... -phew- ok let's go."

>You take off, and start to ascend higher and higher.

>He's holding on for dear life.

>You reach your maximum altitude, and go off into a nose dive.

>You're going faster

>And faster

>Soon a cone starts to build up around you as you reach near the limit.

>A blast of rainbow colored light emits behind you, and you pull up to avoid the nearing ground.

>You glance under where you did the sonic rainboom, expecting to see a splattered hooman.

>Only to realize he's still gripping onto you.

>"That... was... AWESOME! Want to go get some booze now?"

>How the buck...

>Buck it, you need a drink.

"Fine..."

 

>You are the most fabulous unicorn in Equestria, Rarity.

>And you have been tasked with the unfortunately uncouth task of offing that philistine, Anonymous.

>Such a shame, really. He was suppose to model for a new line of bipedal clothing for you.

>And the show is right when the deadline for you is!

>Hmm... maybe you can kill him at the show?

>It would get your product absolutely filthy with blood though...

>Pardon your french, but buck it. You can just make some more.

>You're doing nothing at the moment, so you might as well make the replacements in advance.

"Oh Sweetie Belle! could you do me a favor and get me some of the fine charcoal cloth from the basement?"

>"Get it yourself Rarity I'm busy!"

>Ugh, your daughter is always too busy to help lately.

>You wonder how long you can keep that whole 'sister' charade up.

>Probably for quite a while longer, at least till you ship her off to boarding school.

>Time to get dangerous!

>And fabulous!

 

>You rush out of sight, away from the witnesses of the crowd.

>Sure that nopone's prying eyes are on you, you pull out your equipment.

>Two remote detonators for C4 placed underneath the runway, a Dragunov SVD rifle with ten rounds, and a RPG.

>You glance out towards the runway, just as Anonymous walks out.

>The crowd 'ooo's and 'aah's at the sight of your magnificent work.

>Shame it will be in shreds soon.

>Anonymous walks towards where the first bundle of plastic explosive lies, and you hit the button.

>The C4 explodes, and the smoke from the explosion begins to dissipate.

>Revealing a still living Anonymous, playing with Hoity Toity's hair.

>You're reputation as a fashionista is probably ruined!

>You prepare your 'summon fainting couch' spell, but quickly remember you have a job to do.

>He start's walking again, and nears the end of the runway.

>You set off another C4.

>As the smoke clears, you catch sight of Anonymous picking his nose.

>He looks at the... you shiver... snot...

>And flings it, right onto Sapphire Shores face.

>By Celestia's graces you manage to not faint yet.

>You toss the detonators aside, and pull out the sniper.

>Just how in Equestria do you use this?

>Why does it have a telescope on top of it? and how do you turn it on?

>What does it even do honestly.

>You feel around it with your magic, and find a little movable metal piece.

>You point it towards Anonymous, and pull the trigger ten times.

>Peaking down at the runway, Anonymous is covered in blood.

>You did it!

>But wait, he's still moving?

>You look around some more.

>Oh Celestia... you just killed Photo Finish...

>You throw caution to the wind, and pull out the RPG.

>It's a tad uncouth, but it should get the job done.

>As Anonymous nears the entrance to the runway, you fire.

>And hit Fancy Pants, Blueblood, and Fleur.

>Unable to stop yourself, you faint this time.

 

Fluttershy:

   [REDACTED]

Pinkie Pie:

   [REDACTED]

 

5

"Who are you? what is that? Ooo, that thing has words! what do they say?"

>"I'm Twilight Sparkle, and that's that's a book! What are you?"

"What am I?" What AM I?"

>"How do you not know what you are?"

"Hey, you're the lady from the, no, no you're not. You're a horse. Where's the lady from the test? Where are we?"

>"What's a lady? and we're in my library!"

"Where's that?"

>"South end of Ponyville."

"Where's that?"

>"South of Canterlot."

"Where's that?"

>"Grrr, it's in Equestria!"

"Oh, ok...."

"..."

"Where's that?"

>"GAH!"

 

>"HI! I'm Pinkie Pie!"

"Hey! I'm... who am I?"

>"That's a silly name 'who am I?'!"

"Why is it silly?"

>"Because it is!"

"Hey! What is that?"

>"That's a cupcake silly filly!"

"I'm a filly?"

>"You are!? You don't look like one!"

"What's a cupcake?"

>"GASP! Howdoyounotknowwhatacupcakeis!?"

"Why are you carrying me?"

