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Messianic Misconceptions

By: IntoTheVoid on Jul 24th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 7.64 KB | hits: 139 | expires: Never

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>1/12/2014
>3:13 AM
>You are heading Los Angeles to meet an old friend along I40.
>Having just gotten onto the highway, you are currently accelerating to seventy MPH.
>Oh fuck a cop.
>You begin to slow the car to fifty-five, hopefully he didn’t notice.
>As you apply pressure to the break, you turn on the radio and begin searching for a station.
>”…Taaaake oooon meeee…”
>”…And then I said…”
>”…Breaking news. NASA has just launched a rover destined to nep-”
>You turn the radio off, nothing good.
>It’s around forty minutes later when you see an oncoming car.
>Huh, you thought the median was wider.
>About 30 seconds later you realize it.
“Oh fuck!”
>You try to swerve out of the way, but the impact was inevitable at that point.
>Your head smashes into the steering wheel as your car is forced from the road, and you can feel the car begin to flip.
>You don’t know where you’re hurt, but you can see the blood trickling down into your hair.
>-hick- Damn that stuff was strong, I thought I hit something…”
>”Oh fuck! You alright buddy!?”
>”Oh sweet Jesus… I can’t lose my license…”
>”He… nine one o… thar’s been…”
>”D…’chu...y!”
>”St…ke.”
-Beep-
>“We’re almost done! Quick! More power to the crystal!”
-Beep-
>Oh god, the pain!
>You begin to scream and thrash, the amount being far above your threshold.
>“By the gods! It’s working!”
>“Quick, use a numbing spell, it’s breaking the bindings.”
>The pain suddenly lessens by magnitudes, and you calm down.
>Slowly, you begin to think, and your head feels heavier.
>’fewrhigpuewo’
>Control over your chest suddenly returns, and you begin to breathe.
>’fer what ergewiupo’
>The feeling of your limbs comes back, and it feels as if you haven’t used them in ages.
>A barrage of strange sounds, sights, feelings, and the taste of ancient dust strike you at once.
>’What go on?’
>You regain the ability to talk, and use it immediately.
”What the hell is going on?!”
>“IT’S ALIVE!”
>”I never thought I would see one… a living human…”
>What?
>”Should we report the results to Celestia?”
>”Yes, but inform the Professor too.”
“Look, can somebody please tell me what on Earth is going on?”
>”I think that would be best, can you remove the head restraints doctor?”
>”Certainly miss Sparkle.”
>Sparkle?
>That’s a strange name.
>The claps loosen, and you shoot up.
>You glance around the room, taking note of the various lab equipment and surgical tables.
>The room is strangely absent of whoever was talking before.
>You start walking, but promptly trip over something.
>”Ouch! Watch it!”
>Oh, they weren’t absent, you just looked above them.
“Sorry!”
>You take a look at…
>She’s a horse-thing…
>With a horn…
“What are you, and where the hell am I?”
>”Ok, I’m sure you have a lot of questions…”
>You give her a stern look.
“Yep, and I just asked two, now would you kindly answer them?”
>”I’m a pony, unicorn to be exact. And you are in a room beneath Canterlot University.”
“Camelot, like King Arthur’s round table?”
>”No, Canterlot. What’s Camelot? Is it an old human place?”
“I’d like to know what is going on first.”
>”Fine, any other questions?”
“Not yet…”
>”Then let’s go.”
“Where?”
>”To meet Princess Celestia.”
“Do I have a choice?”
>”No, you don’t.”
“And if I refuse?”
>”I… I’m not sure. But you should anyways.”
>You cross your arms.
“In that case, I think I’ll head home now. Mind pointing the way out?”
>”Uh… I… Don’t think that’s possible…”
>You cock your eyebrow and look into her eyes.
“Why would that be?”
>”I’ll tell you if you come with me to meet Princess Celestia.”
>You give it some thought.
>Fuck it. Pony doctor fixed you up from the crash, so she probably doesn’t want to kill you.
“Fine… lead on…”
>”Syrup, you’re fine cleaning up alone right?”
>”Yep.”
>She leads you through a small, rotting door leading into a tunnel, and closes it as you pass through.
>It’s dark, frighteningly so.
>”Ok, follow me, and try not to make too much noise.”
“What? Are we ninjas or something?”
>”Ninja’s were real?”
“Yep.”
>She lights up her horn and leads you down the winding passage.
>Since when did horses have bio luminescence?
>Then again, since when did they look like that and talk?
>For what feels to be about an hour or so, the two of you slowly ascend.
>eventually though, the floor levels out.
>Sparkle’s horn stops glowing, but the light doesn’t completely fade.
>You can barely make out her form peeking around the corner ahead.
>”Ok, when I say now, I’ll teleport us, then we are going to run.
“Tele-“
>”Now!”
>There’s a blinding flash of light, and you both find yourselves outside.
>Sparkle runs off yelling, “This way!”
>You sprint after her, finding it hard to keep up.
>You find yourself running into some sort of castle, and after a short while she turns a corner.
>You round it, only to run straight into her.
>”Watch it!”
“Sorry.”
>”We should be fine now, just a straight shot to where we’re going.”
>She leads you down a hall, occasionally stopping and shushing you.
>Eventually you come across a large pair of gilded doors, about twice your height.
>They swing open with no discernible cause, and Sparkle walks in.
>You follow, and enter a room filled with stained glass windows depicting various scenes.
>What they depict exactly is lost to you, but pony doctor seems to be in a few of these.
>At the end of the hall if another door, and standing by it is a white horse with wings, rainbow hair, and a horn much longer than Sparkle’s
>You do NOT want to piss it off, could probably run you through with that thing easily.
>Despite the fact it looks like it could kill you easily, you feel strangely at ease around it.
>”No need for formalities here Twilight.”
>Who the fuck is Twilight?
>You glance at Sparkle, and see her rising from some sort of bow.
>Huh, must be a shitty nickname.
>”So, I see you and Syrup were successful…”
>”Yes Princess!”
>So, this must be ‘Princess Celestia’.
>Celestia looks over to you.
>”Well done my faithful student, now if you will excuse us…”
>You start walking off, only to be stopped by Celestia.
>”It’s you I need to talk to.”
“Pardon?”
>”Huh?”
>”I need to discuss a few things with the human. We’ll return shortly.”
>Celestia leads you out of the hall and to a small room with a table and cushions.
>As she seats herself, she beacons you to sit across from her.
>”Now, there are two things we must discuss, shall we get started?”
“I guess?”
>She looks at you with a cold gaze, and her smile vanishes.
>Along with it disappears the feeling of ease and warmth from earlier.
>”Now, I know fully well what you humans are capable of, and must warn you.”
>”Should you do ANYTHING that would be detrimental to my little ponies, me, or my kingdom, I will be sure to have you drawn and quartered. Do you understand?”
>You quickly shake your head yes, and her smile reappears.
>So two does the feeling of ease and warmth.
>”Secondly, I’ve decided for you to stay with Twilight Sparkle in her home here in Canterlot. I’m sure you’re smart enough to avoid the church, but we’ve make extra arrangements to be safe.”
“Why would I want to avoid a church? I mean sure I’m not religious, but I’ve got nothing against them.”
>”Twilight didn’t tell you?”
“No, what should she have?”
>”They think you’re a god.”