>"Becausewehaveabakingemergency!"

"What's that?"

>"Here! Eat this!"

"What's eat?"

>"Everypone knows how to eat you silly filly! You just put the food in your mouth and chew!"

"I don't have a mouth."

>"Well, then how are you talking?"

"I don't know, how am I?"

>"Well I guess you can't eat if you don't got a mouth! which means no baked goods... which means -GASP!- no cupcakes!"

"Why is your hair flat?"

 

"Hey! Who are you?"

>"What!? This round one does not know who the Great and Powerful Trixie is?!"

"Why are you wearing that?"

>"Because Trixie is the greatest unicorn in all of Equestria!"

"Where's Equestria?"

>"Here you imbecile!"

"Oh... What's a imbecile?"

>"What manner of creature dares to mock Trixie!?"

"I don't know..."

"What's mocking?"

>"Trixie has had enough of you!"

"Ooo, what are you doing? is that magic? Hey, is that a horn? ooo, that hat has stars on it!"

>"Begone, round one!"

"Hey, heeeey, why did you throw me?"

 

>"Well hey there little critter, are you lost?"

"Hey!"

>"Eep!"

"Why are you hiding?"

>"I-im sorry... you... scared me..."

"What's scared? Is that a emotion? Ooo, I want to be scared!"

>"O-ok...?"

"Ooo, what's that? No, not that, THAT."

>"I don't see it."

"Waaaay up there, falling from the... big... blue... thing?"

"What IS that big blue thing?"

>"The sky?"

"Sky, falling from the sky."

>"It looks like... you?"

"What do I look like?"

>"SPAAAAAAAAAACE!"

>"Eep!"

"What does SPAAAAAAAACE look like?"

 

>"What manner of creature be this sister?"

>"I'm not sure Luna, I've never seen something like it before."

"Space space space, want to go to space."

>"Tis quite oddly obsessed with space, be it not?"

>"Yes... who would want to go to space?"

"I do, gotta go to space."

"Hey, moon butt, can you take me to space?"

>"We suppose... but why doth thou want to go to space?"

"Because space is space with a side of space and a large space soda."

>"That doesn't even make sense?"

"Why sense? Why not space?"

>"Sister, we do believe the creature has hurt its head in the fall."

>"I'm not too sure, it looks unharmed..."

>"Then perhaps it be a agent of Discord?"

"Secret Agent Core, in space."

>"That would make sense..."

"Are we in space now? No? How about now?"

>"We should banish it to the moon until we figure it out."

>"We do agree with thy proposal sister."

"I missed you space!"

 

6

>Day San Francisco in Equestria

>Fluttershy is outside your door, asking you about your fetish as usual.

>"Well?"

"No Fluttershy... Orthodontist are not my fetish..."

>She flys off as usual.

>-knock knock-

>You pause before opening the door.

>Is this worth it? Wasting both of your time to avoid having sex with her?

>... What the fuck are you thinking?

>You sigh, ad go to open the door.

>"H-hi Anon..."

"What is it this time Fluttershy... Demon worship?

>"No ac-"

"Discordant music?"

>"No Anon I-

"Giant monster fights?"

>No-"

"Paradoxes? Chicken suits? Archimedies?"

>"ANON!"

"ITS NOT YELLING EITHER!"

>"Buck it Anon! Forget it! Im leaving!

>Wow... I wish that worked sooner.

>Hopefully it will work next time also.

 

>You go to into town, heading to your job at the spa.

>Three hours pass, and the only sign of yello aremthe flowers and Derpy's hair.

>Odd...

>This is usually the time Fluttershy attempts Fetish Guess number 2...

>Kind of nice...

>Three more hours pass, and Rarity walks in.

>No Fluttershy.

"The usual?"

>"Quite."

>Ca-ching!

"I hope I don't intrude, but where is Fluttershy?"

>"I'm not quite sure... I saw her at Twilight's earlier, try there perhaps?"

"Thank you."

>"It's nothing to worry about dear, Im sure."

"Honestly, it probably is, this is unlike her."

>"What makes you say that?"

"Oh, nothing important..."

 

>Walking into the library, you can't help but to be careful.

>You still remember the time she thought assault was your fetish.

>And ninjas...

>And failed assassinations...

>You open the door cautiously...

>"Anon! Just the pon-err-human I need to test a new spell!"

>Phew?

"Dare I ask?"

>"Don't worry, it wont be a repeat of the goo incident... I think..."

>-gulp-

"What is it you had in mind?"

>"I think I can make it so you can breath fire to send letters like Spike!"

>Ok?

>"Stand riiiight over there..."

>You alk over into a little circle on the floor.

>Is that a chicken heart?

>Why is it you can't eat meat here...but Twilight can slaughter defenseless fowls for her own absurd experiments?

"Have you seen Fluttershy today?"

>She was by here earlier, returning my copy of 'The Big Book of Fetishes', why?"

"I haven't seen her all day, its... unnerving me..."

>"It's probably nothing."

"Well do you know where she-"

>"Buck!"

"... What did you do?"

>"Nothing! you look fine!

"... Right... Well, do you know where she is?"

>"Last time i saw her, she was heading over to Sweet Apple Acres."

"Thank you... I guess?"

>"Just don't look in any mirrors!"

>The fuck did she do?

 

>-Gulp-... Time to face Rapplejack...

"Heeeey Applejack..."

>"Well hey that handsome, here for some good ol' country lovin'? "

"Hah... Good one now please kindly go fuck yourself."

>"Naw... Why do that when ah could just use yah?"

"Cut the shit AJ I'm busy."

>"Somepony's pissed, how about some good ol' 'rest and relaxation', with me? Ah'm sure it'll put yah in a good mood."

"Ok, look you inbred hick. I'm looking for Fluttershy. She came over here after returning a book to Twilight, where. Did she go?

>"She wen't to Sugar Cube Corner after pickin' up some animal feed, why?"

>You walk off without answering her.

>Halfway down the road, you slam face first into the sun-baked ground.

"The fuck are you doing?"

>"Didja really think ah would let yah go that easily?"

"Well, yeah?"

>"To bad sugarcube."

"Ah say! Ah say! Now what would yah go an' do that for boy?"

>"Are yah makin' fun of mah accent?"

"Whats the big ahdea? Ah say boy, would yah want tah be raped?"

>"Well...  Naw, but.."

"Then whah in sam hill would yah be goin' an' trahin tah rape me? That that be a mighty big bunch of hypocracy riaght thar!"

>"Are yah makin' fun of mah accent?"

"Now that thar idea be dumber than ah skeleton makes noise thrawin a fit on ah tin roof!"

>"... Just git the buck outa here..."

"Now ahm a just git outa yar hair now, yah here?"

>"I said! Go!"

"Solong now! An', don't be trustin' no chickens now boy."

 

>"Ohandyesterdayifoundareallyweirdthingthatithoughtwasbellybuttonlint,butthenirealizedineversawanyp0nyactuallyhaveabellybutton!and-"

>You've been here for at least an hour, listening to pinkies non stop talking.

>Wait... She stopped?

>"What was it you wanted Anon?"

"Have you seen Fluttershy lately?"

>"Nope!"

>Damn...

>"Now stand still..."

>Huh?

>Pinkie pulls out a syringe from hammerspace, and jams it into your arm.

"Sleepy tiem...."

>You wake up tied to a old matress that's been haphazardly leaned against a wall.

"Where am I?"

>"The basement beneath sugarcube corner!

"Why...?"

>"Because We'll be baking silly!"

"Pinkie..."

>She does that freaky think with her nexk, looking up from underneath you smiling.

>"Yeeeesss?"

"Acting out Cupcakes is not my type of party..."

>"Who says this is a party?"

"Your costume has a price tag on it still."

>"As you finish the last word of your sentence the lights flare on, revealing a large gathering of p0nies."

>"Aww... Why won't you just tell me?"

"Ruins the fun."

>"Okie Dokie Lokie!"

"So, do you know where Fluttershy is?"

>"Rainbow Dashes house!"

 

"Wakey wakey Rainbro!"

>"Wha...?"

>You are currently underneath your Rainbro's house.

>Trying to get her attention, you started throwing rocks at her house.

>She stuck her head out of the window, just as a rock wizzed at her head. 

>"What happened?"

"You pulled too many Gs and blacked out."

>"Really?"

"Really."

>Pokerface engage!

>She stares you right in the eyes.

>Hows the hull, face?

>Holding strong!

>"So why are you here?"

"Have you seen Fluttershy? She hasn't been around all day.

>She starts to blush, and refuses to look you in the eyes.

>"N-no! I haven't seen her all day!"

>Maybe she's home now?

"Well... Thanks. I guess..."

 

"Fluttershy! Are you here?"

>"What do YOU want?"

>Somep0ny's mad...