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

>1/12/2014
>3:13 AM
>You are heading Los Angeles to meet an old friend along I40.
>Having just gotten onto the highway, you are currently accelerating to seventy MPH.
>Oh fuck a cop.
>You begin to slow the car to fifty-five, hopefully he didn’t notice.
>As you apply pressure to the break, you turn on the radio and begin searching for a station.
>”…Taaaake oooon meeee…”
>”…And then I said…”
>”…Breaking news. NASA has just launched a rover destined to nep-”
>You turn the radio off, nothing good.
>It’s around forty minutes later when you see an oncoming car.
>Huh, you thought the median was wider.
>About 30 seconds later you realize it.
“Oh fuck!”
>You try to swerve out of the way, but the impact was inevitable at that point.
>Your head smashes into the steering wheel as your car is forced from the road, and you can feel the car begin to flip.
>You don’t know where you’re hurt, but you can see the blood trickling down into your hair.
>-hick- Damn that stuff was strong, I thought I hit something…”
>”Oh fuck! You alright buddy!?”
>”Oh sweet Jesus… I can’t lose my license…”
>”He… nine one o… thar’s been…”
>”D…’chu...y!”
>”St…ke.”

-Beep-
>“We’re almost done! Quick! More power to the crystal!”
-Beep-
 >Oh god, the pain! 
>You begin to scream and thrash, the amount being far above your threshold.
>“By the gods! It’s working!”
>“Quick, use a numbing spell, it’s breaking the bindings.”
>The pain suddenly lessens by magnitudes, and you calm down.
>Slowly, you begin to think, and your head feels heavier.
>’fewrhigpuewo’
>Control over your chest suddenly returns, and you begin to breathe.
>’fer what ergewiupo’
>The feeling of your limbs comes back, and it feels as if you haven’t used them in ages.
>A barrage of strange sounds, sights, feelings, and the taste of ancient dust strike you at once.
>’What go on?’
>You regain the ability to talk, and use it immediately.
”What the hell is going on?!”
>“IT’S ALIVE!”
>”I never thought I would see one… a living human…”
>What?