"I..."

>"Well?"

"I'm sorry. "

>"What?"

"I shouldn't have yelled at you. I may not love you, be attracted to you, or try to rape you with a rusty screwdriver..."

>"Wait what?"

"But, over the course of the day... I realized something. You're still a friend. Also, its frankly weird  ot having you try to guess my fetish. So I'm sorry, will you forgive me?"

>"-squee!- Yes."

>She envelops you in a marshmellowy hug.

"So what was it?"

>"What was what?"

"The fetish this morning."

>"I wasn't trying to guess your fetish, I meant to tell you something."

"Oh?"

>"I'm a lesbian, that fetish guessing was just me in denial. Me and Dashy are together now."

 

7

>The sun rises, basking the town in it's golden glory as it does every morning.

>The sagging, straw roofs of the small, quaint little town glisten with beads of water from last nights rain, as if coated with the dust of diamonds.

>You wake with a drawn out yawn, and begin your day through the town of Ponyville.

 

>Walking out of your door, you take in the sights and sounds of the morning.

>The mist rolling through the streets, dancing in the rays of light as they illuminate the buildings.

>The few other ponies, beginning the day by heading to their market stalls or places of buisness, walking to and fro with the clopping of their hooves on the cobblestone streets,

>The birds chirping as they swoop about, gathering breakfast for their young and themselves,

>And the drips of water, falling off of the trees into the shimmering puddles below.

>It's symphony of stimuli bestows upon you quite a lovely feeling, one of oddly envigorating serenity.

 

>By the time you reach your first destination, the sun barely finishes comming out of hiding from behind the horizon.

>Entering into Sugarcube Corner, you are basked in a wonderous combination of scents.

>innamon, apple, sweet bread, chocolate, nutmeg, the list goes on and on.

>As you walk up to the counter, ready to order your breakfast for the day, that familiar pink mare pops her head up, eyes filled with her usual glee and excitement.

>"Hi Anon!" she nearly yells, "what can I get you today?"

>"I'll take a banana muffin, and if you have any coffee left could I have some of that?"

>"Okie dokie lokie, comming right up!" She happily exclaims as she trots into the back, heading to get some of her own, personal brew for you.

>Most ponies don't realize, but that is the reason she is constantly fulll of energy.

>If Pinkie is nearby, theres probably a large cup of coffee mixed with a years worth of sugar stirred in.

 

>When she returns, balanced on her nose is a red coffee mug, and on her back is a muffin the size of a small foal.

>Normally, you would try to order a small one, but due to her constant insistence on upping the size for free, you've since stopped trying.

>You can't help but to notice that she seems more chipper than usual, if that is even possible.

"You seem happy today, something happen?"

>"I'm always smiling silly filly!"

"But is there any particular reason that you are today?"

>"Both poundcake and punmpkin both said their first words! And they were both 'Pinkie'!

>The cakes arn't as happy though, I can't figure out why? Maybe because I used up all the sugar, but wasn't that last week?"

>As you pass several bits over the counter, you reply with a simple "beats me" though you know what is likely the answer.

 

>Making your way to a seat, you ponder on what to do today.

>You don't have work today, and most of your friends are out of town or busy.

>Perhaps you will see what Ponyville has to offer, it has been a while since you've taken a look around.

>You decide to first head out to the park. Maybe there will be some sort of game you can join in, or a live concert?

>The park is a short walk from Sugarcube corner, taking you only about five minutes to cover the distance.

 

>When you arrive, there is no open air concert or sport, but there is that mint green unicorn you've seen around town playing to a small crowd.

>Wedging your way between ponies, you take a seat and listen.

>Note after note she weaves her tune into a harmonic sound, the quality of which none of your peers on earth could hope to match.

>Unfortunately, you appear to have arrived late, and the unicorn finishes soon.

 

>You make your way to hand her some bits, but she stops you, saying,

>"Don't worry about it, I just play here for practice."

"Do you need practice? You already seem to be a master musician."

>This gets a small giggle out of her.

>"I wouldn't say master, and anyp0ny has room for improvement anyways."

"I see, whats your name?"

>"Lyra, and you?"

"Anonymous, but you can call me Anon."

>"So, Anon, do you play any instruments?"

"Nope."

>"Well that won't do, everyp0ny should know how to play some sort of instrument..."

>"Hmm, if you have time, maybe I can teach you the basics to the lyre? I have nothing better to do anyways now."

"Ehh, why not? Seems like it could be fun."

 

>"So, thats the basics to it, try a few notes now."

>You place the fingers of one of your hands on the strings, and strum with your right, enjoying the feel of each individual vibration.

>As the lyre emits it's tune, Lyra stares intently at your hands with a look of wonder, watching every movement you make with them.

"Well?"

>"Your doing good! Im sure if you keep at it, you could be good enough to play at the Grand Galloping Gala!"

"Your just exaggerating, aren't you?"

>"A little, but who knows? You do seem to have gotten the hang of it quickly, and 'hands' as you called them seem to work wonders on the instrument."

"Perhaps you could teach me further sometime?"

>"I don't see why not, how about next week, same time and place?"

"Fine by me."

 

Walking back out of the park, you realize how long you've been out.

The sun is sinking back below the horizon, igniting the sky with cascading reds.

Learning the lyre must have been more engrossing than you thought, it must have been at least seven hours that you've spent learning it.

You make your way in the door, heading straight towards your kitchen.

After making up for lunch and eating a filling dinner, you go to the cabinet and grab your bottle of scotch.

You make your way upstairs to your bedroom balcony, and sip your scotch as you watch the fiery orb dip below the horizon, and the moon take it's place.

You fall asleep without leaving your chair, enjoying the warm summer night as you drift off.

 

8

>You glance at the clock as you wake up, groggily making an attempt to read the time.

>8:26 AM

>The red glare of the numbers almost feels as if it is trying to remind you of something.

>You get out of our chair,careful not to knock over what little is left of your scotch, and head down stairs.

>Making your way into the kitchen, you hear nothing in the silence but the tapping of your sandals as you make your way across tile floor.

>You reach up into the third cabinet from the left, and pull out a random box of cereal.

>The lable on the box says 'chimp crunch' but knowing Pinkie Pies weird form of pranking, it's likely Applejacks or Hay-o's.

>Peeking in the box as you place it on the table, you see hints of green and orange.

>Sure enough, it's Applejacks.

>Not what you would prefer, but you are fine with it.

>You finish off the cereal, unfortunately without milk.

>You're still fairly iffy on the concept of drinking the product of a sentient beigns mammaries, no matter how delicious.

>Heading back upstairs, you rummage through your dresser for a change of clothing.

>You decide to put on a light green tee shirt with an amazingly small amount for Rarity of only two diamonds, and head out the door.

 

>All the way to the general store, you just cant shake the feeling that you're forgetting something important.

>You head to the stock of cereal first, narrowly avoiding tripping over the owners chick.

>She just learned to fly a week ago, and evidently he has been having trouble keeping her in one place, so you're suprised you've still yet to actually do so.

>Placing some Applejacks into the basket, you continue on through the store, and stop by the meat section.

>The sheer amount of red meat in this section always surprises you.

>As far as you know, you and the owner's nesting are the only ones who eat meat in town, save the occasional dog or griffon passing through on travels, and combined you doubt that much meat can be consumed.

>You're probably just overthinking it, not like it could mean anything more than overstocking.

 

>Grabbing a few more items on your way, you head over to the counter, exchange pleasantries and Bits, then are on your way.

>As you're weaving you way through  crowds of equines, your memory returns to you like a freight train.

>You were suppose to be at a dentist appointment around ten.

>You glance over at the clock tower, squinting to help avoid the glare comming off of the polished copper roof.

>You can't make out where the hands are pointing to, but the low-pitched ringing of the bell tells you enough.

>Your going to be late for your appointment.

 

>Darting from street to street and jumping over the occasional pony, you make your way across town.

>Grabbing the pole by the Doctors clock shop, you fling yourself in the direction of the dental clinic.

>You burst in through door, nearly breaking it off it's hinges... just as Colgate turns flips the sign to say 'open'.

>Its been at least three years since you've started to use her instead of self reliance for dental work, and you've yet to learn that she is ALWAYS late herself.

>"Great to see you Anon! I'll get everything set up, then come right back out to get you!"

>You take a seat on a floor cushion, And wait,

>And wait,

>And wait.

>Finally, she calls you to the back.

 

>The wait may be annoying, but you always have to admit to yourself that she does a good job cleaning everything.

>The entire room is spotless, not a speck of dirt to be found.

>The air carries the heavy sent of cleansing solutions, and her tools are polished to a shine.

>You go to sit down in the chair, going through what you're suppose to do by memory.

>Though you do this, Colgate continues on with telling you what to do as if she has a checklist that must be met every time.