>”Should we report the results to Celestia?”
>”Yes, but inform the Professor too.”
“Look, can somebody please tell me what on Earth is going on?”
>”I think that would be best, can you remove the head restraints doctor?”
>”Certainly miss Sparkle.”
>Sparkle?
>That’s a strange name.
>The claps loosen, and you shoot up.
>You glance around the room, taking note of the various lab equipment and surgical tables.
>The room is strangely absent of whoever was talking before.
>You start walking, but promptly trip over something.
>”Ouch! Watch it!”
>Oh, they weren’t absent, you just looked above them.
“Sorry!”
>You take a look at…
>She’s a horse-thing…
>With a horn…
“What are you, and where the hell am I?”

>”Ok, I’m sure you have a lot of questions…”
>You give her a stern look.
“Yep, and I just asked two, now would you kindly answer them?”
>”I’m a pony, unicorn to be exact. And you are in a room beneath Canterlot University.”
“Camelot, like King Arthur’s round table?”
>”No, Canterlot. What’s Camelot? Is it an old human place?”
“I’d like to know what is going on first.”
>”Fine, any other questions?”
“Not yet…”
>”Then let’s go.”
“Where?”
>”To meet Princess Celestia.”
“Do I have a choice?”
>”No, you don’t.”
“And if I refuse?”
>”I… I’m not sure. But you should anyways.”
>You cross your arms.
“In that case, I think I’ll head home now. Mind pointing the way out?”
>”Uh… I… Don’t think that’s possible…”
>You cock your eyebrow and look into her eyes.
“Why would that be?”
>”I’ll tell you if you come with me to meet Princess Celestia.”
>You give it some thought.
>Fuck it. Pony doctor fixed you up from the crash, so she probably doesn’t want to kill you.
“Fine… lead on…”
>”Syrup, you’re fine cleaning up alone right?”
>”Yep.”

>She leads you through a small, rotting door leading into a tunnel, and closes it as you pass through.
>It’s dark, frighteningly so.
>”Ok, follow me, and try not to make too much noise.”
“What? Are we ninjas or something?”
>”Ninja’s were real?”
“Yep.”
>She lights up her horn and leads you down the winding passage.
>Since when did horses have bio luminescence?
>Then again, since when did they look like that and talk?
>For what feels to be about an hour or so, the two of you slowly ascend.
>eventually though, the floor levels out.
>Sparkle’s horn stops glowing, but the light doesn’t completely fade.
>You can barely make out her form peeking around the corner ahead.
>”Ok, when I say now, I’ll teleport us, then we are going to run.
“Tele-“
>”Now!”
>There’s a blinding flash of light, and you both find yourselves outside.
>Sparkle runs off yelling, “This way!”
>You sprint after her, finding it hard to keep up.
>You find yourself running into some sort of castle, and after a short while she turns a corner.
>You round it, only to run straight into her.
>”Watch it!”
“Sorry.”
>”We should be fine now, just a straight shot to where we’re going.”

>She leads you down a hall, occasionally stopping and shushing you.
>Eventually you come across a large pair of gilded doors, about twice your height.
>They swing open with no discernible cause, and Sparkle walks in.
>You follow, and enter a room filled with stained glass windows depicting various scenes.
>What they depict exactly is lost to you, but pony doctor seems to be in a few of these.
>At the end of the hall if another door, and standing by it is a white horse with wings, rainbow hair, and a horn much longer than Sparkle’s
>You do NOT want to piss it off, could probably run you through with that thing easily.
>Despite the fact it looks like it could kill you easily, you feel strangely at ease around it.
>”No need for formalities here Twilight.”
>Who the fuck is Twilight?
>You glance at Sparkle, and see her rising from some sort of bow.
>Huh, must be a shitty nickname.
>”So, I see you and Syrup were successful…”
>”Yes Princess!”
>So, this must be ‘Princess Celestia’.
>Celestia looks over to you.
>”Well done my faithful student, now if you will excuse us…”
>You start walking off, only to be stopped by Celestia.
>”It’s you I need to talk to.”
“Pardon?”
>”Huh?”
>”I need to discuss a few things with the human. We’ll return shortly.”

>Celestia leads you out of the hall and to a small room with a table and cushions.
>As she seats herself, she beacons you to sit across from her.
>”Now, there are two things we must discuss, shall we get started?”
“I guess?”
>She looks at you with a cold gaze, and her smile vanishes.
>Along with it disappears the feeling of ease and warmth from earlier.
>”Now, I know fully well what you humans are capable of, and must warn you.”
>”Should you do ANYTHING that would be detrimental to my little ponies, me, or my kingdom, I will be sure to have you drawn and quartered. Do you understand?”
>You quickly shake your head yes, and her smile reappears.
>So two does the feeling of ease and warmth.
>”Secondly, I’ve decided for you to stay with Twilight Sparkle in her home here in Canterlot. I’m sure you’re smart enough to avoid the church, but we’ve make extra arrangements to be safe.”
“Why would I want to avoid a church? I mean sure I’m not religious, but I’ve got nothing against them.”
>”Twilight didn’t tell you?”
“No, what should she have?”
>”They think you’re a god.”

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