>You lay your head back on the cushion, and immediately she responds by jamming random dental equipment in your mouth.

>"So, Hows life?"

"Mthfph."

>How does she expect an answer when she's jamming a mirror and water squirting thingy in your mouth?

>She takes the pokey thing and start to drag it between your teeth, continuing with this for a while before she speaks again.

>"-yawn-, thats nice. Anything new happen recently?"

>Theres no way she actually understood you before.

"Mhthpfp"

>She puts some sort of fluoride-foamy stuff in a mould, and jams it in your mouth.

>"Good, good. I've been fine myself."

"Mttmp hmpht"

>She puts a water nozzel and suction tube in your mouth, removing the mould as she does.

>About a miniute later, Colgate pulls the equipment from your mouth, and clumsily places them in their respective holders.

>"Well, were done. Have a nice -yawn- day."

"Like-wise."

 

>Heading outside, you can feel the moisture in the air, the brewing of a storm.

>Glancing up, you see dark clouds looming directly overhead, covering the town in a gloomy shadow.

>Realizing it is about to rain very soon you prepare to dash for home, hopefully not being caught in the storm.

>That thought is short lived, as right when you begin your sprint, the pegasi clear out, and the thunderstorm begins.

>You make a 180 back into the clinic, already drenched.

>"Hmm? Anon? What are you still doing here?"

>"Dash must have forgotten to update the weather schedule again, it's raining cats and dogs outside."

>"Have you been drinking? I only see water..."

"It's just an expression."

>"Oh... Ok... If you dont mind, I'm going to take a little nap now..."

>Colgate starts to teeter, and before you can catch her she hits the floor.

>"I'm ok! I'm ok!"

"Are you sure? You don't look so good..."

>"I'm perfectly fine, just a little -yawn- tired."

"Care to elaborate why?

>"I wouldnt want to bore you with my problems, don't worry about it."

>Pointing outside to put emphasis on your point, you respond

"We're going to be stuck here for a while, we might as well talk..."

>"-sigh-... Ok."

 

>"Between work and foal sitting for Rose, I haven't been getting much sleep lately. I'm either here doing paperwork, or being kept awake all night by Tulip Bud."

"Sounds stressful."

>"You don't know the half of it. I -yawn- would get Twilight to help with the bookkeeping, but since she's in Manehattan I'm stuck doing it myself.

"Well, since I'm stuck here for a while, maybe I can help? I've picked up a fair amount living with her when I first arrived."

>"That would be nice. I'll go get some coffee brewing; the office is two doors down, on the left."

 

>You walk down the hall, sandals wetly squeaking the whole way there.

>Grasping the brass handle of the door, you prepare for the worst.

>Unfortunately, no amount of preparation could prepare you for the sheer amount of papers strewn about.

>Pile after pile of medical histories, patient bills, and mail cover every square inch of surface area in the room.

>You don't even know the color of the rug in the room, be it even a rug at all.

>Just how many patients does she have?

>Colgate walks up behind you, sipping coffee as if nothing is unusual about the mess.

>"Well, shall we get started?"

"Lead the way."

>"Heh, I assure you, it's not like this normally."

"I would hope not, it's like Discord was released again and locked in here..."

 

>You glance up at the clock.

>1:12 PM

>You've been sorting for a fair amount of time.

>It feels as If you've hardly made any progress through

>You can see the rug now though! Its a nice shade of blue mixed with pale blue to match Colgate it would seem.

>The conversation has been slow so far, but as Colgate drinks more coffee, she talks more.

>You've been mainly on the receiving end of the conversation lately; She ask about three questions for each one of yours.

>"So, have you found love here yet?"

"Nope, don't plan on changing that though."

"Have you?"

>"Yes, actually. I got engaged recently."

>Huh, you had no idea, must have gotten drowned with all the changeling news from Canterlot...

"What's his name?"

>"Her, actually. And my fiancé's name is Lilly."

"Oh. Oh! I'm sorry, I had no idea."

>"Heh, no one does it seems, doesn't come up often."

"Well congratulations, whens the wedding?"

>"We haven't decided on a date yet."

 

>It's been about seven hours since you've started, and you are about to pass out.

>The mountain of paperwork is considerably smaller now, but still foreboding to look at.

>File after file, bill after bill, you fought the papery beast gallantly, yet it still survives.

>Colgate crashed from lack of caffeine a while ago, and is sleeping with a pile of bills as a makeshift pillow.

 

8

>You head home, buying a sandwich on the way to suffice for your dinner.

>You lumber up stairs, gripping the guard rail lest you fall asleep  while ascending.

>Falling into your bed, you embrace its enveloping comfort and drift off.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door -

Only this, and nothing more."

 

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,

And each separate dying word wrought its post upon the floor.

Eagerly I wished the miro; - vainly I had sought to borrow

From my pastebin surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Shermanatore -

For the rare and radiant writefag whom the oldfags name Shermanatore –

Writeless here for evermore.

 

And the silken sad jimmy rustling of each chapter writen

Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,

"'Tis some lurker entreating entrance at my chamber door -

Some late lurker entreating entrance at my chamber door; -

This it is, and nothing more."

 

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then nolonger,

"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came >raping,

And so faintly you came fapping, fapping at my chamber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door; -

/soc/ there, and nothing more.

 

Deep into that /soc/ peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;

But the shitposting was unbroken, and the faggotry gave no token,

And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Shermanatore?"

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Shermanatore!" -

Merely this, and nothing more.

 

Back into the chamber turning, all my feels within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:

Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -

'Tis the summer and nothing more."

 

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flit and flutter,

In there stepped a stately pegasi of the saintly days of yore;

Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;

But, with mien of write or lurk, perched above my chamber door -

Clopped upon a bust of Cronicler just above my chamber door -

Clopped, and sat, and nothing more.

 

Then this ebony hoers beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.

"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,

Ghastly grim and ancient pegasi wandering from the AiE shore -

Tell me what thy lordly name is good in AiE's slow thread shore!"

Quoth the pegasi, "Nevermore."

 

Much I marvelled this ungainly equine to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

Ever yet was blest with seeing hoers above his chamber door -

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,

With such name as "Nevermore."

 

But the pegasi, sitting lonely on the Liche bust, spoke only

That one word, as if her soul in that one word he did outpour.

Nothing further then she uttered- not a feather then she fluttered -

Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other writefags have left before -

On the Miro she will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."

Then the hoers said, "Nevermore."

 

But the Miro still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,

Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of hoers, and bust and door;

Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to thread linking

Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous hoers of MOAR -

What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous hoers of MOAR

Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

 

Then me thought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by Aether whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.

"Wretch," I cried, "thy Celestia hath lent thee - by these writefags she hath sent thee

Respite - respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Shermanatore:

Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Shermanatore!"

Quoth the Pegasi, "Nevermore."

 

"Shitposter!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still, if pone or devil! -

Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,

Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert thread enchanted -

On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore -

Is there - is there stories in Thread? - tell me - tell me, I implore!"

Quoth the Pegasi, "Nevermore."

 

"Shitposter!" said I, "thing of evil - prophet still, if pone or devil!

By that Heaven that bends above us - by that Mare we both adore -

Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant lurkin',

It shall clasp a sainted writer whom the oldfags name Shermanatore -

Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the oldfags name Shermanatore."

Quoth the Pegasi, "Nevermore."

 

"Be that word our sign in parting, pone or Discord," I shrieked, upstarting -

"Get thee back into the tempest and the Thread's writen shore!

Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

Leave my writer's block unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!

Take thy marehood from out my heart, and take thy plot from off my door!"

Quoth the Pegasi, "Nevermore."

 

And the Pegasi, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Chronicler just above my chamber door;

And her eyes have all the seeming of a Sombra's that is dreaming,

And the screenlight o'er her streaming throws her shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted - nevermore!

 

9

>You wake up, your alarm blaring the radio.

>Another day, another chance at a job.

>You go down stairs, your stomach shouting at you for food.

>Entering the kitchen, you eye your prize.

>Glorious gorilla munch.

>You help yourself to a bowl, and grab the help wanted section of the Ponyville Confidential.

>Lets see, nope, burned that bridge.

>Nope, literally burned that bridge. Bitch deserved it though.

>Lyra’s ape petting zoo, groundskeeper needed.

>Huh, can’t be too bad of a job.

>You finish up your cereal, put on your lucky bandana, and go off on your way.

 

>Arriving at the petting zoo, you spot a ranger in a green uniform.

>You walk over to her and clear your throat to speak.

“Are you Lyra Heartstrings?”

>”Why yes I am, what is it you needed to know?”

“I’m here about the job opening you have.”

>She starts to turn to look at you.

>”Oh, great! We’ve needed a… a…”

“You ok?”

>”I…”

>You hold up your hand with two fingers out.

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

>”Uhh…”

>She just stares at your hand and…

>Is that drool?

>You snap her fingers, but she doesn’t snap out of her trance.

>”I want you…”

“What?”

>”I want you inside me…”

>The fuck?

“No?”

>She tries to pounce onto you.

>”Too bad.”

>You duck out of the way, and take off running towards the entrance.

>It’s only a moment later you hear her running up behind you.

>She goes for another pounce, but misses and ends up landing in a garbage pail.

>You turn and laugh, but end up smashing into a fence.

 

>The both of you recover quickly, and as she crawls out you climb over.

>You are almost over the fence, when suddenly you feel your pants being yanked down.

>You gaze behind you, to witness Lyra hanging from your pants by her mouth.

>She’s got an old banana peel in her mane, her outfit is torn, and her hat is missing.

>It’s a sight you would chuckle at, were she not trying to rape you.

>You manage to shake her loose, flinging into a nearby bush.

>You manage to clear the fence and look back through to taunt her, but see nothing.

>Is she still in the-

>”Gotcha!”

“Ahh!”

>You sprint away, avoiding her grasp.

>Of course, teleportation.

>Fucking unicorns.

 

>You run as fast as you can, trying to lose her through the alleyways.

>It doesn’t work, but the fact she makes corners much slower than you lets you put some distance between the two of you.

>It works, but you’re nearing the edge of town.

>You pick up a newspaper, and sit on a bench pretending to read.

>Huh, used cart for sale, only 300 bits.

>Probably a piece of junk.

>”Excuse me sir, could you spare me the ‘Help Wanted’ section?”

>You pull out the section and…

>Wait…

>You know that voice…

>You glance over, and sure enough…

>”A-hah!”

>She lunges at you, but you swat her hooves away.

>You jump up, and dash into a department store.

>You search the store for a place to hind, and decide on the changing rooms.

>You enter a room and lock the door.

>Not a moment later, you hear someponie trot up to the door.

>”Why don’t you come on out and play Mr.Monkey?”

“No thank you.”

>”Well, how about I come on in then?”

“Uh, I’m indecent.”

>”Indecent? What’s what?”

>Oh right, ponies don’t wear clothes.

>You smash a hole in the back of the room, and dart out.

 

>You find yourself running into a park filled with trees.

>As Lyra sprints to catch you, you grab onto a branch and begin to climb.

>Heh, she can’t get you know, now unless she can climb.

>Suddenly, you hear a chopping sound.

>You look down, and see Lyra smashing into the tree with an axe head formed from magic.

>God damn it.

>You jump to a nearby tree, just as the one you were on is felled.

>She chops away at each tree you leap to, and before it’s chopped down you leap to another.

>Eventually though, you get an idea.

>As the tree’s about to wall, you shift your weight and aim it right for her.

>You begin to tip over…

>And oh fuck, ABORT! ABORT!

>The tree lands on top of you, pinning you beneath it’s weight.

“Oww…”

>”We can’t do this with that on top of you, now can we?”

>The tree glows, and suddenly unpins you.

>Wait, why didn’t she just grasp you with telekinesis?

>You decide she’s not to bright of a pony.

>She licks her lips.

>”Now then, let’s get down to business…”

“Nope!”

>You jam your fingers in her eyes, easily hitting such large targets.

>”Ah! Celestia damn it!”

 

>You run, but she grasp you.

>Attempting to shake her off again, you find yourself unable to.

>God damn it, it looks like this is the end of the line.

>For your virginity.

>You gaze up and plead, but her hunger filled eyes care not for the plight of mortal men.

>She sniffs you a few times, then licks your face.

>”Oh yes… you’ll be quite… delicious….”

“Wait what?”

>She gapes open her mouth, and you stare into her gapping maw.

>It unhinges, and you realize your fate.

>Slowly, she forces her mouth around your head.

>As it slides over you, you can feel the saliva pouring in a attempt to lubricate you for consumption.

>It doesn’t take long till she gets to your shoulders, and you take one last breath of air.

>You fight as hard as you can, but gain now leeway.

>She’s just too strong.

>She seems to have some trouble moving over your shoulders, but manages to get you down.

>The rest of the way must be easy for her, because she makes progress quick.

>As she comes to your knees, you kick with your last might.

>It’s no use, and you soon find yourself in her stomach.

>Well… Mama always said you weren’t worth shit.

>Now it looks like you’re about to become some.